All Comments on 'Jonathan Creed'

You are quickly becoming one of my favorites on this site. This one was slow to start but I got really into it.

A well written completely addictive story that could not be put down until the final full stop.

I thoroughly enjoyed the story, not only for the eroticism but for the intelligent, well-formed, storyline and the impeccible writing. Your editor should be congratulated. I did pause however, when on the 15th page I read; " ... it is amazing what you take for granite until you almost lose it." I assume that use of the word 'granite' in place of the usual 'granted' is a clever pun.

Thanks again for the engrossing story.

There going to be a sequel?

are u going to complete the sequel

good stuff, but I'd like to see the story continued instead of simply reposted an older story. What happens next?

All my attention is currently focused on another one of my stories. I will return to this world and finish my sequel to Jonathan Creed after that story is finished and posted. Keep in mind my stories are 200 plus pages in a standard word processor. These things take time.

Sorry but you need another editor - the story is full of typos, spelling mistakes and wrong use of words. Spoils what has the potential to be a good story.

I come here for erotic stories....I rarely leave negative comments but 16 pages and hardly anything erotic. Write a sequel, but I won't bother wading through another 16 pages.

I personally enjoyed the story. Its nice sometimes to actually read something longer. Sixteen pages and it kept my attention the entire time. I didn't find my self skimming like I do a lot of the time. Awaiting a sequel, thanks.

A very good read, thanks for taking the time to write and post here.

Great job! Please keep writing!

This was yet another amazing story by you. The fact that I read all 16 pages and never felt bored, on an erotic fiction site, was great. I loved the story, and would love to see a side story, or mini-sequel about their life after this. It had all of... Three? Maybe four sex scenes in it, but I never felt like it needed more.

Excellent story.

great story. I really enjoyed the read

I loved Celestial Matters and am still desperate for the sequel but I think Jonathan Creed was even better! You had all the great elements I loved about CM (woman unwillingly enslaved but loving it at the same time) but a great deal more polished. There were a couple of typos but not enough to detract fromt the story. I loved the characterization of Jonathan and his combination of reluctance and excitement when it came to Sarah. I'd love to see this story (or parts of this story) from Sarah's perspective!

I can't wait to see what you do next.

There were easily moments where I had scenes combined from hollywood movies and computer games playing in my head, camera panning an all that stuff.. that immediately crumbled again by the unexplained ease for that 'beast' to raise its head.

For the combination of the smarts and analytical power the desires were just too pointlessly standard. Ordering a book off amazon to see how it's done properly?! Very disappointing.

The genius of bdsm is supposed to be the freedom to do whatever the fuck your smarts combined with your desires are able to come up with. And now this chipped genius superhuman is doing what exactly? When he has a programmable meat puppet he could most likely hack and have her look different every week, if not every day?! Or incorporate all of that to a deeply twisted game of whatever..?! He reads a book how bdsm is supposed to be done. Kind of ridiculous, huh?

So dare to step out of the 'kinky norm' a little. Let your characters fantasize a bit too.

I think you are possibly my favorite author on here, and I'd say you definitely are for the mind control category, which is my favorite category. When I read celestial matters, I was amazed, and I loved it. I honestly was afraid that that would be a fluke, a one time deal, but this just confirmed that you are a great writer. I enjoyed this almost as much as celestial matters.

Two things in particular that I love about your writing: the length of the stories, because I do love long pieces if literature, whether they be this, books, or other things; and the characters. In some cases the plot seems a little odd, but that is overshadowed by the quality of your writing and the way that I really get into the character's head. Keep writing man, keep writing.

Wow this is the most well written story I have read on this site. You've got some serious skills. Even with a background in reading/studieing classic literature at a "honors" college focused on classical education I can say that your writing is up there with anyone. Great imagery, consistantly voice throughout, and non-superficial character development in our protagonist. Not exactly what i expected on literotica, but it was a pleasant surprise. Really a great job. I'll definitely be checking out our other stuff.

