All Comments on 'How to Spot a Real Female Orgasm'

Excellent essay, but it’s been my experience that the best thing you can do to improve your lady’s sexual experience is to do two things. Number 1, tell her to NEVER fake an orgasm for you, explain that it is embarrassing and demeaning. Number 2, demand that she tell you in detail what she wants and how she wants it, even during lovemaking. Personally I was worried that would turn me off, but instead I found it to be quite erotic.

And ladies, the best thing you can do is get comfortable in talking about what you want and expect from your partner.

Finally, and this applies to both sexes, if you find that faked orgasms are a frequent way to “get it over with” you have much deeper relationship issues than a bad sex life!

The best single piece of advice I can come up with on bringing a woman to orgasm, is patience. It usually doesn’t happen fast. Be prepared to spend however much time it takes, and don’t try to force it or hurry it up.

Incel misogynistic tripe.

From what I read on here. Actually the best way to spot a real female orgasm is, when she's being fucked by big black cock. Otherwise who cares......

Note: Tight nipples can be a false positive, if the woman has breastfed or pumped milk for a child. It can develop scar tissue that makes them have a permanent tight-look, though unfortunately they can also have an extremely reduced (nearly numb) sensitivity. Treat mamas well... they've given up more than you know.

Foreplay is the key to great sex , from my experience I'll say it takes time to have great sexual experience

But your points were really true , plus sometimes women needs time or right trick to find out what's a real orgasm to her

Thanks for the comments. Yes, foreplay is so important and yes, women generally take longer to warm up than men. I hadn't added those points to this how-to but I fully agree they are important. On nipples and breastfeeding I heard from some moms that same issue of nipples loosing sensitivity. My wife breast fed both children but didn't experience that fortunately. I'm not sure why the comment about this how-to being misogynistic, I'm confident it's the exact opposite. My intention is to educate men on how to better please the women in their life, and the last few paragraphs clearly explain that. Thanks again for all the interesting comments!

Thank you for the information. This is very well researched and on point. I had gathered that my wife faked numerous orgasms throughout the years, but wasn't quite sure. There were certainly numerous times where a number of your points were attained (so I know she orgasmed) , while at other times not so much, hence I suspected some "faking" along the way. I never wanted to bring that out, mainly b/c I didn't want to make her feel bad. Should I mention anything? I know that she does have orgasms and we have a stellar sex life, but was curious on what you thought about calling her bluff on occasion? Thanks again for writing this! Much appreciated from a male perspective!

"I never wanted to bring that out, mainly b/c I didn't want to make her feel bad. Should I mention anything? I know that she does have orgasms and we have a stellar sex life, but was curious on what you thought about calling her bluff on occasion?"

I'm not a sex therapist so take all this with a grain of salt. Communication is really important in relationships. Rather than call her out on it perhaps go a different direction When you both are just cuddling or being close to each other ask her about you love-making. Tell her you want her help in making your relationship even better, and perhaps bring the subject up by gently asking if she's satisfied with your love-life. You might bring up that you read something online about the subject of women and orgasms and maybe that can be the gateway for discussing it together. Maybe you can also ask her for her help by letting you know what she likes and how she likes it. Tell her you love her so much and want to do everything you can to please her as much as possible. By opening up about it in a loving way with her and really listening to her I'm sure the both of you can help make your love-life even better. Good luck!

Interesting how to. As a woman I have never faked orgasms and honestly just told partners I coundn't have one. I said I didn't mind they had their fun I guess. Anyway that's until my current partner of nearly 20 years was determined to help me have one. I discovered with his help I can only have orgasms with super top speed vibrators on my clit. It works every time now, I can use them whilst having sex or not. But I get even better ones if I have my nipples stimulated at the same time. Fingers on my clit don't work I tried nor pussy licking. I must be super insensitive. But I finally managed it. Also having a good mental attitude to sex.

"I must be super insensitive. But I finally managed it. Also having a good mental attitude to sex."

