The Interview Project Pt. 01byBarnaby©
The Interview Project Part One: Dani
"It's Not Love I'm Looking For..." - Dani
My first choice was Dani, one of the regular customers at my store. We had recently bonded over a delightful three - hour conversation while I worked. She just loved to talk and even that initial conversation touched on sex more than a bit. When she subsequently stripped off her top in one of the aisles to show me her tattoo, I decided she was enough of an exhibitionist for the interview. I asked and she accepted. I bought her dinner after work one day and then we adjourned to a local park to talk. Dani is a 19 year old blonde. Undoubtedly if you looked up the word "cute" in an unabridged dictionary, it would have her picture next to it. She's got a temper, though, and she chain - smoked while I talked her down from a bad day at work before we got started. She is also a Wiccan, a military brat and a great conversationalist. We talked about many things until well after dark so what follows is a much - abridged version of our discussion. Meet Dani.
B - First of all, tell me about yourself.
D - I am...a teenager. I don't even know what to say about myself.
B - Well, who are you?
D - Uhhh...who am I? Uhh...
B - Apparently these are tougher questions than I thought.
D - Alright, I'm a teenager. I'm a very outgoing person. I enjoy hanging out with people. I'm usually the crazy one. I'm usually the one that gets everyone in trouble. Never anything "deathly," y'know, but usually something that ends us up kicked out of one place or another or banned for a good long time. I'm actually not allowed in K Mart... for pillow fighting.
B - (laughs)
D - Yeah...That was with my best friend, Roy. We got into a lot of trouble 'cause we knocked over a display case that had lots of diamond rings in it. It was fun, though!
B - How did you first learn about sex?
D - Ummmm...my first boyfriend.
B - Your parents never told you anything?
D - No. My mom is, like, the ringleader of fun parties (those sex toys and lingerie gatherings) and everything but she always assumed I knew, which I guess most people assume nowadays because schools supposedly teach you about it. But really, my, ummm, first boyfriend. I mean he was I don't want to say a pervert but obsessed and had really weird ideas about sex. He'd watched too many porn videos and he thinks that's what sex is supposed to be.
B - When did you discover masturbation?
D - Oh, God! In my teens.
B - Okay.
D - Yeah, but I didn't know what it was at that time! It was just...I don't know...
B - It was something that felt good to you.
D - Yeah, basically. I didn't even know it was supposedly bad until I got caught! (laughs) My mom walked in on me when I was seventeen: "What the HELL are you doin'?!!" "Ehhh...nothin'?"
B - (laughs)
D - And so that was basically when me and my mom decided to have our little chit - chat. I decided to tell her I was having sex and she freaked out, tried to put me under house arrest, and it lasted a whole two days. Then I started sneaking out of the house and got engaged that Christmas and almost got married the next June. Thankfully, I didn't.
B - How do you masturbate?
D - There's a process?
B - (laughs) You know, vibrators, toys...?
D - Oh! No. Nothing. Just umm...hands. (giggles)
B - What do you think about? Do you fantasize about someone you've been with or would like to be with or...?
D - Not really. Nothing really. Just a hurry up so I can go to sleep kind of thing.
B - So it's a relaxing thing?
D - Sounds boring but, yeah. It makes me sleepy. That's basically it...and it makes my arm hurt. (laughs)
B - Did you enjoy sex the first time you had it?
D - No! Hurt like hell.
B - Did you have an orgasm? Do you have orgasms?
D - No. Not during sex. It's a figment of people's imaginations. It's not that I don't enjoy it. It's more of a physical contact thing because I don't spend a lot of time with people. It's not really an intimate thing to me. It's just the actual physical contact with another human being.
B - In your own head, what do you call your private parts?
D - I...don't have a name! I've heard a lot of names but...One of my friends calls it a "hootchiebobber."
B - Really? Well, then, let's not talk about them. That's too weird. Next question: Do you shave?
D - Yeah. Every bit. It's a hygiene thing.
B - Do you like your smell?
D - No! Ewwwww!! Stinky!
B - Well, a lot of guys do. It's fantastic. It's wonderful. Its you!
D - Ewww! Why? I can't imagine that being wonderful! (uncontrollable laughter)
B - Overall, do you like your body?
D - Yes! It's been a very, very long process but, umm...on average, yes. There are still bad days.
