All Comments on 'Homework Ch. 01'

I really good story being developed. I particularly like how it is being told from the mother's perspective.

Keep going

You've set the stage for what could be a really nice story, but I'm getting a "start and stop" vibe as I read. By that, I mean that I get a strong impression you wrote what you have, so far, in several sessions. It feels like you kept trying to recapture the trepidation Mom was experiencing as she considered what she could, or should, do. We get it. She's turned on, but hesitant about acting on her impulses. You can include a bit of self-doubt, but you don't have to keep hitting the "reset button". You used two full pages, and the most she's done is dress up for him, grab his erection, and then go back to jeans and a blouse with sneakers.

If you haven't already done this (and I strongly suspect you haven't), I suggest you draft an outline. Short, concise sentences to describe what you want to happen. You can think of it as guard-rails on a road to keep you from wandering off your path. For example:

"Annie buys sexy new clothes. She tries them on, and wears them in front of Steven to get his attention. While he's focused, she lays down the law, offers a reward for better grades. She changes back to casual clothes before reminding him of his potential reward. Later she checks his homework. She's in 'mom mode', but when she finishes, she puts her hand on his thigh, lingers a moment, and tells him to stay on track.

As Steven dives into his homework, Annie continues to subtly entice him, with occasional downblouse or upskirt shots, but nothing more. His next status report comes in and he's made some progress. Annie praises him, but tells him he is capable of still better grades. She says he deserves some kind of positive reward, but also an incentive to try harder. She has him strip, lay across her knees, and gives him a sexy spanking (as the stick) and finishes him off with a handjob (as the carrot). Tells him that if he can pull his grades up more, he can expect better rewards."

Get the idea? With an outline, you can rough out the progression of the story, from beginning to end. (Or at least from the beginning of a chapter to the beginning of the next chapter.) THEN you go through and flesh out your outline with dialog, thoughts, detailed descriptions, and so on. It's much more effective for an amateur writer to stay on track than just sitting down at your computer, trying to recall what you've got "so far", trying to recapture the mood or mindset you were in when you last wrote, and writing what comes to you.

This is not a slam, and I'm not trying to insult you. Please consider my suggestion, and decide for yourself if it would help you write a better story. (Oh, and the part where Annie almost does a 360 degree turn? You meant 180 degrees. 180 would means she turned around, while 360 means she turned COMPLETELY around, to end up facing the same way.)

and how it gets there.

"Subconsciously she realized...." If it's subconscious she can't "realize" it, by definition. This criticism is to indicate your--what to say?--mental laziness. Get this story clearer and better organized and your writing will be much improved.

"She felt proud of his looks, at least, if not his brain." Priceless!! You write fairly well. I might suggest an editor or, at the very least, a proofreader. Punctuation and spelling gaffes are always a distraction and reflect poorly on the author's dedication to his craft. All in all, though, an entertaining read and I look forward to following more of your work. My user name is Rapid Responder.

Overall I liked the story as it was developing and I feel it has a great potential. Like the other commenters, I did find some small errors that were a bit distracting. The biggest issue for me was you had Ken going away on a camping trip, but yet he was home that evening for dinner? Perhaps he only went hiking or he decided not to camp out after all. This needs some clarification.

I so appreciate the comments and the follows. And thanks to those who took the time for constructive criticism. To be honest, this was pretty much written off the cuff (for a friend), so I didn't pay too much attention to structure and pace, really. If I decide to do any editing I will take careful consideration of the excellent feedback. Thanks again.

i think you lost where you were. First it was Saturday and you kissed Ken good bye and he was going camping with his friends and later that night at supper, Ken was there.

when you said "at one stage almost turned three sixty degrees to go back to her room." a 360 degree turn would have been a complete circle. What you meant to say was 180 degree turn and that would have put her on the path she came from.

She is a college graduate so she should not make grammatical errors even when she is talking in her own thoughts and mostly when she is talking to her son. Do not stress well educated when there are so many small mistakes. I would think seeing a woman flashing her privates, would make it much more difficult to study and yet you make it sound as if it would motivate quickly. The more the distraction with out relief would have the opposite effect.

Have mom give him a little more thrill time. Mom could also mention her ideas of certain rewards for grades, or work completed that is done on time.

Plan your piece of work. Work your plan.

Thanks Don

It is a good start but much depends on what you write in the future. There are all the ingredients to make it a true story hot. Mom always uninhibited and whore, to stimulate the son to becomes more and more daring. Satisfy the fantasies of a teenager with high heels and sexy lingerie and provocative is good but it will come to act like a porn star? How far it will go? Important is how you will describe everything well even sexual acts. Good job!

At least you didn't make simple 3rd mistakes in grammar and word usage and spelling. That's a big plus with. You still need to proofread several times. Ask yourself "does all the parts fit together in order with these people at this point?

