All Comments on 'Party to Change'

Oh, and stupid.

Note: If you are unwilling to write a credible story, don't waste your time writing. It will look out of place and foolish...

Sorry, you started out good but then the story just got too implausible.

From a fag writer.put it in the right category

though and i must say i wasted my time pure garbage.

I read the story, and I don't get the underlying motivation, the motor which drives the plot. I don't understand the universe in which this story takes place.

Perhaps if someone is familiar with this universe, they'd 'get it'. So, for me, something is missing from the story.

What have we got? We have a universe that is inhabited by two sorts of beings: vultures and their prey. The prey - such as Marcie - are odd creatures. On the one hand they seem self-determining. And yet the fact that they are prey means they are passive beings, conscious but unable to control their actions. The whole concept of someone such as Jeff needing to cover for her and anyone else is inexplicable to me. Possibly as strangers in an anonymous club, one might be worried about having drinks spiked. But in a gathering of professionals?

Equally bizarre is Electra's detailed account of move-by-move, almost minute-by-minute account of what vulture Peter will do to Marcia. IF Electra can see it, why not Marcia? Why should be a victim to anything at all? This universe is all too calculated, people aware but out of control.

The final touch is Jeff's overly rational handling of an already over-calculated situation. There's no more plot, no dramatic movement in the story. All we have is Jeff giving his long speech, telling everyone what to do (details later!). It's all too well thought out. What does this say about him and his approach to life in this universe he experiences?

This universe feels dead emotionally, full of non-entities.

The story is written well enough that I can understand what is happening. What I don't understand is the why, the motives (if any) of the people involved. Impersonal robots; this could be science fiction.

The story had great potential but was missing the right ingredients. Why did Jeff apparently go from sub to master, and why didn't he continue in that vein right to the end. He went back to 'everyone is equal now'! The story just doesn't make sense.

.

Read it all because i did not want to look "foolish." It is absurd, uninteresting, unrealistic... wait i am looking for a word here... ah yes, Foolish.

Next time I see a note by an author to read the whole story before commenting, I will skip the story. It will likely be as boring and pointless as this one.

thrown into LW these days. What else is new? At least today there are a few decent reads in this category. About time. 1*

Has nobody that left a comment ever heard of a plot twist? Even as the siblings thought they were playing jeff and Marcie, Jeff was always the one in control, playing their game until he was ready to move. A well thought out twist.

You write well but your real people don't act like this. They have feelings and emotions. Strong ones. These characters are robotic.

Sorry. Delete the "your".

I guess this is the only way that this author can get people to read this garbage, by asking them to read the whole story. Waist of time reading shitty stories like this one.

Fetish shit

. . . Good Old Boy Texas down home story. I love it! Watch out for those analytical cowboy types, they will eventually get to the bottom of the most complicated pile of horse stuff. Seriously, this is a well told story.

I am sure a lot of folks will get turned off by the level of detailed description of the party and folks attending. Others will be turned off by the incest elements which they will see as a bit unnatural. Still more, the majority, like to rail against anything other than screw only your wife on Saturday night in your own bed. In my mind this story needed the detailed setup description to pull off all of the slight of hand and bedcovers in the final half page of the story that brings everything together to a climax.

As I said in the first paragraph watch out for those quiet analytical types, they can often come up with creative solutions. Good job.

you took a loving husband afraid of his wifes betrayal and had him betray her, then you turned both into common sluts for their new employer. Sorry, people with that level of self control aren't worth knowing.

I get it. The twist is that the husband, who comes off early as a cuck, in fact had his own agenda all along. Still it makes me wonder about how strong his marriage to begin with. I mean this was a leap in attitude to say the least.

Completely totally ridiculous plot .... Just plain crazy

that Jeff is always in control. He gives the appearance of being sub just as a cover. See how easily he commanded both women? And Marcie rejected Peter's advances and never did anything until he allowed it. I submit the only thing Jeff was concerned about was Peter's potential for influence on Marcie. But Marcie rejected Peter's advances and re-affirmed that Jeff was firmly in control. Peter had access to Marcie because Jeff allowed it, not because of anything Peter or Marcie did. And further, Peter lost any control he may have had of Electra as well. Peter is the cuck in this story.

