by spoonerism
I liked the premise, a lot! The explanation that Eric and Penolope had been best buds was good. The ending relationship with Penolope sharing her lover with her mother was really good too. What was missing was the transition. This was a good "stroke" story, but it could have been so much more. I sort of regret my "3" because the writing is good and it probably deserved a "4." Just a little bit more transition and a chance to "like" the characters a bit more and it would have easily been a "5."
Fantastic, I cant wait to read more of this story that has so much potential! ty keep it cumming, lol
It is one of those "BIG COCK" stories that is good once in a while. The perspective went from my to his a few times. The role play was all switch rather than master/slave. How on earth would a master allow a slave to speak to him like that? Even though no real roles were actually agreed on, it was odd to me. The story had signs of good writing, but lacks development. Not big crimes all said, I didn't like the story that much is all.
RS
You have the ear for detail and it's well paced. Keep going, by all means.
Really hot and erotic with a good pace to the story, perhaps the author will give us another chapter.
Thanks for the read.
I normally stop when I see the "38DD" because that size is statistically so unlikely, but I guess it was OK this time because all the participants were impossibly large. Was a stretch, though, to suspend my disbelief about a predatory 38-year old CEO mom of a college-age (read 20 years old) daughter. But it was a fun romp.
You have a good start here keep at it and maybe solicit someone to edit for you a little but you are pretty good writer
Excellent detail and very erotic, but try to work on switching from 1st to 3rd pov. It took a second to ignore, but having said that, its a mark of how good your story truly is that I could overlooking the pov switching.
It's a very good story. I voted a '4', but a grammar checker or editor probably could have boosted it to a 5 rating. There were 10-20 typos and a few grammar errors.
Very sexy. A good start. Hope there's more coming describing the rest of the vacation.
The content was nice and hot, but the swapping between first and third person narrative became confusing.
First person/third person mix within sentence disconcerting. Ecstasy is not spelled with an "X".
caps mean you're yelling. Calm down and smell the horse shit!!
Decent story, but make sure you include all the tags you can think of:
mff & DP or Double Penetration would add some traffic to your story and give readers more insight as to what they are about to read.
Cheers to your next endeavor.
Would love to have a friend like that....to fuck both of them....would have been heaven and to share each other