tagHumor & SatireRevenge of the Coeds

Revenge of the Coeds


("Revenge of the Coeds" is yet another true episode in the sexual story of my life. I am purging my soul. Telling of my past "sins" is part of my repentance.)

You may recall the real life story "Coffin Candy" that initiated my brief career as a lady of the evening. Angela, Suzanne and I did not get mad. We got even.

If you recall, the boys of Phi Gamma Nu drugged us, stiffed us in coffins and turned us into hookers. Paybacks are a bitch.

The first opportunity for revenge came shortly after Halloween, when Araqiel, Sparky and Jeremy invited us to their hunting camp. Most of the brothers of their fraternity hunted cunt, but for several days of the year they hunted deer.

We suspected that Araqiel, the president of Phi Gamma Nu, merely wanted to sell our services at the hunting camp and make a little money. You know, cheap blowjobs for everyone seemed like it might be on the agenda.

"Girls," Suzanne suggested, "if we are going to do this hunting camp thing right, we need the proper equipment." Angela and I nodded in agreement.

Off to Sam's Sporting Goods we went and bought identical blaze orange parkas, insulated bibs and caps with ear flaps. Next we needed deer rifles. Angela selected a Browning BPR, Suzanne a Marlin MR-7 and I a Savage 11F. We bought a case of beer, drank it and target-practiced on the cans. We also purchased a chainsaw. The Homelite seemed just right, easy to start and light enough to really whip around.

Suzanne got real excited about the chainsaw and tried it out on some small trees. “Hey, let’s watch ‘The Texas Chain Saw Massacre’ again before we leave for the hunting camp.” She got the tape and popped it in the VCR.

Suzanne suggested we watch “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” before heading off to the hunting camp, to get in the proper mood. That infamous movie of course depicts a cannibalistic family who tortures and chops up a group of friends visiting their parents’ graves in the country. Leatherface is the star psycho with the chainsaw, and wears a mask sewn together with human skin. His father sold barbecued human flesh at his gas station.

“You know,” Suzanne observed, “that movie is loosely based on a real-life serial killer, Ed Gein. That’s the same dude who inspired Norman Bates in “Psycho” and Buffalo Bill in “The Silence of the Lambs.”

One more piece of the puzzle seemed appropriate. I invited my old high school friend Sam to accompany us. He just happened to be visiting at the time. Sam likes boys much better than girls. Well, “his” name is Samantha these days, an account of which you can find in “A Boy Named Samantha.”

Araqiel gave us a map of the location of the hunting lodge so we could meet them there. The place was located in the heart of a national forest, in a small exclusive hunting community known as Black Ridge. Large numbers of trophy class whitetails populated this place. Didn’t seem like real hunting to me, but that’s not what my girlfriends and I had in mind anyway. We had much more interest in revenge.

It took us two hours to get to the hunting lodge. Awesome place, one story ranch-type log cabin that stood in a clearing miles from any other lodge. The interior consisted of only three rooms, two very large ones and a bathroom. No running water or electricity but other than that it seemed like home sweet home.

Four propane three-burner stoves handled the cooking functions. You could boil a quart of water in about four minutes on them. About ten kerosene lanterns provided lighting throughout the cabin. A large built-in fireplace heated one room and three portable patio hearth portable fireplaces provided heat in the other rooms as necessary. They could also be used outside as charcoal grills. Of course we had a portable toilet in the bathroom and a bathtub and sink. An unlimited supply of water could be hauled from a nearby stream.

We arrived at the lodge the day before the hunting began. Besides Araqiel, Sparky and Jeremy, a dozen other fraternity brothers showed up, and three other women. That first day and night turned into a drinking and dope-smoking binge. No one seemed that interested in sex, other than this one dude they nicknamed Purple Haze because he dropped a lot of acid.

