All Comments on 'Totem'

Excellent stuff, GM!

Faved & 5-ed!!!

But I stumble a little on the word "stump," which (at least for me) connotes something short and cut off close to the ground -- something almost anti-phallic (see the images displayed when you google "stump"). I thought about suggesting "snag" or "trunk" but the former usually implies limbs (again, google the word's associated images) and the latter would not distinguish between a living, limbed tree and one dead and limbless, which I think is the image you intend to present to the reader. Also, the fact that your main image of the tree (whatever word you use to name it) is of a dead tree fights the theme of virility, I should think.

It's an interesting metaphor you've attempted and I think could be a strong one, but the language doesn't seem quite right yet.

Still, a superior poem. I gave it five stars because it *is* well put-together.

A lovely poem, GM, and lovingly both melancholy and optimistic-quite the feat!

Even before reading Ellen's comments I tripped on 'stump' for, as she suggests, its "anti-phallic" image. Knowing the poet only a little, I might imagine you liked the deprecating image this raised in the reader. Still, I wonder about trimming it here and there. I hope you don't mind my suggestions, just riffs, really:

The naked elm whose bark

has fallen, points headstrong

to the sun, (like) a phallus of love.

I wonder how many gnarly

rings there are inside

as dawn's resplendent mist

glistens and drips down

from last night's enduring tryst

with a full moon goddess sky.

I hope you are faring well this autumn, and may your pen never falter.

~Mer