My Life As A Panty Sissy Ch. 01byRandomAuthor©
Author's Warning: This is a story about a man who willingly becomes a sexual submissive and a sissy over a period of years. His mother, his wife, his brother in law, and eventually his daughter (as well as others) play a part in his life. If you don't like stories that deal with female domination, submissive men or sissy men, then stop reading now.
There is nothing that sexually excites and arouses me more than panties. The honest truth is that I love looking at them, touching them, sniffing them, and yes – wearing them, too. I'm fortunate enough to have met and married a woman who understands my attraction to panties, and I'm grateful for the fact that she is perfectly okay with my fetish and fully participates in my submission and sissifcation, as well.
Looking back, I guess I have my mother and older sister to thank for my panty fetish. When I was growing up, they routinely traipsed around the house dressed in just their bra and panties, or in a t-shirt and panties. Even as I got to be a teenager, they continued to run around half naked in front of me, and while I'm sure they thought nothing of it, seeing them in their underwear everyday unleashed a huge surge of hormones raging through my body, and forced me into seemingly endless masturbation sessions as I thought about, held, and sniffed my mother and sister's worn panties.
As an example, I can remember sitting in our living room watching TV with my sister while she sat on the couch cross-legged, or sometimes with her legs lying wide open. I'd frequently have the opportunity to sit and stare at her panties stretched tightly across her pussy for hours at a time. There were times I sat silently with an erection the size of a baseball bat in my pants as I looked at her panty covered crotch, easily making out the sparse pubic hair that covered my sister's mound. When I was lucky, I'd be able to make out the slit between her pussy lips or catch her with her panties creased up between them. Of course, my mother caught me looking at her more than once, but, she never mentioned it and my sister's habits and behavior around me never changed.
I'm almost ashamed to admit I would investigate my sister's hamper daily for her worn panties. Sometimes, I'd be rewarded with a pair that was still moist with her natural juices, but almost without fail, every day there was a new pair of panties waiting for me to swipe long enough for a good jerk off session.
My mother was less obvious than my sister during those days, but she definitely enabled me more. When she got home from work each day, I'd usually meet her at the front door and carry her stuff inside for her. Then, I'd strike up a conversation asking her a question, or asking about her day, or I'd tell her what I did at school.... anything at all just so I could have a reason to follow her into her room where I knew she would eventually undress out of her work clothes. She never ran me out of there while she changed, and we'd talk nonchalantly as she undressed down to her bra and panties while I sat on her bed and watched in rapt fascination as she unknowingly brought me to a fever pitch. Then, when it was over, I'd run back to my bedroom, lock my door and stroke my aching cock over what I'd just seen.
Now, I realize that mothers and sisters around the world most likely do the same thing in their own homes, and the males they live with probably don't give it a second thought. But, that wasn't the way it was for me. I'm sure neither my mother, or my sister, was trying to intentionally excite or arouse me, but, that's exactly what happened. I didn't ask them to do those things, but, I wasn't going to complain and I wasn't going to pass up these chances, either. I'd always be eager to spend time with Mom as soon as she got home, or hang out with my sister to get a guaranteed peek between her legs.
When I was seventeen, my sister had just finished college and moved out to Los Angeles with one of her college friends to find an apartment and look for a job in the entertainment industry. Her old bedroom was bigger than mine, so once she left, Mom told me I could take over my sister's bedroom. As I was moving the furniture around, I discovered that my sister had left some of her clothes behind, including a drawer full of her old lingerie – bras, panties, camisoles – a ton of things that were soft and silky – all abandoned and left behind.
I could go into a long drawn out explanation of why and how I came to put on my first pair of panties, but I won't. The bottom line is that the temptation of having them there in my room was just too much, and once I put that first pair on, I was hooked. My cock immediately swelled to epic proportions, my heart started to pound in my chest and the snug feeling of the soft material against my skin was overpowering and unyielding.
