All Comments on 'Titans Ch. 01'

Liking it a lot. Keep at it!

liking it.. keep it up .. :) ..about the Mech.....an excellent way to solve its maintainability problems..what about ammo n such?? also, since he left it behind, i am assuming it has some sort of safety feature which doesn't allow anyone else to access its insides??? and what about someone banging on the optics??

I don't usually try out a story until it has more published but I am glad I did. I am a fan of the came from another world into one of magic hook, and this one has a better sci-fi justification than many. Actually being in slipspace is a clever move. It is a cool name and it has no preconceived notions like hyperspace would.

That said I like the actual plot of the story too. The relative ease with which he was recruited was novel and I think holds true to reality. Amongst professionals you expect people to act professionally and without drama, at least until love is involved. The scout captain and mech- pilot both fit the bill.

The speed of info dumping is very well measured as far as I am concerned. It is a difficult thing to get right even more so because of the medias res beginning. It was very exciting but I was not without information to the point where it was annoying or confusing.

Very good first 2 chapters!

Thanks for the compliments audovoice and animefan2929, it means a lot to me to see people notice the things I put effort into :-)

wolf9696 With regards to other people using the mech, they'd need to have the right sort of socket in the back of their head, which severely limits the potential thieves :-P As for ammo, these mechs were built for long-term deployment - drop them behind enemy lines and forget about them as they wreak havoc - all the weapons are energy-based, and the slipspace reactor that provides the power is basically unlimited. Banging on the optics wouldn't be much more effective than banging in the hull, there's real materials out there today that are transparent but incredibly tough.

Glad you're all enjoying the series, I'm just about to submit chapter 2, after which the uploads will be more spaced out to buy me time to finish writing before I run out of stuff to post.

So yeah, two things of course. First, we want the other mech to have landed here too. Story logic dictates she'll have landed with the opposing army, that they will be more brutal and unfair and to maintain her health she'll be pressed into service.

But enough of that, I want the navigator to have landed also. Something about solid black eyes full of blazing suns is just kewl.

I like your story a lot already.

Like the prologue, it is well written and has an enjoyable pace.

Even in the first chapter there are enough angles to feed several storylines (and hopefully many more chapters...).

Can't wait to read more!

R.W.

This is looking like a very good story thank you for sharing.

Loving this. Will definitely keep following your stories.

While I can't argue against eroticism, your intriguing story-line almost doesn't need the occasional sprinkling of sexual seasonings to keep one's interests fully entertained.

Very well done. Just added another shortcut to my desktop. No pressure but I suspect this story will win awards. (Best new author?) I placed it in the third spot of stories to follow. Very enjoyable. I normally reread the previous chapter to get my head back into the story and enjoyed the second reading (of the first posting) more than I did the first time around.

Tad to fast.

by this I mean that your springing to muscle points of plot to quickly and not enough detail is going into the skin itself.

think abou thte underlying plot as the bones, then you fill that in with filler points, like a sex scene or a fight, that would be the muscle. that's the part everyone really enjoys and its what makes a good story line into a good story. what makes it great is changing the details of the skin. more details on that, moving between fight to sex to history. bring in the scenery, bring in the smell of the air the humidity in the air. stuff like that.

if you need an editor then i'd be happy to consult

JC

Brilliant. Can't wait to read more, lots more I hope.

I really like the story but I must have missed how the main character is able to communicate with aliens. Does everyone in the universe speak English?

I was halfway through this chapter before I realized that I wouldn't be seeing what I hoped I'd see.

From where I'm standing, Murray isn't behaving like a modern-battlefield military officer at all. He was too quick to put himself under that general's leadership, and he's already behaving like he has completely accepted his position among the outcasts. He doesn't even ask for any tactical info like any special operations soldier would do - and you did say that mech soldiers were special.

So, basically, it's definitely not the setting I had hoped for. From one point I could understand - I could view it as him trying to find a way to first find a safe harbor to heal, and then to use them for intel in order to get into contact with his squadmate, Anna - but he doesn't really do that, and there could have been much better ways in which this could have been achieved. Becoming a part of a medieval fantasy army is not the way to do it, and frankly it's just not my cup of tea. It's even worse when you include the band of Tolkienesque misfits.

If you had wanted him to interact with other species, then you should have done it differently. It would have been a billion times better if it wasn't a large lordly army, but a multi-species mercenary company a couple hundred people strong. The company could have been a bunch of professionals who accepted all kinds of strange and exotic specialists, and thus Murphy would have fitted in much better, and many more interesting opportunities and roads could be opened. What I'm getting here instead is a social-justice-warrior vibe, which is frankly making my stomach twist.

As for sex, it came on way too sudden. It was just a sudden jump-in-the-sack with no buildup, and the only explanation that is given is "well, it's magic, and now I'm bound to you." I'm sorry, but that's just lazy writing. With Anna, there had at least existed history between them and as far as anyone was concerned, they could have hit the sack in the very first chapter and it wouldn't feel weird. With this elf girl there was nothing.