by poetposh
Too many tense shifts. You keep switching from past tense to present tense. I.e., “She giggled” versus “she giggles”. And you need quotation marks to separate when one of the people is saying something.
Oh fuck, this turned me on so much... then I needed to pee before I could cum, but I didn't wanna go to the bathroom. So I just lay here in front of my Mac, and peed into a glass - and then drank it all! Oh god what a turn-on! Made my dick rock hard! More please - and soooooon!!!!
I’m waiting for them to drink each other’s pee on camera. And later maybe more yellow stronger pee. A game like who drinks more unhydrated morning piss. Would love this.