Mr. Lucky


I feel I need to thank of_ones_own_volition for her time and hard work. For her to read and correct the crazy shit from my fermented brain, must have surely been painful. Thanx again



I've always been told what a lucky son of a bitch I am, but I don't think so! I've lost at everything that I've ever done. If I buy a car, it's always a lemon. Every girl I've ever looked at has left me for another guy. I just can't catch a break. The only relationship I can hold onto is with a computer.

When I was in high school, I was that guy. You know the one that had his underpants run up the flagpole about once a month. Yeah, I'm the one you shoved in his locker and left him there. I know you did it. Every goddamned dirty trick in the book was pulled on me. Hell, they could call that book my biography.

College was about the same; a girl approached me one day about helping her with an English paper. As we talked, I felt a shadow fall over me. I thought for a second that the sun had gone down. No such luck because it turned out to be her 300-pound boyfriend. Yeah, he was some big name on the football team. He smiled at me and the lights went out. I woke up about a week later in the hospital.

I hurt like hell, but at least I was alive... pretty lucky huh? I thought so to at the time. I got to lie around in bed all day and have pretty nurses fuss all over me. I got these really keen sponge baths, and they even woke me up to take a sleeping pill a couple of times, how considerate of them.

One morning while I was still sleeping, two big guys put me on a gurney and rolled me away. I woke up in time to see someone put a mask on my face. The next day I found my left testicle had been removed. 'Oh, just a little mix up,' the hospital said. My dad told me how lucky I was they didn't remove them both. Yeah, real fortunate.

Some other guy was getting my sponge bath while I got his surgery.

Life always has a way of getting a little payback. Anytime things were going well for me, Karma, or whatever you want to call it, would kick me in the nuts. In my case I guess I should say nut.

After college, I had a good streak going for about 3 years. I got a great job in computers and bought a nice house. The money was great, so what's to worry about you say? That's what I thought too.

Maybe all that bullshit is behind me and maybe I really am a lucky guy.

Lana started work in my department as a secretary. She wasn't particularly special but attractive her own way. After a few months of working together she asked me,"Is there something wrong with me, Jim?"

That's me, Jim. I won't tell you my real name. It's been changed for this story to hide my stupidity.

"I don't understand what you mean, Lana?" I replied.

"I've worked with you for three months and you hardly talk to me," she continued.

"I'm sorry Lana, I didn't realize it, and I guess I don't socialize very well," I mumbled.

"Are you shy?" she inquired.

"A little, I suppose."

"Do I scare you?"

"Everybody scares me."

"What do you mean?"

"It's a long story."

"Do you want to tell me?"

"Lana, do you always ask so many questions?"

"No, not always."

"I am starting to feel like I'm on the witness stand."

"I didn't mean for it to come out that way, I'm sorry."

"It's OK, Lana."

"Well, do you Jim?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Uh, not really."

"OK Jim, it's up to you."

This kept on for a couple more months. Lana seemed to ask me an awful lot of questions. I almost started to avoid her. From your perspective it might look like Lana is trying to hit on me. Me, I just kept looking over my shoulder. Something bad was going to happen, something real bad. The dark clouds were forming over my head and I knew it.

One morning she cornered me in the hallway.

"Jim, I have been trying to talk to you for months now. I finally see what's happening, and you're just too shy to ask me out."

"Lana, that's not it..." She cut me off.

"If you won't ask me, then I'll just put an end to this silly crap."

I thought for a moment, this might be the end to her chasing me.

"I want you to pick me up at Friday at 7pm and I won't take no for an answer." And she walked away. "Shit," I thought, "what do I do now?"

I surely didn't want to hurt her feelings, but what about me? My life is going well at this point, why fuck it up and tempt fate? Man what a lucky guy.

Doom! That's the way I felt all week waiting for Friday. Any other man would be jumping for joy, but not me. I just had to suck it up and see what would happen.

As I approached her door at 7 o'clock, right on time, I felt a pain moving from my belly to my chest. Fear, that's what it was. I've had this feeling before but not this bad. I rang the bell and knew it was too late to run.

"Right on time, Jim," she said as she opened the door.