I think it would make a great movie & I cant wait for more!!!!!!

It is one of the best stories i have ever read on any place.Some parts might be inspired from the Hollywood stories,But they are mended into story so perfectly.Very good work by the author.

I think that the title explains it all, looking forward to the sequel!

Because there will be a sequel.

A story this good can't be left as a stand-alone!

5/5 Keep up the outstounding work!

This story is great keep the stories coming.

You only have 2 stories submitted so far but have already become my favorite author on this site! Please continue this one as well as the other!

As others have said, definitely one of the great stories on this site and why I come here. You can get a fuckfest anywhere, but a quality story, with real, deep characters is a rare treasure. If the inspiration strikes, this short story definitely deserves a sequel.

Not just sex, but a truly interesting story too!! Loved it!!!!

Not just sex, but a truly interesting story too!! Loved it!!!!

This story is now, without doubt, one of my favourite stories. The plot and character development is outstanding and always had me guessing. Furthermore, I feel that because the eroticism is not the main focus for extended parts of the story, it has a new and better element that improves it markedly and, as a result elevates the story from great to fantastic.

Thank you very much for such a good read.

Now I'm a Fan of you and for your writings

I'll eagerly be awaiting the next chapter of Jonathon Creed's life.

One of my all time favorites. You created a couple of realistic and identifiable characters that resonant well. The geeky nerd most of us remember being, trying to find our place in the world. A princess/bitch who ends up finding true happiness in the arms of an unlikely lover we identify and pull for after she goes through a massive personality change.

There were a few typos and misspellings, but they were minor. I guess my biggest problem with the plot was actually that it took a "genius" to figure out that a large MNC would use subsidiaries and shell corporations to hide its secrets. I mean really? These are above average intelligence individuals with law degrees and experience in dealing with white collar crime and NO ONE before Creed guessed that was a possibility?!? That has been SOP with companies like that (at the point in history of the story) for 150 years. Everyone who deals with them knows that. That particular plot thread was a little shoddy, but most of the story was well thought out.

One suggestion though, use Jonathan's new found ability to rewrite part of the chip's programing to get rid of the more oppressive parts of Sarah's condition, especially her distance/migrane problem. Jonathan loves her and would want her to have a degree of a life apart from him and it isn't possible with that in place. Not to mention she would probably die if something ever happened to him like dying in the line of duty.

Loved the name of Jonathon's chip, "Rex". It is obvious that it was designed to be a sort of "uber-slave" who acts as a super-soldier as well as a taskmaster for other slaves. Obviously he is truly a "king" among slaves, with the intent of making Turner an emperor or "king of kings".

Seems to me that it is probable that Carol will at some point be joining Jonathan and Sarah in their bed. Even if Jonathan doesn't demand it (that would make him a rapist). It also seems likely that there will be encounters with others who have been implanted with the X-14s and A-34s as well. This would definitely have him living up to his "Rex" name with having a virtual harem at some point. I can see a major plot point of having Jonathan running around and destroying those hidden chips and "freeing" those who have been implanted already. Then there is the whole part of Sarah exploring and demonstrating her new found submissiveness and how Carol's presence affects their dynamic.

Fantastic story, which is rare. Praying for a sequel

Celestial Matter's was awesome but this story goes to a different level altogether. Can't wait for both sequels :)

This is a brilliant piece of imaginative writing.

But like potholes in the road, poor editing slows down the journey and jolts your readers out of the world you're creating. Then we have to settle down and get back in it.

It's a tribute to your imagination and storytelling ability that a reader can get through all 16 sections without giving up. It's worth it, but in Chapter 22 (the last page) alone, we have, among others:

-- She was eagle spread

-- her pale breast's

-- like me to whip you're pretty little pussy

-- all right and alright (with one one sentence intervening)

-- my slaves beautiful face

-- I couldn't live without you Sarah

-- chip in my brain that's function was unclear

There are lots of good editors available here who would like to work on your stories if they're all as good as this. Find one! Give your readers a level playing field instead of making us walk uphill to enjoy your stories!

