All Comments on 'Revelation Blues Pt. 03'

It's too long. Writing a long story or a detailed story is fine as long as your able to hold the reader's interest. Out here, it took less than 6 minutes to read 6 pages because there was a lot of skipping. I feel sad for the writer because he must have worked hard in writing so much and people just tend to skip it for obvious reasons as a lot of the details are really irrelevant. Good story and plot, hope he goes for the kill in the last part. I hope he reduces the amount of detailing as it is genuinely not required. Why waste time writing so much if people wont read it all? A majority of the readers in the first two parts have given similar feedback. Hope you consider it.

As it so happens : I am something of a stickler for details. In the main I enjoyed the story for what it was. This is a work by a novice writer who took the analytical ' no stone unturned' approach to telling his tale. Perhaps next time Sojoman will let himself have a bit more fun and intersperse a lighter approach when appropriate.

It's evident this author worked hard here. I respect that. As a fledgling effort : this story took off and became airborne thru fortitude and effort. Scott was a bit mechanical . Mary was lauded as a nigh exemplary wife & mother but her charm escaped me. I admit being prejudiced, once it came out, she trundled young kid off to day care though she wasn't employed.

Why would a successful man like Scott be attracted to a woman with relatively little on both her personal & professional resume ? Still the unravelling process was well done in my eyes and actually reading all of the story was a qualified pleasure and not a strain. I thank the author for his industriousness and the diversion it provided for myself and others.

Thanks for the effort but I fell asleep twice.

A bit lengthy, but overall very well done. I am looking forward to the final installment. I hope Mary gets her comeuppance. After all this guy has been through, he deserves a somewhat happy ending.

this bozo analyses and thinks too much. he should just put super-glue up her cunt and seal it. then he can live peacefully with her

You have all the makings of a good story. You're offering an interesting perspective from a man experiencing a complete disintegration of his life. You offer plenty of anecdotes and details to keep the reader engaged but your delivery is flat. The stoicism and lack of emotional engagement, in stretches, make the reader feel vague and uninvested. You have the makings of a good writer but may want to consider that as you move forward with other projects.

NO!

Realistic? NO!

Entertaining? NO!

Boring and overlong? Finally, a YES!

Big mistake. The main character is made out to be an anal retentive bozo who, for 15 years, doesn't realise that he's married to a lying slut. And yet he's a successful and intelligent businessman? FFS! Hans Christian Anderson wrote more beleiveable stories than this!

Cut the story by about two-thirds (at least!) and it might be worth twice the 1* I'm giving it!

In this instance I have to agree with the consensus it is a very long story maybe getting a tad too bogged down in details at times. This last insert could have had less thinking and more progressive movement. Maybe I am just being impatient too and thus will relent any further long-winded comments. Suffice to say it is still good reading.

This is a good story but the action needs to speed up and reach a conclusion or interest will be lost.

Just end it!

I think you write well, but you overwork your plot and characters. It is a short story and you are trying to fill in all the details of a novel. I find your characters interesting, your plot well thought out, but the story flows like day old mud. Without seeing the last chapter, I will guess that it could have been written as a two part story, and at a much faster pace. If it had been, then it would be very compelling. I hope you write more, but take this, and the other similar comments, in mind.

Michael

Yes long and a wordy.. I am not a shrink but there is a LOT of Depth contained,,, For whose wanting to burn the bitch, the story is the husband's challenge... This goes deep into the soul..

who sits in the grass, his wings neatly folded, his beak up his ass, from this strange position he murmurs Twit-Twit, cause its hard to sing with a beak full of Shit ! Cheers RePhil

And for the same reasons I stated in Chapter II. Scott is a moron, the why a person cheats is irrelevant. The number of times a person cheated is irrelevant. The only thing relevant is that they cheated. Some people do not believe that there are black and white issues in life. These people are ignorant and lacking in the fundamental mental capacities necessary to be worth anything to anyone. Infidelity is a black and white issue. It can be dealt with in one of two ways. Ending the marriage(the only psychologically correct answer) or staying married and living with all the negative it brings. "Once a cheater always a cheater" may be stereotypical but it is also true. The cheater may never cheat again but that is irrelevant as it is a black and white issue. Only cheaters and ignorant people believe there are shades of grey. I don't scim a story and once I start reading it I finish reading it. So I will be awaiting Chapter IV to see how far the author can turn a decisive businessman into the complete and total moron we have seen so far.

much what everybody wrote, to long .boring and the characters to unbelievable the story sucks.