I'm glad to hear you were able to eventually experience orgasms. Congrats to you and your partner for hanging in there and experimenting to make it happen! I have met women who were unable to have orgasms and I wonder if maybe they had issues with sensitivity like you described that caused that inability to orgasm. And you bring up an excellent point, with women sex is all about the mental attitude. My wife and girlfriends all said that they had to be in a romantic and positive emotional state to experience true sexual satisfaction. With guys, well, just show us some porn and we're ready to go! LOL. But seriously that is a major difference between men and woman, the mental attitude. I'm so glad you mentioned that. All, if that special woman in your life is not feeling romantically connected then pehaps that's one reason she can't experience a true orgasm and fakes them. Take the time to really appreciate, love, support and show the woman in your life how special she truly is. It's important to let her know just how special she is to you. The rest will just fall into place later if first she knows in her heart just how much you truly cherish, love and respect her.

Okay. Now as a woman I can say much of what you have written is generally true in terms of the motivation or reason for faking an orgasm. Most of my friends have seldom ever faked an orgasm--the reason, they communicate with their partners. They tell the truth as it is the honest way to make sex more meaningful for themselves and their partner(s). It may take time, but if you're hiding something, no matter the reason-- emotional trauma, physical deficiency, the only way to correct what's wrong is to face it together.

Now, in terms of telling if a woman is having a real orgasm. If you're spending that much time trying to see if her nipples are erect, her toes are curled, or she's having contractions of some sort, you're spending too much time on the wrong thing. If you are patient and pay attention to what you are feeling a vagina and penis talk to one another. I can tell when I'm getting close by a number of clues, the best-- when my vaginal muscles tighten shortly before orgasm-- for me it feels as if his penis has grown firm inside me. For him, I've gotten tighter. If you're not hammering her like you see in a porn flick you should feel her contractions start. Those first gentle pulses are the start of orgasm for a woman. Those pulses normally trigger the urge for my husband to go off. He told me that the biggest thing he learned during our first year of having sex was that when he felt those first gentle contractions he fought the urge to keep going as he was afraid to come too soon. By doing that, the steady stimulation I needed to finish ended--the result for me, no orgasm. Guys your penis is the most sensitive part of your body, slow down and listen to it! Learn to recognize where your partner is all-- and that doesn't mean she should have to tell you. If she is that close she isn't looking to have a conversation with you! Keep a steady pace and she will be one very satisfied woman.

Now, in regards to telling if the orgasm is real, there is one place that will tell you all you need to know. The problem for you most of the time is that if you are doing it right you will probably never see it. That look of agony on her face, mouth open, eyes closed tightly, her hands moving over your body as if she can't find the right place to put them, or her fingers digging into your shoulder-- that is a real orgasm for most women. In terms of making noise, for me it's not voluntary, it's involuntary, and comes while expelling air as my muscles contract. Like the author has noted, if she's telling you how good it is, or is screaming. You probably missed the mark. Oh, by the way, once my orgasm fades, I feel fully relaxed, take a deep breath and wait for him to finish-- and he will if he did it right.

I am very sensitive immediately afterward. If he climaxed with me, I want him to pull out slowly. If he didn't, there's an option-- if I lay still and he does too, given a minute, or a little more I will be past my refractor period. Then, if he starts moving again I gain pleasure, given how wet, and sloppy I am, he can slip and slide across my vulva with ease. The end result-- I get a second, stronger orgasm, and I can enjoy hearing him make noise as he goes off.

Finally, I, and I think most of my friends enjoy giving pleasure to our partners. If you take your time and don't push, some kind words, soft touches even hours before you go to bed go a long way to preparing her for a romp. Finally, and the author didn't note this, hormones dictate for most men and women when they are most receptive for sex-- men generally in the early morning, women it is often at two or three in the morning. The number of times I have asked my husband to service me at that time are too numerous to count. It's amazing how quickly he can wake up when it's caused by a warm woman rubbing her pelvis against his.

For most women, there is no greater pleasure in the world than receiving and giving pleasure to someone you care for-- whether you have an orgasm, or not.