Man, what a difference. This couldn't be the same girl. She was a total babe, true playboy material. What a difference a little make up and a sexy dress made. I tried to be cool, what would you do? Probably not what I did next: I clutched my stomach and threw up on her porch step. That was real smooth and sophisticated.

"Jim, what's wrong? Are you sick?" She pulled me inside.

"No, I'll be OK."

She sat me on the sofa and went to the kitchen. My head was reeling, why did I come here? Oh shit, this feels like the worst day of my life, and I have experienced some bad days. She returned with a wet cloth. Lana straddled my legs facing me, and wiped my face with the cool cloth. It felt so good. I just sat there with my eyes closed relishing the cool feeling of the damp towel. She continued to dab the towel on my face and stroke my neck and face. Goddamn, it was really starting to get hot, I mean really fucking hot. Her other hand began to rub my chest. My pants were starting to get very uncomfortable, and I was getting hard. Lana was grinding on me now and I was sure I would pass out.

"Oh Jim, I think you're feeling better now. I know I am," she said with a wink.

"Lana, I'm sorry!" I tried to get up.

She was not going to let that happen. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. Covering my mouth with hers so hard that I couldn't breathe, the rocking of her hips became faster. Our breathing was fast, and she shoved her tongue down my throat. My hands were on her perfect ass pulling us together faster and faster.

Lana was sucking on my neck, painfully so. I've felt a lot of pain in my life but none like this. She bit down hard and began to moan deep in her throat, like a lioness on her prey.

She suddenly let go and jumped off me. Not a word was spoken, and I stared at her in awe. Lana tore at my belt, like a child opening presents at Christmas time. My jeans and boxers were at my feet before I could say a word. Truly, nothing had ever happened to me like this. Her dress was over her head in one swift motion. She literally dove for me and had my cock in both her hands kissing the head. Her mouth covered the head as she stroked with her hands. She bent lower and took my ball in her mouth, tilting her head with a confused look in her eyes.

"I'll explain later," I groaned.

My rod seemed to be getting harder at every heartbeat. In one quick move she was on me sliding her panties to the side. Lana rode me hard, pushing in fast and pressing her clit against my shaft on the way out. Over and over she grunted as she fucked me. She was in control, and I could have been dead as long as my cock stayed hard. I was feeling like a human dildo. Her attack on my cock went on and on, as I was still getting harder, I felt like it was going to burst. Finally she moaned.

"I'm cumming Jim, I'm cumming. Cum with me now, Jimmy. Unh! Unh!"

We were covered in sweat. She pounded back and forth and tensed, her eyes were closed, her face contorted in what looked like pain for about two minutes. Her wet pussy was gripping my shaft like a vise. She collapsed on me in a shivering mass. Her breathing was deep and exhausted. She fell asleep on top of me. You're probably thinking man what a lucky S.O.B. As if!

Lana woke in an hour or so, still perched upon my throbbing aching dick. We had fucked for over an hour, and my dick had been hard for over two. The pain was almost unbearable. Lana smiled at me and asked.

"Are you hard again already?"

"Still!" I said as I passed out in agony.

My eyes finally opened Monday around noon. I awoke to unfamiliar surroundings. The bright light made my eyes feel like they were full of sand, and I may have swallowed a few handfuls as well.

Trying to get my bearings, a nurse entered the room. Shit, I'm in the hospital again? What the hell had happened, I couldn't remember a thing.

"Well, you're alive, aren't you?" she said.

"I suppose so, but why am I here? What happened to me?"

"Your girlfriend had to call 911. She told the paramedics you had fainted after, um, well... anyway, you've had emergency surgery, and the doctor will tell you more when he comes to see you later."

"Girlfriend? Oh my god, Lana. Surgery? Oh fuck, dear god please no."

I lifted the sheet carefully and peered beneath it. My crotch was taped and bandaged. I must have flipped out. They had to sedate and restrain me.

The Doctor came to see me later that evening to explain what had happened. It seems that during my previous testicular surgery, some blood vessel and nerve damage had occurred. The problem hadn't surfaced earlier, but with the pressure and contractions of Lana's pussy, one of the blood vessels or arteries had acted like a one way valve and let the blood flow in but not out. That's why my dick seemed to get harder every minute. There was too much blood, and that pressure had caused the lack of sensitivity and pain. The Doctor told me the damage wasn't too severe but they had operated on me to correct the damage.

