All Comments on 'When Hunter becomes Prey'

Very entertaining and well written. Not an original plot but still fresh and not done to death. Five star effort.

I guess everyone got what they deserved in the end!

5

Your writing is very good but she was never confronted about her plans. I don't know what the law is in the US but he managed to get evidence of their plot to kill him and their incestuous relationship. Would it not have been better for her plans to have been exposed and for her to be put in prison for a long time? Her other crimes could also have been exposed. It's just she died quietly when her exposure would have given her years of pain.

Well done! 5!

Just because there is a threat to one's life does not authorize vigilante murder under guise of self-defense. MC enjoys the benefits of his life only because we live in a (somewhat) civilized society operating under common rules.

Author is correct that "a growing number of stories recently where the errant wife ends up dead, rather than just divorced." We also are having far more mass-shootings. Both reflect the degradation of human nature.

A well fleshed-out story, thank you.

Sad outcome for all concerned parties.

Was Blake her half brother or her step brother???

Entertaining story. Pretty dispassionate from Pete's perspective.

I liked it. Thanks

Nice story and well written. A sixth star for actually knowing something about hunting and firearms. Thanks especially for not writing about stuffing a 30 magazine clip into a Winchester lever gun.

What LWLover60 said

>>His heart was breaking that the woman he had loved was

>>a psychopath.

So are you Pete.

It was a 5-star story that I gave 4-stars to. I took 1-star away for the murders. Murder is not cool, even though it appeared that they were willing to kill Pete. In self-defense it's understandable, but this was not that, it was a cold, calculated and premeditated murder of 3 people. Especially the kid who was a pawn and remorseful once his part was exposed. Just as much a victim of a self-centered, conniving bitch as Peter. To me, murder and suicide just put me off. If it wasn't for the good story telling I might have dropped it to 3-stars or maybe 2.

Great writing, depth, and entertaining story. Definitely worth making a TV movie of it! While you had us all focusing on Jean, Dexter was right there in front of us disguised as Pete. LOL! 4.8*

Nit : Ernst, not Ernest

Likely a spellcheck ‘correction’

Otherwise, very enjoyable.

Seems like Pete was A LOT smarter than the 3 antagonists.

A neat little story with a twist.

Well done. 5 stars.

And... I agree with "ibuguser:" His wife was likely a psychopath, but Pete IS a psychopath!

Seems like you did a fair bit of research on the guns - awesome. Just a nit: as far as I can tell, there are no loads for the 300 Win Mag that have a 270 gr bullet or a 300 gr bullet. The biggest/heaviest I found was 220 grs. Typical bullet weight for the 300 Win Mag is 180grs.

I thought it was kind of a shitty thing to do to Randy, he did come clean and even said he couldn't do the deed. I guess $50,000 to the parents was enough to erase the MC's guilt. As for Blake and his cheating/incestuas wife, they got off easy, no sympathy lost on them.

The first wife’s presence in this tale is excessive. It does give We-The-Readers a good sense of the MC’s character during (and several years after) their marital relationship. But that period was heavily narrated and could have been 40% to 60% shorter. The first murder was gratuitous, all MC had to do was what he proposed and set ‘the kid’ up with what the ‘adventurous wife’ offered (Not a BJ, the Hunting Guide opportunity!) Only … he would have to notify Law Enforcement about her plan to kill MC. Then the other murders would not happen either.

3*. deductions for narration and killings

Enjoyable read. Five stars. There was a random switch to 1st person in one paragraph, but such is life.

Might be just me, but the 'flashback after the story gets to an interesting place' is a pretty tired technique, especially when it doesn't add much of relevance to the current situation. Just breaks the flow and adds unnecessary padding to the story. If it happened at a point that had more intrigue, and then served to add more context to it or answer some questions, that could work. But not like this IMO.

Otherwise, pretty good story with some shady main characters. The setup for Jane and Blake's demise might have come across a little elaborate, but that's a minor gripe.