To the annonymous woman who left the detailed comment including; "Now, in terms of telling if a woman is having a real orgasm. If you're spending that much time trying to see if her nipples are erect, her toes are curled, or she's having contractions of some sort, you're spending too much time on the wrong thing." Thank you SO much! It's refreshing to gain the female perspective on this subject. And I agree. As time goes by you can feel the vagina pulse as her orgasm begins. I also completly agree good comunication can go a long way toward improving female (and male) orgasms. I hadn't considered hormonal changes but that makes sense to me.

In addition, my wife for some inexplicable reason would always be most horny just before and during the beginning of her period. I assumed it was hormonal changes. We would bring a red towel with us if we were traveling, and would use the same at home when she was on her period and feeling very horny. And interestingly, we learned her blood would stop flowing while we were having sex.

Thank you again anonymous writer for the female perspective. We are all a bit wiser for your sharing of your knowledge! Thanks.

The story is on point. I've been sexually active for years and when I'm very close to an orgasm, I let my partner know that I'm going to cum.

In cases when I've received oral sex, I push my vulva into his mouth and when it happens I grab the sheet, pillow or mattress because I get very intense orgasms. Sometimes I get quite loud, my vagina contracts and when it subsides, I don't want my clit to be touched for a while as it gets sooo sensitive.

With vaginal orgasms, it occured when I'm stimulated in certain places and I get a warm pleasurable feeling followed my a pink flush around my breasts and a sweet itch.

You've had more sexual experiences than I have, which I take seriously.

I've never written a story in which a woman faked an orgasm, but sometimes they just don't have them. Usually, they ask their partners to rest a bit and try it again. Sometimes, the two will have simultaneous orgasms, but usually there is a delay of a few seconds a least. Sometimes the male will go first, sometimes the female. They may be inspired by witnessing each other's climaxes,

I have a few stories in which either the male or the female will come from just a spanking, but I don't know how common that is. More likely some additional manual stimulation will be needed.

I've read claims that, physiologically, there is no real difference between a vaginal and a clitoral orgam. However, I don't have the expertise to comment on that.

To Anonymous who wrote "The story is on point" thank you for your kind words and sharing your experience with vaginal and clitoral orgasms. To @gunhilltrain thank you for sharing your perspective. Interesting story is my wife (at the time girlfriend) was the first person ever with whom I had an orgasm at the exact same time. Our libido and intercourse was such that we could come at the same time again and again. That had never happened to me before with the other 20 women I'd been with. It was one reason (although a small reason to be sure) why I knew she was the one for me.

As a woman who has a lot of difficulty having orgasms with another person (pretty easily by myself), I've definitely faked orgasms. A lot of them, actually.

Why? It's a mental thing. I'm a confident person but I have severe stage fright and really dislike attention in general - so probably that. Anyway, I have to be *extremely* focused on sensations to climax, and focused not exactly in a pleasurable way - more like a distracting myself from the fact that someone else is there, and that is extremely hard for me to do with someone else there looking at me. I'd rather just enjoy some great sex!

Regardless, faking orgasms actually HELPS me orgasm. Like, a lot. Knowing I can fake the orgasm if I can't get there is a HUGE relief. And that relief makes it much more likely I can in the future - it gives me a sense of control. And seriously, some of the best sex I've ever had actually didn't involve me fully getting to orgasm. It's more like a, mind-gasm?! I've had a healthy amount of sexual activity in my life (men and women), so I'm not naive by any means.

So, if you ever sleep with me, please don't be offended if I fake it. For some of us, an orgasm actually isn't the goal. If I orgasmed, it was mostly likely a little...stressful for me. Being able to fake it makes me feel more in control and more likely to do so next time. And I'm actually not faking it for the pleasure of my partner - I'm having a really good fucking time, but I'm ready for him to cum now.

Regarding REAL orgasms, I would say the best tell is sensitivity afterwards, I definitely need a solid minute or two before I can be touched without jolting!

