We would have started our "romance" by letters almost a year ago now; months would go by before we even thought about taking things further. This was not really something either of us had planned, although of course we would have both thought about it many times before now. This "romance" (if you can call it that) started almost by accident, when I bumbled my way thought a sort of apology for my hand on your leg throughout one lunchtime.
Absentmindedly I would spend the entire hour with my hand upon your knee, softly stroking you thigh. Both of us were more than a little aware of it, but neither of us spoke about it. It was not something I had planned, but somehow it just felt right. Eventually I mentioned it and stumbled through an apology, smiling coyly you would tell me that you knew all along and to not worry. From that moment on this was seemingly on the cards, our flirting only enhanced by matters that day.
The first letter was the one that set the trend, geared towards romance and making me feel alive; boosting a confidence I long thought had died with the last heartbreak I endured. Each letter would carry an "if I was with you..." promise that we both desired, a love needed by us both. Your first letter would begin by telling me of your desire to show me real love and how a real relationship would be, after all the recent heartaches; it was much needed. Truth was that after being broken hearted once again, your loving romance was certainly wanted.
You would start by telling me how if I was your girl, you would never let me down or break my heart. How you would put me on a pedestal and adore me, you would forever hold me in your big strong arms; soothing my broken fears until all your strength was gone. Each letter would be as passionate and romantic as the last, full of an honest love that I was not used to. But then I guess that was the idea of them, proof that not ALL men were the same; that sometimes I got the fairytale happy ending I desired so much from my life.
Your last letter came almost a month ago, and started the "physical" side of our friendship rolling. You asked me to write back to you, telling of how our "first date" would be. Nothing too explicit of course, just the outline of what our first meeting would be like. Of course there was a hidden reason behind asking, you wanted to know what I desired most; always gearing towards pleasing me. In my mind I already knew how an evening between us would pan out, it was something I had thought about many times before; so here is my reply to your loving question...
My Knight in Shining Armour,
Your last letter made me blush, your question; although innocent enough; still had me thinking all manner of things! I guess I should stop reading your letters at my meetings really, and in truth all I have been thinking about since; is how to answer you.
I know that our first meeting would be something that filled us both with uncertainty, however; both of us would be sure that this was where we wanted to go. There would of course be fear on your part; fear of leading me astray, as well of hurting your wife. But by far the bigger part of you would be afraid of hurting me, and this would be the main reason why you would not.
I would be filled with a mixture of fear and excitement, having done this kind of thing before; much of my fears would already have been quelled anyway. We would meet at your favourite Italian coffee shop, the warmth of your hug overriding the nerves I felt; your sweaty palms being made worse by our usual greeting... a cheek kiss that was closer to a full on lip kiss than either of us thought possible.
As we sat together with our usual drinks, (a can of coke for me and a cappuccino for you) the conversation started slow and slightly awkward. Gently as my hand found its comfortable position on your knee, I began to feel more comfortable. Softly you would caress the back of my hand , as you began to relax too; talking about anything and everything that took our fancy. Neither of us quick to bring our meeting to an end, both of us wanting our "date" to continue for as long as it could.
You would talk about your fascinating life, you would ask me about mine; of course we talked about recent events too, how could we not? You listened to me with empathy as I told you about my hurtful past, I listened with intent as you told me about the hurt you feel when you are ignored by someone you gave your life too. The confidence you have given back to me shows every time I write you or indeed anytime I do anything nowadays, the passion you have for your life again is something you will always thank me for.
I tell you how losing John nearly killed me, that the support; hugs and friendship you showed me that day changed my life. It also changed my view of you too, that tearful hug outside meant more than I let on; our conversation about your column making me think and feel things I was not prepared to. I will never forget the weeks after John's death, or those leading up to his funeral; his passing would always leave a gap I would not be able to fill.
And you totally understood this, losing your chance to have children before you had the chance to enjoy the benefits that clearly would have come with being a father; scaring you deeply. To know this about you, was something that always touched me no end; it was not something you would give away freely. We talked about how events in our lives shape the way we wrote, you compliment me often about the way I write; of course you know that I love your musings!
As the cafe looked to close you want to suggest we move on, but you are struck with a moment of shyness; as you nervously chew on your bottom lip. I cannot help but smile at this touching moment and boldly suggest that we move on, asking if you would like to grab a bite to eat. Smiling you agree by paying the bill quickly and following me outside, you hand finding the small of my back as me head to the street outside. As we walk in the direction of Giles Street, your arm slips around my waist; comfortably falling in line with me as we head off.
As we rounded the corner and headed towards the pub, I knew you had trouble on your mind. Especially when you held your arm out for me to take, I was never sure if it was with thought or because you felt it right; but it did feel right to accept. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you young Alderman; are nothing but trouble! But in truth, I would not want it any other way!! Walking in you see that I cannot help but search the bar area, making sure I could be alone with you.
And of course you cannot help but mention my actions, whispering softly in my ear; mentioning recent events and how "he" would not hurt me while you were there. Your soft touch against my waist made me shiver, the softness of your beard tickling my ear as I feel your smile. As we order the drinks, a coke again for me and (ironically) a pint of speckled hen for you; I feel your desire for the first time.
Sitting close together I can sense the change in the air, in truth we both can. Our bodies naturally close, causing the heightened desire between us to grow further. We continue to talk about nothing and everything, feeling totally at ease with each other. I was so engrossed with our closeness and the conversation I never saw him walk in, although within seconds you had changed so I knew that you had.
