All Comments on 'Chase & Charli'

Nice aquaintances, so yes, to meet them again would be a pleasure.

absolutely loved this story and I would love to read what happens from here on. Will she move in and they become a couple perhaps they can marry with her new identity. Telling the parents will be a tad difficult and might be a good read too.

Not bad, but you wrote in present tense which is hard to read for many of us.

a loving and sensitive erotic romance that deserves a sequel of their happy life in the future... hopefully it would strike your fancy to write again...

sensitive, loving and erotica at its finest... I hope it would inspire you to write again or might strike your fancy to give this great story a sequel, at least...

I loved it a ton, please we must have more of this love story

PB

I can't wait for the continuation. I hope you have chapter II in the works.

A new fan

A real story, not the wham-bam stuff this site so often has. The feelings were there. So, what did Charli do for that three years or more, and how did she finally decide to look her brother up and spill her feelings for him? Was she afraid he didn't feel the same, and would reject her? Or try to, anyway. How will she and Chase handle the reunion with their parents, and what will they do at the revelation? Will a marriage take place? I hope there will be more of this story.

Absolutely great story of how love should be. There is a need for more chapters in about Chase and Charli and their love. Definitely worth more than the 5 STARS given.

I really hope there's more to come.

Loved how you didn't bog us down with too much detail of college studies and Chase's failed romances; you gave us enough to keep us going. When you reunite us with Jessi/Charli, we see she has grown and filled her potential--with the oh-so-sexy twist that she never got together with another guy until she reunites with her real love. She really "got her shit" together and it was joyous to witness!

Loved how you drew Larry and his Lindsey, as she was truly hilarious poking Chase in the shoulder and telling him to invite Jessi to the zoo. I really loved Chase's/Jessi's total union at his house. You set it up well and you certainly broke our hearts with her absence--but getting them together was so worth the wait!

I would like to see more chapters. It's easy to "get off" here, but with this chapter, I'd say it merits more fleshing out--so please continue! :) 5

Great job with allowing us to care about the characters as time progressed. I look forward to a follow-on story.

I love these type of stories but the sister leaving like that and worrying the family and the brother ruining relationships with other women ruined it for me.

And here's why (some positive, constructive criticism):

The story was entertaining enough until she ran off. When she came back, it really fell flat, I felt. It was very anticlimactic, and you glanced over an emotional and difficult conversation that should have been there. You just decided to sidestep it to reach the sex, and the act itself rang hollow to me as a result.

Charlie started out as the more interesting character, but you ruined her when you molded her into a generic, grownup business woman. That's too bad, because her flaky version had potential. Her disappearance makes no sense either. She could've achieved her growth and academic success while remaining a part of the family. If anything, she risked losing her brother forever if he got married and had children. So that wasn't very wise of her (you) to play it out like that.

Having said that, you have some real talent, and if you could sharpen your storytelling skills, then you might just be one of the best here. What I suggest, is to start fresh. This story ran its course, and those encourage you to continue are just hungry for good tales, like this one. Start with a fresh plot, new characters. Present tense is fine, but past tense would feel more natural to most. I believe your best stories are still to come.

I loved this story....it needs a conclusion,

please give us more...perhaps a little girl ?

Thank You.....

Yes, other chapters might be good, but only romantic. They get married and have kids. She has a different last name so no one will know. They are on the other side of the country so the parents could be told they are just bro/Sis sharing a home and she got pregnant from another BF. The sex part is over. Do not ruin a storybook ending with cheap sex

Superb. Brilliantly expresses love and erotic story telling. Please keep on writing. One comment did not like it. perhaps he should up his standards.

you need to continue the story really liked it

It's not bad writing, but it's not very exciting. I had to power through all the narrative meant to build up the end result, only there wasn't much build it and the end results wasn't very explosive. It was boring.

Not bad writing (mistakes can be fixed) but boring.

I'm giving it a 2 for these reasons (looking at what the rating stars say) though I'll add rider: I Didn't Like It Much - Keep On Writing (I can see enjoying future stories).

Why do you keep mentioning their names when they talk to each other? Will they forget otherwise? Do you think we will forget?

Calling his sister a 'selfish bitch' comes off as emotionally unstable - I've been pissed, but I don't take it out on people who aren't the cause. That's wife beating material (check the emotions in you put in and see if they fit the overall character).

'Nod' is not a dialogue tag. "Thanks." He nodded. (You wouldn't say, "Go to hell!" he nodded). On the first page you have "Just a sec," her muted voice .... should be a period, not a comma, after 'sec' ... it's throughout your writing.