I started out just wearing my sister's panties when I went to bed each night. There's no way I can adequately describe the feeling I got when I pulled my sister's silky panties up my legs and crawled into bed. It seemed like every nerve ending in my body became super sensitive and I came alive in a way I'd never experienced before, and even though I knew what I was doing wasn't normal for a boy, the feeling I got wearing her panties made me look forward to it night after night. Wrong or right, it made me feel incredible and as far as I was concerned, that was enough justification for me.
After a couple of weeks, I got so confident wearing her panties, I progressed to where I would put them on under my normal clothes as soon as I got home from school, and wear them as long as I could; usually all through the night until I got up the next morning. There were times I'd walk around with a perpetual hard-on inside her silky panties, and I was as happy as I could be about the way I felt.
The only exception to my story, so far, relates to a certain pair of panties I simply refused to wear. It's not because they were worn out, or stretched, or the wrong size..... it was because they were ultra feminine and incredibly girly. This specific pair of panties was bright pink and had rows of tiny ruffles across the butt and in the front, too. For weeks, I avoided these panties in a desperate attempt to convince myself I wasn't actually trying to dress like a girl. And surely, if I'd put them on, the frilly ruffles might work some magic spell on me and I'd wake up the next morning as a female. I sure as hell didn't want that.
In the end, I couldn't avoid those panties any longer until one day, I pulled the pink panties out and stepped into them. What I discovered is that they fit me perfectly. They weren't too tight or too loose – they were absolutely perfect. The color and the ruffles made me feel a little self-conscious, but as I looked at myself in the mirror, any uneasiness I had was quickly erased and replaced with a strange new level of excitement..... a feeling that transcended my normal level of arousal. The way I looked and the way those panties made me feel simply took my breath away. And as I stood there, red faced, looking at myself and experiencing that feeling, I made a silent vow that I'd find a way to obtain more pairs of lacy, frilly feminine panties. I wasn't sure how I'd do it, but, I knew I would. I had to.
I had my eighteenth birthday a week before I graduated from high school. With my sister being gone and just Mom and me at home, I'd gotten into the habit of checking my mother's hamper once or twice a day for her worn panties, and she never disappointed me. I was always gratified to find a choice pair of Mom's panties, usually with a very pleasant aroma to fill my senses as I stroked my cock.
All through the summer, I'd wait until Mom left for work early in the morning, and then I'd raid her hamper looking for panties. Sometimes, I'd take two pairs; one pair to wear and one pair to sniff. I'd lie on her bed and play with myself as I inhaled her motherly scent and masturbated myself until I exploded and spewed cum all over my chest. It was great having constant access to her room and to her panties, and I took advantage of it daily, believe me.
Everything was going good for me as that summer wore on. I was wearing my sister's panties full time, and jerking my cock five or six times a day as I held Mom's panties to my face. I had everything I needed and life was perfect...... that is, until that fateful Saturday morning when my mother cornered me in the kitchen after breakfast, saying she wanted to talk to me about something.
Thankfully, Mom was kind and gentle in the way she approached our conversation, urging me first to sit down at the kitchen table with her before we had our little talk. I can still remember the loving smile on her face as she looked over at me across the table. I vividly recall her telling me that she loved me and that she wasn't mad at me for anything. Then after a short pause, she just came straight out and said it.
"Jason," my Mother began, "I know you've been wearing your sister's panties and I know you've been going through my hamper, I suspect, looking for my panties."
I was frozen solid, unable to say a word – fearing she would unleash holy hell on me if I admitted to the truth.
"Look," Mom said as she leaned over the table and patted my arm, "I'm not going to judge you or criticize you. If your father was still alive, maybe he'd be having this conversation with you, but, he's not here. You're an adult now, Jason, and I'm not about to lecture you about the choices you make. But, I think this is something we should talk about. Is that okay with you?"
I could feel my face turn red and my cheeks becoming warm with embarrassment as we looked at each other. I thought about trying to defend myself, or even trying to dispute what she was saying, but as I sat there, I realized neither of those were really an option.