Badly conceived and poorly written. I suppose you want us to believe that Jeff was the real shark in the water, but given the personality you gave him that twist was laughable at best. That his wife suddenly turns into a mouse was also silly. The worst was Electra and Peter. You would have us believe that two dominant personalities, people that are used to running their own ships and getting their own way would just roll over like puppies and do everything Jeff said. Even for fiction that was ludicrous. I started laughing when you had Jeff "servicing" the two women with drinks and food. Electra especially would not have been drinking the amount of alcohol you had Jeff supplying her with. Much more likely to be drinking water. It's an issue of being in control that women in business understand. Keep a clear head. Basic business acumen. And why would Electra trust Jeff farther than she could throw him? She's never met him before. So there's absolutely no way she would trust him to supply her drinks. I could go on with all the terrible assumptions you made in this mess, but you get the idea. Yes this was a fictional story. But even fiction has to have some touch of reality in it to make for a good read. This had none. Thoroughly unlikeable characters doing dumb things and spouting inane dialogue. Truly bad story telling. No stars only because negative stars aren't yet available.

Not erotic, just stupid and bad.

and gave you a 5

That the drinks you had while writing this were good, because as a story it wasn't worth the time it took me to read it.

what do farm boys do. they shovel a lot of shit. after reading your story i find your name very appropriate.

Otherwise, go fuck yourself.

content and effort as Bonnie would say: "fuck you in the heart dear annnony you pig fucking fag

Love it when the behind the scenes guy is really in charge. This is an interesting and well done story. Great possibilites for a follow-up.

Like all of your stories this flowed off the page. Unfortunately it's not your best piece and I can't help but wish you'd spend the time and effort spent here to finish New Beginnings: Bob and Jolynn Ch. 01. That story just begs for a conclusion.

Any comments are just as much a waste of time as reading this story

I get that Jeff behaves like a dominant cuckold. (Yes, they do exist; their say-so is necessary for everything, and they control the players like puppets.)

But the women consume way too much wine for them to be making big decisions that affect the rest of their lives.

The biggest problem I have, however, is that this married couple quickly switches to permanent partners that they barely know.

Business relationships...to sexual attraction...to sex...to new partners, one of whom may be knocked up....all after one night?

Unless I missed something, and Jeff had done a lot of investigation beforehand. Maybe we need to know more about their marriage. Was he looking to upgrade, the way women do? Were they always partners of convenience, until someone better came along?

I think this is a very poorly done story. The characters have no emotions, no resonance. The attempt at business and financial sophistication is unconvincing and unnecessary. The sibling-marital relationship is odd and pointless. This story shows a lot of effort and thought that results in almost a complete failure.

Some liked it; some hated it. I therefore suggest you brush up on your grammar.

This story is cleary a 1* rating...Through two thirds of it we believed the husband was the weak and the wife would cheat that night...The last third, all changed suddenly, and he showed he was the Alpha: he cheated first, the wife didn't cheat, and he decided the life of all of them, in business, who stayed with whom and so on...That would deserved a 3* for the suprise factor...However, as said in one comment, these characters didn't show any true emotions, and that lowered to only 2*...

Some people just want to make a fuss! VERY INTERESTING plot line! I enjoyed this tale very much and am looking forward to some additional chapters. It really belongs in a "loving wives" category because I don't recall one for PURE HUMOR!

"as Bonnie would say"

Well of course "bonnie would say" that, since you are just another alias for "Bonnie" you would know.

1* at best

Excellent, well written. Great story twist, you had me hooked from the start

Don't submit a story that just makes you as the author come across like a moron. This is just silly.

completely implausible. made no sense at all

Talk about la la land. Nothing believable or enticing about it.

nit sure why anyone would tolerate hosting a party where everyone seems to be trying to drug each other, or run defense against going rooffied. Not good for me

Ok. I read the entire offering. After all, reading three paragraphs isn't exactly hard work.

It wasn't badly written. If I were rating it, which I am, I'd give it three stars. The problem was it was a totally unbelievable fantasy. Not school boy fantasy, but a non- believable fantasy non-the-less.

Not sure but 3 pages submitted that were about someone's fantasy....just pure junk.

In a word.....C R A P

I viewed this as an account of deep personal change. Jeff is not only astute when it comes to organizational development, as seen in his proposal to recombine the two companies, but also in his recognition that personal change must precede organizational change. The existing relationships between Electra and Peter, and between Marcie and himself, no longer served their original purposes because they were no longer aligned with the underlying individual feelings and business realities. Jeff was correct but untraditional in bringing about deep personal and organizational change. No doubt this will upset those who cling to traditional views of marriage, but, as the characters discover by the end of the story, they are much happier and fulfilled than they were at the beginning.

