All Comments on 'Downtown Train'

This was good, 5* for me. If it's in you, a sequel would be fantastic.

Yes please a sequel would be soo very nice indeed!

except ANYMORE.............

Actually, both of you got what you wanted, but I think Chelsea got the better of the deal. Not only did she get you, but she got a Biker Tattoo as well. Now she will have something to tell her girl friends about, because women talk.

Sharply drawn, really good dialogue, great story. Well written. No sequel needed in my view. But the must will have her way.

the *muse* will have her way.

Loved your story and writing! You left off at the perfect place, though there's amazing opportunities for future stories that I hope you'll write ;)

Thank you,

L

I now have more backstory for when I listen to the Tom Waits song "Downtown Train."

Your prose and characterizations are god tier!

In fact, I liked it enough to dole out a 5 star rating, which I rarely do any longer. A couple small issues though. Olfactory is a single word and Chelsea's hair would be tousled, not tasseled, but aside from those spelling errors and a few others, the tale was a lot of fun to read.

Awesome story! No need to say what's already been said about grammatical errors, small compared to the impact of the story.

No filling in the blanks as there are none. I read a lot of stories but only remark on very few. Well done, you have written a story that is easily followed visually. No complicated double talk, just straight forward. Thank you for that.

Seriously good and readable. Fun to read!!! Has everything plus a good story. Oh...and very well written!

Thanks to everyone for their support of this story. I really though it was going to win the monthly contest with the response that it got. But, no, someone wrote a better story. Ah well. It was a lot of fun to write over a four month period and looks like my first popular one in a short amoutn of time. If you liked this one, please give my other stories at least a try as I work to write them all with the same method used here. So don;t let the lack of fetish application stop you. Thanks again for coming by!!!

Just simply amazing. I haven't enjoyed a story this much since "Blurred lines". Please write more.

I felt it all, I was inside, I was outside, it was wonderful. I want to go back. Please make it happen agin. Thank you!

I enjoyed the story, BUT.

Why did she have a strap on? She insisted she wasn't a lesbian, so we can only assume from that that she used it on her male friend; a little more explanation into their relationship would help except that then it would no longer be a lesbian story.

A solid 4 stars otherwise.

She had a strap on because she was planning ahead, just like the plastic mattress cover and bucket of ice. Thanks for reading!

........ read it twice and loved it twice.

One question though:

WHO THE FUCK IS GARRISSON AND WHAT HAS IS HIS INVOLVEMENT IN THE STORY???????

I read the story and felt something was not right. Too many little details that just didn't click with me.

And when I read the author's biography it suddenly made sense - just as I would have no idea what it would be like to have and use a penis, no man can really know what it would be like to be a lesbian. Oh, you can guess and assume what it is like but you will never experience being a woman; it would be easier (and more honest) for a male author to write male homosexual fiction (sticking their cock in an asshole can't be that different between males and females, and getting a blow job from a man can't be that different, can it? I've tricked straight men into thinking I was blowing them by having them wear a blindfold and getting my obliging gay mate to do the deed, usually in a club or bar for a bet or dare. And because they got what they wanted they usually refused to believe or accept that it was a man sucking on their tackle so wonderfully!) if only it didn't offend their macho sensibilities...

But, that said, for the most part it worked, as a story. Not sure about smoking weed and riding motorbikes, maybe the writer hadn't actually done that either...

There are a lot of loose ends - the club, the guy at the end - and more than enough spelling mistakes that distract, but the idea works. Yet I cannot forgive the assumption that a man knows what it is like to be a woman, let alone a lesbian.

Lexi

Well, there is really no need to forgive anything. If you're coming to this story for lesbians, your in the wrong place. But that's not your fault. Neither one of these girls is a lesbian, and the core idea is about something akin to "sex magic" rather that girl on girl. When I presented this to Literotica, I put it in the "fetish" section, but THEY (Literotica) placed it in the lesbian category. My other story about the space alien, is also a "sex magic" story, but there is no category for that here. In this story, the main character is looking to receive a "cup 'o innocence" from having orgasms with the younger girl, who surprisingly turns out to be a little closet naughty. This is about as real as the "firehose squirting" but still has some fun application. I was looking here to write a story you had never read before, and I did that. As far as spelling mistakes, I know I missed "olfactory", but I'm really tight at editing with the ABI word program and complaints about this are just flat out unfounded. Anyway, thanx for coming by and I'm sorry it was not advertised as you expected. It did come in second in the weekly story contest, so I know lots of people really liked it, and that's what's important to me.