"How did you know?" I finally answered, after we sat there in silence for a minute.
"You're my son, Jason." Mom answered. "And despite what you might think, I'm not anywhere close to being blind or stupid. All that time, you probably thought you were being so clever..... staring at your sister and me when we were in our underwear, but, I think it's fair to say I've always been aware of your attention. However," Mom continued, "it was just recently that I realized you were wearing your big sister's panties."
I tried to say something, but it felt like my mouth was filled with cotton. My throat was dry and I couldn't utter a word. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say, especially given the fact that she had already figured everything out. But, just as I was about to apologize and try to beg my way out of the mess I was in, she began speaking again.
"I was young once." Mom said to me softly. "And I had boyfriends back then, you know. So, believe it or not, I can understand the urges a young man of your age might be experiencing."
"I guess it's a natural thing," Mom went on to say, "that you would be curious about the female body and maybe even attracted to the females around you...... I can understand that. I'm confused about why you'd be wearing panties, though. Can we start there?"
I couldn't look her in the eyes. I know I should have been grateful for the graciousness she'd shown me up to now, but, I couldn't bring myself to look up at her.
"Mom," I replied, staring down at the table in front of me, "it's complicated and embarrassing. But, I'm sorry for taking your panties. I promise it won't happen again."
"Well," mother answered, "to be honest, I'm fairly sure I know exactly why you've been taking my panties and what you've been doing with them. And, just so we're clear on that, I'm not mad or upset with you for taking them. As I said, I think boys have a natural curiosity about those things and I'd much rather you satisfy that curiosity in a safe way, at home, instead of doing something that might get you in trouble."
Mom's answer took me by surprise. In a way, what I heard her say was that she knew I was taking her panties to use when I jerked my cock, and she was okay with it! Even the tone in her voice as she spoke was kind and understanding, and when I lifted my head to look up at her, she gave me a slight smile and nodded her head as if to confirm she really said what I thought she said.
"It's okay, Jason." She said, as she looked back at me. "I've known for a while and I don't mind. You're not the first young man to be interested in a girl's panties, you know. Actually," she continued after taking a breath, "it's kind of flattering to think someone might be interested in my panties."
The smile that turned up from the corner of her mouth made me feel better, and it was at that exact instant I realized my mother really wasn't mad at me. She'd stopped just short of openly giving me permission to continue sniffing her panties, but, as far as I was concerned, that was just a formality. I knew her well enough to know what she was saying.
"But," she said after a moment, "I still want you to help me understand why you're wearing your sister's panties."
"I like the way they feel on me." I said, almost whispering my answer.
"You mean you get excited? Like with an erection when you wear them?" Mom asked.
I nodded my head, too embarrassed to answer her. Then, as I lowered my eyes back down to the table to escape her view, she reached over and grasped my hand with hers and urged me not to clam up on her.
"Don't run away from me on this, Jason." Mom said to me. "I promise I won't make fun of you or make this difficult. I just need to know...... and it's important for you to tell me the truth."
We sat there for several minutes, neither one of us saying anything else. And, with her still holding my hand, I finally looked up at her and spoke.
"Yes." I mumbled. "I get an erection when I put them on. It's really hard to explain, Mom, but, it's the most amazing feeling"
"What kind of feeling?" She asked. "You mean a sexual feeling, or something else?"
The look in Mom's eyes wasn't the look of disgust or sadness. I could tell she was genuinely interested, and I knew from the way she was waiting for my answer she wasn't going to let me get away with out finishing the conversation.
"Come on." Mom urged. "I can be a good listener. Just give me a chance, okay?"
I swallowed hard and leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms across my chest. Then, before I could stop myself, I told her something that until that precise moment, I'd never even said to myself.
"It's not just the sexual feeling I get." I explained. "It just feels right to me, Mom. Maybe it's something I've always wanted...... something I've always longed for. But, it fills a huge hole that was there before, and I know one thing for sure – I don't think I could ever go back to wearing my old underwear. Not ever."
