All Comments on 'Win Lose Or What'

you could take this further and let us know what happened to the rest of the sluts and cheaters in the other divorces.

A decent outline for a story, but it needed fleshing out more.

There should have been huge fallout in the town with six divorces and a rash of paternity suits linked to the club, especially after their weddings were such a celebrated event. His two friends and their wives barely featured in it after the lengthy introduction... you could have cut them from the story and made no difference.

What happened to the three old whores who pimped out the sailors' wives? Were they devastated at finally being dumped by their cuck husbands? In the protagonist's position, I would never speak to the mother again after that kind of betrayal.

I think it's always a mistake to skip the confrontation between the husband and the cheating wife. It's basically the dramatic highlight in a story about infidelity and you avoided it twice. As we never heard a word from her, it just left loads of questions about her actions.

Did Katie have any regrets about becoming a prostitute? Was she upset that her husband wouldn't even talk about reconciliation and filed for divorce without speaking to her? Why did she freak out when he came home early? It's not like she could hide her infidelity as she was knocked up with a bastard.

Congratulations, you just said, “I’m a racist!”

The story was set in Mississippi, right? Mississippi has a very significant percentage of the population which are black, so she’d have had plenty of black men available for husbands if she wanted. The part underlying that last sentence is that she wanted and needed a white husband, but no white men would take her on because she’s been tainted.

But the biggest problem with this story was that two generations of men had been cuckolded by this club, but that was somehow still a secret? Everyone in a small town place like Mis’sippi would have heard about this stuff, ‘cause secrets like this don’t keep. The sailors would have known instantly that something bad was happening as soon as they found out their wives had changed jobs, and the wives would have known instantly what was going to happen the first time they were invited to that club.

Your wink wink racism is still ahowing. You can hear the venom when you write black cock. Not really surprised by that to be honest. You seem the type and you have shown that before.

There is almost no dialogue and little emotion in this wall of text.

Yes, there are paragraphs, but its all one long info dump where you have failed to add any real emotion. The narrator/MC/viewpoint just describes event after event. Occasionally you slip in a flash back that often involves a character who isn't involved in the story.

I almost can't rate this. It definitely doesn't deserve 4 or 5 stars as it lacks any hooks to make me care about anyone in the story. Part of me thinks 3 stars is still too high.

In the end I'll say this needs major editing to break up the info dump style and insert a reason to care for the characters.

This was a very good story with a lot of twists. Thanks.

Great critique, and I think good advice! I copied down the points that you made as kind of a guide/reminder to help stay more focused. I am really grateful for MarlboroMan cleaning up, adding too and posting the story. He didn't try to rewrite the story, but bought a lot of my fractured thoughts into completed thoughts. I loved what he was able to do with what I sent. The writing is fun, but I really want to do better. Thank you!

What a wild and crazy ride!

Very disjointed and difficult to read. Lack of any real emotion or confrontation.

Very bland.

Great story but no finish

Ok, his 'mother' was/is a whore. His wife was/is a whore. He divorced himself from both of them because of it.

His Uncle/Father 'adopts' him and makes him his heir. Gives him a fine home/property with the caveat that he gets the Uncles 'whores' pregnant with as many children as they want. This makes him a gigolo. Of course all that becomes the 'new family secret'.

Does that make the message/moral is it's ok to be a whore as long as it's you fucking her and profiting from it?

The story was confusing how it was written. The ending was the weakest as it came out of no where and ended with a fizzle. You should have taken your time and provided more as an ending especially more about his Ex's woes. Good story line but weak execution.....

Six fathers plus three non sons equal nine divorces.

It really needed a lot more "Filling In". Too many holes and empty avenues that needed to be explored not only for the growth of the story but to make it a great one.

The thing is, the way it is written one would be hardpressed to make up sequels to it in order to fill in some of the numerous holes in it even though the story seemed to end about 2/3rds of where it should have.

Written correctly, this story could have easily had many "Chapters" exploring all the crap that went on to the main character, his friends, families (mothers), Executive Club, Ex's, etc.

This story did not need to have the "Fairy Tale Ending" for all involved. While we are left with several holes for endings of the supportive characters, we never really found out what happened with the mothers, other wives of his friends, and Katie just ended up giving birth to a "White" baby, sued her boyfriend/boss and won enough money to live happily ever after??? What grounds did she sue on? So are Janis and April done with their relationship now? Just like that? Even though they will live on the same property?

Something else I find odd with many authors when writing is giving the main character a buttload of money and then never having them take advantage of using it to better themselves/family/friends or to use as retribution on those people and entities that wronged them. $5,000 buys you a hitman that will probably get caught and turn on you, $100,000 buys you a hitman that won't ever get caught because the crime will look like an accident or robbery. Just sayin'.

