All Comments on 'Submission 101'

This was very well-written and lucid. Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us - there is a huge gulf of misunderstanding about the BDSM lifestyle and anything that can help build bridges has to be a good thing. Four stars.

I can tell every word was well thought out and from the heart.

If only more people from a Dom and sub side understood half of what you wrote.

Only thing I would add is what a sub told me years ago while shooting her picture. "This collar might be temporary. These pictures are forever."

Know that somethings can't be undone or taken back. .

Exactly what qualified this author to give advise?

What a beautiful gift, filled with sincerity and insight.

What qualifies this author to advise???? Really! she is a submissive who has obviously been involved in the lifestyle for many years. she is not a newbie, but has direct experience as a submissive with a Dom. her advice is excellent, well thought out and rich with that experience. Do not belittle her advice by asking what qualifies her! True, every submissive is different, but the basics in her advice are sound and solid and hold true for submissives as a whole. They are guidelines to help a newer submissive (and even some more experienced submissives) to use while exploring their submission more in-depth.

to Tara Neale: *warm smile* Thank you for sharing your submissive rules. i appreciate the insights and look forward to writing out my own personal set of subbie rules.

loved this how to i actually want to join the bdsm community and this is a good start and rules to follow also happy you're back to the site hopefully we'll see more of you

My wife an I would switch roles as the whimsy took us in a rather vanilla B&D relationship. Never had the desire to play with others.

Mild bondage and only hand-spanking but we enjoyed ourselves. Communication was our main strength in trusting one another.

And T_N, I certainly agree with your absolute rule on sobriety. I think that SSC should be an acronym for Safe-Sober-Consensual. The mentally ill, whether abuser dominant sadist or masochist prostitute use alcohol and drugs for liquid courage.

Stories are stories, but I wish your stories followed more closely to this.

I have to agree with anon 5/25. It would be nice if your stories followed this more closely. You play fast and loose quit often, yet write well enough that less thoughtful people will take the stories as a guideline, not essays such as this.

There is a very important rule not mentioned - forget anything you might have read on Lit as representing what sane/healthy/safe/consensual/ethical/respectful of boundaries (pick the combination you like) BDSM relationship might be. If a relationship starts with non-consent (e.g. kidnapping); in real life it will not end well. Would you trust your kidnappers?

And yes I agree with the two previous anon comments. If you read some of the comments in the BDSM category, the vanilla public by and large have misguided views of what constitutes a consensual BDSM relationship; very much tainted, I suspect, by The Fifty Shades of Grey and/or John Norman. Sex + pain + coercion = “normal” BDSM and submission is a right the Dominant can beat/force/coerce from the sub (These views are completely incorrect). The question for each author is if they think it is their moral/ethical responsibility to educate the public in general.