All Comments on 'Long Haul'

ok tale but he wasted years of his life hiding from a love he could of had.

She clearly considered him second best before so why should he, now, be a fool and let her in. Likely would just be looking for someone to support her and give her status. If I wasn't good enough for you, you ain't good enough for me now!

Your stories always has foolish men in them. Carl will always be second choice, if he is indeed a choice, we don't know. This isn't a romance in fact it's not erotic, and that's where this tripe belongs. Non erotic.

You must be the anti StanfStar coz his always has foolish women

I think I would have liked it very much if the story was completed. The best part of the story is what is about to happen. I liked the writers style a lot but when you leave the explanation and ending up to the imagination it ruins the whole story. Its like stopping the roller coaster after the first hill and telling everyone "Sorry you don't get to experience the entire ride but you can imagine it would have been great!"

This was a perfect ending, the reader got a pleasant surprise.

Liked the story but it has glaring holes. Alice knew it would hurt Carl to tell him about her going out with Dougie again and Carl moves away almost immediately after finding out. She would have to be dumber than a post to not connect the dots. If she truly loved, or even cared about a really good friend like Carl, she would have come to that realization when he left and was no longer in her life. Summed up by the saying we all know "you don't know what you've got until it's gone". She on the other hand, not only doesn't realize it, she marries Dougie and has a child with him. It's not until Dougie cheats on her with Sissy that she presumably gets a divorce and becomes a single mom. Now it's supposedly Carl that she loves and he's in trouble for leaving without ever saying anything to Alice. Really? It's more like Plan A didn't work out so now it's on to Plan B - the runner up she didn't want to begin with. If Alice really wanted anything to do with Carl she could have easily contacted Carl's mom for his whereabouts or contacted him. The fact that she never did when she obviously hurt him so bad tells you the real score with how she felt about her main man Dougie and her fallback man Carl. Actions speak louder than words.

Carl is a loser with a capital L. Alice CHOSE Dougie over him, and she has the audacity to be upset at Carl for leaving without saying good bye?!? Then who the hell is her daughter telling Carl or for that matter knowing her mother "loves" Carl, and the temerity to almost acknowledge Carl as her "Dad"???

This is a screwed up story. As others have pointed out Carl was, is, and always will be second or even fifth choice. Alice in the interceding years could have sought him out, IF she loved him. She didn't, doesn't, and won't. For Christ sakes she married Dougie. Then he dumps her and she spent all this time pining for Carl??? Shallow bitch. And Carl has no self worth or esteem to be drawn back into her web. LOSER.

The dots do not connect, at all.

This is a missed opportunity. The story had a nice premise, but unfortunately the plot lead to nowhere. But I guess that’s life.

This is about 1/2 to 2/3 of a story. You show writing talent but your delivery is still in its infancy.

This is a well written yarn. Where have the nay-sayers hidden their imagination?

There's a lot of critical comments here, and all of them no doubt from readers who liked the story, but were as disappointed with the ending as I am.

The story has a lot of potential. Lots of longing and angst over the girl that got away, a man so infatuated with a girl he couldn't have that he left town so he could forget, and then some tension and a little sign of good things to come on the horizon, and then BAM! The End, screw you, Satisfying Ending, we don't need your kind around here.

Seriously, the ending could use some polishing up. And another chapter at least. Maybe three. You're pretty close to having a great story, Spencer. Keep it going. We didn't see enough to know why Alice is actually in love with this guy, or why she's carrying a torch for him a decade+ after he left town, and we didn't get to know Alice enough to love her as much as Carl does. We want these two crazy kids to get together, and we want to see it play out with plenty of emotional and sexual tension and drama to spare. Don't just hit us with a "mom's in love with you" line and then end the story. Real life is never that easy. I'd love to see a rewrite with all these qualities added to the story. Hell, it doesn't even have to have a happy ending, just a satisfying one that brings closure.

Don't let the criticism get you down. People wouldn't be getting this worked up about a story if they hadn't enjoyed it up until the end. Rewrite it and prove to us you're a writer who gives the fans what they want. And what we want is romance and sex, and maybe a little action to break up the angst. Carl needs to punch somebody in the face and wreck a Corvette or something. That dude's an American who has been living in England for way too long. He's been repressed enough. Time for that guy to let it all hang out and go get his girl, dammit! Make it so. ;)

This story is set up to be much longer, then bam it is the end. This is like so many stories on Lit that are horribly incomplete and the reader if left hanging holding the bag. I am really disappointed.

There are so many questions unanswered in this story. Bystander13 said it best when he gave his eyewitness report of this trainwreck.

