We Can't Stop Ch. 02byGeneralPigeon©
Author's note: I wasn't expecting to get the response I did for the first chapter of this. I have no idea how long this story will be and I thank you for your patience and feedback!
This work is not intended to offend or insult anyone. I have written it in my own 'voice' and there are some elements that are mildly autobiographical. That said, any names or relationships explored are fantasy and any links to people, places or scenarios are purely coincidental.
Alex was well aware of my sexuality; my preference and my willingness to express it. She often shot looks of disgust in my direction when I spoke of my exploits. It wasn't that she disapproved, or was jealous, although I wish I could say that. No, I got the impression she was uncomfortable with my openness. Sometimes when we were drinking, if the topic turned to sex (as it so often does) she would comment on and mock the size of her previous lovers' manhoods, and once she had admitted she wouldn't have a problem with a threesome with two guys. I gathered she had a somewhat kinky side to her when it came to bedroom activities; but for my sake, that was a topic I was better off not thinking about too often.
Other than those instances, sex was a difficult topic for us. We would quiz our other friends on their sex lives, make fun of them if we deemed it appropriate, but rarely spoke of the intimacies within our own lives. Alex had made it clear that she preferred to think that I was abstinent, and that I should think the same about her. I took this to mean she didn't want any images in her head - perhaps I repulsed her, even though she was in no way homophobic. She had once made a passing comment about overhearing something that 'sounded like chains on metal' in my room when an ex of mine was over - although I think she brought that up in the hope I would reassure that her we had been watching a movie, or something equally as innocent.
Reflecting on this, I was not well enough prepared to deal with my current situation. Alex had entered the room without so much of a glance in my direction and headed straight into the kitchen without speaking to me. I was convinced that she'd seen my hand rapidly being removed from my crotch out of the corner of her eye. I could hear the blood rushing around my ears, feel it draining from my sex and my heart pounded with panic. Nobody in life prepares you for these moments. I closed my eyes and sighed heavily. There was no way in hell that I was going to announce that she'd timed her entrance terribly, as I was clinging onto the tiniest hope that she hadn't seen me. Even if she hadn't seen me, she was bound to know what I was doing. I felt my face flush with the thought of what would happen next, if she'd dare say anything to me.
"You having fun there?"
I opened my eyes to see Alex walking back into the living room and sitting down on the opposite sofa with a bottle of beer.
"The Internet's being really slow. I'm trying to watch shit. But I can't watch shit 'cos the Internet is being slow. And I drank all the Mountain Dew. Do you want a beer?" She took a swig from the bottle and glanced at the television, which was turned off. I glanced quickly at her reflection on the dark screen and noticed my chest rising and falling as I tried to control my breath. The silence was so inexplicably loud; it was deafening.
I reluctantly turned and stared blankly at her. I'd literally just been mentally rimming her, and she had no idea. She took another swig from her Budweiser and handed it to me, before getting up and retrieving another from the fridge.
"What's wrong with you? You're quiet."
What the fuck was I supposed to say? I couldn't tell if she was playing mind games or if I'd been lucky enough to escape being caught in the act.
"Just tired," I replied. "Probably going to go to bed in a minute." I nodded up to the ceiling, indicating where my bedroom was.
"I wanna watch a movie. My hand feels better now, by the way. Thanks."
"Good, you're welcome. Anytime. But hands aren't my thing."
"I beg to differ. Can I borrow one of your DVDs?" Rhetorical question, as she picked up my DVD case from under the coffee table without hesitation and started rifling through it.
I had always admired how relaxed we were around each other. Admittedly, this had made the whole me-liking-her thing rather difficult to deal with. We bounced off each others' egos dangerously, often inadvertently making our other housemates feel left out. It's hard to adjust and change something like that, though. When you click so well with one person, platonic or not, you fear losing it. We, however, worked well. Too well, in fact. She'd borrow my stuff without asking, we'd take each others food without asking, share cigarettes, drinks and drugs. I still occasionally had my insecurities about how I looked to her, but I'd long come to accept that she wasn't interested.
I got up and picked up my belongings, thanked Alex for the beer and turned to leave the room.
"Can I borrow your iPad a minute? I wanna google this" she said, holding up a DVD of mine that I didn't recognise. An image of my porn wrestlers came to my mind as I opened my iPad to hastily delete my history. I couldn't deal with Alex right now. I wanted to go finish what I'd started before she rudely interrupted me.
