Ok, you could have done alot better. It was extremely unrealistic I mean what girl besides a hooker would just walk up to a stranger, go to his house and have sex and then after a flood of orgasms from this one seemingly superman of all adonises (who is so great in bed) that hes got her cumming about 8 times in 3 seconds comeon man.
A good story is realistic you can write better then that , on top of it he has no clue who this chick is that pretty much jumped his cock she could have STDs would you have sex with some random chick who jumped at you without a condom? You could add it in as sum sexy foreplay (something that would make her wet instead of one smoothie and bam shes flowin like niagra falls). Now im a regualr guy and sex is on my mind at least 3 times a day, but im not that horny I miss such obvious holes in a plot. Give it more effort, proof read, and share with a friend before you public post it. Take pride in your literature even if its a sexual story.
There are so many things wrong with this. One he said a big thing is STDs, and pregnancy, he didnt use a condom as he flooded her pussy with his hot cum, i dunno if that is a line but it was once used about 20 times in that story, as well as "She came".
The story wasn't good at all. It was tasteless and unrealistic. One of the parts that sucked the most was when they asked for each other's names; it was cheesy as fuck. This story needs a lot of work.
I know this is fantasy land...
but this feels like it was written by a 6th grad boy. LAME
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