All Comments on 'Early One Mourning'

Unusual for this site but a wonderful story.

A sweet little story, telling just what it be needed to. Simplicity often works best.

Thanks for sharing. That was very good. *****

A sweet tale, tenderly told.

Lovely

A wonderfully written tale.

Five stars

Hope other readers enjoy as much as I have

Opening line ~ The warming rays of the rising sun fell on the elderly man sitting on the park bench and, as he lifted his head The twin streams of tears ran down his cheeks.

~ the is a declaration. If you're going to say ~the twin streams~ in the middle of a sentence, you have to mention them before that ~the~ it DOESN'T sound right. ~the in front of THE PARK BENCH~ needs changing too.

The warming rays of the rising sun fell on the elderly man sitting on A park bench, and, as he lifted his head, TWIN streams of tears ran down his cheeks.

You're on pre-word descriptors. (That is not a technical term, that is my term.)

The warm rays of the sun fell on the elderly man sitting on the park bench. (See how the rewording makes ~the bark bench~ sound natural). As he lifted his head, twin streams of tears ran down his cheeks.

Your uses of ~warming, rising, elderly~ so close together makes that sentence a mouthful to read. Also, you've called him ~elderly~ so ~signs of age~ is redundant, not poetic. ~despite being a little bedraggled, with being out all night, he still had a proud look about him~ too many words for the point you're trying to make and that parenthetical statement disrupts the flow of words. If ~being out all night~ is important, work it into the story without destroying a sentence.

~Reword that entire paragraph, rarely is the first time correct.

Twin streams of tears ran down the face of the elderly man sitting on a park bench. He lifted his head to see the dawn, its light warming his proud, yet bedraggled appearance. (That is only my first rewording, I'd do it again, because that isn't right yet, but you get the point.)

If you delete this comment, save the advice for later and give it a think over.

Firstly let me thank you for taking the time to read my story and obviously spending some considerable time on writing your comment. Far better than reading a comment saying “the wording of your first paragraph sucks.” You know then the writer has given you a one star.

What did you think of the story itself, please? I ask this because, with this being only my third story, I accept that grammatical mistakes will occur. Although there are now considerably less than initially. But I am also interested in how much, hopefully, the story has been enjoyed.

When I read a story the first question I ask myself is “did I enjoy it?” The second question is “were their any errors?” I’ve occasionally picked up on bad grammar, punctuation etc by writers much better and more experienced than myself. The third question is “did these errors make the story any less enjoyable?” After taking the answers into consideration I respond. Even if it’s just to myself rather than in print.

Any writer who does not turn off the comments has to accept constructive criticism. It would have to be exceptional circumstances for me to switch off comments or even delete a constructive piece of advice.

Thank You for a wonderful story. Well done!!

Wonderful story of true love.

This was a very romantic and touching story. I see you're having fun with creating unexpected endings. I think in this case it certainly added to the story.

-Syptember

Tom Finney : all time great English footballer .