All Comments on 'Hayley's Party Ch. 01 Pt. C'

Look forward to reading more from you! You had my attention from first word to last. I hope you continue to write.

What can I say. Just Wow! That was an amazing read. Look forward to the next installment in Hayley's life!!!

I hope you continue this story. Erotic Read.

I have to say, I've been reading this series since you put it up and was one of the people who immediately recognised Miaw. I actually didn't mind your retelling of Miaw because you brought something new to the story but the rewrite of the adaptation has made the collective story a weird jumbled mess of competing emotions and actions from all of the characters.

I like your writing style, but a bit more effective planning would go a long way.

Yes you achieved hardness! Thank you!

Still would like to see you write about Hayley and the restaurant guest son...

Good read for me.

Yes, I think there may be a bit of that here and there as the plot was changing in my head a bit while I was writing. And it needs to be tightened. That said, plotting's my weak point. Working on that one.....

.......Chloe

Very well done. Quite long, had to edge myself longer than normal!!! But well worth the read!!!

What an illiterate. That should be either "What garbage" or "What a lot of garbage / what a load of garbage" - something like that. And just a suggestion here, at least be creative with your comments. If you're going to leave them, along with those 1* things, at least provide us with a bit more entertainment value. Something funny as well as insulting. That leaves a lot more scope for fun with the replies. Honestly, this one was just a bit ho-hum boring. You gotta try harder. Altho to be honest, I guess you probably finished jerking off by now so okay, I forgive you. But do try harder next time, okay. This just wasn't good enough.

At first I felt sorry for Steve, then angry at Joe, and disappointed in Hayley! Afterwards, just wanted to join up with Joe, with me up her butt, Joe in her pussy and Steve in her mouth. Girl, that was a hot read! I love it from a girls point of view!

Ahhhh, then I suggest reading thru to Chapter 5, which you should find satisfying :)

I loved the prologue and part a, they were adorable and I loved Steve with hayley. I hate it when a good writer such as yourself reduces a wonderful character into a weak willed fucktoy for any random asshole with a dick. I couldn't read past part B and I am only here because I wanted to see if How was going to go all the way and if Steve grew a pair and pushed Joe off or not. This story made me incredibly angry at the characters and I have no interest in continuing to read it.

Commented on your earlier comment. Jump the next couple of chapters and go to the last three, starting with A Ride to Remember. I was struggling a bit coz the things you brought up I kind of agree with for a rewrite.

There seems to be a strong undercurrent of cuckoldry in this.

You're right, there is. Hayley's Party Chapter 01 Parts A, B and C were the first stories I wrote on Literotica a couple of years ago and I really had no idea what I was doing except that I wanted to write erotica and Selena Kitt was my role model. Plotting? No idea? Storyline? No idea? Dialog? I struggled. I based the plot on an older story called "Miaw - Life of the Party" - if you go back and read that you can see the similarities. "Miaw" gave me a starting point for A B and C but after that it was all me. I think by the time you get to chapters 5, 6 and 7 you can see where I intend going. I aim to rewrite this one and finish it, but more as an action/thriller/sex novel along the lines of those last three chapters. Steve turns into a bit of a hapless bad guy caught in the middle between Hayley on the one hand, and the real bad guys on the other. Anyhow, skip through and those last 3 chapters are I think way better.

Veeery good. Much better than Miaw. You're good writer, Chloe.

Wonderful. I enjoyed reading through the entire chapter and all parts.

The central conceit of this story is Hayley's sense of being captivated by Joe, her helplessness to his desires and so on. If you hadn't been able to communicate the feeling of being carried away by the current, the whole story would fall apart.

But you really sold it. Bravo.

First off, masterful writing skills. Kudos. It was almost as though you were telling your story.

That said, this has left me so conflicted that it's left me a little nauseous. On one hand, Steve's passiveness is partially Hayley's creation, but it's obvious that Joe has been beating him down for years. Steve should have stood up, but he needed some backup from Hayley. Bottom line, I feel like this is a tragedy. I'm both upset and sympathetic with Hayley and Steve... i.e. masterful story telling. I'm reluctant to read past chapter one, but I will eventually.

Beautiful job. The story line, the plot flow, the detail. I love it. Keep up the good work.

Generally well written but very repetitive. You could have cut one of the switches out and ended the story the same way. You write amazingly well. I wish I could do that.