To Annonymous who wrote: "For some of us, an orgasm actually isn't the goal. If I orgasmed, it was mostly likely a little...stressful for me. Being able to fake it makes me feel more in control and more likely to do so next time." Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. It's so interesting to me that women can really enjoy, like REALLY enjoy sex without the orgasm. That's what my wife said too, and other women who I asked. They said they enjoy the sexuality and sensuality of sex, the experience, without a need for an orgasm to finish it off. For us guys, that's a hard concept to relate to. Our biology is wired to require us to 'fire both barrels' to put it crudely as the required conclusion to the sexual act. Edging I supposed is the closest we guys have to the feelings a woman can have during sex. In edging, you bring yourself to the brink of orgasm, feeling the intense pleasure, but without the release of the orgasm. And that does feel really good. Thank you for sharing your perspective on how faking an orgasm gives you the control, and makes it easier to have one at a later time. I'm curious if that's the same for both men and women you sleep with? Do you fake orgasms with the women you are with, or just men only? From your comment about having to remove all distractions to get into your self to feel it, I'm guessing you may also fake sometimes with women? If you do, is the 'faking' different from men perhaps because women are more 'in tune' with what an orgasm is? And thanks for the comment on a real orgasm causing sensitivity afterwards. My wife said the same thing, which is why she said she was postive most porn actresses fake their Big Os, because of the way they keep on having sex even after their supposed orgasm. Not that I'm complaining, it does make for great theater watching those women do their thing! :-)

Wait, are you saying that women have orgasms too?

I always know if my wife is having a real orgasm by :

1 sound

2 muscle spasms

3 armpits start to sweat, even without exertion!

4 wet pussy. More than usual.

To Anonymous who wrote "I always know if my wife is having a real orgasm by:" that list is very interesting. Sound, i.e. her gasping and moaning uncontrollably is a good clue. Likewise the muscle spasms are a clear giveaway. I've never heard of checking armpits for sweat, but it does make sense. If the body is going through an intense orgasmic event you'd expect to sweat a little (or a lot) more than by faking. Wet pussy is a given, my wife used to drench me after she had a particularly big orgasm.

To Anonymous on saying women have orgasms too... Absolutely! I got what I think is the joke, but women have actually various kinds of orgasms to our male solitary type of orgasm. My wife used to have vaginal, clitoral and even anal orgasms. I've heard some women can come from having their tits sucked and played with, but my wife needed a bit more than that.

Yeah man you got it. Will be sharing this with any dude I see that needs the help!

I don't think there's enough research on the process of squirting, the chemical make up of the liquid(s), or where it even originates from to say it's just a woman's pee. It does come from the urethra and it does fill in the bladder but it is also thought to come from a woman's Grafenberg glad commonly referred to as the G spot and the skene's gland. The make up of the liquid has been tested a few times and there's contradictory and varying amounts of PSA which is thought to come from the skene's gland and is also thought to work the same way as the male prostate, as it too releases PSA to produce male ejaculate. Many women who squirt are releasing mostly urine if they didn't empty their bladders before stimulation of the glands began but for women who know or care to empty their bladders first there is less amount of the chemical compounds of urine and more of this PSA eliminate instead. As a women who can actually have many different types of orgasms (including squirting orgasms) I can say most of them, no matter where the sensation starts, i.e. the vagina, clitoris, nipples, anus, and even my neck, they all have a transferring point where it feels like the stimulus is directly impacting my vaginal walls and glands. There are at least 3 different locations inside the vagina alone that can make a woman climax. That's not including the clitoris and other outer points of sensation like I mentioned earlier like the neck and nipples. Point being, it kind of sucks that a woman feels she should or has to fake her own pleasure and I even used to be one of them. The only person I've been able to climax with and help me find all of these erogenous zones is my husband of 16 years who has taken the time, care and consideration to want my experience to be better. Not that others didn't try they just didn't ask and didn't know what they were doing I guess because I have found I am, and I suspect most women are multi orgasmic and can climax in many different ways from many different stimulation points and many different times.... And then there's also that much sought after 3 in one deal where you're experiencing 3 different orgasms at the same time and they just seem to role into one another. Men out there, ask her what she likes! Maybe she doesn't even know so you have to have patience and explore with her and never make her feel ashamed for something she finds that does work for her because it will stop her from being honest and exploring her body with you. If it's not your thing than find a way to say it nicely instead of the old "I can't believe you're into that". Total turn off and not worth a woman's time.

