All Comments on 'Share Your Toys, Timothy!'

i thought it was established that tim met jenny when he was 15 and she 23. she met her husband after that. how can michelle then only be 10 years younger than tim??

a few other continuity and editing mistakes but overall a good story.

I believe it was established that Jenny was Micheles step mother which would account for the age difference. My only issue was the jump from being engaged to ending up in the hospital as there seemed like so much more to account for in between. Seemed like just an abrupt way to wind it up. All in all a very pleasant read. Well done.

..didn't see that one coming! Thoroughly enjoyed your story - thank you for posting. And to Anon: reread - you'll find that Michelle is the step-daughter & 4 years old when Jenny married. The arithmetic works.

I enjoyed your story very much. I'm glad that the sex was not the focal point. I loved the very surprising ending!

You can't just leave us here like that?

P.S. I thought it was Jeff!

Thanks

Great story

but it just feels like theres a couple of pages missing near the end

Those feelings from childhood can stay with us a long time. When my grandparents passed on, it was amazing to see childhood quarrels and resentment re-surface 50+ years later between some of their children.

If Amanda supplied the codes and keys was it willingly or unknowingly?

By now, I've invested enough time and interest into Tim and Michelle's life to need closure. By glossing over the retribution and the back-story to explain why Ned would do something like this, left me wanting. Otherwise, I loved it!

The romance was great, but the interaction was often syrupy and cloying.

It seems a little late to kill the offenders after they have totally owned, despoiled, and violated Tim's wife, and baby. Say what you will of their eventual demise, they succeeded in leaving Tim with a nightmare he will never forget. He would have been totally justified to kill them in the alley before they could do more damage, to him or anyone else. Three men with bats? That's deadly force, with death very likely. Guess its a British thing? Turn the other cheek? Don't take justice into your own hands? Don't be a Vigilante? Yeah, in my book the retribution was the right amount, but too late. Ned's demise should have been described in detail, slow detail. But I guess that would not be civilized. Even Michelle realized civilization requires harsh retribution for evil people.

So thanks for the loving, trusting, romantic parts. Cut back on some of the syrup and tedious badinage, and be more realistic about evil people and what should happen to them. Abbey's mother Jenny describes Toby as "discredited?" That's the best she can do to describe the guy who was orchestrating the gang rape of her daughter? And Roger let him get away without any consequences? Way too timid and reserved. But again, guess its a British thing. I wish Toby had escaped to and then been caught in America by Ammo's friends here. Toby would not be dead. He would instead spend every day of the rest of his life wishing he were dead.

One last American biased shot: if Michelle had a gun and knew how to use it she and their child would still be chaste. Of course, given Great Britain's laws and legal system, she would also be in prison. Hope all the Socialism shit is worth it.

But a bit too syrupy sweet. Without the syrup it would have been a 5*, so only a 4*

Good story. I liked the way you developed and explored all the various characters in your story. The siblings and friends . That begs the question of your failure to expand on Ned and his anger towards Tim. That is the main reason for only a 4* rating of your story. Hell's bells Spencerfiction, with 18 pages you couldn't elaborate on the one relationship that Tim ( wonderful Tim, heart of gold with the Midas touch ) was a disastrous failure at !

The plot was interesting enough that the length didn't bother me . I enjoyed getting to know all the Jones and to a lesser degree the Smiths .

The editing still needs more work.

You keep me guessing Spencerfiction . You have a fine Romance in "Blue-Eyed Nurses" and a good enough LW tale in "Alibi" . Then 3 good chapters of " Fat Chance " but turn in crap with the last 2 chapters.

I' ll keep reading your posts . Your stories are better than 75% of the rest posted here .

It looks like you might have a sequel in mind with the Smiths and Jones, lol. I look forward to seeing it !

From the U. S. I am

AMerryMan

P. S. Are you still running away from the LW community, laddie ??

Great story line, loved it.

I gave a 5 star. The story held my interest! I finished this morning, and as sign of a great story, I found myself wondering how things will continue. Along those lines, I pondered: 1. Did Ned REALLY get rid of Toby? Certainly Ned does not want Tim to find out Ned was involved so maybe Ned did get rid of Toby. Were there witnesses allied with Tim who saw Toby? On the other hand, maybe Ned and Toby cut a deal with each other to survive. I do appreciate that you did not explore Ned's past in this story up to the point of Michelle's discovery - it would have ruined the surprise!

2. As Ned is family, will Michelle and Tim be able to keep the secret? And Jenny is invited over to help provide an alibi, will Jenny keep the secret? Will they want to keep the secret from Tim's family? Ned's Manda - will she have to be removed too? Or does Tim give her help more in Tim's character of helping others?

Well written, I enjoyed! I can see a possibility of a sequel!

Thank you!

Quite an ending. You almost had me lured to sleep there with Christmas. Really good characters, good plot. Just a solid 5. Thanks for sharing.

Excellent story and a very interesting read, I would love to see a continuation of this with what happens between Ned and Tim and the subsequent aftermath.

