All Comments on 'Control, Enkindle'

That was amazing. I can't wait til your next piece.

undoubtedly one of the best

After all when you can control people, even to the point of blurring reality, what challenge is left?

He was a bad man, who did bad things to people who didn't deserve it and life goes on.

but not for being a good story. It suffers from having a gary-stu for a protagonist. He has zero challenge because he takes care of the any problem immediately. Any tension built is immediately destroyed when you step back and realize almost every single tense moment was created by the protagonist. The only thing that kept me reading was seeing what he was going to do with his invention.

Although will there be more to this? Cause the starting claimed that he was wanted or something

@masterhobbes:

Thank you so much!

@Whackdoodle:

Thank you for the feedback! This, i remember, was something I struggled with when I wrote it some four years ago.

@Anonymous: It's interesting:

Thank you for showing interest in my story! I agree that pretty much everything went his way in this part of the story. When i wrote it i never really intended to publish it anywhere and so it wasn't until part two where i really started challenging the guy. At the time it was just something easy to pick up if i got stuck on my other stuff.

In any case, thank you so much for the feedback!

@Anonymous: Loved it. 5 stars:

Thank you! Yes. It's a three part series. Control, Revolution and Control, Absolution. The last part is mostly finished but i dunno when I'll post the next one.

Omg PLEASE post the next part! This is the best story I've ever read ! Although I got a question, will there be more of Matt and Tom? I'd really like to see what Jason has in mind for Tom😈

....not much, if anything more than a rewrite of one of the original popular 130 or so stories across the diverse categories here.

Many, don't bother to do more than change names and as few other items as possible, before submitting the rerun as original.

A much smaller group of decent writers will nearly always acknowledge the original work they reference and then go on to extend the story to a greater potential, or just finish it in a reasonable fashion. A few, simply repeat their own popular storylines with different settings and characters, perhaps a turn or two to keep it interesting, but largely, nothing new.

The cuck crowd, however, represent the most egregious abuse of the above noted plagiaristic practice (an apparently acceptable one here), rarely offering more than minimal changes, before carrying on with the robbed story, nearly intact. It's very rare to see anything new from them.

You surprised me.

Thematically, you're on well trodden ground. But your story was captivating and appears to be original (bravo, maestro!)

I'm actually looking forward to the next installment.

Hopefully, it will be broken up into releases of not more than ten pages.....but that's your call, isn't it? But 30+ is a bit long for a single submission, even if done to keep the story intact and cohesive. You might try , after writing and substantial editing, to break the next one up into smaller releases. It will tend to keep those with many, many distractions happier. You did make the chapters obvious, but alas, that is still not segmented enough to in the experience of the thing.

Now.

The technicals were pretty atrocious. It honestly mystifies me that you get so much right, but consistently *slaughter* your verb conjugations in the area of number and person. The most frequent, being "was" and "were".....oh, there were plenty of others, but these two were in the very high 90's.....meaning you only got them right maybe 6 times in this 30+ page story. It's not my place to instruct, but until you get that worked out, you'll struggle for respect for your presentation (not the story, but how it reads).... Remember, the praise here is all for the story.

You have a rich and vivid imagination. Excellent!

You write pretty well, but suffer from a very annoying and consistent misuse of the written word... Not so excellent... Just...well, not even OK.

You might get some editorial help before going too much further. And before you claim that it was an affectation of the character....we note that it was everywhere, equally displayed. Besides, no asocial, narcissistic, genius medical researcher/programmer/electronics engineer/biochemist 5-steps-ahead-of-everyone-else sex addict/detective/political genius/strategist (I mean this all stretches credulity far out of shape, but you just manage to keep the bullshit-o-meter at the top of the yellow zone), is going to have a chronic and pervasive problem with keeping singular and plural verb forms straight. They're always too meticulous and too smart to permit evidence of poor educational effort or deficient learning show up in their verbal and written expression. It's a matter of pride and self respect.

Again, looking forward to another adventure in this world....hopefully one that is a less bump-ity reading experience.

Thank you.

@Hbsjs:

Thank you so much! Yes, both Matt and Tom will be in the next part, and I feel so bad for the latter.

@Anonymous: This story was both engaging and well told. That alone...

Wow! Thank you so much for all that! I'm equally amazed every time someone takes time out of their life to comment on something i've written. It's so much fun to read!

