All Comments on 'A Letter to His Wife'

sounds like a demoralized homo that can not get the right man and got married.

I don't care if the writer is male, female, or some other orientation, what is important is the message: Trying to get people to communicate in order to reduce the pain of one or both parties. I can't thank the author enough for putting into words thoughts and concepts which may help someone, myself, reduce the pain of being ignored while trying my hardest to please. For those of you who haven't already guessed, I am a male, age 50m amrried 32 years to the same woman, with grown children and lots of disposable income, and have never cheated, ever.

I don't know know which was more enlightening for me to read; this essay or the first comments posted regarding this article.

To the latter: that someone could so obviously expose his own ignorance and intolerance so completely in just one sentence.

To the former: that someone would take time to plead the case of honorable and caring husbands. While I agree with the previous writer that communication is vital to the success of any relationship, let alone marriage, I believe that said success requires even a little more. Patience, understanding, empathy and tolerance come to mind. I am married to an incredible woman who extends to me all of these and more.

"Almost," thank you for taking the time and making the effort in sharing this with us. While some may react as that 'author' of the first comment, please know that those with such small-minded opinions are surely in the minority. If you practice what you preach, your doorbell is never going to stop ringing.

I have to say some of the bitterness from some of you girls is just amazing but the answer is...YES if you do try a little sugar and spice and everything nice, boys do react with trips to Europe and places of your wildest dreams. I've been on my honeymoon (OOH!) sorry, and haven't had a chance to write much, sooo, I'm back, stay tuned for some new juicy stories from the naked garbage girl...and her VERY VERY happy guy.

And to the guy who wrote about the guys who like that slow drawn out foreplay thing, GOOD point, and THAT's the next story for you boys to enjoy. Cause you're right, it isn't just women who like and NEED foreplay. Is it honey...oops, got to run and make dinner now...what shall I wear...let's see...maybe my thong and heels? Or is that over kill...sigh...try it ladies...you'd be amazed what a little skin and effort will do to that manly man of yours...if you'd just stop being so SHREW like!

And for all you gay guys out there, making snippy comments about women, here's my answer....HA! just HA! Since when have you seen a Gay GUY on a Black Velvet Bulletin Board...sorry! Just doesn't do it for many folk! But you keep dreaming...

Love you all and thanks for the encouragement and good wishes! More to come soon.

I will tell this though...a certain man of mine just reminded me...that the garbage needs to be taken out...

When I wrote that story which he read, of course, about the naked garbage girl, he enjoyed it SOOO much...that now to GET him to take out the garbage, I have to do this naked thing in HIGH heels, before he'll take it out...which we now use as his motivation for chores. When I want something like the garbage out, or the lawn mowed, I have to strut about and do something outrageously sexy to get it done.

This occasionally backfires into we get no chores done, but alot of giggling gets heard as the lawn grows up and the neighbors wonder why we live so slovenly, BUT...it is working out for the most part. So there is part of me regretting writing that story and hopefully I will be a bit more careful with the others I write.

We are very happy however, so for all of you who have bitterly looked at some of my ideas as being much much to much of a compromise with someone you might love, I guess my question to you would be, what is your version of fair in a relationship? Is it too much to ask to make life fun and to show you appreciate each other, and to not nag and whine and snarl at each other like some of you have at me?

Is it too much to ask to believe in good things and that they can happen, to dream the dreams and try to live them?

And that's my answer to those of you who who say things like I"m laughing my ass off about things like She must be kidding about being NICE to a MAN...if he's the enemy sweetie, then for God's sake, Don't SLEEP with him! Ya know?

Got to run...I"m making him one of his favorite's tonight and then we're going to sort of relax and just sort of enjoy being together. Life is really nice with him in it. good luck to all of you!

This was such a wonderful thing to read. It is something I have to keep going back to. It is such a simple lesson that one mistakenly thinks they have it down after the once over... But, as i said, I have to keep coming back to it. I have read a few books on the subject, and re read them regularly. I feel I can definatively say that YES you can change the whole tone and direction of your relationship if you come to this realization and remind yourself daily. I am always looking for another way to wow my husband and learn about the things he likes. He just eats it up... I have even found that being able to have conversations with men about things that they are interested in (the scope is rather narrow), I can get just about any man to bend over backwards to help me with anything I need. This also often works with women, even the hateful ones.