B - Do you like to read erotica?
D - Yes.
B - Do you like to look at porn or watch porn films?
D - No.
B - Why? What's the difference?
D - It seems too fake when it's put where you're actually seeing it, 'cause you can't imagine it. You actually see what's going on and that leaves no room to imagine anything.
B - ...And since the whole thing is a fantasy, it SHOULD be in your imagination?
D - Yeah! It should be in your head, not someone else playing it out for you. If you're reading it, it's your imagination, not actors where it has nothing to do with you? Its not personalized.
B - Do you talk dirty to guys?
D - Not when I can help it. I think it is the fakest sounding thing in the world...and I don't like it.
B - Do guys ask for it?
D - Yes, Bob. I walk into his house and he's got a porn video on TV and he's usually stark naked so...basically, there's no point in going over there.
B - Sounds like he doesn't understand the concept of...
D - ...of "Hi! How ya doin'?" Nothin'!
B - I was going to say of actually being with a real person. Its like he thinks he's shooting a scene for a sex movie.
D - Exactly! Yeah.
B - Would you consider yourself to be kinky?
D - Depends on the mood I'm in.
B - Have you ever been tied up...or would you like to be?
D - No. That doesn't give me enough control. I like to be in control.
B - So, I can assume woman on top is your favorite position?
D - Actually not. Doggie style, really, 'cause that honestly feels the best.
B - Do you like rough sex?
D - I do NOT like violence! I've watched my mom get beat so many times, and I've gotten beat so many times. Not cool! That's my whole control issue. A man should never hit a woman. Being playful is one thing but leaving marks is an entirely different issue!
B - Okay, changing the subject just a bit, have you ever been with a woman?
D - No, women are not attractive to me. Well, they're attractive but...they're not, I don't know, sexy to me. For me, if I look at another naked woman, I'm comparing myself to her. I look at PLAYBOY all the time but it's more to see what they're doing and stuff.
B - Have you been with multiple partners?
D - In the same instance? No. Again, I'm jealous, too. 'Cause of being cheated on as many times as I have, if I went that far, I would worry about the other (girl) coming back. That I would show up and they would be there and I wouldn't like that. Bob has begged me and begged me to bring a friend along to his house. I guess that's when I started realizing it's just a sex thing with him.
B - No, it's a porn film thing! It's obvious! He's hitting all the porn movie clichés.
B/D - (laughter)
D - When he decided to inform me that he found choking so sexy, that's when I decided to leave. I blacked out the one time I let him do it so I'm like, "I think NOT!" He's like six foot five and he works out every single day. He's four times my size. To me, I'm not in control so therefore, no, I think not.
B - How much of sex is a control issue with you?
D - Ummm, probably 100% of it. I mean, even in a regular relationship, not just the sexual part, I make the plans, I take care of everything, 'cause I would rather it be like that than me be uncomfortable.
B - So, just overall, you're a complete control freak?
D - Yes! Yes! I can so admit that! (laughter)
B - Okay, okay, still on how kinky you are, have you ever had anal sex?
D - No. Tried to once, though. It hurt.
B - Oral sex?
D - Yes! I really enjoy it. I don't like it done to me, though. Takes too long.
B - That's because they're doing it wrong, dear!
D - (laughs) Then I guess I've never met anybody who's done it right then! Takes too long and it doesn't really feel all that great.
B - What do you like about going down on a guy then?
D - Well, for one, I can watch his reactions. I can gauge how long or how short it lasts.
B - So it's another control issue?
D - It really is. I can decide what I'm doing and what I'm not gonna do.
B - Do you swallow?
D - Yes. I don't like messes. Again, it's a control thing. Bob seems to find it necessary to pull out from either my mouth or...y'know?
B - Well, of course he does! We've already established he thinks he's in a porn film!
D - Well, I don't LIKE that and I've told him that but he's, like, "Oh, you're gonna get pregnant." That's why I take birth control pills. He just seems to think that's just the best thing in the world and I can't stand to be messy, sticky, dirty or anything! My whole thing is, right after, I just want to get in the shower. Being all sweaty and stuff is not attractive to me. Bluh!
B - What's your absolute favorite sex act, then?
D - Hmmm. I don't know. I like doggie style but I can't see the guy behind me. I don't like that. But it's the best feeling one. So I guess oral sex because I can always watch what they're doing. And I guess for the guy, it's a good thing, too, 'cause they see you watching them.
