by bustysister
The story had a very slow and decent beginning... good lead up and then BAM... their making out without hesitation and suddenly this shy brother becomes the strong dominant brother?!? could have made this story 100% better and with a better lead into the Blowjob...
I laugh every time I read anon critics. They always try to sound like they're just reading these for the story. I wish that they would admit to the fact that they were upset because just as they got into a good wank, the story was over.
Congratulations on a great first story!
Lots of fun and extremely well written.
I hope you decide to share some more with us.
Thanks!
Ignore all the literary critics, if they had some balls they'd post under their ID's. I liked it, I only wish it had been a little longer, with more teasing and heating-up of the brother, but other than those very minor quibbles, a very good first attempt, please write some more! I gave you 4 stars, another couple of detailed paragraphs would have got the whole thing! Hurry along Chapter 2 now, then 3, then 4, then.....you get the message!
I agree with Beach Bum, whose work I admire.
I confess I was jealous for Jeff's sake. I don't like the idea at all of him (however unwittingly) sharing Julie. But to be a first-time endeavour, your work shows promise.
Perhaps next time Jeff can tit-fuck Julie. That would be wonderful.
Keep writing! :)
It certainly was an entertaining read, sure it's no Shakespear, but it's youngster porn of high quality, and I liked the touch about calling yourself "bustysister" makes us all wonder if this is true.
The beauty of the mind, ahh such strangeness, thank you for the read.
More please. Ignor the Annonymous A-Holes. If they were really any good, they'd have stories of their own to write and post. Keep your stories coming - and we'll follow suit - in some way or another.
Siblings close in age can help each other out. It can be very beneficial reducing stress and improving confidence.
The story was so well written as far as it went! Way too short! Add somemore to it already!
Just kidding about the title.
I really like the story. I think you should write more about you and your brother.
Thank you for shareing it with us .
Ignore all the negative Anon's. Most of us do. Great first story cant wait to see more of your work. Keep it up!
This was a great story. I thought you did a great job with the storyline. I think you should continue on with it and give us more. Let your imagination go wild even if it didn't really happen in real life. ;-)
Very nice dive into the literotica world. Would love to keep reading more.
You know that you want that big dick in every one of your tiny lil holes...let me know if you need help editing your next story...good luck...
no background, no character development, a rush to unrealistic sex and no end all equal a waste of time. this chapter should be chapter two not a stand alone and it needs to be tow or three times longer to make it believable. total waste of time and the sites space.
There's no way exaggeration can be used to erotic effect based on stylistic preferences! Thanks for the dose of truth. Everybody, Anonymous' preference is the one true way!
(I actually welcome constructive criticism, but this was "I prefer different types of stories, so this story sucks" criticism which is equally annoying and amusing.)
This is a fun story, pretty well written (thanks for that), and rings a bell with me. I had a similar event in my life, and it worked out (or in) ok for me. Well adjusted with happy family and sometimes a happy sibling - yeah it seems weird, but maybe is not as unusual or weird as one might think. Good writing, keep working on your stories.
well done and ready for part 2....i love the way people criticize you but wont use their names .....juist jealeous i guess.....
only one honest comment and the writer blows a gasket. if you wrote a complete story with a proper beginning, middle and end it might be worth reading. as is you gave no background or character development you have a rushed so called plot and no end. who are they and why should we care if they get together? why would any guy want to be around a egotistical bitch like her? why the rush to sex? this reads like a story outline that needs major work not a postable story. slow down if this was a race you would have spun out in the first turn and come in last.
I read these for the sheer heat and you were great at providing it. I would have given this 10 stars if possible. Keep writing please
My older sister started to develope her tits in 9th grade within a year she went went from an "A" cup to a "DD" she seemed to outgrow bras every month and of course her tops were stretched to the limit. I never got to fuck her, but she did let me lick and play with her tits on three occasions.
This is the first time I've ever seen a story been in the sister s view and omg I love it please make more!!!!