How convenient he was there to hear the whole confession. Gosh, he should have bought a lottery ticket while he was at it because that is the luckiest SOB on the planet.

Stretching this story out like telling several at once lost its ability to entertain.

Great read!

5 stars

That worked very well, indeed. They f**ked around and found out.

Love it when traitors kick the bucket.

The ultimate "burn the bitch" story. Quite literally ;-)

The story was OK. The grammar. Oh, my.

Good story, only problem for me is I like stories with at least one likeable character. The soul of the MC seemed to have died with his first wife. The second wife never thought she would encounter someone as emotionally cold as herself.

An entertaining read, but I felt cheated that the plot did not contain a confrontation between Pete and his slut wife, and that she and her lover died not knowing Pete did it.

.

4 ****

I have to admit that I never really like it when the cheating wife is killed. Much better when she has to live many, many years past a divorce, having to feel the guilt and remorse for what she did. Killing is just too quick, with no emotional suffering.

Dark. He's a murderer too. Well written. Woulda loved it if Pete had screwed up too and ended up caught somehow.

"I just need to pop into town to pick up another box of ammunition." - I'm certainly no hunter, but it would seem to me that after his last hunt he knew that he needed more ammo, and would have gotten it on some random trip to town.

~~~

Even with a prenup, if she isn't caught cheating, wouldn't she still get half for a divorce for irreconcilable differences?

~~~

I don't think we needed so much detail about his first marriage. Simply saying that Jean was his second wife after losing his first wife would be enough.

~~~

"Jean, due to her husband's accidental death, also came to their union with her own money." - She has enough money of her own that she has no problem with a prenup, and still wants more?

~~~

"She already had the settlement from her first husband's estate. Even with the pre-nup, she would get enough from the divorce to be very well off for the rest of her life." - Yes, those were my thoughts.

~~~

"Now it was just a question of waiting until he returned from his hunting trip in the mountains." - If Jean meant what she said,he won't be returning from the hunt.

~~~

"until we had put on our coats" - This was just in third person POV, suddenly it's first person?

~~~

"the conflict of a brother representing his sister" - I don't see any issue with a brother representing his sister, but a lawyer fucking his client is at best, problematic.

~~~

"His final decision was just to keep strum." - Do you mean "keep mum?"

Outstanding 5×, up to your usual standard. I expect nothing less from my favorite author.

Not really sure about this one.

Pete turned out to be a bit of a psychopath himself.

Jean and her lover didn't strike me as overly psychotic but Randy was brutal and cold.

Excellent. One of the best ever. Extremely well written and flows really well. Pete has no reason to ever feel the slightest guilt for acts of self defense. The only thing that bothers me is there was no mention of Pete inheriting Jean's money and worldly goods. She was going to kill him for his, how satisfying to get a detailed list of things he got for killing her before she could off him.

Zzzzzz ok as plots go but far too contrived and convenient.

Half siblings and step siblings are not the same thing and cannot be used interchangeably.

The big difference (in regards to this story) is that sex with a step sibling is not incest and not illegal.

Good story, well written. Thanks for sharing.

I wanted to like this, but when you went full-on JPB mode and still had Pete fucking her while she was fucking her half-brother, it dropped to a 1*.

*applause*

I appreciate this story a great deal. *grins*

5 stars.

-

Be well!

I feel like the deaths of Jean and Blake were a cheap cop out because he never exposes them as stepsiblings and doesn't really bring out the drama of a confrontation.

I thought that this one was a well written tale. It had all the making of a great one in my mind.

The way it turned out was a very good image based on the start. It just wasn't my cup of tea.

I only gave it an "I didn't like it much - 2 Stars rating."

However, I am looking forward to see what you create next for our consumption.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

Good story.

The big accounting firms don't spell their names as you do. You have a greengrocer's apostrophy

in the protagonist’s company name, and it disappears at the next mention. A copy editor would have corrected these and many other minor errors. The bigger problem is the lack of dramatic tension. The murders are telegraphed.

