All Comments on 'This Lie of Love We Made Ch. 03'

It was good - the text flows much better compared to the last chapter. But I still find the occasional references to present time jarring, sparse as they were. They're out of place and distracting. You could argue Karen isn't that good of a writer, but you're still subjecting us to her writing, so you should try to make her the best writer possible.

Personally I'd shorten the tour around Sarah's house. We didn't discover anything important about it and Karen's thoughts could have been condensed into 1-2 paragraphs. The rest was fine, her conversation with Sarah and with Katherine were important. We got a bit of an insight into Sarah, which is good. Katherine didn't get much room to shine yet. But especially interesting to me were Karen's developing feelings for Sarah.

I also still can't get used to the "present time" segments at the end. It's an interesting idea to see how they react to what Karen wrote, but there's no development and it just doesn't seem to add anything to the core plot. I'm not saying you should get rid of it, I just can't see the benefit at the moment.