I don't know if you have siblings, but I've never heard other pairs or my own say, 'baby brother' or 'hey sis' or anything that establishes to us the relationship we already Why do you keep mentioning their names when they talk to each other? Will they forget otherwise? Do you think we will forget?

'Nod' is not a dialogue tag. "Thanks." He nodded. (You wouldn't say, "Go to hell!" he nodded).

I don't know if you have siblings, but I've never heard other pairs or my own say, 'baby brother' or 'hey sis' or anything that establishes to us the relationship we already know we have. We might say to a stranger, 'hey, that's my sister' or 'brother' but not to each other. I know it's the incest category, but cut that out, sounds like a bad after school special.

The thing with Charlie felt very flat. What you have here is a loose knot of a story, with ideas in it we can SEE as the reader, but you need to tighten that knot if you want us to FEEL it.

But I understand the "not very exciting" comment. Different readers have different tastes. I'm not going to berate someone because I liked it and they didn't.

I enjoyed your story. It was a good plot and I enjoyed the characters. There could have been more in places especially when they got back together discussing in more detail their experiences, reasons and thoughts on getting back together; but needless to say it was a worthy effort.

Whether you add to this story or not depends on what depth and drama you feel you can add to it without making it a complete fairy tale add on chapter to an inevitable happy ever conclusion.

I would like to see more of your material in the future so keep up the good work.

As to anonymous naysayers...why are they always anonymous.

As in this story and as well as others on this site.... if the story is good ... why do some people always harp on the typos and lax editing? Remember all this is free material...if you want professional editing then be prepared to pay for it!

Keep up the good work...you have some style and good ideas...good luck in the future...I would like to read more of your stories.

Cheers!

Please, continue.

I'm a sucker for a love story. I'd like to see more. Thanks for this much...

This writer and story have a bright future. I thought the character development and story line pacing was well done. Not your all too typical wham bam "clit centric" juvenile attempt to compose an "epic" ... or what's that other all too frequently used word?? oh yes; "awesome" Literotica submission.

Yes there are some peaks and valleys that are present and, to me at least, are acceptable for a first time effort. With additional work on the basics and perhaps an experienced coach or editor to provide a constructive sounding board of support I think the overall quality of the stories will significantly improve.

This just my opinion and I trust boomsling will receive it as intended and certainly move on to provide us with a noteworthy sequel or two. BTW: Opinion is just that; an expression based on emotional response rather than factual and everyone is entitled to submit.

The majority of readers leaving positive comments far exceeds the Anonymous experts hack jobs so boomsling; please keep that in mind as you continue your creative writing efforts. I for one will be looking forward to your next submittal. Cheers.

I never give 5s, this is a 5.

Very nice!

So very well written. This story is so beautiful, while being heart wrenching and then becoming so romantic and fulfilling to read. I very much enjoyed the time spent of this one.

Thank you!

Truly a great story and deserves a part 2.

Knocked it out of the park.

Good characters, especially Charli. This is a story with legs and would like to see them.

Her leaving was abrupt. There was no build up. Her reason given was unsatisfying. Didn't see much in the story that isn't better in other 'dramas.' You were too quick with it.

I do hope you continue this story line. I can see jessi pregnant with their son. And then a daughter to complete their family. Also as a side line to tell their parents only to find that they too are really brother and sister.

Although I agree with some of what another said:

"Her leaving was abrupt. There was no build up. Her reason given was unsatisfying. Didn't see much in the story that isn't better in other 'dramas.' You were too quick with it."

The story kept me reading and wanting more.

Can't stand the inability of your characters to articulate themselves.

I... Just.... you....wait....

That device loses its influence by how often you use it. The incest category loves brother and sister romances, but take these kind of critiques to heart. They can only make you better, from an anon or a Lit user.

And ... your author's note is eccentric and your epilogue just as: "winds of whim strikes me with purpose and vigor." (Have you been watching the TV show Spartacus?) Both seem written by someone completely different than who wrote the story, which means you were trying to be too creative.

loved it. so well written. cried in the middle. please keep writing.

I would say you were heavily influenced by Blackmatter's latest story. It's as if you reversed the roles and cut out all that didn't need to be there. You have to imitate before create, so the saying goes. You do the present tense very well. I would say the critiques are valid and worth listening to. Not a bad story.

I'm sure the critiques and suggestions from other readers have merit, but I found your story amazingly well written. Such imagery - "each petal a piece of my heart that longed for her to return" - and such a great ability to communicate emotion. This is a story that bears continuation.

That was absolutely incredible. I'd love to see a sequel.

I loved it. It was extremely poetic and I found myself so enthralled by the romantic nature of the story that I didn't even relieve my own growing desire out of concern for spoiling theirs.

