All Comments on 'WSIM24B Ch. 12'

Loving the storyline - thank you

You are hands down the best writer on Lit.

You could make a tech manual on mainframe computer maintenance sexy and readable.

This is a fabulous story.

And when he returns in 20 years out of the Sim, there's a million more stories you can tell.

BRILLIANT!!!

Rock on !

FDD

I'm commented several times that you write for the thinking man: I can certainly appreciate how you've carefully chosen the historical figures and interwoven them into this fiction, as Hugo de Moncada was an exceptionally capable soldier, and you've used his historical accomplishments to bolster your narrative. You also nailed the date of Savonarola's execution, so I love how you strategically support your story with fact while still keeping the fiction rolling along and many times quite steamily. Although a few posters have not particularly cared for it, you even present the politics of that time in a very interesting fashion that at least shows how some people indeed have to connive and maneuver things to achieve the ends they're hoping for. Combine this with how he deals with both Gina and Sancia, and all of these approaches humanize the story by elaborating upon and exposing human nature in all its complexities. And of course there's the little bits of humor you inject in different parts of the story such as with Diego where you use Pilgrim to punch Diego in the shoulder for a change! Thanks for mixing it up so well!

***

While I believe for now I've run out of gas, I think I've said most of what needs to be stated at this point... so if I think of something later, I will add it; however, the most important thing you were probably waiting on was what I was going to rate it, which is a 5 for how well this was executed and written.

Eagerly awaiting next chapter

By far, this is the best thing I have ever read here

Always incredible.

Excellent!!! Nuff said.

Sir, I give you my No Prize that I received from Stan Lee in 1984. Take care of it, you earned.

Crassus would put out your fire if you sold your house to him. Totally fair (and ruthless). That Castiglione stuff was exactly what I was praising so effusively from the last chapter. Love it.

Now, a small quibble. There's something a bit off about how Admiral Pope is playing this game. He seems to be too locked into his character, somehow. Why does he care so much about his character's children? Plus, he's a frickin retired space admiral! What happened to his military training and experience? I guess he might've gone native because he has the Pope's synthetic memories constraining him (whereas Pilgrim is unconstrained because he's still...Thorne? or Mayne? or whatever his actual name is). Sure, Admiral Pope knows his Machiavelli but (as Socrates might ask) does he _know_ that he knows it?

Like I said, just a quibble. Otherwise I think I'm having almost as much fun reading this as I suspect you had writing it. Pilgrim's plan for streamlined and uniform arms production. Maybe an emphasis on mechanization and interchangeable parts? Heh. Plus a visit with Leonardo? I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

I did recognize the quotes from the Prince. I'm somewhat surprised that Pilgrim didn't, but then he didn't recognize Marius either. I suppose in several centuries there will be that much more history to learn

Enjoying this imensley ..

I'm not sure about hiring Leonardo da Vinci. No doubt he was a genius, but from all I've read he was a terrible procrastinator. Maybe give him a short-term consulting contract?

As always, your attention to detail is amazing!

This is absolutely fascinating!

Love it ... but tennis in 1494? Somehow I don't think so

Mike, tennis goes back to the middle ages. Look it up.