All Comments on 'Anniversary Surprise Pt. 01'

Fun story and the beginning of a hot fun time on a weekend get way. Sounds like you have a very hot wife in real life to encourage to write the story as well as mutually enjoying those written here.

Great start to a hopeful following on the adventures!

Thank you, :-) and yes she is! ;-)

I'm gutted though, I just came to look at your comment on my phone, and while zooming in just rated my own story with a one! :-( now I can't change it.

But thankyou all for the wonderful feedback.

Is this story first person, second person, third person (do you know the difference)?

Past tense, or present?

You lost me in the first 2 paragraphs

You've written a sex scene from a porno. Ok for a stroke story but without any character development you have nothing but 2 cocks and 2 pussies.

Who in this story is a likeable character? They don't even have names. You use I, we, you, he, her, the brunette etc. It becomes completely impersonal.

If you truly want to write read the better authors on this site and see how they weave a sex scene like this into a story that involves indentifiable characters, motivation and a plausible story line.

I'm not sure what you were trying to portray here. Yes there's gratuitous sex but there is no character development involved. Other than a few vital statistics I know nothing more about your protagonists at the end of the story than I did at the beginning. If you are going to continue I strongly recommend you develop your characters and give us some depth to the story.

Have you copied and pasted this from the stories page in razzle? It's about as well written as those. I agree with the comments about character development, plot lines, the language is clichéd and immature. It's all a bit...unbelievable. I don't believe you have a wife, let alone one as hot as that who fucks strangers spontaneously in hotel saunas

Loved it.more please

Not been written as if you were describing a dream you had to your wife.

How about "My wife said, "Fuck me now"

Or "She said, "Fuck me now"

Or "Jen said, "Fu................"