Too much! She cheated with multiple partners, lied, put her her and down, cheated on her first, ENOUGH she is a whore a skank a slut who needs to be kicked out along with Don. Is next chapter her story? Who cares. And the last chapter is the RACC I am sure. END IT!

to get it above the shit heading the top story list.

The author has put a lot of work into writing the story and it is full of details, some of which seems to be superfluous and it makes the story a bit wordy. Scott has finally arrived at the decision point and a divorce will follow. Mary will likely just move on like she did before, although Dean will complicate things. Unless Mary does something unexpected, this marriage will die not with a bang, but with a whimper. Of all the characters, Don may prove to be the powder keg in the mix.

The character Scott is too introspective. The story is too long and drawn out the whole thig could have been done in a 6-8 page single installment Also the story lacks any credibility or realism. I know it's fiction but it still needs to be believable to be enjoyed. Scott has become so irritating that Mary has become pitiable.

Grant

Petitor@gmail.com

Wimpy husband proves infidelity by dots and yapping.

The main character is incredibly anal. I still marvel at making a spreadsheet the way he did. The most amazing part is that he is married to a pathological liar and did not realize it. She was married to the single most boring guy in the world, but she knew it. They both need to see a mental health professional. They have serious issues. The wife will die or lose her mind. Mr. Anal will move on, smug in his position as the wronged party. Please have some one edit your work, or just go through it and remove every other paragraph, for starters.

While this story moves more slowly than most on Literotica, it is actually consistent with a traditional novel. Most Literotica stories are abreviated. One of my favorite Literotica author opined that every other paragraph should be removed. I don't agree. If sojoman made an error, it was only in not listing this as a novella. As to Scott being too anal ... why is that a sign of mental illness? Some people process data more slowly than others. For critical issues, this is even more true. I am a quick thinker or at least that is what I have been told. My first marriage of 20 years (and 4 kids) ended after I spent 18 months in hell (or at least limbo) while my ex took therapy to find out why she was unhappy. While she did not cheat on me, a blind man with a can could have found a basis for making a decision to end the marriage. It took me 18 months before I said enough because the gravity of the situation seemed to justify it. Or maybe it is just that I am as anal as the author. Whatever, this is a really great story!

FROM WHAT TO WHERE......IT ALWAYS CATCHES UP...tk u mlj lv nv

why waste so much time and effort doing what as far as evidence is concerned proves nothing. The boy is old enough to state who he wishes to stay with to the judge. End of story. Unless the sorry excuse for a cunt goes out and shoots all her prior lovers then shoots herself, that would be a fitting end.

I believe the author has went into this much detail to try and show the feelings of a person who's whole marriage has been a lie from the beginning and the depth of the hurt . What some of us if not all of us have felt at one point or another in our failed marriages . Yes at times the story was a little boring . Still i understand what he is trying to do . I hope Scott sticks to his guns but with dean being involved i can see Scott maybe trying another way other than divorce . Some people are that way . I had a friend who's wife cheated over and over and thought he never knew . The day his son graduated from high school is the day he had her served .

people are complaining of the length of your story is that YOU ARE DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB of presenting the story and they want to find out what happens next. I, too, on occasion wished that you you would cut, the details of the trip, what was ordered when he meets Mary's former spouse, but on reflection, I realize that the details are what makes the story so good---they capture Scott's character, his plodding and careful manner makes him real, consistent and the siuation he finds himself in so compelling. I want very much to know what happens next, but I have learned in life that simetimes we must delay satisfaction a bit. Please keep writing...and please keep writing at your own pace. Please. This reader (and I am sure many others) will be waiting for the next installment and will read it with great interest!!!!!!!!

boring...A diary....gimme a break

Without evidence of the boys seeing his mother cheating ways ,and no pi report, he will get raked by the court system. if it was me i would have done some major assest allocation ,plannig and switch her diamond with a cz. so after 15 years he discovers she is a lying cheating bitch. her only reason for sneaking around was for her own boring pleasure. and he is now getting a divorce .now i would call him stupid or the author did not write this part well. he is going to have to split his assets 50/50 so the cow becomes a rich cheating bitch and what does that leave him..he knows how the divorce courts are. he gives her the upper hand after she gets a expensive lawyer that he will pay for. such much for justice..the author would have been better showing him planning the end much better,since he is able to control his emotion better than most. this story ran too long and the end seems to make no sence here.