Keep writing, please. You have some good skills. Editing is always helpful.

Thank you for sharing this unique story. Please write another. What else is rattling around in your head?

Hooked

Interesting enough for me to read a 5 page story, but overall, ho-hum. For me, getting invested in a story is hard when none of the characters is likeable. The afterwod suggests Pete was even more unlikeable before some final edits, so hard to imagine how bad Pete must have started out. Pete ended up being a murderer. Killing Randy was in no way self-defense, more like a revenge killing. Pete's character even is thinking that Randy will never kill him b/c he doesn't have it in him. I get why Pete wouldn't ever trust Randy, but murdering him was a story-killer for me. You also might want an editor that know more about illegal drugs. Fentanyl is a pain killer, developed for cancer treatment, not a sleep-aid, and touching fentanyl doesn't kill you, that's an urban legend. It won't pentrate your skin. If you rubbed it into an open wound you might be in trouble, but casual contact is not an issue.

Very nice. An all too rare story from PostScriptor, and in LW! Thank you, sir. Write another, please, Randi.

Very interesting, good job, five stars.

This is a sick story with the lead character being the murder . How can anyone justify his actions . Killing 3 people. A Jeffry Dahmer serial killer from a successful business man.

Meh , not your best

good enough, but the point of theses stories is (unless you are a cuck) to revel in the anguish of the wrongdoers

Randi apparently didn't catch the half-brother switching to step-brother and then back to half-brother error in your story. Not much of an editor.

Don't like guns. Don't like hunting. Hate drugs. 3* anyway.

Most efficient way of getting rid of a cheating wife and her lover permanently! An uplifting story for those cheated husband all over the world!!! Next to joining an anonymous club to have the cheating be killed by another cheated husband. They kill each other wives and noone is the wiser. The world would be a better place without the inconvenience of cheating wives. The idea that a Cheating wife = Dead wife, will put the fear of God in them and the society would be a better and happierr place. No, I'm not a psychopath. I know cuckolds, sissies and feminists are going to find the story disgusting. Thanks for the story. It deserves 10***

Since Pete is the protagonist, shouldn’t the title be “When prey becomes hunter”?

That was what we old timers call a page turner.

Personally, I'd like to kneel beside Pete's body and wish his soul God speed as i put a whole tree branch in his mouth.

Step brother or half brother?? There is a difference

Very interesting story. My only minor complaint is that a rifle in .270 is more of a mule deer rifle out west than an elk gun. A flat shooting 300 Win Mag would is a much more common elk rifle unless one was a student of the late Jack O’Connor, the guru of the .270, and a very skilled marksman.That in itself does not detract from the story. 5*****

The only real consequential flaw I find in the whole production is in the first few paragraphs. When Pete discovers Randy and Jean, ok so she's trying to get the dumb guy to murder her husband, she's using the "carrot" of both a sexual relationship with her and a new business. So in her plan she decides to do her final seduction 45 minutes before they leave on a hunting trip? How would she know he had to take a sudden trip to town for bullets? Also the trip for them would be very short. Wouldn't it have been more economical and time saving to stop and get bullets on the way to the cabin? Why leave Randy at your house with your wife? What's the purpose of him waiting there for you? Surely he'd be more interested in going to the sporting goods store if not for his wife's "charms,". Jean is supposedly a dyed in the wool con artist, been doing it since her teens, she's an accomplished liar, So she waits to the 11th hour to sink her hooks into her patsy? At a time when it would be both disastrous and relatively easy to be discovered? That threw a monkey wrench into my suspension of disbelief. Otherwise good though.

I guess I don’t understand why he doesn’t just take video with his cell camera and then divorce her . Why not just leave them and keep going back to the city? His actions are reprehensible and no amount of rationalizing things is going to change that. Nicely thought out plot that didn’t make a whole lick of sense to me apart from concluding that our hero is a talented and budding serial killer and sociopath. The gloss on the parents of the murdered kids just felt awkward to me. After all, if he wanted to compensate the parents, for the value of the life he took? Somewhere between 3 and 10 million in the US. He is a cheapskate as well!

