How To Make A Buttermilk Biscuit Ch. 01

"Girl, what is wrong with you?"

I opened the door wider to admit my favorite relative, my grandmother, Eliza, and fought the tears back. It had been a long, hard couple of months and the fact that my marriage was failing wasn't helping. I should have been happy that I wasn't killed in the accident, that therapy had helped me to regain the ability to walk and that my hair had grown back, covering the scar.

"Nothing, Gram. I'm fine."

"No, you ain't." She moved by me, smelling of a mixture of mothballs and Chantilly Lace perfume. "You been sittin' up in this house like a god-damned hermit crab stuck in the mudbank."

"Grandma!" I'd never heard Eliza Ray Browne cuss and it was startling to me as the truth behind her words.

"Don't act so surprised, girl. Iam an adult." She settled herself in the recliner and thumbed the TV into silence, tossing the remote aside. "You shouldn't be sittin' in here, watching that soap opera shit. That's why you and Carlos got the problems y'all got now."

I just stared at her, my heart in my throat. I wasn't surprised that Grandma Eliza knew about my marital problems. We'd always been close due to the psychic connection we shared but the hint about our lack of intimacy hit too close to home. I burst into tears, laying my head on her lap.

"There, there. All ain't gone to hell in a hand basket yet." She stroked the back of my head lovingly. "But it will if you don't do something about it."

I sat up, wiping my face in the sleeves of my robe and looked up at her. "But what can I do, Gram? Carlos doesn't want me. He's over at that woman's house all the time now."

"That don't make no different, baby. A man's spirit knows where his match is if it's true." I stood up and helped Gram to her feet. "Let's make some biscuits."

"Biscuits?"

"Yeah, biscuits. You have heard of them, haven't you?"

"Gram, how's making biscuits going to help my marriage?"

Grandma Eliza winked. "You'll see." She gave me a smack on the butt as she passed. "Now take a shower and get dressed. And be sure to wear something sexy."

"What? Why?"

"Just do as I say, girl. Sun'll be back in his bed if we don't get a move on!"

I watched my grandmother disappear into the kitchen and shrugging, I headed up the stairs, did as she asked and put on a slinky black dress that accentuated my breasts and showed a lot of leg. Grandma Eliza was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, holding a jar of buttermilk in her hand. "Let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"Just hold this, will you? You gonna drive me to the crazy house, askin' me so damned many questions."

I shut my mouth and we left the house, heading toward a scary part of town that I used to frequent when I was younger. When Gram stopped the car outside of J.T.'s Tavern, memories flooded me. I'd gotten my heart broken for the first time here.

"He still works here." Gram pulled into a parking space and killed the engine.

"How do you know?" She just gave me that you're-such-a-dumbass look and I sighed, truly feeling like a dumbass. "What do I have to do?"

"Go give Earl a blow job and mix his sperm with this." She held up the milk jar.

"What? I'm not giving Earley James Reed a bow job!"

"Then kiss your marriage goodbye."

"Grandma ... "

"Are you a wife in love with her husband or aren't you?"

The tone of her voice shocked me into silence. "Yes, I am."

"Then go suck that boy's dick and don't swallow, not even a little bit."

I opened the door and slid out, staring at my grandmother for a long moment before I turned to enter the eatery. Wolf whistles greeted me as I approached the bartender.

"Hey, foxy lady, what can I do for you tonight?"

"Get me Earley, please."

He looked a little shocked and displeased at my request but tossed his rag down and disappeared through to door leading to the kitchen. I looked around the place, remembering the fun that I'd had here, all courtesy of Earley. The bartender returned a minute later, giving me another once-over before informing me that Earley was on his way out.