All Comments on 'Demon Child Ch. 22'

I followed this story from its very beginning and I must say, it is very well crafted. One can only hope that a sequel or prequel will follow.

I really loved this story. It's sad to see it finally done. I do have a question though. Why was Aylanna never able to conceive herself?

i loved this story and thank you for posting it. Can't wait to read your next story.

Keep up the excellent work.

Donna

Brilliant story, sorry to see it end .. would love to know why you never let Aylanna concieve though.

Beautiful story.

It was a small paragraph in Chapter 2.

"Neekah knew what herbs to take to cast an infant from a womb. She knew that to take the abortive too often would cause a woman to become barren. She wanted nothing more. Her mother's story of hate resonated in her heart. She refused to become the vessel for a child thrust upon her against her will. She ate the plant whenever she could find it."

I guess I ought to have referred back to this fact a few times.

Thank you for all your comments.

x

I think this is not only your best story but a very beautiful and well written one overall. It's very sad to see it finished now, after all this time of waiting in between chapters.

Now it kills me to know what happened to the white mare and the temple.

Maybe Aylanna became Priestess after all? After she outlived Jhadron. It looked like a fitting role for her. maybe.

There ought to be an epilogue ! :)

Truly an epic.

I trully enjoyed reading this series! I think it would make a great movie! lol I don't want the story to be over so I keep reading it again and again. Thank you so much!

It's rare that I'm compelled to comment, but your story is one of the best I've read....anywhere. It's been a true pleasure following it. I have mixed feelings about it ending. On one hand, I'm pleased to see it all the way through, but that means there's no more. Please don't ever stop posting...

i think der were still a few chapters u cud build on ......tails of rein as AGA khan ........ or maybe its good to pull out with ppl askin for more........but do gv it a thought.......i think u can still put in a few chapters......maybe a tale of a paticular tough challege he faced later on...........dont hv to tell u i loved da story dat why cant bear to see it end.........but dats just it................gr8 wrk

This was honestly some of the best work I've read on this site.

But there is always room for improvement.

1. It seemed to loose steam slightly during the last chapters, it would have been nice to see some longer conversations between Jhardron and Aylanna. And perhaps a steamy lovescene where they re-affirm some of the heat present in the early encounters (we're on literotica after all. Finish with it with a bang so to say, if you pardon the double entendre)

2. Tie back with the beginning of the story. It is Aylanna that's reminiscing isn't it? The epilogue should reflect that.

I read constantly. This is one of the most personally appealing tales I've ever read.

I think, if ever you were to deide to rewrite this thing for publishing, adding a bit more history would enrich the tale. Hints of long held animosity between houses and rivalries throughout your tale would add drama to the stories climax. Also, you might consider delving deeper into the intricacies of court life - lengthening that period of the tale with conflict between courteseans, deceit among the staff, and building some deep affection between Aylanna and the Aga Khan.

That having been said, take what I say with a grain of salt. I may just be trying to make your story longer because I wish there was more to read.

No need to emphasize here how good the story is, since everyone who reads the comments of the last chapter would not arrive here if he thought otherwise.

But I want to advise every reader to read the first part of chapter one again after finishing here ... That is the true ending of the story, my praise to the author for this additional stylistic advise!

Thank you very much for sharing this labor of love. I enjoyed every chapter and the overarching story as well. I admired the balance of male and female, yin and yang, as the plot threads revealed themselves.

This is quite an achievement. I hope you are writing others.

GE

This was an extraordinary tale that you wove. I enjoyed every bit of it and I feel like the ending was the best part of it. You really did a beautiful job with the relationships that she formed with the characters, showing the effect she had on their lives. I liked that you also allowed Jhardron to fully express his feelings for her in the end. The only tiny detail I'd say would have been good to include was saying that after Jhardron's death that she became high priestess since in the first chapter opening she asks the boy what brings him to the high priestesses' quarters. The story was really exceptional and I wasn't sure how I'd feel at the end knowing in the first pages that he is dead by the time she is this old woman. But, you made it that I felt satisfied that he lived such a full life with her and that according to their beliefs she'd probably see him again after her death.

You did such a good job of weaving this involved story and it moved along smoothly and left no loose ends. It was a great read. Keep writing!