"Thought the Internet wasn't working?" I muttered, handing my tablet over. She hadn't reset the broadband modem, which was flashing its usual green light to indicate that it was working.
"Nah, I just said that to try and get a conversation going"
At least she was honest. I tried in vain to analyse the subtext of why she had felt the need to break the ice. She knew exactly what I had been doing.
"Er...what have you had to delete? There's nothing in your history!" Mused Alex, sporting a grin. Oh for fuck's sake woman, just hurry up so I can leave.
"Porn. Horse porn." I said dryly."Can I have my iPad back?"
"Yeah. By the way we're watching this, it sounds good" she said, waving the DVD at me.
"I'm going to bed..." I started to explain. It was such an effort to seem disinterested in wanting to spend time with Alex. We used to smoke in my room, sit on my bed, lie on my bed, watch shit TV, listen to 'stoned' music and chat about general shit. I'm guilty of giving her some of my weed just to get her into my room. Never to make a move on her, that has never been my intention. Those boundaries were set in stone within the first few minutes of meeting her years ago. Moreover, we weren't even 'huggy' or affectionate with each other. I just simply enjoyed her company, and although she was tiring to listen to at times, she was an excellent conversationalist. Plus, she was fun to look at. Alas, I could see where this was going. And honestly? I felt excitement punching me in the chest repeatedly.
"Yeah, and I'll be with you in like five minutes! It's not even late, Lou, you big fader. Go pick your underwear up off the floor".
"Right, whatever." Feigning disinterest for the umpteenth time this year, I detected a small upwards infliction in my voice. Alex grinned at me from the sofa, handing me back my iPad. Smug bitch.
The movie was shit. Or maybe I was just too stoned to appreciate it. Either way, I was tired, a bit cold, and genuinely wanting to sleep. My eyes were heavy, my mouth was dryer than Alex's sense of humour and I'd been lying on my back so long I felt I was at risk of developing bedsores.
"Do you want me to go?" Alex said.
Her face lit up in correspondence to the ever changing light coming from the laptop screen. Different features flickered in and out of focus in amongst the darkness of my room. Her face was almost...expressionless. No creases, no wrinkles, no movement. To anyone else she may have seemed sad, or troubled in some way. She looked truly beautiful to me. No imperfections, just purity. Her eyes were red and swollen and she was staring at the screen. Realising I hadn't responded to her question, I grunted in an attempt at a response. I'd forgotten the question. She repeated herself and glanced down to her right, where I was lying beside her.
"No, it's okay. But I'm at risk of falling asleep a-a-aaannn' - sorry - I'm freezing" I yawned, with yawn-tears forming in my eyes. I kind of did want her to go. The excitement of being in such close proximity to her had worn off within ten minutes. She'd pissed me off when she'd stopped me from cumming earlier (ironic, as she was the face behind most of my orgasms. Poetic justice for the impure thoughts?), she had pissed me off by further delaying any release I was going to get and now she was pissing me off again by hanging around. I wasn't going to get off tonight, I was no longer 'in the mood', I just wanted to sleep. I'd already slid down my bed to an almost horizontal position, and when I'd bent my knees up to take the pressure off the bottom of my back I couldn't see the fucking screen.
"I'm tired too. There's not long left of this though. Anyway, I'm really comfy. I don't want to move." She said slowly, reaching for a handful of Hershey's Kisses. She leant over me and lit some more tea lights - our standard set up involved candles of some description to eliminate the smell of drugs and also to give us some light. It sounds rather cliche, yet the ambience was indeed beginning to set the mood of the elephant in the room. My eyes were heavy, almost stinging with fatigue. I felt my eyelids dropping. I'll just rest my eyes for a moment, I thought.
I could hear music coming from my laptop. It took me a moment to realise where I was. We'd been watching some shitty movie, yes, that was it. Alex had clearly decided to look for 'stoner' music on my laptop again. Not wanting to open my eyes, my senses heightened as I heard her moving slightly beside me. I could feel warmth behind me and my mattress dipping slightly. I realised I'd turned onto my right side, facing away from Alex - who was still there.