You might be a troublemaker and a rebel, but I knew that everything you did from that moment on would be to protect me. I loved the fact that you never willing harm or hurt me, it would be a trend I know you would never break. Softly you stroke my side with the back of your finger, discreetly showing how your own desire had grown further. Neither of us felt the need to move things forward, both aware that whatever happened would be something we both wanted; I just knew this evening would never be wrong or something we regretted.
From the moment he walked in his eyes never left us, almost looking like he was seething deep inside. Seeing how it was HIM that treated me like dirt, I could not understand why he had such an attitude towards me. But you knew, you always knew; you always said you were good at reading people... and you were right. Even though you were focused on us and our conversation, I knew that you were keeping an eye on him; the obvious distain in your eyes.
"Can we go somewhere else?" I softly ask, leaning closer into your ear; knowing that I want to be somewhere, anywhere but here... although being honest, I just wanted to be anywhere with you. You cannot understand why I would let him have that effect on me, you are almost determined to stay put. Softly you start telling me how beautiful I am and how you feel, boosting my confidence and making me feel like I am the only woman in the world.
For some rough, gruff big bloke from Scotland; it was a pleasant surprise to find you being so romantic. When the subject of poetry came up in our conversation, I was shocked to find that you had not only tried your hand at writing some; but would also then proceed to recite some to me. As I listened to you, I never expected it to have such an effect upon me; causing me to quickly become captivated by your piercing blue eyes. The type of eyes that could burn a whole into your soul, couple that with a soft voice enough to make any woman fall.
Your words thawing my frozen heart and broken emotions, each word spoken with an honest truthful love that I had been lacking all these years. Each tender word accompanied by a gentle caress that could never fail to turn me on, and a look even I had no trouble reading. From that moment on, the evening flew by. I never noticed or cared that he was still intent on trying to make me feel uncomfortable, all that mattered was you and me. We also managed to find our way back to yours, something that would shock me at first.
If I am being totally honest with you, I half expected a hotel room somewhere in another County; but of course I should have known you better than that. Of course this would not be your style, even though you are very married; somehow after everything I still cannot see you being like the rest. Settling down on your sofa, you would see the unasked question in my eye and quickly explain that your wife was away for a few nights. Never would I be under any pressure or obligation to do anything or move the evening forward, this was very much at my pace.
Gently you would pull me into your strong arms, hugging me deeply; not wanting to let go... praying I would not pull away, which of course I would not. We would sit there on your sofa, holding each other for the longest time; soft romantic music playing in the background. It was all geared towards romance, the music only adding to the clear emotions of the evening. And then that song would play, the one your best friend introduced me to; Long After Tonight is All Over...
Gleefully I tell you how I love this song, the twinkle in my eyes shining like a bright light in the sky. Within seconds, and without warning you quickly but softly moved forward and kissed me. Tenderly allowing our passion to take over, your own fears being quelled as my desires were fuelled by the lingering kiss. Even when you began to softly caress me, I never felt under any pressure to move things forward; I know we could have stayed like this forever and you would be happy.
If you knew it or not, this "whatever you want, when you want" attitude was also mending my broken heart. The countless times I would end up hearing the same old crap about how this guy or that guy really wanted to be with me, only to find out of course all they wanted was to bed me... I somehow just knew that you would never be that kind of person, you were always of a different class! The way you paid me a compliment told me so much, and when you held out your hand for me to take; I felt no fear in taking it and letting you lead me.
Leading me to your bedroom, I felt no need to stop you; enjoying the feeling of your soft hands as you undressed me slowly. Taking forever over each item of clothing, taking time to kiss and caress each part of my body that you had just revealed; constantly telling me how beautiful my body was. My fear would quickly kick in as I stood completely naked in front of you, I always hated how I looked; but you of course felt differently. But then I was not the only one was I, you never thought much of your own body; but in truth I loved it.
Slowly you undress, trying to hide your embarrassment over what you clearly felt was not your best feature. Without another thought and almost on impulse, I began to caress you; kissing you all over. There was a moment between us that was hard to misread, it was a look in both our eyes; a look that silently asked... "Are you sure?" Of course it would always be a hearty; "yes" for both of us. As the hurt and fear of my past were quelled by your soft kiss, I finally allowed myself to let the real me out.
Leading me to your bed, we get under the covers and as I cuddle down into your safe arms; I feel this calmness wash over me... like I no longer need to worry about anything. Tenderly you caress me, gently kissing my forehead and you softly begin to recite me poetry. Your soft words and tender actions make me feel loved and cherished, something I would somehow know would be your MO. Snuggling down further into your arms, I shut my eyes and allow the moment to take me where it will.
One minute I am listening to you recite I Watched Thee by Lord Byron, the next I am waking to find your arms wrapped around me and your breath softly rasping in my ear. I cannot explain how I felt, knowing that you would become the one man to make it all alright again. I know that whatever "actually" happens between us, I will never regret it. How can I regret something that makes me feel so alive?
I have just read my letter back over like goodness knows how many pages, I still cannot believe how "girly" you have me young man!! I can hardly recognise myself now, I never thought anyone could change me so much... and for the better too! The confidence you have given back to me, makes me feel alive!!! Before I say too much or declare my undying love for you, I shall end this letter! Even if I might want to, I know I cannot fall for you...
Anyways, looking forward to seeing you at the Christmas shindig, I know Frodo will need all the help he can get; he always does doesn't he? Take care my handsome hero, all my love and hugs.
Affectionately Yours Always
Your Girl xxx