The good news was that he felt my sex organs would recover. The bad news was he wasn't sure of the outcome. With my condition that none of the doctors had seen before, they had tried some new techniques and added larger vessels for greater blood flow. He went on to tell me that the healing would take quite a while because of the massive amount of cutting and stitching they had done. Yeah, who's lucky now?

The next day, Lana came to see me. She looked like the Lana that I worked with, not the Lana that had tried to fuck me to death. She brought a few magazines and some candy. We talked a while and she kissed and hugged me.

"Jim, I bet you can't wait to get out of here? I'm going to take you home and care for you until you're on your feet again. I can hardly wait until you heal. I want to feel you inside me again so much," she cooed. "You fucked me like an animal that night. No one has ever made me feel that way."

"I didn't fuck you, Lana."

"Then what would you call it?"

"Lana, you fucked me."

"No Jim, you fucked me till I nearly passed out. Where did you learn to do that?"

"I didn't learn that, Lana. I'm a virgin or at least I was last Friday."

"You have got to be joking? There's no way!"

"It's true, I have never been with anyone but you."

The Doctor entered the room just then. He asked how I was and told me he wanted to look at my incisions to see how they were healing. Lana asked if it was all right to stay, the doc told her it was up to me. I agreed, so the doctor removed the bandages. I wasn't sure what to expect but it sure wasn't this. My dick looked like a black and blue bratwurst that had been in a fight with a sewing machine. The Doctor said, "hmm," Lana turned away in horror and I passed out. What would you have done? What would you think if you found Frankendick between your legs? Oh my god.

I woke a few minutes later to find the doc discussing my condition with Lana, as if I wasn't in the room. They talked about the healing time and the recovery and her pretty hair and where they were going to have dinner. I just didn't care so I went back to sleep.

My dad came to see me later that evening. He didn't bring mom so that way, we could talk. I'm sure lucky for that at least, that I didn't have to talk to my mom about my genitals. Dad and I chatted for a while and I explained what little I knew about the surgery.

"Well son, you're pretty fortunate, you still have your other testicle."

"Yeah dad, you're right, I feel real fortunate," I said, with as much sarcasm as possible.

"You rest up son, I'll come and see you soon and bring your mother next time. You know how much she worries."

"Sometimes I think she has every right to worry. Dad, why does this shit always have to happen to me?"

"I don't know, someday things will change."

Well, they didn't change that day. As the nurse with the big boobs was giving me a bath, I felt the first twinge in my mangled prick. Then the pain hit me like a freight train. As I started to swell, I was overcome by pain. I can't describe to you the feeling. It hurt so much all I could do was scream like a frightened little girl. It was decided, I was to be kept in a coma like state for a few weeks to let me heal. The doc felt we shouldn't risk another erection for fear of tearing out any more stitches.

I was in a haze most of the time. I would dream sometimes, but the dreams were usually bad. Sometimes I would dream of Lana. I would dream of her kissing my Doctor. Other times he was fucking her in the bed next to me. I even dreamed of their wedding happening in my hospital room.

Weeks later, I was brought out of my drug-induced stupor. My first thought was Lana. I really didn't expect to see her and I didn't. She had simply stopped coming by. My recovery was met with few complications, and I was released after a 5-week stay. I didn't try to contact her. She was never really my girlfriend. I just let her go.

I was back to work the next week. Boy, had things changed around here. My first task was to go through all of my messages and emails. When I was about half way done, I found a memo to all employees concerning the retirement of my department supervisor. Shit, I had been in the hospital and now missed the chance for promotion. A few memos later, I found out whom I'd be working for. No! Anyone but that bitch, please dear God let this be a typo. Jill fucking Jennings... my luck was holding as always.

Go to your encyclopedia and find the letter C on the outside. Open it up to the word 'cunt'. I bet you'll find Jill's picture. She is the nastiest person I have ever met. You know the type, mean and nasty with the personality of a cactus. She has absolutely no clue what we do here. And you guessed it; she's an absolute knockout. Long blonde hair, the face of an angel and a body just built for sex.

She also uses every one of those assets to further her career.