The music was soft and chilling, electronic cords fluttering gently to a slow drum step beat. It sounded like my laptop was still on the desk at the end of my bed, as my left ear was tickled by the sounds crawling up towards me. I could quite easily turn onto my stomach and go back to sleep without Alex knowing I was awake...
Success! Still facing away from her, I was much more comfortable. Granted, when she left she would have to clamber over me with caution, as she was on the side of my bed against the wall. Not my problem.
"Are you awake?" She purred. Alex had a fairly low voice with husky tones, and often when she spoke I fell even more for her. When she spoke quietly she had the linguistic capabilities to melt concrete. I could sense her moving closer to inspect if I was awake or not. I must have drawn attention to myself in my supposed carefully calculated transition from lying on my side to getting into the free fall position. I tried to keep breathing slowly and deeply, feigning sleep.
No, I'm not awake. Fuck off.
The bottom of my back suddenly felt a lot cooler as I realised she'd pulled up my top and was running her fingertips lightly over my tanned skin. I felt my entire body tingle as goosebumps surfaced.
What the actual fuck. Never had she ever made contact like this with me, and I lay there in suspense. Her touch was delicate, feminine, and comforting. Not sure if I wanted her to continue, I rolled back onto my side. Subconsciously, I think I just wanted to give her an opportunity for better access, to see what she would do. My mind was rapidly battling out the two states I was feeling - lust and and apprehension.
In response to my movement, she placed her hand on my side and carefully began drawing patterns on my ribcage through my top. From my side, she drew a faint line up to my shoulder, then up to my neck, without breaking contact.
She stops. Silence. Hand back down to my side. Hand under top. She moves closer, closer, closer. I feel the heat of her body. Hand moving up to my bra, unhooked. Fingers crawling across my skin to my nipple, which was instantly hard. I heard her give a gentle laugh, clearly pleased with the effect she was having on me. Then, without warning, she pressed her crotch into me, and it took every ounce of restraint I had left not to respond. She eased off, before rhythmically starting to press her hips into my body. Instant wetness was a go-go. Not even my mind could overcome the natural physiological mechanisms of arousal.
I could feel her breath on the back of my neck. She removed her fingertips from my nipple and moved down towards my hip, as she gently inched towards the front, trying to find her way between my legs. I wasn't exactly in the best position for this. I moved my top leg, straightening it and extending backwards whilst bending my knee slightly, trying to subtly indicate where I wanted this to go. Pretend to be asleep. Pretend to be asleep. You're still asleep, Louise...
"We both know you're awake"
Turning over to face her, my grin was mirrored on Alex's face in the flickering light. In an instant I knew what to do. After all, this was more my line of work than hers. God, her eyes looked gorgeous. I glanced down to her lips, as mine fell open and I leant in.
Her lips were softer than I ever could have imagined, and let's face it, I'd studied them carefully over the years. I placed my mouth around her bottom lip and gently kissed it, trying to resist every urge to kiss her hard and fast. She was so delicate, and I didn't know what was happening. I didn't want to scare her off.
My anxieties were extinguished as she opened her lips and reciprocated my kiss, gently running her tongue over my top lip. Taking this as an invitation, I placed my thumb gently on her cheek so that my fingertips rested lightly on the side of her neck and tilted my head up towards her. Angling the kiss for depth, she placed her hand on the side of my face and our tongues lightly made contact for the first time. Our mouths were opening and closing slightly in synchronisation, as the kiss developed slowly. I wanted to move my hand onto the side of her ribcage, yet I couldn't move. I was terrified. But she was still kissing me back. She hadn't stopped...
An almost inaudible moan escaped from her mouth and I felt a fiery passion surfacing from within myself. That was the reassurance I needed. I curled my fingers and gently caressed her cheek with the back of my hand and smiled in response to her moan. I felt her smiling back, as she exhaled with a shallow volume that could have easily been a nervous laugh. I could feel her moving her hips slowly in sync with the kiss as I traced a line down her bare arm and rested my palm on her hipbone. Feeling her body move with me was fantastic, and a certain familiar throbbing sensation returned between my legs. I wanted to press my body into her, let her know how she was making me feel - driving me wild with her temperate and inexorable pace.
She lifted her hand from my face and pulled back without warning, leaving me no option but to break contact with her hip as she rolled back slightly.
"Fuck... Whoa... No. No no no..." She started.