When a guy trots out memories to serve a plot and they're so whacky, well, you have to conclude the writer needs to spend more time learning to write. A guy sees a pool of blood on the seat where his wife was sitting and ... wow, the hero is either a complete idiot or the writer is more concerned with plot than reality.

As to the writing, the reading is a trudge through brambles.

now its a drag. too much of the past. too much of....everything that is not exciting. He is supposed to be a COO. a very big man in his company. have him hire a PI, Lawyers, etc. move it forward. keep it in pace of a turtle not a snail.

Perhaps the lack of surprises makes us unhappy? Reading the comments I began to question the nature of the audience. How would the literotica readers feel about "War and Peace" or "Ana Karenina"? I read to be entertained is my normal statement, but I suspect that there is a voyeurism involved because I like to see how other people imagine things..... It is a good thing that there is more than one story out there.

What I get from this story is that Scott loves to be around Mary. She is fun, keeps the house nice, takes care of his son, looks good and he enjoys having sex with her. He doesn't love her anymore. Rather than give her half of his assets, he should make a deal with her. He won't let everyone know that she has been an unfaithful whore their whole marriage and she moves into the guest bedroom. He GPS' her ass, gives her a cell and keeps tabs on her. He is free to screw around as he pleases for the next 15 years and then they are even.

If she was bored when he traveled why didn't she come with him? She didn't have anything else to do. I think the writer has talent. I don't understand the Mary character but he's got the obsessive husband flushed out. Why didn't he put a recorder on the home phone? Less work than spreadsheets and deciphering diaries. I will read the conclusion and your future stories.

Sojoman, it is a bit slow, and sometimes it seems over detailed...HOWEVER, it is a well written, well organized, very detailed story of the destruction of a family. Would I like to know more about why a person would do what Mary has done repeatedly with more than one husband? Yes! Perhaps I will know that.

Make no mistake this is an excellent story well told and you should be very proud of what you have created. I dear say few authors on this site have the skill and story telling ability you have and you are using them well.

Thank you for all of the effort, and congratulations on providing us a very good story to read. I look forward to more.

....only feeble minds see things in black and white, you must know that.

but the story is so sad that I really have no clue why it is publishe on literotica. erotica is for sure something else.

I like the story. Every man marches to the sound of his own drummer. Those that don't are drones who march along with the majority, or march to the sound someone else is listening to.

This guy is doing things well and I love that you have taken the time to detail the trap he finds himself in. You are doing a fine job, keep doing it your way.

Lots of other good and some great authors on here commenting that they'd do it differently, and they have. You just keep doing what you do and it will be ok.

Thank you for the read.

Best regards,

-Pultoy

5*****, by the way.

Eagerly waiting for the next part!

This reads like a list, a LONG list, of Mary being horrible. She's completely unredeemable. The only reason I'm still reading this is that I want to know how badly she is in the gutter in the ending.

Just one more part to go....thank God.... Just for a change, how about a surprise ending.

Don messed up the cubic zirconia swaperoo so sneakily suggested, since the ring has now been appraised and insured. Curious if Hubby is the listed owner, or is it Sweetie? Hubby now has to salvage Carla's shop and her self-esteem...maybe they can trade out with each other on that!

Hubby doesn't have a hair on his ass if he doesn't send Fiona a classic 6 oz. Coke bottle!

Everybody's entitled to their opinion, and a few really good writers have indicated this could benefit greatly by pruning. And the tenses can ALMOST drive you crazy. But for me it simply reads like a very logical, analytical business type who finds the first small cracks in the wall of his world and as he touches them the cracks spread and grow wider and the past becomes a totally different thing as knowledge transforms what he knew about his life. It's low key, It's not as emotionally amped up as many writers, and readers, prefer it. But to me, again, the constant adding on of damning detail, the discovery of one lie leading to another and another, gives it a crushing emotional power. It could be written differently and shorter, but it would be a different story. And it could be written more smoothly, but for a first time effort, your story is going to be remembered. And one last thing, about the wife, Mary. I'm as puzzled as most. What is she? An idiot? A cold-hearted man-hating bitch? A delusional woman who really thinks she can cheat and somehow it won't matter in the end. She really doesn't seem like that much of a genius or a plotter, just a woman who couldn't keep her legs together and wasn't smart or careful enough to keep what she was doing hidden. I know her character will drive a lot of readers crazy. I hope we finally get an idea of who and what she is too. But I still like the story.

