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Click heretonight the world was a charcoal picture
and I was wrapped happily in the almost tangible black
when my eyes were attracted to spots of green glow;
bioluminescent mushrooms clinging to a log
but after only a moment’s still observation
a mob of party-goers stole my darkness.
The rational content of the poem escapes him, but then he is not much of a party-goer, and perhaps such events are common among poets with more friends. An interesting poem, nonetheless, although Poet Guy wonders a bit about the punctuation (he thinks that semi-colon is wrong and that, instead, L4 should be set off by either commas or em dashes).
Not sure about the bioluminescent mushrooms, but that's just a personal view.
I love the way in this you capture a particular moment in time and make it your own until the party-goers steal it. So tightly phrased - excellent.
... pared for even better effect, vrose, but really like your 'tangible darkness' and your final line especially. 'stole my darkness'. yum
what?????????
no labia. I would try to chop a bit on L1 and L2 better balance, Overall good sturdy stuff