Thanks all for the feedback. And to Anonymous who wrote "I don't think there's enough research on the process of squirting,.." thank you so much for sharing your perspective. I also agree with your point; "Men out there, ask her what she likes!" Communication is really key. The whole point to my essay was to help look for hints that she might be faking, and if it appears that way, to communicate and ask her how the sexual experience can be even better for her. Hopefully this communication and follow-up actions will help reduce the number of women who feel they need to fake an orgasm, and help improve the relationship with their partner.

And then there are some women who don't have orgasms through PIV sex.

My wife was that way. No matter how many times we tried, she just couldn't reach an orgasm through sex alone. We did slow sex, fast sex, long-lasting sex (one time 45 minutes, much longer than I usually lasted), but no orgasm for her. She had a buried clitoris which may have been the reason.

I finally bought an Oster vibrator and placed that on her pussy. That lit a fire! I gave her the first orgasm she'd ever had. After that, the vibrator was an essential part of our sex play. I'd give her two or three orgasms before we engaged in PIV sex. She said her second and third were always more powerful than the first.

We wore out a couple vibrators. It was the Hitachi Magic Wand that really sent her over the moon. She loved it, and I loved putting it on her clit.

My wife never faked an orgasm, although she could have. However, with the vibrator on her clit, she exhibited all the tell-tale indications of an orgasm you mentioned in your article.

So my advice to the women out there who feel a need to fake orgasms, get a vibrator and let your husband pleasure you until you reach your first orgasm. Then you're already primed, so when he enters you, you're more than halfway toward reaching another, more intense orgasm than the first.

Great article, by the way--thought provoking.

Thank you Privates1stClass for the reminder that sometimes women have reasons why the can't have an orgasm through regular sex. That's great that in your wife's case you both were open to exploring toys to help improve your sexual relations. Thank God for the magic wand, right? Seriously, I did love your comment that women can and should open up to their partners about their inability to orgasm. Because that communication can as you said help in trying new things that ultimately provide the satisfaction every woman deserves. Thanks again for your comment!

Spot on. Writers on this site need to read and heed. When you are reading some piece of erotica, see if you can spot the fake orgasms.

You make a good point Quinn_McMullen. A good erotica writer should be able to weave into their story some of the signs of a woman's orgasm. And now that I think about it some of the stories I thought were exceptionally well crafted did have simple but effective descriptions of the female character's big O. Great tip, thanks for sharing!

I am a straight female. I think the two most important things are 1) watch her. See what she enjoys. Ask her if she likes what you are doing. Because of hormones women have many different moods all in the same day. She may enjoy something today and does not want to do that tomorrow.. 2) a woman changes over the years, so her orgasms may also change. Im 67 years old and enjoy sex more now because I know more of what I like. Im also newly married to a very observant man. I have found that I can orgasm by nipple stimulation alone. Good news, because sometimes I dont feel up to " normal" vaginal sex!

As to "squirting": I did not know that I could squirt, but now I do regularly, but it is a gentle release of fluid, ( which does originate in the skenes glands but passes thru the bladder and can contain a small amount of urine), not the explosive squirting that you see in porn.

Oh, as a last point, I do not require foreplay and would actually just rather get to it. Is that weird?

Thank you anonymous 67 year old female for your comments! Yes to your point on: "1) watch her. See what she enjoys. Ask her if she likes what you are doing. Because of hormones women have many different moods all in the same day. She may enjoy something today and does not want to do that tomorrow.. 2) a woman changes over the years, so her orgasms may also change."