I try to be as original as i can. Thank you for acknowledging that. Certainly i draw inspiration from other sources but i think everyone does, and indeed, it's probably impossible not to.

Yes, the grammatical errors have been pointed out to me, although not as 'on point' as you have. English isn't what i usually write in, nor is it my first language, but really, that's just the lamest excuse in the book. The truth is there is no excuse for it. I certainly have some bad habits that needs to be broken.

Just yesterday I found out there's a volunteer editor program on this site. That's something I'll definitely explore for my next submission.

Again, thank you so much!

....Say that there's more on the way. This story was a very good read and I always hate having to wait for more. Thank you for sharing!

The first 2/3 or so was fantastic. But then things seemed to get bogged down. Just my opinion. Initially, one of the best ever. Towards the end, eh?

@Anonymous: Please…:

Thank you for the comment! There is indeed more on the way. I don’t know exactly when though.

@zena99:

Thank you so much for the feedback! I’m glad you liked some of it.

That was pretty awesome. You had us all rooting for your sociopath. That's not an easy task. Really enjoyed it.

That was without a doubt the best story I've read ever, and i can say i read a shit ton if stories. Hope u keep up with this amazing story, with made me laugh and giggle like a little girl when imagin the fun he's having in the last chapter.

Kindest greetings from Germany

Needs more sex

@Anonymous: Creative writing winner:

Yes! I agree! More sex, everywhere and always. Would make the world just sooo much better, don't you think?

Thank you for the comment!

@Poro:

Danke sehr!! Glad you liked it!

@Anonymous: Great Novel:

Thank you for the comment! There's just something about sociopaths that's such a turn on. Can't place my finger on exactly what though.

Brilliant story that easily crosses in to mainstream literature. Reminds me of the novels "Cocaine". Was rooting for our pet sociopath, and had so many questions - what was Allie's secret research? What happened to Matt? What will Jason do with Gabrielle?

This cannot possibly be the end!

@Anonymous: Fantastic:

Thank you so much! I'm so happy you enjoyed it. And it's indeed not the end! All three of those questions are answered in the next part. I just got to get off my ass and tidy it up.

One of my favorite stories. Thanks for writing it. Can't wait for the next part. Keep up the good work!

When I opened this one up and saw the 31 pages I thought uh-oh it's not for me. How wrong I was. A rare combination of superb plot with lashing of steamy sex. I would call it a page turner but there was often pauses to wait for the "swelling" to subside. A few typos but they didn't detract from a cracking story. Full marks and 5 *

Great story. Do you have any idea when te next chapter will be ready?

I was cautiously excited when I opened it and saw so many pages. Wow was that good. I couldnt put my phone down. Few typos here and there but nothing too bad. I cant wait for the next chapter. I hope its soon!!!

I have never been so absorbed by a erotic story as I was this one! I have been reading it work, at home while cooking and while shopping. I seriously couldn't stop reading it!

Jeebus, this was dark and twisted. I loved it. I was cringing some of the way and truly disgusted but I couldn't stop. Absolutely one of the most talented authors I've read on this site.

Here's how good this story is: I discovered it this morning, and now it's 4pm and I've spent the entire day reading all 32 pgs of it. I have work to do! I have classes and tests and projects but for these hours, I was completely sucked in. Loved it. Not that dark, but it leaves me very thoughtful.

@Anonymous: Great Story:

Thanks a lot!

@CharlieB4:

Thanks mister! You already know how much I appreciate your feedback!

@Anonymous: Great story:

Thanks a ton! Hopefully sooner rather than later!

@Bubbles16:

Thanks! Yes I know there's a couple of typos. Not sure if you read if before or after I submitted an edit. Either way I'm sure there's still a few errors. But again, thanks!

@Anonymous: Wow!:

Thank you so much! That's the best compliment an author can get!

@SinCrisis:

Thank you! Imagine a 'less than' sign and a three. Can't actually insert one because then the comment breaks.

@Anonymous: one of the best:

Thank you so much! Sorry to have caused you to skip out on important stuff! Well, okay, not really that sorry. I'm so happy you enjoyed it!

Kelly

Really great story! I don't generally like first person but the voice that you conveyed through Jason was incredible. I loved being able to see the sick inner workings of a twisted mind. Couldn't put it down! Read all 32 pages instead of starting my assignment that is due tomorrow.

