All Comments on 'Mary and Alvin Ch. 04'

...excellent chapter. Looking forward to Chapter 5.

A handful of typos and a very abrupt transition between Mary in Londonderry and Alvin and Jennifer in Newport, but otherwise a great chapter. You're really at your best when you're writing about New England. Love how you maintain the regional dialect and vocabulary across all of the characters to give your setting a real sense of place. It's a very real relationship developing between these two, with missteps and anxiety and forgiveness. I look forward to seeing where it goes.

Great chapter. I’m looking forward to more.

Lovely story. I hope you continue it.

story all right, but look up the meanings of to lay and to lie and how to use them.

Found I liked this overall, and when you mentioned GOT, that meant this took place around April 2011, when that show first aired. Makes more sense. I even checked to see if Rockland and Suzuki's Sushi on Main were real places and indeed they are. That's really cute to include that.

*

Somehow she had been out running "errors" instead of "errands."

*

They really like each other, and it's obvious Jennifer kind of likes her without having met her. Mary repays Alvin's thoughtlessness with a little bit of "bitch mode," but it's appropriate, since Alvin thought he should have called but didn't. It was cute she deliberately showed her legs when he showed up to visit, and then later he took a good look the next day, then looking her right in the eyes. Great exchange! She's even willing to help him and Jennifer out by getting details on the alpaca farm? Turns out alpacas can tolerate sub-zero temps, snow and even high heat (to 100), although it's recommended to put them in a barn when temps reach single digits and to keep their "trim" the right length so they can weather the heat. They're very durable and adaptable animals, so Jennifer has a great idea. Wonder if you're using them as a metaphor for Mary in ME? ;)

*

She's already a keeper and Alvin needs to work on his side of the relationship. And how can I forget her sexy massage and "release" for him? She's all his if he'll steer straight and steady.

*

Lovely installment. 5

It took me a couple of chapters to remember reading this story a couple of years ago.