I rolled onto my back and covered my eyes with both of my arms.
"I think you should go" I said painfully. I knew it.
"Shit, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry..."
"Don't be, just go."
"I'm not sure I want to"
"You do." This had been what I was afraid of. Fucking straight girls! I couldn't hide the hurt tone in my voice.
"We need to talk about...that..."
I sat up and swung my legs over the bed, running my hands through my tousled peroxide blonde hair and taking deep breaths. I wasn't sure if I was more angry at her, or just famished for more. Standing up, I made a point of not looking at her as I took a drink of water from my bedside table. I wasn't sure what I was doing, if I was leaving my own room or waiting for her to say something of actual value, given the situation. To buy time, I fixed my bra that she had unhooked during her initial assault.
"Nothing to talk about. You're clearly dicking me around, or this is your coming out story. Either way I'm not fucking interested right now, Alex." I stared at the pile of exam papers on my floor as I rubbed my eyes. Urgency rushed through me and boiled over into my chest. I couldn't stay in this room. I needed fresh air. But I couldn't flounce off in a state of rejection; not even my ego could suffer the stings of that action.
"I'm not dicking you around and I'm not gay" she scoffed.
"Yeah, so there IS nothing to talk about." Fuck she was infuriating.
"I dunno why I stopped it, Louise"
"I don't know why you STARTED it!" Turning to her, I could hear my voice raising slightly. Our eyes met in tragic fashion - she looked hurt and confused. Vulnerable, even. I was doing a really shit job of hiding my emotions. I realised her defensive reaction was more likely in response to my behaviour than her own misjudgement of what had just happened. She showed no sign of getting off my bed, and I saw a smirk begin to etch itself into the corners of her mouth as she said,
"Oh come on, like you weren't totally into it."
Cheeky bitch! The atmosphere changed and the anger drained from me. I wanted to pounce her, kiss her again, kiss her hard, force her to give in again to whatever urge she had experienced before the kiss. She sensed the change in me. Her smirk grew as her lips separated, showing her teeth in a confident grin.
I wasn't entirely sure what the proper etiquette was for making out with a housemate/BFF. It hadn't happened to me since those awkward teenage years, y'know, the 'sleepovers' which were code for fooling around. Even then, those were sort of planned. And despite the countless times I had played the beginning of this out in my mind, I was not qualified to deal with it. The smug look on her face didn't help either. Within seconds my outlook had changed as she patted the empty bed space beside her. As if the grin wasn't enough, she playfully bit the bottom of her lip and arched her back in a stretch that pulled her top up from her waistline, inviting my line of sight to her toned navel.
I carefully weighed up my options before deciding the best course of action was to ignore the standard lesbian melodrama. I obliged and returned to my bed.
Within seconds she was on top of me, kissing me furiously and pinning my wrists to the pillow at either side of my head, my elbows level with my eyes. I could feel undeniable heat through her denim shorts from between her legs. Lifting my hips up slightly, mimicking the rhythm of which she had implemented on me during the first kiss, I wanted her to know I was turned on. Her hair cascaded from her head onto my face, getting in the way of our rapidly developing kiss.
Sitting upright, still straddling me, she ran her hands through her hair to push it back as she tried to catch her breath. I gently moved my hips again and seized the opportunity of having my hands freed to pull her t-shirt off. Without hesitation, she flung it onto the floor and removed her bra, exposing her small but perky breasts to the night. Alex reached for the bottom of my top to remove it. I placed my hands on top of hers, indicating for her to stop.
"I'm in charge" I hissed, my dominant side trying to break through. She leant down towards me again as I wrapped my arms around her, and we resumed our kiss. I could feel her breasts rubbing against the fabric of my top and I longed to feel them directly on the bare flesh of my own. I moved my hands from her waist, cupping one breast with my left hand and finding her erect nipple with my thumb and index finger, which I began teasing softly. I placed my free hand flat on the skin above her other breast, resting my fingertips on the bottom of her neck, to ascertain some degree of distance between us. She began exhaling quickly in between breaths, as I was also beginning to gasp with the temperature rise between us. I wanted to feel the cool night air on my bare skin. I wanted to lie spread eagled and completely naked for her, for her to use me as she so desired. Yet as much as I wanted her to take me, I wanted to be inside her. Sometimes, I really hated being versatile.