I'm finally speechless after reading this story. I almost stopped reading when he was acting as a wimp at the party. Letting some guy trying to pick up his wife give him orders...outlandish and rubbish. But I kept reading because of your warning. When he became the alpha of the group, I just couldn't see it. Also I am not into sharing. Anyhow, thanks for the story.

but it was told well, brought some fun and made me laugh about the logic - because it's totally missing.

just the fixation on watching out for party vultures, that is not how it works in the real world. woman dont just cheat at drop of a dime, and drugging drinks is against the law and can get yoiu some very real jail time. Just not realistic, so I couldnt relate.

Not sure where that came from, and certainly agree with some of the other comments, but in a strange way it worked.

It was a very odd story and hard to keep up with.

That was the most boring page 1 . But I have decided to finish a story I start.

The rest of the story didn't work. Characters that are cliche. A complete lack of emotional connection with the reader.

Gave you 2*s, because I don't have any feelings for it. Except for that boring 1st page, that was difficult to slog through,lol.

AMerryman

A read.

Marcie, Marci,Marcia first paragraph ?????

A odd story which seems to work and the husband Jeff has mild Bull tendencies about him !

Might be sequal here for the making !

does a TexasFarmBoy think up crap like this?

there's a lot of free time on Texas farms theses days.

which is it?

We knew you were a little cum sucking fag author ,after only 3paragraphs.

Switch and switch back, cleverly crafted! Not entirely my cup of tea but I do appreciate the effort in writing this tale. Keep up the good work.

My measure for a no doubt five star story is three great scenes , no weak ones. Well this tale had some clunkers. But the gems like the dialogue with wariness cc party vultures and the bartender tete-a-tete were WONDERFUL. The characters didn't stay static and stayed credible, albeit with a few leaps of faith needed on reader's part. . Loved that. I'm a softy for happy endings and business subplots spicing boudoir action as well.

Ergo full marks. *****

Fuck off

It seems weird for husband to watch seduction attempt and then seduce someone else. If Peter is so good at seduction then it could turn into a mess. Cheating came to easy which means it could happen again.

WTF!????!!!!??????

If only !!!

... incredibly impossible scenario with impossible people.

Fun read but the writer portrays Jeff as the behind the scenes observer with an analytical mind, Within a short time at the party he is conned by Electra, her telling him who to be wary of and to keep an eye their actions, classic con man trick, she is on his side and trusting him therefore lulling him into trusting her. So is Jeff an analytical observer or an idiot, again when Electra is telling that after the meeting in the gazebo and then dancing Peter would be taking Marcie into another room to do the deed and there was nothing he could do to prevent it. Even then he is not aware he is being set up.So Jeff as portrayed here does not make sense. Do not mean to be over critical, a nice seduction story with some thrills along the way.

you can tell the cuck feelings from the comments you write. YOU loved it when your dead wife fucked the fleet and then you ate her out!!

but way out of your wheelhouse. A swing and a miss. Enjoyed the last story of yours I read though it seemed incomplete.

Overall poor plot how do Peter and Electra go from being brother and sister although pretending to be husband and wife in the first part of the story before Marcies seduction by Peter to being husband and wife in the second half of the story i.e. plot is not consistent in its flow there fore totally unbelievable.

All I can say if you Majored in English in junior school (8-11 years of age ) I can see no way you ever managed to get a degree .

An A for putting forth the effort to write this tale, but a F for a flat out stupid impossible story.

None of the characters were at all sympathetic.

had a good laugh with this one. feel sorry that you get the idiot comments from the peanut gallery but just think that not everyone has an IQ over 60. Score should be about 4.60 or so...well done

You initially have Jeff be a goffer for his wife and her boss drinks. Then you have him taking control. You have him concerned about his wife being given a drugged drink. Then you have him taking her boss to bed and Jeff on longer is concerned about his wife sleeping with Peter. The entire storyline is bullshit!

Unrealistic storyline, unlikable characters, make for a very poor result. You can do better.