In the middle of a drinking game called Thumper, Purple Haze suddenly stood up, unzipped his pants, pulled out his cock and announced, “I need a blowjob.” I had to hold Sam back because he sure looked like he wanted to go get some. One of the other girls, Candace, eagerly knelt down in front of Purple Haze and sucked him off in about three minutes. He never even said “thanks” but just sat right back down and resumed playing the game.

The very first day of hunting all of the guys got their deer. This seemed like shooting fish in a barrel to me. I persuaded the girls not to go. First, I hate the taste of venison. Second, I don’t particularly care for shooting Bambi, not that there aren’t some other varmints I don’t mind plugging, especially the two-legged variety.

In that they had bagged their prize whitetail, the dudes decided to leave the camp after one more night of partying. The weather had turned quite warm and they wanted to get the deer processed before the meat spoiled. Araqiel, Sparky and Jeremy chose to stay with us for another day because we promised them some wild and crazy sex.

The next morning Angela, Suzanne and I made a huge breakfast for the guys scheduled to depart, and for the rest of us. We cooked eggs any way you wanted them, bacon, sausage, hash browns, home fries and even grits. The portions we gave to Araqiel, Sparky and Jeremy contained a special ingredient. Right, their food contained several pulverized Rohynol tablets. Rohynol, a brand name for flunitrazepam, similar to valium but many times stronger. This drug is better known as Roofies, Rib or Rope, the date rape drug of choice, and the same stuff these dudes had drugged us with before they repeatedly violated us, vaginally, orally and anally as we lay unconscious in the coffins on Halloween.

By the time the other guys left the camp after breakfast, Araqiel, Sparky and Jeremy began to appear drowsy. Soon they crashed.

Angela, Suzanne, Sam and I dragged them outside. We found three trees the right size and tied each of them to one. About five hours later we went back outside to check on them. They had regained consciousness.

“What did we tell you guys?” I inquired sarcastically. “Didn’t we promise you wild and crazy sex? Now you’re gonna get it!”

I approached Araqiel, Angela approached Sparky and Suzanne approached Jeremy and we dropped their pants and underwear to their knees. These dudes had some limp dicks but we knew that wouldn’t last long.

Like I said, the weather had turned quite warm, almost seventy degrees, sunny with little wind. We all took our clothes off. Sam had quite the hard-on.

We had filled Sam in on the plan. He told the story of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” as Angela, Suzanne and I began to play with each dude’s cock. Once these guys had achieved an erection, I ordered, “Sam, start up the chainsaw. Sam did and swung the chainsaw wildly in the direction of those tied to the trees. Of course, the three immediately became scared shitless and lost their erections. The girls and I had to give them just a little head to get them back up and maintain the impression that their best friend just might get whacked off.

I motioned Sam to stop the chainsaw. “Did you dude’s ever see the movie ‘Deliverance’ I wonder?” They nodded reluctantly.

“Ok, Sam,” I said, “I know you are anxious to get some. Go ahead and suck Jeremy’s cock.” Sam grinned and got on his knees and began to enjoy. While Sam gave Jeremy a blowjob I told cannibal stories.

“Actually, the correct name for eating human flesh is anthropophagy. The Spaniards coined the term ‘cannibal.’ They observed the Caribs, a West Indian and Southern American people, making meals of their captives.

“Mohawk is an Algonquin word which means ‘eaters of men’ and they dined on men because they believed it gave them the added strength of their conquered enemies. The cannibalism practiced by the Mohawk became a religious rite like that of the Aztecs. The other five nations adopted the cannibalistic rituals of the ‘eaters of men’ once the Iroquois became a confederacy.

“The best documented case of Neantherthal cannibalism is that of the bones found in the Moula-Guercy Cave site in southeastern France. The bones clearly reflect butchery marks and that the bodies were cut apart to obtain meat; large bones dented by stone hammers. Brain cases had been broken into fragments and tongues cut out. Clearly not the work of animals.”

I paused as Sam began to suck Jeremy harder and harder. Sam got really into it and reminded me of a tiger with a piece of raw meat. Jeremy screamed in pain as he came in Sam’s mouth.