I was wondering if Jon will have more women tied to him from the original group in a future sequel?

Personally, 2 women is enough. any more and it becomes messy, the story hard to manipulate, and turns the main hero into an unrelenting sex machine who feels like he has to attend to every sexual whim of his women.

Jonathan Creed was great, even better than Celestial Matters. Same old typos and grammar errors, not a total turn off, as evidenced by your high ratings on both stories.

The story was well written, the dialogue flowing, details present. Can't wait for the sequel(s?)

...but this fucking rocked!

Great story - didn't see the twists & turns, loved the characters! Loved it all. Please keep it coming. Can't wait for next installment

I had low expectations for this one despite reading Celestial Matters. I'm just not into detective stuff and robot sex slaves. It was awesome read nonetheless and I couldn't stop reading till the end once I started. The end where Jonathon gets that chip somehow reminds me of Neo in the matrix. Good times.

This story is one of the best I have ever read!!

The characters, the plot, and the twists are fantastic!!

Just re-read it (for the third time lol) and I love it more than the first two times I've read it. Seriously thinking about copying it and pasting it into a book form so I can enjoy it as a regular book.

Eagerly awaiting the sequel, as well as the next chapter of Celestial Wars. Thanks again for your incredible work.

DD

Great story! You really could use an editor, though, primarily for grammar.

I love to read and have always liked reading my "porn" rather than watching it. This story turned me on to a whole different way of looking at erotic literature. Thanks for the enjoyable and "long" read. I don't know if there is a market for stuff like this, but you should write a longer story like this and sell the dam thing!

Thanks for your response to my mail earlier, and for handing the sample for the sequel, I will start reading as soon as i can.

word for anyone else reading my comment: I've been asked to mention that this sample, containing the first 2 chapters from the sequel is being handed out to us readers while we wait. if by approach by mail like I've done or simply through here I do not know.

Great story.waiting for next chapters.also waiting for celestial wars next chapters.

Excellent story! And thank you for putting the whole thing up rather then a meager page at a time. Again, what a fabulous, well told and sexy story!

This is absolutely excellent. Your work is by far some of the best I've read on this site, and every story has left me wanting to read more. I would love to have a sequel to this story as well as more Celestial Wars.

Please grace us with more of your outstanding prose.

This is the finest work I have found on this site..... We must have more!!!

I enjoyed your story immensely. I'm looking forward to reading more adventures of Jonathon Creed, FBI Super Agent With Two Sex Slaves (So Far).

Seriously, very high quality. I'm impressed by the way you were able to finagle having your protagonist acquire sex slaves while still being a good guy with a functioning conscience.

I LOVED this story...great development! I compulsively read on page after page and never lost interest. You did a wonderful job and are a great storyteller...you should sell this as a script!

I read hundreds of stories here every week. Over the past five years not one has shown half as much character development, excellent editing, good storytelling, or ingenuity. Great read, highly recommended.

I'm unsure why NT hasn't posted this or the new parts of his Celestial Matters work here but he has decided to post them on another website.

It's called "The King's Creed" and it was written 2 years ago, a year after this first one.

http://storiesonline.net/s/67462

Another wonderful story that was enthusiastically devoured in a single sitting! I adore how you are able to turn rebellious, dignified girls into both sex partners and lovers to the leading male in each of your stories. The same goes for the multiple and intoxicatingly capturing transformations that you gradually make these men go though in such a beautifully written way that they remain as who they were, while also accepting a new part of themselves that would have never come of its own accord had they not met these girls. My personally favored characteristic in each of them rests in their dominance that is simultaneously coupled with an appropriate balance of love and affection. I hope you write many more stories which there would be little I wouldn't give to put myself in the place of. It does make me smile though to ponder on whether your stories may be related to any real life experiences of yours. Hehe, ^_^