I've not had any experiences with the women I've been with in regards to nipple orgasms but absolutely believe many if not most women can have them, like you, if conditions are right.

Also, very interesting that you now squirt, I've never experienced a squirter before, but have had many girlfriends who became very wet, especially at orgasm. Maybe they were slow squirting as you describe.

Wow! You're literally the first woman I've heard from that would rather just get to it! Lucky hubby! Thanks again for sharing your comments I've learned a few things, thanks for your feedback!

The information you provided and the dialogues with the readers was outstanding. The best I have ever read. Unless I was lax in my reading, you did not mention skin flushing as a sign of orgasms, and only one respondent briefly mentioned it. My lover's upper chest and face flushes after an intense orgasm. What are your thoughts about this indication? One cannot fake flushing. Mea Culpa if I missed your take on it.

Thank you Ma8grets3weaknesses for the very kind comments, I appreciate it! You are correct, I didn't cover skin flushing as one of the signs. Interesting! It's probably because in my experience with the women I've been with I never noticed skin flushing at the moment of orgasm. Now that I think about it, most if not all of my lady partners did have skin flushing, but usually it happend during the entire sexual encounter and not just at the moment of orgasm. That's not to say that other women may experience skin flushing at orgasm, just that the women I was with didn't - from what I remember. But I see your point. If you are with a woman who sometimes has upper body skin flushing at orgasm, but during other orgasms does not, that might be a sign of a fake orgasm. Thanks for your input. That's interesting and perhaps will help other lovers with their partners as they learn about each other's needs for orgasm. Thanks for sharing!

I am grateful for your comments. I cannot honestly pinpoint when my lover's skin flushed. I only noticed it after she climaxed. Perhaps her skin began to flush beforehand. I forgot to table another point for your consideration and group discussion. Don't you think a woman's body reactions will vary considerably with the intensity of her orgasm. My lover always spoke of deep and shallow orgasms. When she informed me she had had a deep orgasm was when I particularly noted skin flushing. I once had a one-night stand with a woman who told me without my asking that she had had three or four orgasms -little ones, she said- but the only signs I could detect were copious juice flows. Some body twitching and breathe exhales. No noises that I can remember. I thought she was too passive and did not try to see her again. The point I am trying to make is that a woman's orgasms can be varied and sometimes hard to detect, but there are signs that are hard or impossible for her to fake and men should look for them, bearing in mind that her orgasm may vary with intensity. Am I making sense?

Hello again, Ma8grets3weaknesses! Thanks for the follow-on thought and I completely agree, different 'strengths' of female orgasms could potentially vary the outward tell-tale signs of her orgasm. My wife spoke of litte and big orgasms as well, but most often caused by where her orgasm originated (anus, clitoris, nipples or vagina). It seems logical that the strength of a female orgasm could cause variations in the signs of that orgasm. Perhaps some of our lady readers can educate us a bit more regarding this point. Really interesting comment and thanks for sharing!

Very interesting points! A lot of this is true for me,with a few exceptions.

1) I do squirt. A lot, especially during anal or a g-spot orgasm. It's enough that I have to fold a towel under me just in case. If it's pee, it definitely doesn't smell like it; it has a very distinct smell that's different from pee, even though it comes out the same hole.

2) along with that, when I'm having squirting orgasms, I don't get super sensitive in between. Maybe a bit, but then I'm right back at it, like riding waves. Eventually I have to stop because I'm getting tired, rather than too sensitive. That said, clitoral orgasms absolutely make me sensitive.

Thank you Kinkybird for your comment! How interesting that you squirt. Since you describe it coming out of the same hole you pee out of I'm at a loss for what that could be. The Bartholin's Glands I mentioned in the article exit inside the vagina, so what you are describing must be something else. Here's a link to the NIH.gov description of the Bartholin's glands: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4483306/

Also very cool that you're able to continue sex after a squirting orgasm. How great for you and your partner! Yes, all the women I have spoken with said what you did, that a clitoral orgasm causes sensitivity. Thanks for your tips, clearly we need more information on how squirting works from a body perspective!