The premise is interesting but deeply morally flawed. Your main character is an amoral sociopath. There was no possible reason for the deaths of three people other than his vindictive desire to use homicide as a tool of divorce. He is utterly irredeemable as an individual worthy of anything other than contempt. His $50K of blood money to the family of his victim was contemptible. 1 star just so that I can vote.

These "OMG what Pete did was Reprehensible" people commenting on here forget that everyone who Pete merely "assisted" in their deaths, were planning to kill him.

Who's to say if they went to prison they couldn't and wouldn't put a price on Pete's head??? They seemed to be very vindictive people. Not to mention, it appears they had a hand in killing at least one other person and who knows, possibly more over the years.

Granted, Randy didn't have the means and on the surface didn't seem like a really bad guy, but sometimes "Stupid is as Stupid Does" comes true. The fact that he didn't tell the police or even Pete about what his wife wanted him to do to Pete doesn't mean Pete wouldn't have eventually done it had the opportunity arisen. By Randy not telling the Police or Pete, he was guilty at least by Association if not Conspiracy, as well.

But the other two, Blake and Jean had plenty of financial means and Blake probably had many connections or his connections had connections who would have done the job and probably relatively cheap. If they told the killer(s) they could simply go into Pete's house and claim whatever they wanted after they killed him, that would be bonus money for them.

Nope, some of these whiners on here can cry all they want about what Pete did, but it was the ONLY WAY to guarantee that Pete would not be forced to look over his shoulder his entire life. Not to mention, since no actual actions were taken against Pete's life, it would only have been a "Conspiracy Charge" against both of them and that usually doesn't equal much time in prison, IF ANY.

Once Jean was out of prison, she would probably come for Pete for wrecking her love life with her half-brother, Blake. When Blake would be released, the two of them could go right back to conspiring about killing Pete since they would blame him for their prison time.

This story ended perfectly. Pete is the hero we didn't know we needed. When you conspire to kill someone, don't be surprised if you end up being a causality yourself and that is what happened to Randy, Blake, and Jean. No tears will be lost lol.

GREAT STORY

Between the prenup and the conversations recorded by the PI that proved the schemers had planned Pete's death, it seems as if it would have been more fun to roast them alive slowly than kill them quickly.

It may have been great but i find death such an unsatisfactory tool in a story because wheres the creativity and revenge in that.

"Even with a prenup, if she isn't caught cheating, wouldn't she still get half for a divorce for irreconcilable differences?" - Anonymous

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It depends on the prenup. In this case, where it was designed to protect a business by excluding it (and possibly other things) from community property, it would still limit what she got half of.

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The biggest flaw I see in this story is when Jean and Blake died. Did they wait 2.5 weeks to have sex? That doesn't seem likely based on the rest of the story. Did they only do drugs occasionally and he got lucky that they used them while he was gone? It doesn't seem like a wise choice if they could have waited until he returned and where there to be a suspect. Did he only dose some of the pills and got lucky that they both took tainted pills at the same time? That's risky, as the one not taking the tainted pill could have called for paramedics and saved the one that did. Even if they didn't save that one, you still missed the second target.

Sorry, but it would make more sense (in my mind) if they had celebrated upon her return alone and died almost immediately.

Very well written. Most of the main characters are deplorable human beings; but that’s the case with a lot of good fiction written by people like Raymond Chandler and Dashiel Hammet. People also make stupid decisions, prisions are full of them.

Based on this work, I am certainly going to read your other stories. Thanks!! 5 stars.

I wanted to like it, but turning the main character into to a psychopath murderer just destroyed the whole thing. There were so many holes as well. The wife had no idea the husband was going to go pick up last minute ammo and that’s then she tries to set it up? Come on man.