Absolutely love it. PLEASE tell us when the next one will be released!! I don't do patience very well lol! This story has honestly gotten me through some pretty rough days. Looking forward to the rest of it! Thanks!!!

Loved your story, Nike c. as a treat I've read it to my Cub, she loves it to.

Looking forward to your next offering. A favourite, for sure.

Bear and his sub'.

The only reason I read as far as I did is because I was waiting for him to get brutally dealt with, and it never happened. So for me, this was a waste.

Incredible story, that goes beyond most of what you can find around here. I hesitated when I saw 32 pages... but then got hooked before the end of the first! To me could be published out of an erotic stories website, since this is as much about power and control as it is about sex.

More, I want moaarr !!

Great story! Please write another part, just more sex ;)

Honestly didn't almost read it because it was so long but damn I'm glad I did! You're an amazing writer and I love this story

@allwhisperedillusions:

Thank you so much for your comment! Glad you liked it. Sorry for keeping you from your assignments.

@Calif94577:

Thank you for the comment! Still working on the next part. Hopefully shouldn't be too long but you know how it is. Other stuff sadly takes priority over this hobby.

@Anonymous: Baize moi !:

Thanks! Glad you and your friend liked it!

@Anonymous: Where's his retribution?:

Not sure how well I made it come across, but this is a part one. Jason hasn't really had any opposition so far. That's changing in Control, Revolution. Thanks for reading the whole thing and leaving a comment though!

@veum:

Thank you so much! Yes, I was unsure of if I should have posted it as chapters instead of a full sized novel. 32 lit pages is quite a bit. I like this approach though. Moar is coming! Eventually...

@LeahNicolec:

Hey, thank you for the comment! I am, in fact, writing another part, and yes, there is sex in it.

@Anonymous: Wow:

Thank you so much! 32 pages is a lot to ask anyone to read. So glad you decided to give it a chance though!

Kelly

So... I came across your story... fastforward a couple of hours and I just had to drop a line.

Loved every word of it. You had me literally wanting to punch you in the face. Please add more to this story, I would love to read what happens with Melinda and if Matt becomes a big obstacle. I'm also hoping Allie undermines you in some way with her work. The only downside for me was that Anastasia isn't as interesting as you try to make her to be. But everyone else, very hot and sexy. Can't wait for the next chapters! 5 stars from me

Never read anything this long on here before but it reads like a reacher novel more than your standard N/C story. Talk about the best of both worlds. Can't wait for the next episode. Fantastic writing. Thanks.

Would be interested in finding out more about Allie's secret project, what Matt took when he broke into the lab AND if those two are connected.

I was thinking it would end with Matt giving Allie a command somehow (where she would think Jason had) so the research/new coding would be given to Matt. Matt would have then used it to try and destroy Jason.

Anyways, keep writing!!!

When will te next chapter of this story be released?

Usually, I like dark, twisted, erotic stories of this nature but this one didn't resonate with me and I got bored pretty quickly. As another commenter said, where's the conflict and challenge if the antagonist can control everything and everyone in the story. I would've liked to have seen him challenged a bit more. Now that I think about it, I would've liked to have seen him get what he deserved.... a long painful death.

I had not intended to read this. Darker than I normally enjoy. However, once begun, I couldn't stop. You have a keen imagination and a brilliantly analytical mind. I've never ben inside the thoughts of a sociopath before and it was quite startling. Somehow you managed to make him simultaneously likeable and cringe worthy. Your writing is well paced and leads the reader on to the next chapter. You have beautifully set the stage for the next book. If you write it, I will read it. You really should be published.

This was... amazing.

5 stars completely!

..when's the movie coming out?

Ye gods above and below, that was amazing. Please keep writing. It doesn't have to be this; it doesn't have to go here. But a talent like yours needs as many chances to shine as you can give it. Trust someone who has sacrificed much to the Muse: she gives as good as she gets. Keep writing. Please.

I love science horror, especially with dashes of humor. This story is a very sexy combination of all of that. Definitely following anything you write in the future!

you should totally write a book this is one of the best written stories i've read in years

HA! What a great read!! I was sucked into this story immensely. Noticed it's been a few years, but really hoping you post the rest ( I need more! Lol). Think the sex scenes could maybe be a little more "explicit" and "vocal" but still Hot. Very interested to see how everything plays out. Thanks for sharing!