Why can't the tags be seen at the beginning of stories instead at the end. I just don't understand the reasons for it.

jolly good luck at future endeavors. TK U MLJ LV NV

WHAT A MESSED UP STORY THIS WAS! NO MARRIED MAN IN HIS RIGHT MIND WHO LOVES HIS WIFE COULD MAKE THAT SWAP IN LESS THAN A FEW HOURS! TOTALLY UNREALISTIC!

Where husbands have to guard their wives because marriage vows are just ink on a page, and all men are date raping vultures attempting to drug all the women at a party. Although the weird servitude of the husband was somewhat explained in the story, it gets a bit femdommy soon enough, and went off the rails completely when Electra tells the husband that he can't interfere once it gets to a certain point between his wife and Peter. Um, why? She is his wife. That means he can interfere. But why is it in this world there is so little trust in one's spouse? It seems justified though because his wife was going to go off with this man she just met without a single thought that her husband is probably watching her and what he might think about it. Apparently his opinion doesn't matter and she knows he can't interfere anyway.

I stopped reading at the point it became clear she was being seduced by Peter because it wasn't going to get any better in this Alice in Wonderland contrivance. Where else could this go and what sense could it make? This is clearly not the world we live in. It was a kind of Hunger Games world for wives and their soon-to-be cuckolded husbands. This story was so insulting, not only to women who are without virtue beyond their own desires (what else was the wife deciding about Peter's seduction other than whether she wanted to bed him?) but especially to men, who are either predators, date raping vultures or seducers who don't respect the lines of matrimony, or ineffectual ccuckolds who can't interfere with the blatent seduction of their wives, that it gets just 1*. I don't usually give stories that low a score, but this one really earned it.

Dumbest things in Literotica. The writing was good enough, but the situation, characters and outcome is impossibly stupid.

TFB

I have to say dude that I am totally confused with this submission and I have reread it several times. Is it supposed to be a LW tale? A Group sex tale? An incest tale? It's very much a poorly conceived mixture of all three, maybe even more. I suspect that it has caused some confusion among your commentators as to how to approach the plot and characters. I have no probs with your writing style or your handling of character dialogue. I come away from the last line not quite knowing what I have experienced. I think you attempted some sort of hybrid tale which tried to incorporate elements of many sub-genres. Not totally convinced that you succeeded, but thanks for trying and submitting.

funny , you have a wicked mind , could be a French cult movie this one!!

A very well crafted story - one of the best on the site - but something about it left me uneasy.

Well written and interesting, but extraordinarily uneasy!

COMPLETELY FUCKING RIDICULOUS!

Just on persons opinion. Too many sharp corners in the plot path and direction.

anonjerry

I especially liked his admonishment to not comment if one could not read ALL of it and making remarks! NOT!! Couldn't stand this drivel or the pompous ass who authored it.

...that was certainly different. Comments are rough but the tag says, 'swapping'. Perhaps Literotica should put the "Tags For This Story' box on the first page near the title of a story instead of the last page bottom right corner.

At least this garbage was good for a laugh. Peter thinks he's the Big Dog? They're all just going into a polyamorous relationship? One big happy family? Even for a fictional story this was ludicrous.

1 star ONLY because negative stars aren't yet available.

1

I feel that I lost a couple of IQ points reading this nonsense. I don't know where a fantasy like this comes from, but I don't want to go there again.

Relationships don't work this way. I kept waiting for the sentence that revealed how it was going to make sense. Considering 3 of the 4 didn't go to the party with any intention of wife and baby swapping, don't you think that they would want to know each other more before they followed the ORDERS to commit for life by someone who is clearly insane?

stupid shit ,whom ever wrote this crap ,stop it's not worth the time i took to read it ,a fucking total waste.

Excellent story. Those that got it, got it. Those that didn't get it, too bad.

5/5

WTF..... It started off good, the watching of both women, making sure that no one gets too intimate with them but when the sneaking around and BS by Marcie & Peter by the gazebo and meet Elec. upstairs, it turned to trash. I thought a good revenge or BTB part or something else was going to happen. Instead, he wants his slutty wife to screw around to make 2 businesses work better. God, what a waste. Did he really love his cheap wife, or does he want to really just screw around with her boss, Electra? This was a 1 star flop...

Total bullshit

Yes this story is toral bullshit. Women arent this predictable and they arent this much of a whore.

Really sorry writing.

What a crock!

.

1*

Farmboys should never try writing sex stories...stick to fucking cows and pigs please....

LOL, liked the party spying and sharks floating around. 4some swap was far fetched