Another tip, I love true crime, love to know what makes others tick. But when I am watching my shows and totally engrossed in them, I ALWAYS stop, turn down the volume to listen to my husband. There is a bigger message here! Look at your oppurtunities... Am I going to have the OPPURTUNITY to hear what he wants to say or do again??? If they are sensitive or forgetful you may not get to hear it again! So that is a possible NO. Will I have the oppurtunity to see a show in re run or do laundry. a definative YES. I always go with the oppurtunity that may be lost.

Great writing!

this letter sounds just like my life and was glad someone could put it to words

i was more that happy to forward it to my wife that i love deeply

but for some reason she has forgot what keeps or love ticking

I was on the verge of leaveing until i found this letter hope it works

I didnt like this story because it is a gross generalization of men and women. I dont think that it is fair to say that men in general are not selfish. Everyone is selfish! See Self-Actualization on Maslow's heirarchy of needs. I also dont buy into the "If I am nice to him then he will be nice to me" If that were true then no one would be hurt because everyone would be nice to everyone else. Truth be told, there are circumstances surrounding everyone that cannot be accounted for. So to make vast generalizations (men are not selfish, women cry and yell all the time) without any scientific evidence whatsoever is wrong. This writing should not be in the how to section. I understand that his is based off of your opinion and experience, but please dont try to pass it off as being good advice without putting somewhere in it that this is a very biased stance and takes no research from science. I know because I help do the scientific research on the subject.

I AM ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT I HAVE MADE THE MISTAKES YOU HAVE MENTIONED..I LOVE MY HUSBAND SO MUCH AND I WILL HAVE TO ADMIT I DONT SHOW IT IN THE WAYS THAT WOULD MATTER TO HIM.HE WORKS SO HARD TO MAKE AND KEEP ME HAPPY AND I AM FINDING THAT I DIDNT TELL HIM OR SHOW HIM AS MUCH AS I SHOULD HAVE.WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 25 YEARS AND I KNOW FOR HIM, SOME WERE NOT EASY YEARS.IM NOT THE EASIEST PERSON TO LIVE WITH BUT HE STILL SHOWS ME EVERY DAY THAT HE NEEDS ME,LOVES ME AND AFTER ALL THIS TIME STILL DESIRES ME..IF YOU LOVE YOUR MAN TELL HIM IN MORE THAN WORDS!!

Hi all, I am 100% positive with what has been said here. I just got divorced after 19 years of trying to over come her bad habits b4 the final good by came out.

I was like this man there,just hoping she would stop nagging about the trash and any other unimportant details and start trying to understand me more and do a slight bit on her side which unfortunately never materialized. To me the final word is communicate b4 ending empty by continuously buying peace by staying in your corner. Stay positive guys!

Wish I saw this 20 years ago. I might have had the courage to give it to her then.

sincerely,

"Married 38 years but lonely"

p.s. Life sucks

guys are non-verbal. My latest SO is open, honest and in touch with his 'female' side. He knows how to talk about feelings, he is intuitive and compassionate, and an utter revelation to me. Partners in the past have been men's men, strong silent types and I will never be satisfied with one of those again. Guys need to wake up to the fact that they are no longer required to be strong silent types (let alone breadwinners)

Sure honey, we all want a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T when with our lovers, or anywhere honestly. But I don't think the men I've been with have any right to ask for anything else from me. I have almost always brought home the paychecks, filled in the gaps when they lost a job, even if I didn't have one myself, by going with out, selling my things (even my plasma),

or going without my little luxuries. (conditioner is a "luxury" but cable is a "need").

In addition, I cook most meals,take part time classes at night school, do most of the housework,feed the pets, run the errands, wash his skid marked drawers, and make him feel like an angel on Earth when he lifts a finger to help me. Granted, sometimes I nag, complain, throw tantrums, and cry, but by goddess, when you ask someone to go buy some light bulbs and they act like you are nailing them to a cross you have a right to complain.

Now for sure, I love my man. I wouldn't put up with his B.S. if I did not. But for him to say I can't complain, be tired, or not always be ready for some hot and heavy lovin' after a 18 or 20 hour day, then it's war!

