All Comments on 'A Loner Mentalist Pt. 01'

Looking forward to next chapter

Neat can't wait for the next one

for his dad to talk about duty and honor then not do his duty as a father and honor is commitment to his son is the worst betrayal of his friend

His brain needs a Zenkai. Doing very minor things with just a couple of people makes him coma man?

He's young, he'll learn and grow. Or die. Pretty simple really. And I do hate to beg... but I miss Nova. Though anything you write is wonderful and I appreciate it immensely. You do have fans that miss her, and hope she's all right.

Ba-ra-ba-ba-ba I'm lovin' it so far :)

Hope for a quick update, and hope this won't turn all rapey. Revenge stuff, sure, but within reason, you know? I'm more of a romance fan, but this is actually my first time reading one of these mindcontrol stories so it's all new to me, and I'm looking forward to see where it goes.

First, a new series by sycksycko, whose A-Cup Angst I love.

Second, I see it is edited by Over_Red, whose Dream Drive is the new king of the Sci-fi/fantasy top lists.

This is the best team-up of authors on lit that I could have ever imagined.

I'm expecting good stuff.

Also, great chapter as always.

- T-Boy

Cant wait for chapter 2!!!!

Dude, this is awesome. Keep writing, cos this is a tale worth telling. Brilliant plot setup, great connection to plausible reality, and fluid writing. The parts where Jack was in another person'a head were a little confusing at first, but made sense after a few lines. Maybe put those sections in italics? That would make it flow a bit better. Beyond that, I have nothing more to add that could make this better. Keep it up!

I just think there were too many things in the beginning (about mom, dad, cheating, another JACK dude, navy stuff and all..)...

During the time jack was in another persons head was getting a bit confusing.. U need to differentiate it a bit...

Over all good story well done..

Waiting for the next installment.

I've enjoyed reading this first part a lot. It's a great set up for what can become quite the rollercoaster, so I'm looking forward to read the next part, whenever it's released. Thanks a lot for your effort and keep up the amazing work. ^__^

Thank you.

I gave it 5 stars.

No suggestions for improvement. At all.

Will check out your editor.

I don't know how I found myself in this section. It is not something I would normally go for but THIS, my goodness, belongs to a category I always enjoy GREAT WRITING!

I told myself as I started reading this that it was going to be about some guy who was going to use mind control to get in some brain-dead girl's pants. What I found is a cleverly written story of great depth, complete with subplots. I wish I could write this good. 'Nuff said.

.....looking forward to the rest of it.

More literature than erotica, by far.....but a great story with enjoyable, complex characters.

Incredibly engaging piece!! Keep at it man!

I'm not afraid of criticism, I actually welcome it. Especially from people who have actually written stuff themselves.

However, all those that do not know the difference between the pronoun your and the contracted form of "you are" (i.e. you're) are disqualified from giving me any type of literary criticism. The same goes for those who give as critique the words: "you don't got it". If you think that is a valid and complete critique on anything, please go to your educators and demand a refund for your education. Also, go to your parents and loved ones and demand a refund for your upbringing.

My stories are like playgrounds. I have fun building them and playing in them and everyone is welcome to come in and play as they like. The comments sections of my stories are an extension of my playground. You're can come in and play, but if you leave a mess, I'll wipe it away.

I'm also curious, oh brave and mighty Anonymous Commenter, where do you get off on calling me a coward when you don't even have the guts to register on this site and get a screen name to sign your comments with? Have you ever tried to write something and actually published it on a website like this? Until you've done that... there's something about pots and kettles and stuff.

I'm curious as to where you'll go with this. As for your comment about deleting criticism written just for the sake of criticizing... agreed, wholeheartedly. Constructive criticism, meant to point out avoidable flaws, is generally welcomed... I've gotten my fair share, myself. An idiot saying 'this is stupid' but offering no reason for such a comment, however, is not... especially when the fool is hiding behind the title of 'Anonymous'. I look forward to reading the next few chapters of this. While I'm thinking about it, by the way, please pass along my compliments to your editor.

Thank you for spending so much of your time on what is turning out to be an excellent story. If this were an e-book or even a printed one and I was scanning through it at a store or home I'd totally buy it to find out what is going to happen. I see other chapters are waiting for me to delve into so I won't keep them waiting too long. Again, excellent work.

I am eager to finish reading the rest of A Loner Mentalist. The first chapter just grips you and doesn't let go. Excellent background for what I hope will be an exciting read. You, my sycko friend, are one gifted individual.

It really is awesome. I can't stop reading.

This being literotica I expected maybe some sex or fooling around in the first chapter but nada and I still couldn't stop reading it.nice job with character development and background.and I like the way your slowly exploring his powers and how they work.top notch read.

All these years later, I still love how this story develops.

it's paced so well that everything comes steadily and effectively to keep me hooked.

I hope there will be another chapter sometime!

JC

7 pages of build up and nothing.. honestly. I really kept hoping the writing would get better and the story would go somewhere... but nope.

Great story, but why would you post it on Literotica? At least put it under the non-erotic section.

Weird story and it feels a bit directionless. In 2 seconds he links his mother’s thoughts to his and he understands what he did. Then the story runs for 4 years or so and he develops nothing except dog training.

Funny thing about bullying and this is for the USA Australia New Zealand and the UK that I know of. A school is not an embassy or an island state within the host country but devoid of the hosts countries laws. So if your being bullied and the word are actual threats such as “I will hurt you” and the person saying then are within yelling range while saying that well that’s assault. If a bully shoves you into a locker or shoves you over or hits you or just touches you in a non normal manner, brushing past you in the halls is normal, so any of that is assault. So in Australia just dial 000 or 911 in the USA and ask for police and report the assault. Simple as that. Schools have almost no power. A principle can stop cops from searching a school and dragging a kid away. But the cops can get a warrant or wait till after school. In the USA the principle has to honestly answers if the kids is at school at that moment and the school can’t harbour a kid after school finishes.

In my day 1990 I just dealt with mine by wearing my steel capped work boots that I had for wearing at my dads work and when he came up I just kicked him in the nuts so hard that I ruptured one nut and it got cut out. Coppers and the lot showed up and I just said he was coming for me and he was a dumb cunt and was never in the physics classrooms that were in the science block on the far side of the school. And he must have been right close to get kicked and I’d reported bulling about him before. So I’m a dumb 15 year old but my dad wasn’t and I demanded the school ring him and he got a lawyer and when the cops showed up the next week I just read from a song sheet and said no more thanks solicitor, job well done. Bully charged with assault and the school expelled him as the policy was no enrolments from kids with a violent criminal history.

Just call the cops. They have to provide some form of real help if your in danger. So ham up the phone call and don’t try to act tough, cry a bit, beg for help. It’s all in the delivery and your the first person or side in with a written or recorder complaint. First in best dressed always.

WTF.

This is shit and just give up. I can’t believe it.

This story was written AFTER A Cup Angst but it has that stories main character Jamie Jacobs as a very very bad guy in this story. It grinds my guts to read this shit like this. A good character turned into a mass murder and just an all round cunt. While in A cup Angst Jamie Jacobs is a hero who literally fights the world to bring down crime syndicates and free sex slaves and people being murdered for their organs.

It makes no sense at all. This shit starts a couple of chapters in maybe 4.

All the negative comments come from those who never experienced organized bullying. Those of us who have understand this story very well. Well written, and intense. 5*

Huge waste of time, thanks

Is the bullying really this bad in the USA? If the answer is yes, what a horrible place to live when you are a teenager. It explains that a president can be choosen that maken fun of handicaped people.

Your depiction of bullying is spot on. Sometimes even the teachers organize it.