I love this story. the characters, the imagery, the philosophy, world creation etc. you are a true writer. wonderful to find such a gem on this site. wish you would continue the story. thank you for your story.

Beautifully written, sharply conceived and realized. I will remember this story long after many others have faded.

Thank you so much for your story. I enjoyed it quite a lot. I was disappointed to read the last word, but please continue writing. You are a great writer. =]

It is now 5 in the morning and I've been reading pretty much non-stop since late yesterday morning. It is the one thing I hate about a good book - I can never put one down!

Thank you for what must've been a labor of love for you. I just hope you were able to get more sleep than I have been able to :)

Dren

The ending was somewhat abrupt, especially as I seem to remember that the whole thing started out as a remembering of an old woman. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I'm too lazy to find my way back to the first pages.

You could have ended the story at a number of places already. I began to fear that you couldn't see the end in sight, and the abruptness of this ending still leaves me wondering about that.

I would love, though, to read of the Aga Khan's death, perhaps with an extra chapter about a campaign he chose to lead, one last battle in his mid-life.

Oh well. As I said in reference to an earlier chapter, this story is one of the best I've seen on this site, up there with Doctor Wolf's Slave to the Servants. Thank you for sharing with us,

This was a fantastic story. I fell for each character and I will be revisiting it again.

With that said, I enjoyed the end. But Hak made a good point. The ending was like a conversation was cut short and one of the participants rushed a goodbye and fled. I would've liked to revisit Aylanna as she came back from her musings and maybe gathered some final thoughts from her for closure. .

I've really enjoyed this story. I loved the world it was in but I have to say that the ending let it down. The ending was abrupt and didn't link back to the start of the story. I think it could have done with another chapter or two.

I really enjoyed the story. Well written and amazingly imaginative, you could do well as a full time author. I also think you did a good job ending the story here. Sometimes authors tend to drag the story on and on which results in the story losing it's flavour. Good work, this!

I am currently studying to go into publishing and loved the originality of this story. I would leave off the anti-climatic ending and instead leave it open ended for further development.

Not sure if you are still reading the comments anymore but in case you are I wanted to let you know I enjoyed this very much ....

A wonderful story and I do wish there could have been a sequel.

This reminded me in many ways of Clan Of The Cave Bear. Even the names of the main characters were somewhat similar. Jondalar and Ayla.

You're a wonderful author and not only do I think this worthy of publishing but I could even see it having potential as a movie.

Bravo!

Best story I have read thus far, at first I just wanted something lengthy to occupy my time but then I couldn't stop reading it. I wish it were longer. The entire thing kept me hooked, I found no chapter lacking. I only wish that it was longer

I loved the depth of this story. One of the best stories I've read.

This is definitely one of the very best stories I have read. You've done a fabulous job making the characters live, making their story something I cared about. In my mind it is the mark of a great author. Bravo!

This story, in its entirety, was excellent. Thank you so much for sharing it.

It was a novel. I stayed up all night reading this treasure 😊 alas i did feel some disappointment that our red haired witch didnt find one love. But your story was amazing and I felt as though i was in that time period. You should get this published.

I wish to say thank you for a great read and such a great protagonist that made

the tale so wonderful plus the ability you have in creating such a real world with

real characters that made it a must to follow their journey.

Thank you so much for your story. I am continually amazed by the great stories on Literotica. Some wonderfully romantic, others inspiring, or inventive, or utterly fantastic. I have read all your stories, and I think you are one of the very best!

express how enthralling your creation is...even the second time I could not stop until it was read - start to finish. Such rare talent...from the bottom of my heart and soul I thank you!

I truly enjoyed this story.

I felt Aylanna's joy a the birth of the foal in my heart.

That you were able to elict true emotion in a cynical reader like myself is truly a testament to your skills.

Bravo!

Loved your story. Great writing. Thank you.

Loved your writing

This is one of the best stories i have ever read.

I,m sad that this story ended. I would love to see more!

A beautifully well crafted story that I read again as I was not keen to let it go. You could have easily written several more chapters as it was a compelling read.

I have read several of your stories now, and will continue to read until I’ve read them all. This is definitely my favorite so far…and maybe my favorite of all of the stories I’ve read on Literotica! Thank you for the gift of your words that make the dark times in my life a little more light!

Simply and enchantingly superb 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