by Hawksmoor
For reference, a vagina is internal and can't be shaved. The mons veneris or mons pubis is external and can be shaved. A pussy (a broader term that includes the vagina) can be shaved. Cunt (a similarly broad term) can be shaved.
At that point, I stopped reading and rated the perverted story 1*.
Generally I liked your story. I believe you intended to make this story hot dirty and nasty and it generally was. What was distracting was your use of proper names and words with dirty slang. IMHO there are no vaginas in erotic writing there are cunts pussies fuck hole etc. Don't use anus use ass ass hole. I rated the story a 4 because I liked store idea and generally the couple were down dirty and nasty.