I like the cold headed betrayed husband. The long Sherlock Holmes investigate assists him to erease the love from his brain. We knows from a other poster or Author, the oposite of the love is not the hate, but the neutrality. He will reach quicklier this state and he will find quicklier Second Chance woman.

"Subconsciously Scott told himself that there could be a happy life after Mary. " Only a good revenge would be better for this half healing up...........

BTW 5*****

This was one of the better first attempts I've read. Was it too long? Yes, but I would rather have it that way than have a lot of holes in the story line. I hope the next chapter gives him some justice. Be sure to bring about some type of pain (not physical) to Fiona.

Will be looking for further stories from you.

for writing. This was a fine section and I enjoyed the time and effort you put into it.

Looking forward to the next chapter

but I think that's the least of the problems with this story. The inconsistent tenses (thanks DQS), the weird word choices in several places, the occasional mixup of names, and other more minor editorial errors are much more damaging. The only time the length becomes an issue is when the constant flashbacks slow down the story for no real purpose except to add more fuel to the eventual flame that burns the bitch. No more fuel needed, she's toast.

sojoman,

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

just waitiing for chap 4

This is just plain awful... and what kills it are all the memories flashbacks that seem to go on and qand on and on and on....

What this awful mentally retarded author is doing is trying to show re thinling about previous events in the so called marriage. But in doing this evry other paragraph it makes the story far too long and it shows us what a WIMP and coward scott is.

For example the event of the 4 of them in the jacuzzI.... scott KNOWS that don is finger fucking his wife....and says nothing????

Or the reaction of don seeing the diamond ring.... at this point in the story scott has 100% knowledgeb of don and the cuntwhore wife cheating. Yet even though don is shiting on him... and the wife says nothing.... scott decides NOT to say anything because it might cause a scene???

THAT is his concern ?!?! Everyone there knows they are fucking but scott doesn't to cause a scene?? This is inept long winded boring story telling by a inept moronic author.

Definitely a slow moving story but I have enjoyed it, particularly part 3. Scott has stayed true to your character development - slowly gathering all of the facts, assembling the timeline, and convincing himself that his last 15 years were a waste except for the son that was produced. Looking forward to part 4, hoping that his retribution provides him satisfaction and lessons to the villains.

Must have a nagging feeling about their spouses while they're away. And what about the spouses, surely, they must feel the same way.

I suppose relationships with a solid foundation made out of trust, don't encounter these feelings, but, the weaker ones must feel tempted to stray not out of disrespect but because of the boredom.

I'm glad I don't travel!

Chapter alot of Good things came out of his thinking things through

and talking with Martin and Dean.

"You haven't told me much Mary, I've been extracting that stuff out of you like a bad dentist extracting a very bad tooth. The ugly way," Scott voice rose again and he had to control himself again. "Anyway, how many times have you used her as an excuse to meet with Don?" <p>

++++++++++++++++++++++++++ <p>

I still saw the above? Really? One Lit page is actually like 3-5 or so pages on a normal template like Microsoft's WORD. <p>

This "story" is more like a "happy" cuckold telling an masochistic exhibition story and less of a "detailed" story of a family in turmoil...

Can't wait for the next installment.

Just when I think she's reached the peak of her evildoing, she finds a new level. And just when I think he's gathered all the ugly data, he finds more. Next installment, please!

Husband had enough data chapters ago, all this additional verbage is painful repetition. Seems writer is closet happy cuckold dragging out hubby's misery in secret glee.

Sojoman, being Sojoman, gave us an unnecessarily long and flourished story and doesn't look like he will ever learn to cut out all the repeated and drawn out paragraphs. About 75% of this whole story could be cut out and the story would still be the same.

Just write the finish and put it away.

A lot of words to describe nothing. In the first chapter the woman intends to divorce him, in the second she wants to stay, and in the third she is stunned he leaves her. Amazing, and then so badly told, the only thing you forget to mention is when he breathed, for the rest we know all the details, if you were stupid enough to read it.