If there is a sequel to this and I hope there is, for godsakes don't pair him up with Alice! It's been mentioned several times that Carl is Plan B or possibly Plan C. There's that conniving little minx, Annie, she may be young, she may be mercenary, she may be smart but the chemistry is there and knowing her Dad and then meeting Carl, I think she'd not be adverse to staking her claim before her mother does.

but long and short is wasted time for both and he has a funny shaped head. TK U MLJ LV NV

all the criticism, and determination that everything is spelt out in tedious detail. A story where everything was written out in just enough hints for it all to work properly and not give the game away too early.

A properly put together jigsaw of a story where the last piece arrives in the last couple of lines. can't do better than that for story layout.

she knew how he would react when she told him she was going out with Dougie again. AND

she married and had a child with Dougie. she knew how to reach his mother, but didn't. she had access to the same internal company information he did.

But now we are to accept that she is in love with him and he is the one in trouble for not knowing it.

silly

What?

Why?

Don't write a sequel

I really hate meddlin' kids. Doug should have told Annie to stay out of it in a nice way of course. I know she is looking out for her mom but Annie need to let the adults handle it. Although, Doug did behave as a love struck teenager. And just disappeared like a coward.

I have ever read. what was that? It was not satisfying at all. They could have at least MET! and why did the kid just accept him as her step dad without even meeting him before this? What did I just fucking read?

right now it's just a jumble

Why is Carl pining for this mousy bitch? A lot of other people have written far more eloquent reasons as to why this story makes no sense so please could you either delete this story or rewrite it and if you were to rewrite it could you either A: Keep Carl and Alice apart as as it stands she isn't good enough for him. Or B: Make care about Alice as as it stands she is comes across as an uncaring, unlikable piece of crap.

If you don't like it, don't read it again. The story has merit. Life and our choices in it aren't always what is best for us, or our relationships. This is one outcome. Like anything else, one altered decision along the way could have changed the outcome. There are many in this world in situations that are less than good because of their decisions, just look at the homeless as you walk by.

I read it twice and I still have no idea who's doing what to whom. Nor is it clear who any of them are. I assume you were trying to be clever in this story. Somewhere in that attempt you failed to write a story. Did you write some paragraphs on a piece of paper, cut that paper into pieces and glue it together and call it a story? This was just a complete and utter mess. No stars.

First, you seem to have attracted a lot of angry responses. Sorry about that but I got into the story until he meets Dougie again.

At that point, it craters quickly.

Also, Alice holds a torch for him for 12 years??? They were only friends.

Lastly, that omniscient little girl was coying at best and unbelievable for most of it.

Even with the rushed ending, I enjoyed it.

Thanks

ttom

She never loved him at the start but somewhere along the way, with out his knowledge Alice fell in love with him. How the hell does that happen? She even married Dougie and had a child with him so when did she change her mind and how the hell was he supposed to know. The last page messed up the whole story, it did not make sense. It is not a good tactic for authors to leave readers confused because it pisses them off and they lash out like they have. I gave it a rating

of " 2 " because it lacked an ending.

This isn't a romance, its not erotic in the least. Carl is a whiny wimp who will always be second fiddle to Dougie. Alice never loved him, and now a decade or so after Dougie dumps her pregnant ass she pines for Carl, when earlier she could care less? Really? Besides if Alice truly loved Carl, why marry Dougie, and after he dumps her, why not find Carl? No instead she lets her daughter do the dirty work, and who the fuck can believe that too.

ONE word horrid, and one star too.

As in how hard would it have been to have talked to his mother and gotten the lowdown on him...?

"Hey, I'm not sure he knew it - especially since I pretty explicitly told him to the contraire - but I love your son. Any idea where he might be so I can tell him I lied when I told him otherwise...? Especially when I have to explain to him how I could presumably love him but preferred to date some other guy. Obviously, it was just a misunderstanding onhis part when he trusted both what I said and my actions. But hey, he was not only supposed to be a mindreader but also be ok with my dating someone else and NOT dating him (no matter what I'm trying to make him believe I felt and how ridiculous that now seems)."

Yeah it would seem just as stupid coming from her as it did coming from me.

I kind of like your stories... but am flummoxed every time a girl says or acts like "Eh." towards the person who professes his heartfelt love towards her and THEN towards the end of your story does a complete 180 and acts like it was the guy's fault for thinking that just because she said something that crushed him he should believe she always loved him. Me, I need a little more seeing into their mindset before I'm able to realistically believe it. Otherwise it feels like you've just opted to cobble to different stories together.

It's like having Juliet hot for someone else and telling Romeo to sod off in the beginning of the story only to have the end still like in the book while lacking most of middle.

This story need more text!!