B - For most guys, a blowjob's just about their favorite thing in the whole world.
D - Yeah, I've come to understand that...which doesn't bother me 'cause I'd rather that than have them go down on me. Like you said, they don't do it right. An hour later, they're, like, "aagh!" Their tongues are numb and I'm sitting there like, "Are you done yet?" It's Bo - ring!
B - What's something you would never do?
D - A threesome.
B - What's something you would like to do but have never tried?
D - Actually, sex while driving. I've done handjobs while driving but not actual sex.
B - What's your favorite fantasy?
D - When I was younger, any one of the popular music guys just had me fit to tie.
B - Hanson?
D - Either Isaac or Taylor but not the younger one. He's only a year younger than me but...
B - You were already thinking of yourself as a woman but he was a little kid?
D - Yeah. Or any one of the Backstreet Boys. I had a crush on the oldest one. I think that's where I like older guys from, too. Plus from dating a 19 year old and it turned out really shitty. It makes me trust older guys. When they're at least in their later twenties, you can count on them, at least usually, being a little more mature. Which is something I require.
B - What is the strangest place you've ever had sex?
D - In a 113, a tank.
B - Really?!
D - Yes! That was my first time. Yes, I had just joined the National Guard and I had just started dating Phil and it was the first night we did anything. I mean, it was only handjob type stuff but it lasted a very long time, from, like 1 in the morning until 3. We steamed up what little windows were in it. (laughter) The cops caught us! They told us we needed to leave. He was in full uniform.
B - You were, errr...out of uniform, I assume?
D - Yeah, at that time I was undressed. About 3 o'clock, they heard us and opened up the hatch and we both freaked out! We thought it was our recruiter! That would have been horrible! But that was my very first time. That was my first experience and it was good. I won't deny I enjoyed it but I think it was more 'cause it was the first time and I didn't expect a lot.
B - So your particular fetish would seem to be uniforms?
D - Yes! Not young men in uniforms, though. Guys in their mid to late twenties in uniform.
B - So, despite you being a control freak, you prefer authoritative men?
D - Yes, but...! I can usually pick out guys that are easily led. Phil was the beginning. He doesn't really fit any kind of profile but every guy I have dated aside from Tim has been a soldier...and Tim was just a psychopath! Jeff was a sergeant, John was a lieutenant and Kevin is or was a corporal or something. I don't really remember the ranks in the Navy. So I've dated two Navy officers, one Army officer and one Army enlisted. Kevin likes to refer to me as his "little whore". As I said, I don't like talking dirty. It's repulsive.
B - It's not necessarily that it's repulsive. It's just that if it doesn't come naturally, it just ends up sounding, well...stupid.
D - Right. And I'm not gonna call myself a little whore, you know?
B - How do you relate sex to love?
D - I don't. Sex does not equal love whatsoever.
B - You don't think sometimes when you're having sex, what you're really wanting is love?
D - I think you can try to equate it with it but it will never equal up because you don't prove you love someone by having sex with them.
B - But I mean, is that what you're actually looking for?
D - Hmmmm...
B - 'Cause earlier, you said you didn't like the cliches of it, you liked the closeness of it.
D - Right. Right. It's not love I'm looking for because I've always had the opinion 'til John came along that love didn't exist. You could have the closeness with someone and you could feel the need to spend the rest of your life with them but it's not a love like you feel toward your family. To everyone, it's different, I guess. I've only been in love one time and now I'm not even sure that was love. It was right after I had broken up with the guy I had intended to marry—that I had broken up with, and I was over him the next day, y'know? I was going out with another guy the next day.
B - Yeah, but was that just to help you get over it?
D - No, because I'm still seeing him now. I've been seeing him off and on for the last nine months.
B - Do you use protection?
D - No, I'm allergic to latex, very seriously allergic. Don't even get a condom within ten feet of me or I throw up. I take birth control pills, which I'm actually allergic to as well.
B - There's a hundred and fifty kinds! Try a different one!
D - They all have too much estrogen. My body produces enough estrogen that when I get too high of amounts, it makes me throw up so it defeats the purpose of taking the pill 'cause I'm throwing it right back up. They put me on the shot. The shot was great! It was a small price to pay for not being grouchy and PMS - ing it for a year. My dad thought I was gonna go sterile. He has no concept of birth control.