I hate playing Poker. My favorite card play is the Robbery Ultimo. There is a scen in the Robbery Ultimo, the Betli (I like to play it very much this scen). In the Robbery Ultimo 1 player plays again 2 players. Somebody who plays the BETLI scen that player wants to lose evry circle and if the player wins 1 circle he will be the loser. Here he played BETLI and he won his child custody.

BTW The Robbery Ultimo is good playing only with money, but with 10 cents foundation the 3 (at 4 players the 4th player is the mixer and goes after the beer) at equal knowledge maximum win and lost can be about 20 $ after 4 hours card play. The Robbery Ultimo is similar to the LIFE! It is played with special cards with 32 figures. There are many scens in it and BETLI is one of them.

My granddad once told me, if you spread enough shit somewhere, you can cover up anything. And I have never seen this much verbal garbage in anything. Now I know that there is a story in here somewhere, but I can't seem to find it cause of the shit.

So much detail. Just leave the bitch and take the kid. Only one more chapter. Hooray!

Damn this is long and at times boring, but still a good read. Thanks for sharing

Me stoopid like others. Me no like thoughts or talk in story. Me no want emotion or plot. Just make simple, for me to put in brain.

Honestly, this is really good. Sorry to see it attracted so many flies.

now its get prepared for the pain and sorrow, TK U MLJ LV NV

just enough interest to read the last part. It's a good thing no new decent LW stories were added today.

Scott is a fucking moron.

yeah!

Have all the stones been swapped out for cz in the ring?

Is Dean his son?

are they all STD free?

Still five stars.

now the major plans to save what remains. TK U MLJ LV NV

great LW story! Loved it

The truth be known...she cheated on him because he can't shut up. He uses two paragraphs where a sentence would do! Agah!

When he mentioned the 13 hour plane ride to Hong Kong, my immediate response was, "Oh, my god! He's going to narrate the entire 13 hours, minute by minute!"

The author can write, but dragging out the discovery phase to, what, 30K words or something, is just plain ridiculous. And painful. And unnecessary. And altogether regrettable.

He is wimpy.

He knew Don was fucking his wife and still visited with him and let his wife go places with him?

Lying psycho whore and wimpy cuckwad.

THis story and Scott make every male cringe by his wimpish behavior. She has been cheating on him for ever and Scott is trying to figure out why. Dumbass in the 1st degree.

I'm trying to get through this but it's V-E-R-Y L-O-N-G and overly detailed!

Your protagonist is a wimp and is disgusting trying to "figure out" why she cheated!

It's always good to know why, but he finds out she's cheated SO OFTEN with different men, it really doesn't matter!

The story could have been MUCH, MUCH SHORTER!

It’s not wimpy to trust your spouse to the point of being blind to what later becomes obvious. I had a woman do the same to me over a span of 7+ years. She wasn’t bored - she worked, and when not working we were constantly together or talking on the phone. It lasted about a month after I learned about her most recent ‘activity’, until I realized I couldn’t live with the constant doubts. When we split for good, it was my decision- not hers. BUT, even many years later, after starting a family with my wife, little things would remind me of some situation with the cheater, and I’d recognize another clue that I never saw at the time.

That kind of breach of trust doesn’t just go away. It’s affected how I handled others over the years. It sucks.

She couldn't betray or make more of a fool of him. He isstill talking as if there is a relationship to talk about.

Story should 1/3 as long as it is.

Story is not long winded as suggested, the breakdown of a marriage and it's emotional fallout is not something that can be told in a couple of pages. Very well written.

Why would you write a story with such a pussy for a male lead?

"The moral implications hurt Scott much more than the sexual act". So many comments like this in the story. I say bull. A guy that isnt cheating finding out about his wifes multiple lovers over their whole marriage. Somehow you keep minimizing the betrayal of sex. Her need to have other men.

Next give me a pen and I can shorten the story by 1/3.

The story is ok, but come on let him get mad, he earned the right.

And now how is the mess going to sort out. Was Don really the father of the the child she lost by miscarriage, or was it with someone else.

Story should have been over in two pages. Scott seems to like misery.

thank god the aithor only wrote so much...he just loves to drag things without an ending!

Save your time

Don't read

Shit story

Dad but traveling before wife and son. BUT loves son so much???

COOs I know travel rarely. Delegate