All Comments on 'Demeter's Tempest'

1 star - wow - talk about fairy tales

- this is just about the worst kind of fairy tale I have ever had the misfortune of trying to read.

Sorry but these kinds of stories are just not my kind of thing - I could not get past the first page.

Have a nice day.

How you managed to come up with the volume of utter persiflage required to turn such a ridiculous premise into a 19-page story I'll never know, but rest assured, I didn't make it past the first few paragraphs on page 1.

I read it all. It was way, way too long. It could have been an interesting 3 page story, but given the totally over the top premise, it should have been 3 pages, max. The characters could not have been more shallow, or one dimensional, and your eviro-centric world view just got more ridiculous the story went on. The only reason I read the entire thing was I wanted to see if you focused or developed any kind of character driven plot or conclusion, but you did not.

I unfortunately have to agree with the comments below. It was way to long for the depth of character development. In many of your stories, you seem to try to add as many girls as you possibly can, so no one, including main characters get enough space.

Your story, "Master Yoshi", is an exception. And it is much more well rounded. It was really engaging, and rewards the reader for their time (and in turn your time as the author of a fine piece of creative thought).

On the flip side, although amusing, I ended up skimming a lot, because it became repetitive, "Demeter's spirt did this, their sexy-times did that". If you condensed it down to maybe a quarter the length, it could have been really good.

This is some interesting criticism. I will consider this carefully. I have several other works in the pipeline and I'm not sure how much I can modify them given the structures of the stories, but I will see if I can aim in the direction of better character development. Thank you kindly for your comments, it makes a difference to hear from my readers.

I actually have to disagree with all of the other comments that have been given up till now. The entire story was based on a premise of a goddess who had a goal, and the protagonist had to find the right people to do it.

If you just randomly said, a girl rather than giving her backgrounds, and why she was the right person/S, it would have been a very shallow story. As it is, it showed not only the physical, but metaphysical as well as spiritual side of each individual That he interacted with.

Thank you for sharing this with us as I very much enjoyed it and I appreciate the time that you put into the story. You had mentioned it in another story that we should read it and I’m very glad that I listened to you.

Sincerely,

Daniel