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Click heresee, I would have screwed it up, gave it a point
serpentine
boulders
ay?
100, because Emp loved it andf didn't bother to vote.
the sounds this poem makes--and the colors I see when reading it. It works. I get it.
I'm assuming with the format this is meant to be a concrete poem, in that context it works well, as a purely literary poem, not so well.
It is pointless making suggestions because any words of a different length than the ones they replace, would upset the visuals.