DISCLAIMER: I struggle to enjoy sex, it's hard work for me and I find the amount of work it takes not worth the effort. I am almost A sexual my libido/desire are so low. My partner of 20 years is understanding but can get frustrated waiting a month or more.

I use this site to read for an hour or so to get me 'in the mood'. Visual stimuli does nothing for me and even the slow kisses and caresses aren't guaranteed to turn me on enough to make orgasm possible. But dirty stories get me horny and without them I'd rarely orgasm. Often, even the attentiveness of my man didn't work for me. We tried so many different senerios to improve our sex life before realising that I am actually wired different to most.

I'm almost silent during sex and maybe let out one small gasp pre orgasm. I never make a sound during though.

I definitely have a 'cum' face. Like most people I'm not proud of that! Eyes shut tight and the open mouth you describe.

My spasms can be so intense it can feel like cramp in my thigh but a well placed pillow prevents this.

All day my nipples are are numb and painfully sensitive at the same time. I'm not a mom either!

I have the usual clitoral sensitivity after, but not Vulva. However I have never had an orgasm from penetration alone! I have also never had a multiple orgasm

I get pulses that fade away after about 20 seconds when I orgasm through foreplay but if it's sex and a vibrator the orgasm isn't strong enough.

Anal sex is enjoyable with a vibrator right up until the orgasm is over then I want it to stop instantly as its just uncomfortable. I do have a much more intense orgasm than virginal though!

The strength of orgasm: a change at the critical point and I can 'miss' it and go straight to sensitive. It can be so weak I don't get sensitivity or any of my usual 'tells' so I'm not even sure I have. I know as my bodies interest diminishes. This is the only time I've ever 'faked' it. It wasn't going to happen for me and knowing that would take the enjoyment away from him.

My period would also make me more interested in sex but sadly once I got to my mid 30s that stopped.

Oh this sounds like I'm sexual incapable but I'm not, just giving you a different perspective that we have fashioned our sexlife around. Once I'm in the mood we have learnt how to have a great time. It's rare I don't have an orgasm.

Thank you Anonymous for sharing your perspective as a woman on this issue of female orgasms. Your story I think is much more common than many of us, especially guys, realize. I wonder how many other women struggle to enjoy sex, and have lower libidos. You mentioned your period would make you more interested in sex. That was also true of my wife, so much so that we'd use a red towel just before and during the beginning of her period.

An interesting thing about sex during her period was as she would become sexually excited her flow would stop. Yes, I had some blood, often dark spots, on my penis. But the actual flow of new blood would stop while we were having intercourse. She said she had some of the best orgasms of her life when we had sex during her period. I'm guessing it has to do with her hormones, but don't have any scientific explanation for why she'd get so excited during her periods.

I didn't go into anal orgasms for fear my essay would be too long. But my wife definitely had anal orgasms as you described and she loved them!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us! I'm glad to hear you are enjoying sex with your partner and having orgasms.

Ejaculate comes from the paraurethral glands, which lie anterior to the Grafenberg Spot. This is independent from the bladder. Do not spread misinformation.

Thank you Anonymous for your update on paraurethral glands, I was unaware of them! I was aware of the Bartholin glands, but not Skene's glands (the more commonly used term on health websites). How interesting. The NIH.gov website has this brief overview of the two glands (source = https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK547703/ )

"Bartholin's Glands:

The Bartholin's glands also known as the greater vestibular glands (homologous to the bulbourethral glands in males) are two pea-sized glands located slightly lateral and posterior to the vagina opening. These two glands function to secrete a mucus-like substance into the vagina and within the borders of the labia minora. This mucus functions as a lubricant to decrease friction during intercourse and a moisturizer for the vulva.

Skene's Glands:

The Skene's glands, which are also known as the lesser vestibular glands (homologous to the prostate glands in males), are two glands located on either side of the urethra. These glands are believed to secrete a substance to lubricate the urethra opening. This substance is also believed to act as an antimicrobial. This antimicrobial is used to prevent urinary tract infections. The function of Skene's gland is not fully understood but is believed to be the source of female ejaculation during sexual arousal.

