All Comments on 'I Bet My Girlfriend'

Wow can you imagine these two having kids, anybody who would write this crap should get themselves fixed.

now a former gf I would think...and he doesn't bet like he did before...and former friends...

"Size 8 with 30DD"....?

K. Toothpick with two water balloons?

lol

Wrong category mike and danielle Group maybe Don't you have to be married to have a wife? Guess not Just a slut

The writer is an amateur pornstar ,no BF but a gigolo.

this is masturbation fodder. Once you've ripped one out and coated the wall of your shower, you'll go back to being an average Joe... 1*

I know it was your first submission, but next time, get an editor. The story was ok to a point, but the spelling and grammar were off putting. Plus the storyline is as old as the hills

The money brought into the room is the only money there! It can be (and probably will be) redistributed, but the group will have the exact same amount of money! (The Group WILL gain a sweeter resource, which would not normally have been on the table - or rug - or up against the wall!)

ANON SORRY is precisely correct regarding editing, including story theme!

and here BF is her pimp, so just call her whore

but don't be discouraged from trying your hand again. With something much more original please. I reluctantly gave you 3* cos you're a newbie.

No question that this one deserved it.

Flames aside: the story was implausible, completely and utterly. It was also entirely predictable.

You could have made a 4 or 5 out of it, IMHO, by having the girl win the money, the bad guy bets his ass - literally - that he will win the next hand, doesn't, and the gang takes turns fucking him in the ass

Incidentally - the recording of this episode without the girl's consent qualifies as a felony in most states

that's all I have to say

A female writer has written a great story of how to belittle and humiliate a man. He will always be a laughing stock among all his friends and they will always pity him and she will always be a slut for anyone that gets close to her. Which is what she wanted to be and he wanted her to be. So the story was very good from that point of view, the only thing missing is the "Erotic" and the "Loving Wife" part of this story.

Take the most unoriginal, overused plot on Literotica; make it totally implausibale and unrealistic; then add horrible grammar, spelling, and writing ('cam cored'?? Also, how many time did you use 'an' when it should have been 'and'?) All of this adds up to one of the worst stories I have ever read on here.

Please do us all a favor and use an experienced editor next time. No matter how good a story might be it's just not exciting if we have to slog through this many typos. This was impossible to read.

Is your second language. Use an editor.

Rubbish and if you continue to write, get an editor.

Some of them comments where a touch nasty and quite sad of you. It was my first time and wasnt sure how to use the website to its full. Constructive critism would have been taken on board, but clealy to many of u are just snobby arseholes.

RE: "Some of them(?) comments where(?) a touch nasty and quite sad of you. It was my first time and(?) wasnt sure how to use the website to its full. Constructive critism(?) would have been taken on board, but clealy(?) to many of u(?) are just snobby arseholes."

This is text speak right?

Constructive critizism: Not wife or fiancee is in it, are you change the groupsex hub with this hub accidentaly????

Just ignore the eliterati most just verbally wank off to cover the fact they can't physically, and as you can see most can't do that very well either. Keep writing there is lots to develop but only practice will help you develop your basic skills and plot development.

What a dick u are. I might not be very good at MAKING stories up but at least i have a life you idiot.

Thank you someone normal on here. anyone would think the fact that im not a very good writer was the end of the world. At least i know its not me that needs to get a life x

I think it was really good!

I'd like to hear it from the girl's perspective.

The lead up was a little basic and the premise is a hoary old cliché, but it was passable. Honestly I felt the build up lacked any kind of tension and was very quick,

which really dampened what could have been a good story.

There was a failing to explore any feelings of the two main participants other than a little shyness. The wife seemed not even two dimension in terms of character and I gave up before we got to the sex. The husband seemed neither eager or regretful that his wife was about to be used by 4 of his friends.

There was a lack of realism in the build up too, most notably with betting your life savings in a neighbour poker night and then the "if I win she fucks us all" statement. Both of these led to eye-rolling rather than wrist-rolling in this reader :) I personally feel that if an outrageous act is going to happen (an orgy) then you need everything else to be as real as possible to act as a contrast. Not everyone agrees with this I realise.

A few grammar and spelling mistakes in there also, which never helps. Never rely on a spell checker to proof your work!

M&D, looking at your other comments, if you don't like having your writing ability critiqued, I'd suggest you don't post on a story site. If you put anything out for public view you have to accept you'll get people who dislike it. I hope I won't incur your wrath from my comments as I did enjoy some of it and I've tried to detail what didn't work for me in a non-insulting way.

Keep up the writing, it would be fun to hear how that experience changed the wife in the story and what she did next time out.

The person who really deserves to be embarrassed is whoever taught you English.

It makes it really hard to read a lot of stories around here these days, and this one is included. What has happened to our education system that we've ended up with people unable to spell simple words and use simple grammatical editing properly? It really does make it hard to read these stories.

The correct spelling, is "and", not "an". There's also commas and periods that you are allowed to use.

I would never have done that!

Or perhaps your sister? Would you bet them as well, you dickless baboon.

I'm not sure you really know how to play poker...

I wish I was one of the poker guys,would like to see my shy young slim girlfriend being used if I lost bet,so any Scottish guys want card game in Livingston get in touch

Speaking of arseholes, I assume those are the names you use when you crossdress. You say that you have a life. If this describes it, you don't have much.

He is just a spineless and pathetic idiot. She needs to leave before he pimps her out to everyone he knows Just stupid and ridiculous

What kind of worthless fool bets his girlfriend, or wife, or even his dog? How can a story about that be entertaining or even interesting? Is it about a gambling addiction? Is it about an alcoholic who finally realizes he is an addict? Sorry, but life is too short for this kind of nonsense.

this sounds like it was written as a first draft by a 12 year old who has never played poker or had sex or spoken the english language. Thanks for ruining a good trope.

send me a copy please,

Lazy