Ok, so Pete and Randy drove several house away and when Randy was pushed off the Cliff, it was in the same county they started in? The sheriff acted as if Randy was a local kid near where he was killed? If you’re going to take the time to write out some long drawn out story, please take some time to have it edited correctly and have more than one person review it. Some people can find spelling and grammatical errors, but others can find plot discrepancies. And with the evidence of her cheating, I’m sure the prenup had a standard clause for that, Most do. She would have received nothing in the divorce. So killing her and her brother was just for spite. Making the main character every bit as bad a she was.

⭐️ -sorry but when you made Pete into a serial killer, you lost all respect.

The only thing wrong with this great story was its length. It was too short for me. I stayed interested from the first few paragraphs to the end. As Cummininsideher explained, Pete had no choice but to eliminate his enemies in order to be safe himself. Too bad Blake and Jean died so easy, and without knowing that old Pete did unto them before they could do unto him. Really good stuff man.

It amazes me that this story is ONLY scoring a 2.71 and NOT 5.0. Great story!

This is a story of the wealthy elite, those a capitalist economy rewards with money, influence and power. Collectively, these rewards grant those fortunate recipients a variety of options in dealing with any problem that arises in their lives. Despite having alternatives, for the MC to choose intentionally to kill three individuals in a LW tale that fills less than five pages rises (or sinks, perhaps) to the level of the author having a fetish for murder. Very little else would explain, much less justify, something so extraordinary being portrayed as so commonplace.

Excellent story! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Very good, our very pragmatic MC is to be admired (our author too of course) for his calm facade in plan how to protect himself. He really didn't have much of a choice in the matter, you know I'm sure the 'do unto others before they do unto you' definitely applies to our MC's situation. There really are people in this world that need killing but then again the is the old 'let he who has not sinned cast the first stone'. 5 stars. I think one anon reviewer fails to take into account that THIS JUST A STORY polks. Written well and thought out well.

Found a reason

To

Murder 3 people, not a good guy. Also another rich cunt using

His money to abuse the world. Wish the wife made her plan work

Good story! 4*

Four stars for a pretty well-written story, but I just couldn’t get to five because of the three murders by the MC.

I recognize the work involved in developing the characters, and describing the angst Pete experienced, but even though it is fiction, I just found it a tad too much to kill all three people. I did follow to read more of your work, as I think your writing skills are very evident in the story told here.

Death is not revenge. It's the easy way out. She never found out he was onto her. Destroying their lives but keeping them alive would have been true revenge. Having to keep living with the consequences of their greed. If there had to be more murder, killing him in a way that can't come back to him but still letting her know he was the one who did it, would have been far better. And letting her know she's on borrowed time so she has to live with the sword of Damocles over her head. Death just makes the story fizzle out like a wet fart.

Also what's up with him wanting to keep "tapping" that? She's a slut who wants to kill him. And also an incest whore. Even one of those things would be enough to cause permanent ED in her proximity. To still want to tap that after all of the above, you have to be a closet cuck or something.

So all who comment on the cheaters death never read books and liked it where people are killed/murdered? or movies where people are killed? It's a story, get off your moral high horses, you are reading a story about cheaters who also planned on killing the MC. There are people in the world who need to die. He just saved tax payers a lot of money.

I enjoyed the whole story and would have loved more. 5 stars from Xluckylee

… about a murderer.

Speaking of cunts, your Hamas facade is slipping Chemo.

Well written, but it's hard for me to really like the LW stories where the MC just starts offing everybody; it's hard to root for a character like that. It seems that you made it clear that Randy wasn't going to do anything but had him murdered shortly after. I can totally understand the MC not ever trusting a guy that would ever even think about it, but I guess I just wish maybe he would've just waited to get all the incriminating evidence from the PI, and then Randy could testify as well, getting the real evil characters locked up for a long time.

Nice way that you tied up the lose ends.

Enjoyed the story, Thanks for your writing.