All Comments on 'Taking Gf's Virginity and Threesome'

...English is not your first language, and your kindergarten has an engineering program.

Gave you a "1."

"0" isn't offered as a choice.

Learn the basics of writing before you try to do so.

Oh man, where to begin? You chose to use Celebrity names and didn't put the story into the Celebrity category. I would expect an author to have more imagination. Then the plot, there's not much of it and you made a big deal of having your own room in your parents house. I don't want to offend but every guy in a college story seems to be living in a dorm and it's assumed that he has is own room or an absent room mate. You made me feel sorry for your male MC. And then there's a detail: you promised a threesome and you didn't deliver it. After such poor written first effort, how many readers you believe you will retain after you failed to provide the advertised goods on your first time? IMO, you shouldn't have publish the work as it is. It was too soon.

You're a young writer, right? Around 18 year's old, yes? Because your writing skills reflect that. You also need to read more and learn more vocabulary. Read the story series here named "Bosom Buddies" which is somewhat similar in tone to what you're trying to write. To me it's a solid 5 star saga, well written and with a good plot. Find inspiration in it and other similar stories.

Don't feel disheartened. You still got the guts to publish this "draft". I never publish anything here or anywhere else that's non-profit. There's worse first efforts than yours. Try to refine your skills better. For now, I gave you a 2 stars but I will be looking for your next effort.

You will never be good at writing. Try bowling.

You want to know how I felt reading this? I felt like I was wasting my time. But, seeing it only took around sixty seconds to read, it wasn't a lot of time lost.

Please, don't ever write again.

OK, if you think writing "I love boobies" is writing good erotica, you are sadly, sadly mistaken.

I won't say this was a good first attempt because it wasn't. Frankly, as a story, it sucked and I one starred it, and that was probably 1 star to high. A few suggestions. If you want to write, go read a lot of the top ranked stories in the "Hall of Fame." Try to get a few ideas from those and write this one again. Work on the grammar. Use your word sw to check - it makes a huge difference. Think about what you're trying to do here, coz this was awful.