Sam had a raging boner at this point. We decided he best get it taken care of promptly. Angela and Suzanne untied Sparky from the tree but then tied his hands behind his back. I held the Savage deer rifle on him and screamed, “Don’t even try anything funny, asshole!”

“Hey Sparky!” Angela shouted, “remember Ned Beatty in the movie ‘Deliverance’ and how he got butt-fucked by the hillbilly?” She pushed him down on all fours. “Go on Sam,” Angela encouraged, “do him.”

Sam got behind Sparky and made him squeal, just like in the movie. This went on for half an hour but Sam couldn’t seem to get off. “He’s thrashing around too much,” Sam complained as he pulled out and Sparky collasped.

Walking over to Araqiel still tied to the tree, Sam cooed “You got a nice mouth.” We pushed Araqiel down to his knees.

Suzanne brandished her hunting knife. “Do it, asshole!” she commanded and grabbed Araqiel’s hair and pulled him toward Sam’s throbbing cock. Araqiel did and soon Sam screamed in delight as he pulled the dude’s head as far as he could on his cock and fucked his mouth. Araqiel gagged and choked when Sam came.

“OK, get them all back up and tied to the trees,” I said. I resumed my dissertation on cannibalism.

“Now for the Aztecs. Ritualistic cannibalism began early in the fourteenth century, about two hundred years before Cortez. Cannibalism became more and more prevalent as the Aztec Empire expanded. Religious ceremonies closed with quite the manly meal.

“Generally the ritual went something like this. The prisoner walked to the sacrificial stone, a gigantic jasper block with a slightly convex surface. He got stretched across the stone as the priests secured his head, arms and legs. Another priest opened the chest of the victim with a razor made of itztli, a flint-like substance, and inserted his hand into the wound and ripped out the still beating heart.

“The body of the sacrificed victim was then dressed up and served banquet style to the warrior who had captured him in battle. Of course the warrior’s entire family enjoyed the festivities. These Aztec warriors became so fond of their enemies they tried to capture them alive rather than kill them in battle. And then they brought their enemies home for dinner.

“Well, that’s enough of that for now,” I told the trembling Araqiel, Sparky and Jeremy. We are going in the cabin now and take a nap and after that, you three are going to be dinner. It’s either you three or venison and I think you know my aversion to deer meat.

Three hours later we brought out five bottles of barbecue sauce and the three portable patio hearth portable fireplaces that could also be used as charcoal grills. I started up the chainsaw.

“Do you dude’s have a last request?” I asked.

“I do!” Sam shouted. “Let me eat them one more time before you eat them. Please, oh, pretty please?”

“Well, I dunno, what do you think girls?” I asked Angela and Suzanne. They both smirked and nodded.

Sam ran inside the cabin and came back out wearing a pink bra and matching panties and a blond wig. Well, they looked pink to me. Sam called the color sunkiss orange. I don’t know where he got those tits but they put ours to shame.

“This is the Click Miracle Bra,” Sam explained. “Look, you click once for a little cleavage, twice for a little more and three times for the real deal. You can make them as big as you want with these cleverly angled underwire cups with removable pads.”

Sam got on his knees and began sucking Araqiel, who said he would do anything if Sam released him. “Anything?” Sam asked.

“Yes, anything,” Araqiel agreed.

I told Suzanne to go get the camcorder.

We released the three captives and for the next hour they, under gunpoint, fucked and sucked Sam and vice versa. They actually looked like they were enjoying themselves. Oh yeah, the best part was definitely when Sam did number one and number two on these three dudes. “Eat shit and diet!” Sam screamed.

And then we called the dog, a really big dog. Some days you fuck the dog and some days the dog fucks you. Believe you me these dudes found out about the “dog’s knot” that day.

Not only do we have a tape of these escapades, we made great stills with a Dazzle. Needless to say these dudes never bothered us again, other than to come and get our dirty laundry and clean the sorority house. But they never did learn to cook worth a shit.

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