From a readers standpoint, decent stories like this that leave so many holes and could easily have been made into great stories are frustrating as Hell.

Ugh! Too many people introduced poorly at the outset. All these people have family trees that look like a plate of (cooked) spaghetti! The ‘three amigos’ go on a FOUR year cruise in the US Navy? That is after enlisting, going thru ‘navy school’, which sounds a lot like boot camp. Then going on two multi-month cruises. Four years is the usual enlistment duration, and very few peacetime cruises are even one year long! Especially those from Gulf of Mexico naval bases!

Then it gets worse!

2*

Anorher good story from MarlboroMan. I enjoyed it, but Powersworder said everything there is to say and asked all the questions I had. A few good stories reappearing, but we need more.

Great story. So much left on the table here. You could write 6 stories from this. As usual you get a 5. As far as the first wives and the moms......put them on the curb and set them on fire....lol.

Wild, as always, with lots of nasty bitches burned. Clever conspiracy with the mothers being cheating whores too. The only disappointing part was your feeling the need to put in the old white wife crazy for the bbc crap. After all that, the baby was white anyway. Bet his black face was red, as apparently they do go back. Keep putting the stories out, I'll read them.

That he does his usual whiny snowflake political garbage? I always read the comments first before wasting my time.

I've read similar story lines - wife turns slut, mothers expect acceptance and finally fathers realise they actually have a spine (bastard son is optional). This would have made it 4 stars.

It really all went to shit when Jack wanted him to do effectively what he was pissed at the world for, after all he got his genetic son. Lost a star for that.

All the pointed comment about black cock and her having to leave the area because of a reputation for liking it, lost 2 more stars. Leaving for loving being a slut, and fucking over a military guy I would understand, but then that means 3 ex-wifes and 6 mothers.

Check your tags - it is cuckolding not cuckHolding...

Unless u were trying to confuse and disinterest people.

Why have the friends in the story?

The story line was flawed, too many balls in the air. There were too many characters, most were never developed, and the suspensions of belief were countless. The story needed to be cut down hugely. Get rid of the two buddies and their families they contribute nothing to the plot, and uncle Jack to being well off, and not super rich.

Oh well, your next story will be better.

Chilleywilley

Some Club Hey?..Who was her baby's daddy?..Thanks for Sharing this Brilliant story with us! 5 Stars ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

Five Stars is all you can seem to get from me...KEEP DOING IT!

Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your stories with me and others. These stories are clearly fantastic. But I’m just going to say that I’m not going to go on about anything wrong in this story because anything you write about is either superb or fantastic. Now let’s get down to it first thing please please look after yourself with this virus going around. Second with your fantastic talent I know I’m asking a lot from you but since you are clearly a very very talented writer I need to ask can you step up to the plate and keep going with your fantastic stories but more frequently. I know it’s a lot to ask and I have been begging other talented writers like yourself. To keep everyone going because first if this virus finds me I’m a goner no to ways about it if it finds me so be it at least I got to read your stories more than once lol 😂. But the biggest problem is that the loving wife category is being treated like a cuckold festival the amount of utter crap that has been written lately it’s just unbelievable. There has even been writers that don’t normally write in the loving wife category writing utter garbage. Like how to be a good cuckold or how I just stood there and watched my wife fuck a black guy and loved it they are utter crap stories. I’m after stories like yours that I can actually enjoy reading that is why I’m begging 🥺. Lol so look after yourself over there but get them hands of yours writing and hurry up lol .

In the middle of the story I couldn’t determine the MCs age. He was 16 or so, then he was 12, then he was being seduced assuming he was 22 or so at that point...I think.

I agree with ChillyWilly that there was too much going on at once to make any sense. The spelling and grammar was flawed and it was not worth the effort to dope out the plot. It was a noble effort so I gave it a 3*, but that it generous.

DONALD TRUMP

Is it any real surprise given the complete And frequent ignorance that this inept writer continues to display that he is also a serious Southern racist?

You can give minus stars

To confusing no like persons total crap. Since a long time i nearly skip reading. And the best he want half of her fuckmoney in this case he is her pimp and has no reason to think low of her.

Not your best writing, interesting idea just not well executed. I get the idea of how basically beginning with ending but page 4 just ended very abruptly. So many twist just seemed to lack something. It was clearly written just didn’t pull me in as a reader. Just made me think the MC is an idiot being in the service and not thinking he is getting cheated. Probably 3/4 of marriages fail in the service because of the time apart if not more. Not your best but no regrets to reading and I will continue to read what you write.

So please keep writing and I will keep reading!

Badly flawed,for a start the three of them would not serve their careers together.When they got shore based,they would not be home every night as they were based one hundred and fifty miles from home.As they were all given rooms in the boat house,why would they sleep in the main house?.