You might want to place time indicators at the beginning of the transitions: e.g. Friday morning: Saturday afternoon Just getting home from school:

I'm looking forward to where you are take this story and give us some scorching mom son sex. You seem to be doing with expressing how the mom and the son are feeling and thinking.

5 *'s on the erection scale

You spent way more time figuring out the brands of the pantyhose than you did developing your story or your characters. Yawn.

I'm not as picky as some. You will get better on the little things in time. I like this story so far keep it going

I agree with the comments that this is a good start to a story. But just like the mother who isn't sure what direction to go, it seems like you have the same issue. I hope this story gets on track soon.

I'm surprised at how nitpicky people are being. This story was enjoyable enough that I hardly noticed the handful of mistakes others are complaining about. The corset & stocking fetish stuff was quite sexy and her burgeoning femdom fantasies sound very promising. Looking forward to the next chapter!

Some moms have achieved very good results with unconventional reward system. Often a little show and a helping hand bring about positive changes in overall behavior and schoolwork

Enjoying it! In particular the addition of other likes/fetishes on top of mother-son incest. Hope you continue!

I enjoyed it, but it was a let down to end this without anything happening. Maybe the mom could have shown just how good things could be if he studies real hard? I hope there will be a lot more action between the two in the next chapter. Maybe a BJ if he gets a B?

Enjoyed the theme and direction the story is taking. The teasing of the son with the stockings, the sexual tension...please continue on this theme. Some milking as a reward or perhaps a spanking for the son over stocking clad legs in part 2. Looking forward to how you take this

She should have spanked him until his ass was all red and throbbing and his cock as well. All boys -- when they grow up -- yearn to return to the lessons learned over their mother's knees!

Good start. Love the tension. Great description, plausible set up. Please finish...

Finish your story, its great dude! Keep on with momdom and fetish please!

Enjoyed the set up. good character development and story pacing. I look forward to the next part!

You shouldn't rush the steps, make the teasing last longer. Look forward to reading the rest

I can't wait to read how mom jerk him off every day after he does his homework.

thank you

""

So that was that, for the moment. Steven went off to do whatever he did to chill out, while Annie was left fuming at her son, and angry with herself for having other than motherly feelings toward him.

""

Damn! She just lets him walk all fucking over her!! Lol. Make him sit at the kitchen table and do his homework! No music, phone or internet interruptions! :)

""

It came semi-erect, but he mumbled, "Sorry, honey, too tired..." and so she was left frustrated and angry with her husband.

""

O.K., what kind of LOSER guy actually tells his wife he is TOO TIRED to fuck her?! Hell, even if you're physically exhausted you can lay on your back!! Rofl. Ive worked tons of 12+ hr shifts and when the wife wants to fuck the worst Ill tell her is, let me hit the shower and sit in rhe recliner with a cup of coffee for a few minutes and Im good to go baby! Lol.

""

Steven sighed theatrically. "I never do homework on Saturdays."

""

Hell, my parents made us start on it friday night, lol! No wonder he's failing if they arent riding his ass and checking his work! (Rolling eyes) ,...but that would fuck up the plot if they did, hehehe ;)

""

"Well," she said, "I caught you looking at me in my pantyhose, for one thing..."

"Ah, no, mom!" Steven pushed back his chair and launched to his feet. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"So you're denying it?"

"Of course I am. You're my mother, for God's sake."

""

Really?! He's going to play innocent and affronted when she's basically caught him red handed? Rofl. I quit using that when I was about 12 or 13, lol ;)

""

In fact, she had spotted the tip of his firm penis poking out from inside the leg of his shorts.

""

...ya ever notice that in virtually all of these stories the guys dick winds up growing down his pants-leg instead of upwards along his belly? Rofl!

""

"Mom, shut up, please. I don't wanna hear this."

""

Really?? A real life fantasy of his walks into his room and he says that?! Thats not very realistic! Lol :)

""

She'd always thought him too young for one, though his firm penis and the way he'd ogled her suggested otherwise.

""

Huh?? He's 18! ...unless this story was written with him much younger and doctored to fit the website!

""

What if her son called the police? Or, equally bad, told his dad? Was she a terrible person for doing this?

""

Hahaha!! Like he'd want word getting out that mommy was playing with his dick? No way! Hehehe.

""

"Homework," said Steven. "Mom's gonna check it for me."

"On a weekend?" Ken shook his head theatrically, "Jeez, what's the world coming to?"

""

Rofl, talk about an uninvolved dad!! Daaaaaamn!! :(

""

It was the start of an essay about the play "Death of a Salesman" by Arthur Miller.

""

...I hate to say it, but Ive never actually watched it or read it.

All in all this is starting to look like a pretty good story! Nice buildup so far too!

I think you need to finish the story...it's too tempting now and it has too much potential to be an excellent one

I love my son and want to help him... yes

I don't like my husband... No

Please continue with this story.

chapter 2

This story was, as the title line indicates, a notch away from a "5" rating. Bring back the pantyhose for the sequel, and the 5 will come back, too!