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

@prosaa

I'm not sure what you mean by Noble Truth's story having been written/ posted two years ago, as on his profile it says that it was completed just earlier this year. True, he may have written it quite a while ago and simply decided to upload it here after signing up but, frankly, I'm wary of clicking your link on the off chance that it is only spam or a site that will download a virus. Another reason for my anxiousness may lie in the fact that only a few weeks ago, Noble Truth commented on his own story (Celestial Matters Ch. 1) and apologized for taking so long, mentioning that he was simply trying to make the next installment perfect and so on. So, if Chapter 2 was already completed two years ago, then why wouldn't he have posted here already? I don't know and don't want to say anything so drastic as your being a liar, but thank you for the information. However, I will patiently await Noble's posting on this site, rather than running to another. (:

@prosaa: I haven't posted those extra chapters from Celestial Matters because I prefer to post in larger chunks on literotica. Literotica has a much longer waiting period between uploads, so I prefer to do it all at once. As for "The King's Creed" I started writing it two years ago and stalled out. Jonathan is a hard character for me to write, and I was conflicted on where I wanted the story to go. (I'm aware of how weird that sounds for a sex story.) In the end, Jonathan Creed has been pushed aside so that I can focus on CM.

@Courage_of_the_Night: Thank you for the compliments. The link that prosaa provided is legitimate. I began posting on stories online.net years before I came to literotica. Jonathan Creed is an old story that I posted here.

Recently, I've come to enjoy the lit community better than the SOL community. I find that the lit community is more responsive.

Oh, and I'm going to be posting in the next week or two, so be on the look out.

NT

I once read a description accompanying a picture of an almost flawlessly beautiful woman which noted that to complain of her taste in color of her (very skimpy) clothing would be akin to complaining about the size of a glove compartment in the Ferrari one owned. Much is similar here. You draw us in quickly, develop characters well, explain motivations and internal struggles, and include prodigious amounts of sex in service of the plot - nicely done. If you need encouragement to continue, please consider it supplied. If you need to believe that we readers are affected, or even touched, by your writing, this is it. If you wonder, "do these people 'really' care if I spend the time I do crafting these stories?" then allow me to state it plainly: for GODS sake, ABSOLUTELY! KEEP GOING!!!

but rather are polished gems. I found your stories through the Top List feature, and I must also thank the designer who developed that feature. For too long, I only focused on a few of the fora here; now, I'm happy to say, I am exploring more of the categories when I see something with a high rating. I consumed Celestial Matters and the two chapters currently posted of Celestial Wars. I eagerly await anything else you care to publish here. Again, thank you for your great story and your kind regards in posting it on this forum.

Stumbled on the story while checking out a new tablet, spent rest of the time reading the story. It always kept my attention and at not time did I have the urge to put it down for something. Good continuity, excellent the way the nice guy stays the nice guy but with help. I think all of us have one of those inside of us.

Ok this story is awesome! Any chance there might be a sequel coming?

Great story line, character & plot development on both of your stories, I only have one complaint....WRITE MORE!! Thanks for the great work!!

Great work and character. Sex scene s seems too quick. First-time of creed and Sarah seems rushed.

Nevertheless love the story. Please keep writing. 5 stars

The sequel to this story, "The King's Creed," has 60 pages written. I've decided I like that format of posting. So rather than having a sixteen page story to slog through, you can have a seven page story. I anticipate that the whole story will be about 180 word processor pages.

Currently my editor is going over them with all speed. Literotica should have "The King's Creed Ch.01" by the end of February.

Thanks for all the comments and ratings, they keep me writing, and my ego happy.

Noble Truth

My only critique would be that some words were missing or misspelled. It's difficult to proof your own work, so I suggest an editor. This story was terrific and I look forward to reading the others.

What happened to the morning wake-up BJs? Will the FBI med exams now search for little scars at the back of people's necks? How does a chip CPU get people to move faster - is it like reflexes being faster than cerebral voluntary thought? If so, why is it temporary -- i also look out for movie continuity errors.