Seems to have attracted some really unhappy comments. Geez people, lighten up. It's a FICTIONAL story. What were expecting? Shakespeare? I, for one, enjoyed it. Carl could possible use a little more backbone and I would have liked a lot more at the end because that seemed like the best part. Precocious little girl was pretty funny and I liked her dialogue with him. Ignore the haters, keep writing.

Crumbs off the table, so to speak. Not much of a man, is he.

So Dougie marries Alice, gets Alice pregnant and then dumps her. Now Carl is supposedly suppose to pick up the responsibility of raising Alice's kid by Dougie.Hmmmm - what is wrong with this? Kid is not relation to Carl and Carl is now the ticket for the woman who shunned him. Don't think so. 1 *

Thanks for making us hate it, haha. I love the way you get people in a twist

I really tried to follow this story, but I just felt lost. There should have been a little more there. It made no sense.

Title should indicated it ended with a wtf....

sigh...

is Carl's daughter. If so, it's a hell of an ending.

Bitch knows it will hurt him to tell him she is back with Asshole.

He leaves, she has 2 kids with Asshole.

Carl gone 10 years.

Asshole abandons bitch after 2 years.

He is supposed to be panting after her and know Asshole left?

He is in trouble? She figures out she loves him and he is in trouble?

She knows where he is and does not try to get with him once?

Yet stupid bitch is mad at him and he accepts it?

1 of 5 for stupid nonsensical end.

Makes no real sense.

Try your hand at a serial cheating wife story. For true life, actually happened, real factual events and cheating female former college instructor in Helena Montana visit Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com

That's it? Lame end.

But WHAT The HELL?!! It was just getting going when it was chopped off at the knees. And that kind of SUCKS!! A LOT!!! 1 Freaking star, because the damned story wasn't finished.

Anonymous 06/02/16 nailed it

She is the stupid idiot. It is all on her. He did NOTHING wrong.

To fault him in ANYthing is to have no self respect and dignity.

And she must have badmouthed him to the kid to have the kid treat him with such utter disrespect.

Stupid stupid last third of story

Who da wha now?

Sorry that jumped more sharks than Discovery Channel.

You totally messed up somewhere. Dougie not married to Annie? Married to Sissy? Why did not Annie contact Carl before all this? Like 10 years ago? Who's kids are they? Dougie's? Carl's?

dumb brit author apparently can't finish his fucking shit decently. annoying as hell.

All Alice had to do was send him a message through his mom and they could have been together for years. She has no right to be mad at him. Please finish this one.

Alice emphatically tells him she has no interest in him except as a friend. He leaves for two years comes back. She goes out of her way to find female for him, starts dating Doug again, marries him and has child.

Now over ten years later supposedly he did something wrong by moving on with his life.

Alice had years and numerous chances to have romantic relationship with him. Now divorced and a single mother she expects him to still be carrying a torch and that he will marry her

And the guy falls for it

Spencer, even fiction needs to be believable. This story isn't.

Alice deserves to be told her friends only rule is still in effect. He needs to find hot redhead and send Alice wedding invitation

You needed some bridge between her dumping him and then in a relationship.

In 12 years she hasn't seen or spoken to him. And last they did the character stated she didn't have feelings for him and wanted another and had a child.

So a high gap in story.

🍄

I get what the story was trying to do, but man, did it fail hard for me.

This wasn't a guy who pussied out and didn't tell his friend his feelings. He confessed to her, and she rejected him with no wiggle room. He didn't owe her anything.

The only rational explanation for her never contacting him in the years since the divorce is that he wasn't even her Plan B, but after Plans B through J fell through, and puppy dog Carl was back in town, she figured she'd crook her fingers and give him another chance.

Some sort of "I'm sorry, I didn't realize how much I cared about you until you were gone" approach *might* have had a shot... though even that is a tough sell in light of the subsequent marriage and kid.

Taking the "Well, if you apologize and lick her boots, my mother will be gracious enough to give you another chance" approach? Fuck that. Fuck that *hard*.

The real ending should have been him telling her daughter "Please tell your mother that I'll see her at work on Monday, and I expect her to leave any personal matters outside the workplace and be strictly professional", and walking away.

I would have preferred to have his eyes opened at the end, realizing that he wasted years of his life pining for a bitch who never really cared about him, rather than staying a ball-less wimp who's going to end up married to her.

I suppose there's a reason this is in Non-Erotic rather than Romance.

There's honestly a decent story that could have come from this, even with her contacting him after the divorce, or him coming back to town and her realizing that, now that he's back, *she's* going to have to woo *him* if she wants to start something (along with them rediscovering each other, because, let's face it, they're basically complete strangers at this point), but this ending: No, just completely no.

What the Anon of 06/25/18 rings true. I don't know what you smoke whenever you decide to write, but you need to fucking stop. These stories wouldn't suck this fucking badly if you were sober.