And in researching Skene's glands I came across this interesting article on healthline.com (source = https://www.healthline.com/health/skene-gland). See the article titled: "All About Skene’s Glands."

Note that the NIH article published in 2021 states "The function of Skene's gland is not fully understood but is believed to be the source of female ejaculation during sexual arousal." Note the word 'believed.' I'd love for you to share any updates on the glands function in female ejaculation if you have more up-to-date information.

NOTE: This does not change my opinion as I stated in my essay that the vast majority of porn "female ejaculations" are in fact women peeing. When the camera zooms in on the action you can often clearly see the stream leaving the urethra.

But thank you for the new information on Skene's glands! We are all more informed based on your comment!

The most important and obvious sign is the correct contraction of vagina/anus. Thats the only way you will know she had an orgasm. We start to stiffen as the buildup to orgasm approaches and if the orgasm is really good our body spasms too. Toes clenched usually grunts or long moans or stop breathing entirety. Some women can have multiple orgasms( count me lucky too :D) and thats why they usually start rubbing the clitoris again gently immediately after the previous one because its the best time to induce another buildup to another orgasm. The only critique I have is that you should put vaginal/anal contractions as the first item in the list and emphasize their importance. Also I dont think there are two types of orgasms. What you described as vaginal orgasms i get those by stimulating by clitoris.

Thanks Anonymous for your comments! I agree, the contractions of the vagina and anus in a female orgasm are dead giveaways. I'd say it is important, but I did have many girlfriends who even though they had orgasms, didn't visually display those contractions. Some said they had them, but they were more on the inside - and some didn't have them at all. Still, I agree those women who do display outwardly their anus/vaginal contractions are clearly displaying their orgasms. As to vaginal vs clitoral orgasms I agree - turns out the clit is only the outside part of a much larger, somewhat butterfly-shaped organ that is the true clitoris and spreads around the viginal walls. So yes, one organ for all those types of orgasms. I don't think I can edit this essay in Literotica without losing all the comments - so for now I'll just have to hope that my readers skim through the comments to find this new and updated information, and leave the old copy as is. Thank you again for your comments!

Great story. It’s good to know there’s some who men really pay attention. ☺️

Im not sure if anyone has pointed this out, but there are a lot of women who struggle with wetness way before menopause could be to blame. You are correct that orgasms typically bring at least a little wetness (depending on the woman), i just want to add some important things to keep in mind. Many factors contribute to a womens ability to self lubricate, including genes, hydration, partner attraction/comfort level, and whether or not the right spot is being stimulated.

With orgasms do come a little to a lot more wetness, but that doesn't mean if shes really enjoying herself she'll be wet right off the bat. Time and care can help, but lube isnt a bad thing. I think too many people associate lube with menopausal women but lube can be an incredibly helpful tool, and can actually ease her way to orgasm because it can eliminate any initial friction or discomfort. THE ONLY THING IS, i personally avoid water based lube because it's full of preservatives and chemicals for your body to absorb, and can make her dryer in the long run, not to mention they almost always dry up and get sticky within 5-10 minutes. Silicone lube is best as your body wont absorb the Silicone, making it last way longer. I recommend "wet platinum Silicone lube". Silicone lube is more expensive but you would only need one bottle for every 3 bottle of waterbased lube you use. **its longevity and minimal ingredients makes good quality Silicone the safest lube especially for butt stuff**

Thank you @KellyRe909 and @wXntXn for the nice comments. And good point about some women needing help with lubricant @wXntXn. I covered lubricated (or not) vaginas and vulvas in Item 4 - "Vaginas are usually very wet before and during an orgasm."

But as you say wXntXn, some women don't produce enough natual lubrication, so it is helpful to have some KY, baby oil or Platinum Wet for her comfort. I'm also a big believer in silcon vs water-based lubricants for all the reasons you mentioned. Thank you for the helpful reminder!