B - Well, there is one school of thought that it does cause sterility.
D - That would not hurt my feelings. I do not want children. I don't know. Pulling out is not something I rely on. The "pull and pray" method just...
B - Well, the whole point is, while the guy is inside, there's stuff coming out the whole time.
D - Right. But most people don't...There's more sperm in the pre - cum than there is in the actual cum. That's why there's a different taste. There's more of the actual stuff...I don't know what it's called. The "pull and pray" method is completely bunk and that's how people end up pregnant at fourteen.
B - Do you worry about diseases?
D - Yes, very much. That's why I have a big issue with people cheating on each other. I don't care. It's not a big deal to me except for that. It was more of a betrayal to me that I was cheated on because of us not using protection because he could have given me anything and if he would have given me something that was life - threatening, I would have threatened his life. 'Cause that is NOT cool!
B - Wait a minute, you're so anti - violence and yet you're threatening people here.
D - Well...yeah. Remember, I'm the one that's in control here, though, I can change the rules.
B - (laughs) I guess that's true. Anyway, have you ever slept with a guy on the first date?
D - Yes! I have very many times.
B - Well, how do you rationalize that with your worrying about diseases? You don't even know these people!
D - Yes...yes, but I'm very open. We usually talk about it beforehand. That's something I usually talk about because it's very, very important. You can't have a relationship without sex but you can have love without sex.
B - Really? You can't have a relationship without sex?
D - I cannot have a platonic relationship with a man I'm attracted to. I can be friends with tons of people. I'm friends with my best friend, Roy, but he's gay and not my type and I'm not his. But, like, John, I could not have a platonic relationship with him.
B - Have you ever dated a married man?
D - Yes, who I knew was married and they had just had a kid.
B - Why'd you do it?
D - I was bored. Basically, it's the only thing I can come up with because he's everything my parents would not want me to be with. For one, he's black. I'm not a racist person but there are people in my family who are. I wouldn't do anything to make my family upset with me. Just that fact would've sent them through the roof! And the fact that he was married and stuff, too. 'Course, my dad, his first wife cheated on him.
B - Well, how do you justify your feelings about people cheating with your kind of encouraging him to do so and cheat with you?
D - I can't. Like I said, it was a mistake. I shouldn't have done it but I was bored and honestly I was lonely because John had just left. I really, really cared about John and when he left it hurt me beyond anything.
B - Have you ever had sex during your period?
D - Yes.
B - Well, did you like it?
D - No!
B - Did the guy?
D - Yes, oddly enough.
B - I guess because it's wetter.
D - Wetter? It's messy!
B - Some guys actually like to go down on a woman during her period, 'cause the flavor's different.
D - Oh, Gods! That is disgusting! I just can't imagine that. That is just asking for a disease.
B - Not necessarily, the blood should be relatively sterile.
D - Blood? Blood is NOT clean!
B - Well, it's not dirty.
D - Yes, it is! It's coming out of your body!
B - Well, where do you think all of those other bodily fluids we've been discussing come from?
D - (laughs) This is true! Anyway, you know those puppy mats that, like, soak up everything? We laid one of those down because I didn't want to get it on the sheets...and it wasn't MY sheets either!
B - Are you a moaner?
D - No, I'm a screamer, unfortunately, and loud enough for some people to put a pillow over my head to try and muffle me.
B - How many guys have you been with?
D - Five. Evidently, I'm not too much of a whore, 'cause everyone I talk to is, like, in double digits. It's like, "Wow!"
B - Were you ever sexually abused?
D - Yes, at age 4 and 5. I remember every bit of it, though, when I was 3, 4 and 5. It was by two different men. My stepfather, for one, and my babysitter's husband. The first one, I didn't tell anyone about. My mom remembers it 'cause she was there but it really wasn't that big a deal at the time. He was teaching me to French kiss. To me that's perverted, teaching a 3 year old to French kiss. She divorced him really soon after that so it wasn't a really drawn out thing. But when I was 4 and 5, I went to my babysitters and her husband...it wasn't just me, it was his granddaughter, her cousin, me and another little girl. I was the only one that told. We were in preschool and I went to the teacher and told her. The police showed up and everything which explains why I do not like authority.
B - Doesn't explain the uniform fetish.