I don't undertstand anything you try to write about...all your heroes are martyrs, and all the endings are head-scratchers (and not in a good, 'I wonder what happens next?!' kind of way...)

Don't quit your day job

About wrong assumptions.

Wimp still infatuated

Liked the story but it needed filling out, the airport scene should have been the beginning of the rest of the story not then end.

Really good start but unfinished I know it's done to leave it up to the reader to finish in their minds but that's not what's needed. I always like to see how the author envisions the story ending.

This is incredibly unfinished but, then, I'm coming to see that unfinished is a thing with this author. Despite the attempt at creating a cute scene at the airport in the end, the facts don't add up for the scenario that was created. It's not as though Alice didn't know anything about Carl. What, she had to date half the guys in their home town, marry an asshole, then be apart from Carl for years before she realized she loved him? Unlikely. Even if she did come to some kind of deranged, incredibly late epiphany, she just decided to sit back and do nothing about it for 8 or so years after her divorce? Couldn't talk to his Mom or their employer to find out where he was and drop him a line? Nah, better to just wait until he comes back 10 years later then stand glowering beside her ex, whom Carl used to hate with a passion, and tell him he's in trouble for leaving without saying goodbye even though at the time she was head over heels in love with someone else. Anne is sure they'll get married soon. Preposterous.

If I sound bitter it's because I'm disappointed. The story started out quite promising. As someone who once suffered from an unrequited love that didn't allow me to see other women, I identified with Carl in the beginning. I liked the story of his journey and empathized with his decision to cut himself off from the pain of seeing her with someone else and moving on. When he finally decided to come back where he'd be in contact with her again, I was expecting something interesting, a promising new beginning where maybe she'd wake up to recognize him as someone whom she would discover was a soul mate. What I got was a cutesy farce straight out of a bad Hallmark movie that made very little sense. Everybody's grinning at this poor slob like it's common knowledge Alice is in love with him and has been for quite a while yet nobody clued him in or bothered to call him or email him years ago? Ridiculous non-ending and very disappointing.

Hey Quintius, thanks for your comments, always delighted to get them even if you were so disappointed in the story. You didn’t like it and you are not alone, it is in 98th place in the ratings of my stories alone, I guess in the rating of shit stories, this is at the cockroach level of shit, only mole and worm shit gets lower than that!

I hadn’t read it for a few years myself, so I looked when I wrote it: in April/May 2013 long before I even knew Literotica existed, some 45 years after I left school and English composition. I published it here in January 2015, my 13th story on Lit.

Now, as you can tell I'm not a professional writer, it’s a hobby, an interest I like to pursue in my spare time now that I'm retired and like to fill my time with a balance of physical and mental challenges to keep me fit in body and mind. My family is of the same opinion about my stories, and they won’t read the stories I write, so I write for an audience of one, and then share that with a couple of websites.

At the time of writing "Long Haul" I only wrote short stories, each with one idea or thread, as an exercise. This was about a boy who loved a girl but she only regarded him as a friend, and he accepted the friendship with hope that developments might happen. When his hopes were dashed, he didn’t want to be be constantly reminded of his broken heart so he cut her off and left. He didn’t ask after her and tried to forget her. On his own Carl was successful, and had relationships that he couldn’t commit to. Now his success brings rewards, a return to his home town as a company hero, but he is still self deprecating attributing his success to he team, and is apprehensive about working alongside the love of his life again.

This is written in first person so Carl hasn’t a clue what she thinks, although he presumes that she wouldn’t necessarily know that he felt anything for her, especially as he didn’t even say goodbye. The basic premise here was that once her BF wasn’t there she may well have missed him and realised he meant more to her than she'd thought.

Anyway, it was just a story, a snapshot of the life of some fictional characters dealing with problem I set for them and in my clumsy words failed to communicate my thinking to the discerning reader. Still, I think the story is finished, it did what I wanted it to at the time and is one of those stories that I don’t feel drawn towards adding to their tale.

So, just give it 1 point, if you didn’t like it, you've already given me and any other readers )who care to venture into stories rated in the low 3s) your sixpennyworth in the comments, so move along and I hope you find in the next story something that you like.

For future reference, check the rating scores before you read and if you still feel brave enough to wade into such muddy waters, adjust your expectation levels accordingly and you may avoid disappointment.

I liked it. I don’t care what others say. It’s about Carl’s feelings and experiences. Well done!

I liked it, too. It has a good beat and is easy to dance to. The end does feel like it is tacked on, but it accomplished its purpose. I gave it an 85.

LWlurker

this isn't finished! wtf? 1*

WTF was that?

Think it needed more of the story