All Comments on 'F6: Coffee and Cleavage'

Just a quicky then?

Lovely romance.

I love a mature romance. The uncertainty of both characters was well handled, the lack of confidence and anxiety about making moves on each other - but at that age, you don't let a good chance go begging.

I laughed when I saw the 'cabbage' roses - that was a good one. The words are better fitted in than in some of the stories, although still a little artificial.

Gosh these characters were so likable, and that in itself made the story enjoyable. The story line was sweet and left the end open to the readers imagination. Really well done!

Forgot to add that I thought it was a very clever use of the word list, "cabbage roses" made me smile.

I love characters who aren't Barbie Dolls, and both of these characters were lovable. I was just looking for a little more drama, maybe another obstacle to overcome or something. I loved the cabbage roses. Good choice, FAWCker!

As was mentioned by others, there is a sense of honesty to this story, an actuality to the characters that make them easy to root for and identify with. A bit of the common touch, if you will. That goes a long way in keeping readers interested.

Unfortunately, I felt there was some excitement missing from this one. The plot isn't uninteresting, but it felt...predictable and without bite. It wasn't unpleasant. To the contrary, it was maybe a bit TOO pleasant. Then again, I'm a rough seas kind of person, so take my opinion for what it is worth.

You also have some muddy punctuation in there. I'll give you an example in the very first section.

"Jason walked into the coffee bar and over to the counter. "Can I get a . . . " He looked past the counter and saw her sitting at one of the tables, snuggled into a black leather coat with a plush lining and displaying the most magnificent cleavage he had seen in a long time."

In the above sentence, who (or more precisely, what) is displaying the most magnificent cleavage? Nothing snuffs out the fire of a sexy description like a couple misplaced modifiers.

I enjoyed this. I am very fond of everyday characters in my erotica. Real life is sexy to me. But it was all just a little too safe for my taste.

I also liked these characters -- refreshing to read about characters who feel real. A little predictable, perhaps, but well-executed. Nice job.

This was a really nice story, well told, well-written, with characters that rang true, and who you were rooting for the whole time. But .... there was no reason to root for them, because there was no conflict. They meet, instant attraction, find each other again, hit it off, fall into bed and everything works out wonderfully. I enjoy a happy ending, but I would have liked just a little bit of conflict, second thoughts, unexpectedness. But ... it was so well told I can't help but like it a whole lot.

Realistic, gentle, just what the doctor ordered. But the drama is yet to come. Nice use of the four words, and props for the terrific writing mechanics.

A very nice romp in the sheets between to adult believable characters. Simple storytelling, offset by characters that you could meet in any coffee shop in any town. Believable, romancy and simple fun to read.

Critique: I noticed a call for conflict or more action. To me, that was not what was missing. There has to be a strong emotional link between the writer, his characters, and the reader. In a story this short you have to really work to pull off emotions that strong.

His wife was your key to that. And it doesn't take much, anyone that has lost a family member, friend, or loved one to cancer can be drawn into emotionally by survivor's.

pain. As light handed as

Looking at his left-hand Jason absently ran a finger over the bare skin. The phantom feeling of the missing ring belittled the fact the pale circle was growing less noticeable every day. He smiled sadly. "She was proud of them. ---

Little moments of pain the writer shares with the reader. It's emotional bait. Drawing them into to the story deeper and deeper, like a woven fish trap. Once entered too far they can't get back out.

And once they are trapped like that the sex scene becomes hotter than any you could ever write. Because the reader is there, wishing the character a glorious moment of happiness to offset the pain they shared.

What you have here is the "bones" of a very good story.

Good job.

The author who wrote this story is MagicaPractica. Thanks for FAWCking!

I though this story was very good

Very sexy, shot alot of cum at end of story

A nice romantic read, about good people,all has been said that needs to be,except my thanks for the entertainment.

NorthPacific

Very nice :)

Great story!

I can live with this.

Is there more? I want him to ask if he can help somehow with the arts or just be by her side at a reception -- evening dress. He does own his on tux, correct?

What 50-year old business man doesn't???

Oh, did I like the passion, their willingness to explore their urgent need to be together.

Nice smooth moving story and well written

I"d love to read more of your work if it is available on here

Chuck

Well written and entertaining. Well done!

Well that escalated quickly, but when the stars align it just works. I do have a question, do ladies normally keep condoms in their nightstands? It just kind of surprised me that she had one that handy. Nice story that could go on for a few more chapters, thanks