Next, as an over 55 guy who enjoyed his BDSM LARP, thanks for including the SSC notes. Lots of us enjoy our playrooms -- do you imply that's our beast?

Fanfastic!! Great sci-fi,great original plot,great character development and love you gave us 16 pages instead of the useual literotica 4 pages!! Other authors when they write sci fi get stuck on plot direction so they just write sex scene after sex scene avoiding plot competion! I'm going to read the sequal now I doubt I'll be disappointed! Slave to this series!

More pls this is way too good.

awesome story!!

N_Y, I just finished your story "Jonathan Creed" and I am looking forward to the sequel and reading the "Celestial" series. U think you have a good writing style and your stroylines are well imagineered. I like that you write your characters to have depth and interesting personalities.

First issue: This cacophony of incompatible technology we rely upon is barely capable of relaying a coherent message. We are not surprised it fails so often, the only surprise is that it worked in the first place!

 Speltczech is homophone-phobic coded by progroomers who are functionally illiterate!

 It is down-wrong hilarious when auto-replace functions place the wrong word in the correct context. 


Second issue: SSC, the claim by the BDSM community that they do or should practice "Safe, Sane,& Consensual". But, in my experience in this area, it is just paid lip service. The Master/Doms are drunks and drug-using bullies and abusers. The alleged subs/slaves are prostitutes pretending to be submissive to pay for their drug addictions. I note the literature carefully avoids addressing the reality except for the constant abuse of alcohol.

First of all Noble, the story was great and it brought some deep emotions out of me. Five star rating indeed. Only thing is that the start is a bit extreme, but i guess thats needed for the story line.

To Fanfare:

I do not agree. I have a few friends and relatives who are Dominants and have submissive girlfriends/wives. My best friend is in a great relationship for 5 years now. He and his submissive (Some Dominants hate to use the world slave because of SSC, im one of them) are very happy together. Since him and I are friends for 12 years already, i must say you are terribly wrong. Perhaps you had some bad experiences, but as a person surounded with BDSM lifestyle and myself living one, in my world, you are very very wrong. I would advise of informing yourself a little better and understanding your mistake.

Best regards

Super good story I hope you make a sequel this should be a movie.

Extrardinary.

I can't wait for the next update!!! I will be waiting to read what else happens to Agent Creed.

Hopefully you are still writing and will continue this series; PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So this was entertaining. And that's saying something from me, because as soon as I read "gritty FBI agent story" my interest usually packs up and rides out. Not so, with this story. I got sucked in right from the beginning and was forced (are you sure there's not a chip in MY head?) to devour the entire thing.

I like how you delayed them actually having sex for a good ways into the story to jack up the tension.

As soon as that Carol was introduced I didn't like her one bit - something smelled fishy right off. Though the twist with her being Turner's daughter was unexpected. Props for that.

Anyhow, splendid work. I like your sense of timing for cutting in and out of scenes - straight to the action with nothing unnecessary the reader has to wade through.

5* :)

I really loved this story , it is indeed one of the best on this site. Please write more soon

Intro was far too long; tech errors forced painful stops (grammar, spelling, wrong words, format); it wandered and stalled. I forced myself to keep going and hoped Jon already had a chip in his head he didn't know about. Disappointing ending too. You could have made MUCH better use of Carol. With all that, I still wanted to give you a 4, but was pulled toward a 2 and 3.5 wasn't a choice. You still get a 3. ;-))

The first 1/4 felt to me as being slow, rather clunky, and I had to doggedly persevere. It lacked engagement and passion. The background info on the main character was emotionally flat. Then the story picked up, and I found it to be truly enjoyable. I do need to say that I dropped out of my suspension of disbelief when the author had the main character control the other chips w/o supplying a plausible basis, and the hocus-pocus of "seeing symbols" was far to vague.

I signed up to be able to share my love for this extravagant story.

Entertaining...kept my interest...liked it!!!

is still just a circle.