Excellent

Magnificent writing, down-to-earth storytelling. I actually fell in love with Charli (Jessi) a bit thanks to you. That was incredible, I really do hope you follow it up eventually. Would love to know what became of Chase and Jessi.

Awesome its lot more than any love story, I just loved it

The prose was a bit purple here and there, but otherwise a captivating story.

One of the best I've ever read

It was a great story. One of the best I have read.

Great job man. You should write more if and when you find the time!

Pure quality boomsling, never have i been so engrossed in a story here on this site.

This was captivating beyond words, loved it,

You could continue this without ruining it like a mini drama

The sex was icing on the cake for the two of them but if there were none it would not have bothered me at all but Was required to complete their journey :)

You dear author have written a piece that is so amazing, it left me with such a strong desire to know more about them and wish them happiness for life. I wished that this characters were real and I could just watch there life from afar, I would be content with my life really. So please write a second part but at the same time I am afraid the second part is gonna bring more pain to the protagonist. You leave me with a dilemma, dear author

Simply great

A great story. Written as a story should be. A

Powerful stuff - but a protagonist I can't relate to, unfortunately. I'd be overjoyed to have her back but I think the scars of her just vanishing like that are not ones that'd fade easily, and quite aside from the hurt of being completely abandoned by a loved one ( how is it any different to a wife just walking out one day? worse when it's blood family ) I don't think I could ever trust her not to do it again - and that's no way to live even if you never find true love anywhere else. But here, poof! 3 years never happened, but it's all ok because she's a completely different person now. A shame, I think you could probably have written a rocky reunion pretty well.

I continually read Literotica stories, having read 100's, probably 1,000's. So I forget them so much that many months later I sometimes re-read a story almost as a new one, having forgotten titles and sometimes even plots. Out of this sea of forgetfulness, two great romances still float in memory's boat - Colleen and Words on Skin, both being brother-sister love stories. Chase & Charli may remain afloat in that same memory boat. Time will tell.

A writer with great language and storytelling skills that enable him to tug the heartstrings. Far above the usual in Literotica.

I would love to read more by this author.

Paul in Oklahoma

PS I disagree with almost every one of the points listed by Anonymous 2-21-17.

You must be kidding us, right? That's hardly the end! I do not even talk about that I'd love to read about theie future. There are basic things missing. What has she done during the last three years to become a better human bring? Where is she working now, where does she live? What did she do to finance living and college in that crapy US school system?

...

Go on man!!!!

It has potential. It's unfinished. I see no justification for the long separation, it's just selfish and cruel. IF anyone cares to check into their story they will be found out quickly. Parent will have to be told or abandoned for any hope to keep the secret. I would change the story line.

the story is boring and predictable.

Nothing is there about what was charli(jessi) doing for the past three years and the story was not able to bring out the emotion of the readers.

It would be better from charli's point of view cuz she was the one who fell in love with her brother and trying to get over it but that was unsuccessful. And finally accepting that Chase is the one for her.

Is the culmination or completion of this wonderful story to take place.

So many authors leave similar tales unfinished. 2+ years? Shouldn't opinion on it, but maybe the author had not planned out the story plot as well as it could be? Anticlimax for sure. Finish it....or don't...

I truly do hope that one day we’ll see this story continued

One of the best stories here! Really don't know why I only found it now.

Don't ponder, write it!

It's a good premise, with decent execution and a lot left unexplained. Unfortunately, this author seems to have only published one story here, so expectations of a followup seem unlikely to be fulfilled.

Very well written, an accomplished storyteller with a gift for describing intense feelings in lovely prose. Very generic love-making at the end, but described with such charged eroticism as to render it transcendent, which is what actually occurs in real life between people totally in love, rather than the implausible and tawdry sexual adventurism typical of many stories on Literotica. Too much mundane detail of work life and such, could have replaced with more narrative of thoughts and feelings, which is what the author shines at the most. Cheers and thanks!

By the way, no need for a sequel, this was ended with adequate closure. But do write something new and different.

Lovely story. The language was quite interesting and fitting most of the time but I must admit I laughed out loud at the Missile/Love Bunker hehe. Also, I feel like Chase calling her Charli at the end would have sounded better in my head, but I think I understand why you chose her new name instead.

A well-penned tale. Great as is but begs a bit of follow up.

Nicely done. Warrants a follow up though.

Great story. Starts out as a good mystery then evolves into a heart warming love story - Very nice back stories - I was wondering why you had Charli change her name and birth date. Obviously it was your ploy to allow them them the possibility of get married in any subsequent chapter. More please . . . .