Some really disgusting families

It’s very bizarre. Much better written than normal obviously you had a collaborator.

Odd that is wasn’t ok for his new wife and mother to have been bred by someone other than their husbands but it was ok for him to breed 2 women himself.

You still are a very poor writer with some great ideas

I know that the author gets to take their work of fiction wherever they want to take it. I believed the front end of the story was going to be about military men with a story on how wives are preyed upon. Biloxi in Harrison County Mississippi was an ideal location for this story. The club activity with prostitution is very believable along with the Personal Assistants. Off and on I spent more than a year at Kessler AFB in Biloxi, MS for training and saw all the prostitution signs of what goes on with the clubs and casinos.

The Biloxi/Harrison area is kind of small townish and it is not hard to know what goes on. I had a couple of friends that were from Biloxi and Gulfport MS with one of them working undercover after he got out of the AF. He worked for the Sheriff’s Department and helped bust officers that were corrupt. As soon as someone starts working at “one of those clubs” you know what is going on. This story had six(?) story lines:

1. Preying on military wives

2. Dixie Mafia (executive club with supplying trained Personal Assistants)

3. Families betrayal with wives and daughters were whores/prostitutes

4. Family Cuckolds

5. Corrupt religious element

6. Ended up with a big build-up then a let-down/breeding children.

Men or women who prey on military members spouses are the lowest forms of life on the planet. Especially those that prey on the wives when the service member is deployed. Those bastards deserve the worst imaginable fate that anyone can devise. I would have liked to see the military members work together with “Uncle Jack” with his money to destroy the Club(s), "Personal Assistants" and expose the members using them. Those that do not know Biloxi Mississippi is where the Dixie Mafia is based.

The Clubs would have fought back against being exposed and the military men would have needed to protect themselves. The Dixie Mafia were into killing those that snitched on them or caused problems. The Dixie Mafia is a loosely organized group of “good ol boys”, thugs’, murderers and career criminals mixed in with some public corruption. If you don’t believe that you are naïve and might want to use your favorite search engine and look “Dixie Mafia” up.

big bucks for people who never had any bucks changes their families life styles. TK U MLJ LV NV

My compliments to TMM on dramatically improved writing in this submission. An interesting but flawed plot line is a great core. There are still silly errors (like ores/oars, flair/flare, well/while, plus mixed & unclear pronoun references, etc.) that frustrate a careful reader. However, kudos for the improvements which include an absence of superfluous political commentary. Now, about that grossly unnecessary racist BS.......

I believe the various plot holes are well covered by others here.

Keep 'em comin'.

When I read the following paragraph it partially disemboweled the tale: "I paused taking a big breath after that mouthful, before I continued, "I've got a room. Here's the key card. I don't want to hear anything just yet. I'm going to get toasted as I try to figure a few things out for myself and sleep in tomorrow. Then we can all talk."" The story and character lost all credibility with this statement. Why in the world would anyone get drunk before learning what the issue was? It added nothing and damaged the character and the tale's credibility in what was an otherwise interesting tale.

I thought that was it, then I read this stilted bit of twaddle, as two new characters engaged in the ever difficult choice of a dildo: "April replied, "The white one because then I can pretend that Jack's nephew is trying to create in me the baby, I have always wanted." Ummm, beyond farfetched? Yes. Awkward phrasing? Yes. A new tangent adding nothing but baloney to the tale? Yes.

I scored this, nevertheless, based on the overall readability and interest of the tale, so it did reasonably well, but I'd suggest that the writer find an editor to excise such clear losing gambits before another tale gets mauled again.

Weak stories here.

Why do all cheating wife stories have a warm piece of flesh as being her downfall? lol I mean WTF

Pity you didn’t finish the story properly

To say reading that was as confusing and poorly written as fuck would be a gross understatement.

That is so messed up! Isn't there a remotely normal person in that town?

To rushed of an ending.

Ended too soon

Fragmented.

Thaank foryour writing.

[17.07.23]

Top Shelf!

11/10!!!!!

You rushed it at the end. Otherwise A great tale.

Yup, ending was rushed.

I'm surprised the issue of alien affection did not arise as the MC and Co would have reaped further benefits.

Thanks for your writing,

Racist drivel

What can I say except it's a total Charlie Foxtrot, or CF for those that don't understand and for those other few that still don't get it, it's a Cluster Fuck.

Nice concept. Definitely in need of an editor who knows how to use commas.

3*

Interesting story!! So, we just have to ask, is that what happens in the back rooms of Mississippi??

Guessing that the rich, famous and powerful probably have ready access to drugs and Martian Slut Rays?? LOL!!

The writer said someplace that he has a proofreader but we have to ask… Is he/she dyslectic and semiliterate?

Also note one commenter mentions “Charlie Foxtrot” and this certainly what the MC and his friends walked into!!