16 pages to turn an alcoholic into an android

I LOVE IT! I wish I was Sarah,,

I would love to see a second chapter

Shit!!!!!! You just had to end it like that?

Popped in for a quick dirty story- chanced upon a gem. Read it in one go- wish I had it hard copy so I could loan it out. The plot, characters & surprises are up there with Bujold & Cherryh. Looking forward to the next chapters & hope you've considered publishing.

Ok, this was a nice start to the series. I can't wait for chapter 2!

When we all find out how Carol deals with her situation, Sarah accepts hers, even after JC deactivates the chip's control, and the glorious cases the trio solves from here on out.

It looks like you have your work cut out for you! ;)

Wow, that left me speechless. Went out and Googled the X-18 chip, not even Amazon prime had any....When does the movie come out?

This story had me so wet that I have to re wash the yoga pants that were fresh out of the dryer. They were soaked.

Usually, I don't comment on these things. Never really been me. And in fact, I still won't comment on the sexual aspects of the story.

Instead, I wish to give you a warm applause. This story, much to my surprise, touches upon the real conflicts and trouble of not only mental illness, but also hyper intelligence, in a truly humane way. As someone who has struggled a lot with both, I just wanted to thank you. For making me sit down with a little smile, when seeing someone like myself reflected as a person, not a "freak" (as so aptly put), in this most unexpected place.

Thank you.

Well told ! A very good set up for the rest of the book :-)

Awwwww? Pleeeeeeeezzzzzze ?

Carol is not so much a sex slave as a slave, is she?

I don't care so much about the domination thing, but i would sure like to find out what he does with that chip. And where did that neuro scientist go?

Needs more sex

Gawd! I hate it when people DON'T know how write, yet profess to be writers. Some writers thank others for checking their work but, who's checking what they've checked. In'nt IS NOT a word, in any dictionary.

Probably the best story that I ever read on this site.

Just because there wasn't sex on every page doesn't mean this wasn't a lovely story with a great plot. I honestly have begun to grow bored with non stop sex, and the amount shown in this story was refreshing and made me actually enjoy what sex there was. Yes, there were some avoidable grammar errors, but a great story none the less.

Very good story great time reading this one, it played out like a movie in my head.

Best one I have had the pleasure to read in years.

THANK YOU

Excellent story very well told. Some minor editing and grammatical issues (countable on one hand), and I was disappointed that the rule about being awoken with a blowjob was never once fulfilled.

But hey, all in all, this was a kick-ass story that kept me reading it in spite of having a lot of other things to do. Well done!

Bravo! I would not change a thing about the story above what has already been mentioned—excepting the last chapter. This part feels rushed to me, but most especially so because it bookends truly vivid exposition and a climacteric beginning to middle part, the latter of which in fact rivaling to my mind some of the best stuff I’ve read on this whole blasted website).

So much more then I expected. I was sorry it ended, I wanted to read so much more.

I loved the storyline, you write well, and you kept me, as a reader, interested.

You do need an editor, however. Your possessives, plurals, and grammar need careful attention. It seemed just when you were writing an exciting part, you'd drop your attention and a mistake would pop in.

Wonderfully done! Thank you!

So Johnathon was able to change his chip to respond to only his commands, so why doesn't he do that for Sarah and Carol?? Why did he make them slaves to him instead of giving them control over their own chip?? Idk it seemed like that's something he should be able to do, considering he was able to imprint himself in their consciousness. I really hope he ends up giving them their freedom.... they deserve the choice of whether or not they want to be enslaved, and Carol certainly doesn't seem to want it. Idk maybe that comes up in the next chapter, but I don't think I will be able to read much more if he continues to take advantage of the situation. He has the power to free them, and the longer he goes without doing so, the more frustrated I get haha.. Idk maybe I just want this story to be more classically romantic than it is, and have a happy ending where Sarah is freed from her mind control, but still chooses to be with Jonathon and maintain a BDSM relationship, though a more healthy one where she has her own identity.

It was stated pretty clearly that removal of ownership/imprinting would result in death.