It was an absolutely wonderful storie to read and i must say that i forwarded it to all my girlfriends because some times they are soo...mean and pick every little thing out like forgetting to throw out the trash or even forgetting to feed the cat and being a shrink myself I just get so annoyed and i think it was really great of you to publish this because it is like a guideline to many girls out there

It's tough, is it, for guys to have jobs and bring home a check for US to SPEND? What, so women don't work now? And as if looking after kids, the home AND having a job is any better. Shocked people are still so stereotypical... a lot of my partners have been completely verbal.

I am 19 and I love everything you said! You are so right. Men are wonderful people and they deserve some more respect from women. They can't read our minds, they can't know what we want if we sit there with our arms crossed and our lips poked out tapping our foot at them. He is your man, not your slave. If you want him to mow the lawn, make him his favorite drink and sandwich and bring it to him in a sexy outfit. Be proud to love your man like a king, that way, you can be a queen. Not his nightmare. :D

I am married and my husband recently told me that the things I do around the house just don't matter to him. You know what I'm talking about the cooking the cleaning, the raising of our 3 year old,etc. On top Of that I make all the appointments for doctors visits,etc. He treats me as if I am his secretary when I have never been one in my entire life. I hold a full time job making as much if not more than he does. Trust me when I say "men are not misunderstood by women". Men today just do not know how to cope with "liberated" women. Wake up to the 21st century honey. And for all you guys out there grow up!

"Trust me when I say "men are not misunderstood by women". Men today just do not know how to cope with "liberated" women. Wake up to the 21st century honey. And for all you guys out there grow up!" -- You should get a divorce. You'd be happier without pigs in your life. Sure there are many men that are worthless meatbags just like there are many women that are worthless meatbags. Just because you THINK you understand men doesn't mean you do and based on what you are writing, I'm pretty confident you don't. You think just because something matters to you that it should matter to him, however, if you aren't meeting his base needs, the rest means less (or nothing) to him JUST like if he isn't meeting your base needs, the rest of what he does is means less (or nothing). Here's a thought...both of you write down a list of what's important to you and exchange the lists. Try doing them and see if your overall happiness with each other expands.

Thanks for taking the time to write this. Some of the comments truly seem to come from bitter and twisted people with too any axes to grind. I thought the article followed the KISS Principle. (Keep It Short and Simple)There are variations on that of course. Men in general are not the enemy! Men and women are different but complimentary. Men are not the emotional idiots some women proclaim them to be but are simply different from women. We feel just as deeply but again...differently. If some women were truly as good at emotional intimacy as they seem to think they are then they would learn to reach a man were he lives. We are not overly complex.. just different. For those women who truly care and are willingly to learn a few things about a man then the world is full of possibilities. There is no greater intimacy then two people that openly love, share, and appreciate each other. Thanks!

I agreed with most of what you said and it is really great advice. Some of the women who are contradicting you are (partially) right. Who said we were spending his money? We have jobs too. Why doesn't he take the kids sometimes? We get mad because we're overly stressed while he's out with the guys. It takes effort on both sides. If a relationship is failing it because of a lack on both sides, not just the women, and not just the men.

The road runs in both directions. Like another commenter pointed out, in most marriages, the wife works outside the home as well. If there are children, it's the wife who usually has to take the day off when the children are sick, go to school conferences, etc. We do the laundry, cook the meals, clean the house, make sure the kids' homework gets done, take the dog to the vet, feed the cat, clean the rabbits' cage, etc. And oh yeah, I almost forgot, we're supposed to look good while we do all this. So squeeze in time to get those pedicures, bikini waxes, exercise so we aren't told that we're "letting ourselves go."

<br><br>

Then your guy ogles the waitress or the lady walking down the street, and you just want to reach over and smack him upside the head. Got damn, can't you at least restrain yourself from that shit when you're with me? <br><br>

And one day, you've just had enough. You say, "is this as good as it gets?" You dream of running away from it all. You count the years til your youngest will be 18 and on his/her own. Your husband bitches to you about forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning, and you think of being on a tropical beach somewhere with an anonymous hunk. You rarely get a word of thanks for all you do around the house, or worse yet, you're told that's "woman's work" and you don't need to be thanked for doing what you should do in the first place. You tell your husband that you are going to spend a few hours with your friends on a Saturday afternoon and he balks, and says "why do I have to babysit?" You wonder where the hell he got the idea that spending time with his own damn kids was babysitting? Of course, he'll go out tomorrow to golf with his buddies, but it won't be babysitting that you'll be doing -- cuz you're the mom and that's what moms do. <br><br>

Well, anyway, I lived that life I just described, and I expressed my frustration to my husband, and I tried to find a happy medium for us both, until one day I just stopped trying. And then after awhile, someone came along that offered me an alternative, and I fought the attraction for a long time. And then I had a cancer scare and realized life was too short. Now I'm remarried and very happy. My 2nd husband is 15 years younger than me, and I tell you -- the younger generation don't seem to have the same hang ups about men's work vs. women's work. He helps around the house, and I feel appreciated. Really, that's the core thing that makes me happy. He compliments my cooking, he tells me I look good, he likes to go grocery shopping with me. It's a romance, and I love him. We both work hard and we combine our paychecks to support each other.

