All Comments on 'Hallelujah Ch. 10-11'

crisp, articulate, insightful, excellent work, enjoyable read

My biggest concern early in the story was that this guy had not grown up since breaking up with Jasmine. I was ready to stop reading because I saw little of worth in the character. I love the way that you set up the reader (me) to be upset with this guy in the beginning, yet kept the story interesting with other plot lines until he grew up. Great job!

It's over!

And bumped your nose on this one. Sorry, not for me. The guy didn't grow up, he's a loser.

Your characters came alive on the screen. I barely needed to read their names, as I could just replace the word with a picture I envision each character looked like.

It was an emotional ride, as you provided everything a good writer is supposed to. I will be looking forward to reading more of your tales. Thank you author.

I don't know how I missed this one when it first came out.

The characters were real, three-dimension people. Although some of their speeches were a bit long, I just imagined this was a stage play and everything fit just fine.

I am surprised there are not more Comments.

Thanks for all the effort that went into producing this outstanding story.

I read by you is just great.

More please!

M

Read 2 paragraphs, roll to the end and gave it 1* .

DW Duna.

...it would be easy to miss the cut on your thumb when you suck it.

Wonderful storytelling, if inconclusive - but then that's the point!

5

Love between man and woman need not involve sex. Not moch I can add, just excellent.

Chilley

An amazing tale. While a part of me hoped for a different ending, him breaking it off with her seems to fit the rest of the story. Five stars. I just don't get his reasoning regarding his love for music. In regard to her, I get it. And then going to Minneapolis without a clue of what go do. He is no better off than when the story started.

I still don't get her statement regarding Jake being the reason for her affair. It is not fully fleshed out. I assume she cheated because she felt like she had made a mistake in leaving Jake and marrying a man she didn't love. But if that is the case, why turn to someone else? Why not reach out to Jake?

As a 29 year old with failed dreams, I absolutely identified with this story. I was sucked in, had no idea where it was going, and now have to reexamine my perspectives similarly to the main character. The thought processes, events, and character interactions felt natural. Thank you.

Especially because my husband is a recording engineer and my son is a performer, so I can appreciate all the arcane musical references. But like an earlier poster, I'm wondering why he feels he should no longer be a recording engineer or a record producer, just because he's washed up in Nashville.

My high school girlfriend and I kept up our relationship for two and a half years after we graduated. We lived together in New York City and LA. We were going to different schools in 1970 and she met another guy on a Saturday, spent the weekend with him in a hotel, and dear Johnned me on Monday morning. I flew to see her and she was perfectly civil but was somebody else's girl. That was it. We had no contact for three and a half years. Then we ended up both back in our home town of Seattle. I heard from a classmate she was around and asked the friend to ask her if it would be OK if I called her. She said yes and two years later we got married. Now we are retired with a 27 year old son. We have been married 40 years.

So, I'm not saying he should have chosen to be with Jasmine, but it wouldn't have pissed me off if that's what happened.

Thank you for the work, the care, and the part of you that you put into this wonderful story. It touched me on many levels.

"The moment was gone, and my happily ever after had turned out to have a built-in timer."

However, this story left me feeling unsatisfied. Much ventured, nothing gained. I'm still more than a little concerned that the finish was a knee-jerk reaction to grieving for his Grandpa, guess we'll never know. I don't understand his reasoning behind leaving Jasmine, but he sold her on the idea so who am I to argue. Still, a good story I enjoyed reading, but you should have extended the story to include the Grammy awards or something. Something cheerful and with promise. Ha!

This is a pleasure to read. You write beautifully. Your antihero is a likable character and it was gratifying to see him put it all together and wisely move on. I like a guy with flaws who doesn't know all the answers. It's honest. Thanks- I enjoyed it.

See above

great story

I really like it

I like the fact that the hero is a real guy with weaknesses fears doubts etc

I am not sure how he logic'd out going to Minneapolis but no matter

I think if you fancied writing it, an extra chapter based on 20 years later and what became of both of them might be a runner.

well done

Reread after a couple of years and once again struck by how wonderful this is. All authors works are wonderful. Please write more.

I loved this story, and despite my misgivings earlier on I'm grateful that SirThopas saw fit to redeem Jake, and in doing so make this a great story instead of a mediocre one.

Thanks for the journey. Five stars.

This author needs a little editing, but he develops characters exceptionally well and created a strong plot line. I'm not big on the kind of "Millennial-like" angst and immaturity of Jake and Jasmine, and the end fell a bit flat. Nevertheless, it was the author's story to tell, and he does a magnificent job. I'm struck by how much more talent I see in this and a few other amateur writers in Lit that I do in many of those who are commercially successful - David Baldacci be a prime example.

Wow, awesome, just awesome!

My God, 11 chapters to get to this half arsed, lame non ending. Must be way too cerebral for this mere mortal.

Clearly a conecting story for his Jake character as he matures. Why the non-ending. It is like an early or middle act of a play. Oh well. Author writes well but this was a really ongoing story that while it shows Jake's growth and redemption, leaves a lot of other things hanging and unsatisfying, because by design there is no ending.

Well written but obviously the middle arc in a longer story that will never come. Just like most of the author's stories.