This was a really good read, and you have a very smooth writing style. However you needed a strong editor to help you with your structure.

The story as a whole felt unbalanced - almost as though you weren't sure whether you wanted it to be a romance or a thriller. You opened with the attack, but then relegated it & its aftermath to almost a postscript. There is a huge contrast between the lovingly detailed descriptions of the relationship & the extremely rushed passages describing the pursuit of the perpetrators - they don't really work together.

I think that you should either have deleted the attack entirely from this story & have simply written a romance (with a possible follow-up "thriller"), or you should have had the courage of your convictions & written a much longer story with a more detailed account of the aftermath.

The Amos/Clare story was completely irrelevant & should really have been culled; it didn't even add colour to the main characters or plot. Similarly the Simon/Sarah sideline could have been reduced a bit; though that is not such an issue.

but a proof reader would help with continuity.

maybe it was because you led with the attack but it seemed to take a looooong time to get to the very short wrap up.

Look it was a good story, but way way way disportionate in too much detail.

You spent 2 pages just selling the daughter a car.

Then you give the retribution of the scumbags a couple paragraphs?!!

The end gets "chopped off" yet it seemed we had every word of every conversation ever had!

It is almost like you were a bit sorry that you had to have the vengeance in the story. So you made it as quick as possible to the point of so little detail that we only know how one of the scum was killed.

Meh, coulda been a very good story, but this really let it down big time.

a brief opening teaser

followed by so much detail and minutia it became tiresome. Then even the details were made repetitive.

all brought to a terse and way too brief and unsatisfactory endi

I read and enjoyed every page. I only wish there was a chapter two to continue this saga. Thanks for your contributions to Literotica.

Totally enjoyed it. A few little holes here and there, but nothing serious. I do wish you had had it edited. Beyond those little trifles, excellent character development, plot development, and good subplots. Tim is a man I would love to get to know. My kind of people.

Disregard Rightbank's comments. The blighter loves to criticize everyone else's writing, but has never posted a thing. I gave you 5.

Nothing against the meandering detail-heavy style, it's just not the type of thing that holds my interest. No rating because I don't want to score something I didn't actually read.

What would a comment be without a few quibbles.

The leasing company is variously TS, MS and ML.

Det Sgt Norris makes two references to the criminal Smith father and sons. The father died penniless and there is nothing about the brothers' criminal activities.

No explanation as to what Ned had against his brother so as to want to murder his wife. There is no prior link between Ned and Toby.

Amos, Clarence and Scott were unnecessary padding.

Hate loose ends

Is it the custom there to threaten a young woman's dates to make sure that her feelings and, I suppose, her innocence are protected? Even when she is 25 years old, and divorced? When is a woman considered able to take care of herself?

Or was his true concern actually the safety of the necklace?

(I'm sorry to be like this, but threats like this a real peeve of mine. Tim has no actual standing to be dictating the lives of either the niece or the young man.)

I really hate stories that, as-far-as I'm concerned, are unfinished, like this one is.

Not that the Anons are likely to see this, but still...

RE Anon 12/22/18 - It does feel a bit unfinished, but the next bit is pretty obvious so imagination fills it in well enough.

RE Anon 10/08/18 - "no actual standing" Why not? Friends have as much right as family or anyone else. More even. Family you're subjected to, friends you choose. Friends, related or not, are the people we should be helping / protecting / caring for. It's one thing to make a threat you have no real intention of keeping. It's another thing to warn someone you'll hurt them if they do something. It's called being honest. I can see being "peeved" by threats, but I appreciate a warning.

Well written, good story.

Beautifully told, and with the perfect ending.

Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

It'd be a shame to lose the Jag.

What a romance and what a dramatic ending! Wonder what method Tim will use to terminate his bastard of a brother. Talk about jealousy! What a conniving snake. I suppose he resented the help Tim gave him and his family. What a sod! 5*s.

what happened after he got a hold of ned

A very good beginning and not a bad ending but the middle was dreadful. The romance between the 2 main characters was dreadful and the dialogue was sickly sweet, it made him seem creepy.

Really Great story telling. My only complaint is we didn't get to know what happened to Ned it really need continuing so that price is finished and we know everything is fine.

Great Story

Unfortunately, the author is dreadfully verbose! He uses a paragraph to say what could be said in a sentence; except at the end, when he shut down with just a sentence! Still, 5*s.

Good story. The middle was too long for the ultra short ending though. I kept thinking, "right, all this idyllic romance will be masterfully contrasted by the brutal attack we all know is coming and its consequences". But no, we suddenly jump to the future and resolve everything peremptorily in a couple of screens, without a smidgen of tension or emotion. As if the author suddenly got tired of the story...

i think ned and his truck will disappear

OMG, 18 pages and 2 paragraphs for the unfinished ending?

For a story that could take up 1/2 of a page to describe how someone looked in a dress you would think that the discovery and realization that it was the brother who was the main culprit of the attack on the love of his life along with his unborn child would warrant more than a couple of paragraphs, especially as the closer of this long tale.