All Comments on 'Lightning Strikes Twice Ch. 01'

Lots of errors- heal-heel, your-you're, cloths-clothes, etc. Plus a lot of repetition of rather crude language. Not bad, but it could have been a lot better.

I love the story line but, you easily could have broken it into 3 or 4 chapters. Keep up the good work!

The over all story is actually pretty good. I'd highly recommend having someone proof it for you next time, just to look for those spelling and grammatical errors, and maybe even a few suggestions here and there.

Try to get a little into the individual heads of the different women you're describing, so that you can vary their comments more. Not all women will say the same things, thats you talking lol ;)

Also, consider lengthening each encounter more. You did better than a lot of the wham, bam, thank you ma'am story tellers I've read, but there's still room for improvement. You should just spend a little more time describing the encounters, possibly leading up & into each one.

Don't take this all negatively either, I do like your story. And thats my male perspective on it. Keep up the good work!

Love your work, spell checking and grammar is easy to correct, however vanilla sex seems to be the theme here. How about exploring oral and anal sex more thoroughly.

Sex outdoors is great with a regular partner perhaps you could play on shyness.

I hate to criticize anyone who has the passion to write, you inspire me to read.

and a new story line..... EVERY woman you encounter immediately drops her linen.... I don't think so......

1. Great start - but getting way to old. Get a new story line.

2. To lengthly. Are you just trying to make up ways for women to attack him, or do you actually have a story?

3. Have you ever read your work?

Far to many spelling and grammatical errors. Just the spelling errors makes it very difficult to read, let alone the old story line. At least read your work once, or give to a friend to edit.

So incredibly hot! I love the Sci Fi aspect too. You are very creative in how many ways you make love to these girls/ women. It's also a turn on when they leave half dressed for everyone to see. I look forward to the rest...

Awesome story, loved it

This was about twice as long as it could sustain interest, especially without a explanation of the "lightning effect" at the end. By about 70%, I was skimming the sex (which had become very same-old-same-old) and looking ahead to see how you resolved the plot line about how this all came about, which you didn't even bother to hint at.

And yeah, I don't get how people can write sex scenes but not know how to spell "high heels" or "anus" or a bunch of others, not to mention not noticing lots of sentences were missing words. A good editor, or even just reading over your own story, would help a lot, I think.

I agree with the other comment. I got bored with this halfway through. Continual errors in the writing had me semi-irritated throughout this piece. Cool thought, but too much sex, not enough plot. And all this coming from a man. Personally I'd like to see some better developed twists or plot. Besides, regular sex gets boring after a while. Looking foward to more in the next chapters.

I agree with the issues of spelling and grammer at times..... but the thoughts of ....if only ...if only.... enjoyable just the same

I started off with one of your recent stories and then could not stop reading your other stories.

Till now I didn't find one that I didn't like!

Good work!

He fucks a good long term girl friend for the first time, and then never calls her at all to find out whats going on? And she didnt call him either?

I kind of liked this, but I, too, was wondering about Nancy. Kind of like wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, and we never heard about her again? Glad you haven't got into the anal or pregnancy areas. I am also curious about where the husbands of these women are. I look forward to the next parts of the story.

Dry, stilted dialog, too much sex (emotionless and dry sex) to be arousing. Overall a very poor chapter. Too bad I couldn't get past page 4, I like the scenario.

Tammy spilled some whine on her breast and made a show of wiping it up... This sentence perked up the whole story. One of the best laughs I've had while reading on this site. Thanks.

The old guy

Would have been great, but you not knowing the difference between "your" and "you're" drags it down.

I can definitely tell this was an "early" work...lots of errors, all over the place.

Good read, kinda repetitive, did not hold my complete attention at some parts...

Gonna start next chapter, see how you go with it...

total fantasy.

Interesting story/plot, unfortunately the story ended when he got home. Then it’s just episode after episode of no story development.

Kinda hot but really repetitive.

Not enough differences in personality or scenarios.