What ensued next was over thirty minutes of me confessing how I'd been ogling her and my sister, explaining to my mother how I found my sister's panties, and, pouring my heart out to her about every nasty thing I'd done. I came clean on everything, even telling her about my constant erections and about the frilly panties my sister left behind. I told her how I'd secretly wash and dry my stash of panties while she was gone to work and how I'd hide them away before she got home. I even confessed to her that I'd been checking her hamper daily and using her panties while I masturbated. Before I knew it, I literally told her the complete truth about everything.
The whole time I was speaking, she sat there and quietly listened to everything I said. She never interrupted me; never made any facial expressions and never used any body language to make me feel humiliated, embarrassed or foolish. And when I was done, I took a deep breath, looked up at her and said, "There it is. I don't know what more I can say."
Mom sat there for a few seconds and then she leaned towards me in her chair as she spoke. "I appreciate the trust you must have in me to say those things, Jason. I can't tell you how good it makes me feel that we can discuss this openly."
She gave me a quick smile and asked, "Do you mind if I make a few comments?"
I shook my head and emotionally prepared myself for what she might say – almost sure she was going to chastise me for my behavior and my sick panty desires.
"First of all," Mom began, "I want you to know I realize how hard it was for you talk to me about this, and I'll make you a promise that I'll never betray that trust. What you say to me, and what I say to you in return, will be just between us. Secondly," she continued, "I have no intention of scolding you for things that happened in the past. What's done is done. The important thing is that you told me the truth."
"And about you wearing panties," Mom said as she looked over at me, "if it matters that you have my blessing to switch over to panties as your underwear of choice, then without any reservation what so ever, you have my blessing."
"However," she said in a cautioning tone, "I wouldn't go so far as to throw out all your other underwear. You never know when having a pair or two of boxers might come in handy....... like if you were to meet a girl you liked and wanted to go out on a date, or when you go to the doctor's office."
The logic in her words made me smile, and when I did, Mom smiled, too. Then she spoke again, saying, "And believe me, I clearly understand your attraction to panties. You're not the first young man in the world to have a panty fetish, and as far as I'm concerned, I bet every woman on this Earth would be secretly pleased if she finds out her man desires and craves her panties. I can't even begin to explain how flattered I am that you would be interested in my panties."
"The other part, though," Mom said with a more serious tone, "the sexual part – your constant erections and continuous masturbation...... those things need to be handled differently. You can't keep sneaking around, stealing panties out of the hamper and running off to masturbate in your room all day. If you keep doing that, you'll begin to think that's normal. So, we have to come up with another way for you to deal with your desires."
With that, Mom leaned forward to grasp my hand and then she stood up, pulling me up with her. "Come with me." She said. And when I looked at her wondering what she was up to, she tugged my hand and led me up the stairs to her bedroom.
When we got there, she led me next to the side of her bed and let go of my hand. Then turning to me, and looking me straight in the eyes, she told me to take my clothes off.
She must have seen the look of absolute panic spread across my face because after just a few seconds, she said, "Don't think about it, Jason. Just do as I've asked. Take everything off except your panties."
When I didn't move, she took a step closer to me and reached out to softly touch my arm, saying, "You have to trust me and do as I ask, Sweetheart."
It felt like time was moving in slow motion, and without another thought, my hands went down to the bottom of my t-shirt and I pulled it over my head. "Good." Mom said. "Keep going. Everything off except your panties."
I kicked my sneakers off, not even bothering to untie them, and then bent down to pull my socks off. My hands went to the waistband of my shorts, but, I couldn't bring myself to push them down. Yes, I was wearing panties – that was part of the problem, and I didn't want her to see me wearing them. But, to make matters worse, I was wearing the pink, frilly panties – the ones with the cute, girly ruffles.
"Go on." Mom said, softly. "Don't be embarrassed. Just pull your shorts down, step out of them and hand them to me."
My head was whirling and I was temped to run out of there as fast as I could, but, I couldn't move. My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt like I was going to pass out.