Although this article is a bit sexist and you sort of generalize guys and say that they are mostly one way, this is a wonderful article. A lot of women don't realize how much their men want to be loved and how much their men want to love them, and I'm sure this opened a lot of women's eyes to that. ...Atleast I know it opened mine.

Anyways, thanks for taking time to write this it has really helped me.

It seems some females are confusing Men with Boys. Age does not make a man. A Man will help around the house and with the kids with no complaints. If you are dealing with a Man-child, well I guess you know where that is going. If you demand your man talk and express himself the same way you can and do, it is not possible, we are raised and our brains are wired different. If your man does do this, make sure it is the girl he is checking out and not the man on her arm.

The feminist movement did a lot of good.It also caused a lot of harm. If a woman is a woman and a man is a man, they are scorned by the vocal part of society. Some feminists seem to want a man to be a woman but still have a male appendage. So where do we go from here?

I do agree with the women who remark on the fact that women do work outside the home these days. While I hate myself for saying this, but the anonymous poster who says men are pigs is partially right; at least in the sense that men aren't used to women holding the power. However, by saying that all men are pigs just because her husband's an ass makes me sick; it makes her no better than the men she's insulting. She's also quite the coward for posting that anonymously. I'm not here to attack her, however, so I won't. The fact is that men are primarily raised by their fathers (except in cases like mine where my father ran out before I was born) and most men who have children were raised by their fathers and grandfathers, most of whom probably lived to see the suffrage act where women gained the right to vote and is directly responsible for the women of today (and I love their independent personality, but I abhor it when some of them get a superior attitude; they can make a guy's life hell if they want, and they know it, so some choose to lord it over us). Fact of the matter is, most men were raised by those who either lived or were born during/shortly after the suffrage act; as such, their opinions are their father's and their father's had a chauvanistic attitude towards women, plain and simple. After all, it took about 160 years since the declaration of independence was signed for women to get their rights. Even then it took almost 70 years for women to be portrayed as anything more than a housewife without being called a lesbian or radical. You really think that in twenty years, men are going to fully accept and be comfortable with the working woman? Unless they were raised by their mothers, the answer is no. Now, before I start ranting (a bad habit of mine), I'll comment on this piece. It really hit the heart of the issue by saying what no one will admit: men are just as sensitive as women, sometimes more so, but because of the stigma of masculinity, we refuse to show it. Other than that, it seemed a little rushed and convoluted in the writing, but that certainly made it seem passionate.

YOU'RE a REATRD!

"I am so tired of male bashing,"

Which I find ironic considering it seems most males have no issue with female bashing as it is a commonplace norm to use a derogatory insult like bitch interchangeably for the general female population.

"Well I think it’s about time some one let up on these guys, ladies, I work out there, it’s TOUGH, they put up with incredible pressures to bring home that check for you to spend? "

Women also work out there and then come home to do some more work. It seems this is more geared to the single male earner households which are 8% in America.

As i was reading one of your replies to some other folk who got here long before me... Just cause i think more like " your average guy" as you describe them... And gender equality and foreplay for all.. Heels and a thong and maybe some pearls may be fine attire for say.. Vacuuming... Garterbelts, nippleless bras and NO panties for scrubbing the floor on your hands and knees... Go for it...

***BUT.. Trust me when i tell you... If you're cooking in heels and a thong... Make good and damned sure those heels are slip resistant and if useing the stovetop...

1. Make sure to where an apron... Esp. If frying. Grease splatters burn.

2. Take out nipple jewelery. Metal heats up really fast.

3. Do make sure to use potholders especially that match your apron and thong...

4. When serving, wear a different, sexier apron with no grease stains. Presentation is KEY!

Just speaking from experiance... Saftey first!