All Comments on 'Aberrant Pt. 02'

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I gave it 5*. Only problem I have is identification. Sometimes it's hard to tell who is who, and I am not sure what powers some of them have, or who has what powers I do get. Please make things a little clearer. I am enjoying the story.

but i'm genuinely curious to see where this story goes.

I'll tell the players you're all enjoying it! :D

Since this is a group project, I will also try and encourage people to demonstrate their powers more. But in general, for future reference, Sean has mega-intelligence as well as some as of yet undemonstrated abilities that will come out in combat. Jay is uber-lucky. Gillian is a teleporter whose able to create perfect copies of herself. Vanessa can create holograms and fly. And, finally, Alexa has a combination of superhuman strength, dexterity and stamina with superhuman charisma and appearance.

On the plus side, I liked the idea and the storyline very much so far.

On the other hand you often lost me in dialogues with multiple participants because it wasn't clear to me who was talking (and to whom). I like the lively atmosphere you create by serializing the dialog the way you are but it gets confusing, especially if you add in the sign language, too.

At the very least, I'd use different text and/or quoting styles for signings and speech (e.g. italics in asterisks for sign, normal in double quotes for speech). In addition, it might be helpful to give each protagonist a unique color and color their speech and signings based on that (if the site lets you do that).

Those are some good ideas - I will investigate and see if I can implement any!

Two chapters and you have not gotten very far. The conversation is all over the wall and some of the word's are misspelled terribly. Not to mention that the characters seam to have their heads up their butts and have let the power go to their heads. So I think I will go ahead and let this story go. So have fun.

I've been binge-reading your other stories and they're spectacular. This one could be too, with a little editing to make the flow of events work. For now, it's too confusing and disjointed. :)

So much rambling without the conversations going anywhere meaningful. It was a pain slogging through this.

Work on the dialogue flow. Lots of potential but with so many actors, following dialogue and who is talking about whom gets really hard.