All Comments on 'The Abandoned Son Ch. 02'

Can hardly wait for the next chapter. Thank you.

Really awesome one

3 hot women, 2 have taken him and the other only partly; is a dream come true. In Italy, her brother should take her as a hot, aroused woman with all the love he has. Make her feel loved, cared for and bang her silly. Hopefully, a few more chapters with maybe, all 3 doing him once he's home? Hope for the chapters very soon. Thanks.

I wonder how many other negative comments you've deleted. If you're just deleting comments from people who criticize your writing, why even allow comments at all?

Soul71,

You have a good premise started here that could lead to a better overall story. Your biggest issue is that you need an editor, badly. The secondary issue is how quick you jump into sex without developing the scene, or even the characters. They seem convoluted rather than as an organic part of the story. Another issue is be consistent. If you're writing as though Lynn is thinking something, in that same paragraph don't jump in with Amber's thoughts that might not be related to that instance. Another consistency instance that you're having is whether to call him Damien or Joshua. You have been consistent with his mother calling him Joshua, however with Amber she flipflops between the two. If you want, when you have the next chapter ready I will edit it for you. Just shoot me an email through the Contact Me of my profile and I'll get in touch with you. This may be an erotica site, but as a writer you should want to put out your best rather than something slopped together.

-J

bullshit.

and the spelling is terrible.

nobody's going to hand for two weeks and kill someone in 30 minutes.

As I sail, bullshit.

My code for this post is DEEB

It's missing the W for you, DWEEB.

IT'S JUST A BLEEPING STORY YOU MORONS. YOU DUMBS.

There is an important difference between the words TO and TOO. You misspell,"TOO," too many times. And it makes your story TOO damn hard TO read! You also have a problem with the possessive apostrophe and simple plurals. Damien has wounds, not WOUND'S! Damien's wounds, not Damien's wound's. No, I'm not nitpicking. I'm not a grammar nazi. If you don't make an effort to fix simple mistakes like this, it's an insult to your readers! I felt insulted. If you have trouble spotting mistakes like this, get an Editor or a computer program that can help you.

Who cares about spelling and grammar the story's great, next chapter soon please.

To those that enjoy my stories thank you hope you keep reading, and to those that do not deal with it. Move along its just a story one I chose to write rather or not you like it. And to that one that is offended suck it up or don't read it there's a bunch of other stories to choose from. Oh and yes an edited verison is coming soon maybe within a week. That is all.

I love this story so far please write more I'm dying to know what happens next

Just wondering when the next chapter will be coming

When??

Soon as I'm done working on a story for an anthro I'll start on pt3 so week maybe two.

When this chapter started I was about to apologize for my comment on chapter one, that was until Damien started telling his story.

You seriously need to research about military training and recruitment BEFORE writing half assed about it.

The Captain was directing insurgents to torture for information? Really, the fucking Captain in the same military as Damien knew less than Damien. Again, research military just a little for fuck's sake.

I made it about where Damien was snapping necks and ended it. Convoluted at best, disgraceful at worst, and a slap in the face of anyone that ever served the US military in any branch. Shameful.

If that's what you think whoever you are.

You do darkness very well, to hell and back so to speak! Thank you!

The story is very entertaining but the grammar and spelling is not very good. I do love this series but just hope you get the errors cleaned up.

Adding romance tag would be good i suppose.

Why would he take her with him if he was activated

So the doc at the hospital warned Damien, that his blood loss would probably make him dizzy. So getting a hard on would be an accomplishment. He has stitches and staples. Then sex in a Mustang? And none of the wounds reopened?

I like the story a lot. AAAAA++++

Nice, lots of twist and turns

3⭐️ story for me ,,, wondering why they are still there in his house after the dad is in jail as he was told I’m the first part

Yes yes please fuck me im a virgin ... mom left you to die 20 years ago but im here to suck your dick o goody its all better now that you get to fuck us. The End

This is a very good story there's to many bad comments if they don't like this story then why read it 5 stars!!!!!!!!!!!

Good story. Yet sorry to point out certain weirdness. One, Damien doesn't seem to be all that angry with his mom for abandoning him. He not only allows his mom and sisters to enter his bedroom whenever they want even though he had made it clear it was taboo. Two, he allows his mom to fuck him within a few days of her entering his house. Three, he even calls her "Mom". Four, he allows his sisters to take advantage of him, fuck him, take him to a party with them. Five, he even invites Amber to accompany him to Italy. I understand his fucking of the 3 females. He is a male with strong libido after all. But his fucking of them should have been with no feelings, as if he was fucking a whore or some unknown women off the street. Six, one strange thing I find in many Literotica stories: the bathroom door is never locked, so that anyone can enter and observe, even cop a feel. I can understand it if they were lovers. But even mothers keep the door unlocked, thereby the son can take a look secretly. Seven, I'm not being judgemental, but please get your stories edited properly. It will make it easier for us to read them. Yet it is a good story with a lot of possibilities. Continue the good work.

Still going strong