I now felt like all the other bad times of my life added together didn't equal what it would be like working for Jill. Fuck me. And if all this wasn't bad enough, there she stood in my doorway.

"James, I want to see you in my office at 12 o'clock. We will go over what is expected of you then."

Goddamn her, now I will have to miss lunch. That bitch did this on purpose. I won't go into details because frankly that meeting still pisses me off to think about it. Let's just say she talked and I listened. For three hours I listened. Exactly as I expected, I was to do all the work and she was to get the credit.

As I walked out of her office, I briefly considered quitting. I didn't know how I could work for her. In a short moment of clarity it came to me. This bitch was going to pay, and she would pay dearly for screwing with me. I didn't have a plan yet, but it would come to me soon enough.

I did just enough to get by at work. I wouldn't bust my ass for her and she knew it, but she needed me. She needed me because without me, the financial models would have to be checked by hand. That would require 5 more people than we had, and take months longer. To go to the boss and tell him this would be suicide. She soon realized I had her ass over a barrel. She didn't dare treat me the way she treated the other geeks in the department.

I went to my Doctor for a final check up. He took me off the anti-depressant medication and told me that Frankendick should be functional in a week or so when the meds wore off. He wasn't sure how well my erections would workout for me, but encouraged me to try to have sex or masturbate. This was all new to us so he gave me a sample of Viagra in case I couldn't perform properly and then he asked me to come back in a month.

Well, the only woman I'd ever been with was gone, so my options were reduced by half. A week later I rented a few porno videos and went home for a test drive of my new and improved dick. I was apprehensive at first but to my surprise, I had a hard on in no time.

I drank a few beers to relax and stroked my self for about 15 minutes. As I became more aroused, my dick seemed to grow. I might have been a little drunk, but my cock seemed a few inches longer. I hadn't felt this good for a long time. As I was soon to discover, the hornier I got the bigger my joint became. I tested it to the limit that night. My new best buddy sure got a workout.

Jill was becoming increasingly stressed at work. It was apparent that the pressure to complete projects with little help was wearing her down. The bitch deserved everything she got and more. After one particularly long day, I was leaving the office when I heard her crying at her desk. Just to rub a little salt in her wounds, I went to her office and stood in the doorway. She looked at me with tears running down her cheeks.

"What do you want?" she spat at me.

"Not a goddamned thing," I smirked.

I turned to leave. After I had taken a couple of steps, she called out to me, "Jim." I stopped but didn't turn to face her. There was a moment of hesitation. "I'm in trouble, I need help."

A smile covered my face. This was it, now she had admitted she needed me. I had her by the short hairs and it was time for payback. Slowly I turned to her, and my smile now was more of an evil grin. I waited for her to speak.

"Please Jim, the board meets next week and they want me to make a presentation on the Benson account." She looked away, avoiding my eyes. "You know I can't do it, don't you?" I didn't speak. This was her problem. I wouldn't make it any easier for her.

"Jim, the whole department will look bad if I screw this up."

"No Jill, you're the boss. You're the one that will look stupid."

"Please Jim, could you help me?"

"After the way you treated us, why would I do that?"

"We might all lose our jobs if this goes badly."

"Oh come on Jill, this department was a team before you took over. The board is testing you not us. You're the one to take the fall if you fuck up, not us. Just grow up and admit it for once."

She knew I was right, you could see it in her eyes. But the question was would she admit it? Would she beg me to help her?

"Can't we talk about it?"

"What is there to talk about, Jill? The way I see it, when you get fired, I will get your job. What could you possibly offer me to convince me to bail you out?"

Jill could see it clearly now, but how far would she go to save her own ass? We'll see. I half expected her to throw me out of her office.

"What will it take Jim? I'll do anything. I really need my job."

"Anything?" I asked.

"Anything," was her answer.

"I'll let you know my answer in the morning." I walked out. I was going to let her stew overnight. Let her be the one that really didn't want to come into work in the morning. I would sleep well that night, not her.

I was at my desk the next day when she came to see me. This was going to go my way. I wanted to be in my office, so she wasn't sitting on her throne looking down on me. I asked her to close the door and sit down. I knew she was very anxious, so I let her speak first.

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