All Comments on 'UnVailed'

One of Your better ones… Even smiled about the IRS, & I don't like those 3 initials.!

Especially liked the inclusion of "Piper", had one of my own.

I like the story, it was a bit of a ride, but it was a good tale.

I did find the inner voice a bit disjoined and difficult though - I didn't like the way it went, and I thought there might be a better way of doing that part.

The rest though was all great - I like the tracking and the hacking (the phone tracking is built into most phones now, but I like that it got more accurate, etc). I loved the ending for what it was, and I'm glad it didn't go where it could have, but had a semi-predictable but fun and happy end, as it should be.

I kind of wish that the end "case" was about the ex as well, just to bookend the whole thing that bit further (was it? I couldn't tell).

Anyway, good story, thanks for writing :)

We learned who her abuser was early on and everything pointed to him throughout the story. The husband was truly a moron and should accept that he's too dumb to reproduce. The final cliché of finding happiness with the cop put the final nail in the coffin of this dull tale.

there was a twist, we're all surprise you can fucking read. WOW! What a fucking dumb ass. Saxon_Hart give us a good BTB story and you fuck it up with your dumb ass comment.

This is real man story

5*

Another great job by Saxon hart well done had wonderful twists to it and ending up with Philips was a great finisher

Thanks for sharing.

Really enjoyable read. I would have liked for there to be a little bit more coverage of the immediate aftermath of her waking up, but I enjoyed observing the unfolding as he discovered something that was obvious to us but would have to have been foreign and impossible to him.

I was reading your story. I came to a sentence where you said that the deposits were done locally when you meant withdrawals.

This brought me for a second out of the story. And I thought: what other errors do I find in the writing?

And I realized I was enjoying the story do damned much, I didn't CARE if there were errors. I was immersed in the story. That is what every author wants. Maybe in a day or two, I might find some fucking quibble, but AS READ, it was a rollicking good time for a story. Good characters, nice transitions, the pacing was fucking perfect, continual building details to the story. What else can I say?

BUT, I feel the need to address a comment. Someone said that the real culprit was pointed out, that there was 'no twist' and that made this a fucking stupid story.

Well guess what bucko? I have heard about the Grand Canyon. It is a fucking big hole in the ground. If I GO to the Grand Canyon, it will STILL be a fucking big hole in the ground. The 'twist' is ruined for me cause I already know what's there.

Sometimes a story isn't some surprise destination. Sometimes it's the trip that brings you TO what you already know and expect.

I enjoyed this very much.

Good story

A cracking page turner of a story and a much needed change to the fetid cuck crap that's infected the LW section the last few weeks.

The character's felt real as did the tracking, hacking and catching :) Your best tale to date Saxon.

Please keep writing.

almost anything for a ski lift ticket. TK U MLJ LV NV

Reads like a detective story.

Enjoyable. 5*

Thx!

Thanks for a great story

I didn't know many writers on here were capable of this kind of work. I loved every word of this. Funny thing is I came on looking for the third part of The Unoriginalist's story and saw this.

This is very good work Saxon, and you deserve 5 big ass stars for it. Thank you for sharing this and I can't wait for your next story.

One of a couple of refreshing stories as of late,which have risen above and eclipsed the mundane cuckold tales which litter the LW section. (I don't mind a shared wife tale as long as it's erotic and interesting enough to read, but we seldom get those nowadays. I rarely enjoy a cheating slut story, but only when the emphasis is on how gripping the sneaky act is, and not the consequences.)

This story is splendid and manages to grab the reader's attention through its writing style. I personally like stories which include the interactions of ancillary characters who are also affected by the transgressions of a slut wife; Saxon's effort firmly puts us next to the protagonist in this topsy-turvy roller-coaster of a ride as shocking revelations are discovered. Crucially, the reader will actually care about the characters because they have more depth which is conveyed through the excellent writing.

Cheaters were exposed and paid for their sins. And the husband was proactive and NOT a wimp cuck, how refreshing!! Retribution was meted out and balance, restored...this reader is quite satisfied with the outcome. Too bad about the slut wife getting beaten up by HER lover, but, Hey! you do play with fire long enough, you eventually get burned...

Thanks for the effort.

A well done interesting story. Please, don't make your main character such a wimpy ass. Let him be a little angry when he gets accused of hitting his girlfriend by her pop. The only ones who did anything wrong were the girlfriend and her dad who jumped, leaped, sprinted, to an unwarranted conclusion. Why the hell does he have to be apologized to?

I rated it as a "5" and loved it. Your "twist" with Garrett was very well done as I wondered about his demise as it seemed too convenient, yet did not connect my concern until late. I did also suspend my sense of disbelief that wife's W-2 would not have included her extra earnings--though I wonder how the IRS did with respect to hubby's involvement. Perhaps having her receive the money from a separate entity. But no matter. This was a great story, and I look forward to your next one.

Outstanding return, Sax! BTB done right and for the right reasons!

5 HUGE Stars!

Very good tale BUT Zeke let the cheating WHORE / CUNT/ Slimy Three Hole / Skank wife Joy & the P.O.S. Cal off way to easy! Was that his ex wife dead in the trailer (This reader isn't sure ) but if it was .. she STILL got off to easy!!

Again, nice story SH just wished you had taken the BTB payback to the next level .. Joy, the gutter slut, deserved it and MORE!

Cheating WHORE wives are the lowest form life!!!

Excellent read, moves along nicely with plenty of plot twists and turns. 5 stars!

voice in our hero's head. I recall one sentence that should have been in italics. There were a few places that were confusing, but not enough to ruin the story. Needed one, last, thorough proofreading. (Not by the author. In my experience, the writer knows what comes next and generally makes the same error again.)

That's a good thing however. There were a lot of cliches like computer geek buddies & abusive but irresistible ex. But said cliches were framed by honed laconic wit & plot that ran in ever-tightening circles to the truth.

Saxon Hart has had a higher percentage of LOL lines in other stories but this is his tightest & most cohesive tale IMHO. Kudos and full marks.

I love asshole who can't just comment on a story. I guess the only way they can feel good about themselves is to trash others for daring to have a different opinion.

<P>

BTW, I agree with notion that there wasn't much of a twist. The culprit was her old abusive boyfriend. Yeah, that's a really surprise. (And yes, that's sarcasm.)

<P>

Personally, I found this to be a meandering mess. Cal was not a twist, he was a red herring. There’s a difference. Was her cheating with two men enough? No, throw in tax evasion to pad and needlessly lengthen the story. Come to some real resolution as to the why? Hell no, deal with it by not dealing with it (by having him cut off all communication).

was really hard to follow. Other than that it was a good read.

Nice job. The wife was more than a cheater, she was a deranged villain. The devious lies from the beginning. The tattoo. The secret bank account. The cheating on Cal. There was no truthfulness in her.

And she keeps going back to the loser that beats her. Frankly, that seems a little less believable. Most women go back to abusers because they are in dead end situations and don't see any way out. They are dependent on their abuser. That's clearly not the case here. Joy has a loving husband and a good job. She even has a lover who loves her. Why does she need the loser?

The bit about the cell phone is lousy tech. Having the tracking program in permanent memory means nothing if the phone is off. Being powered off means it is inaccessible to any probes that might locate it, including GPS. Only if it was powered on could the program respond. You don't need to be actively making a call but the phone does need to be on. There is no such thing as "memory power" while the phone is turned off or the battery is dead. Some memory can retain content when there is no power but no operations can be carried out. The memory is not accessible. The closest thing is if your computer is in sleep mode there may be enough power applied to memory to keep it active. But even in that case, all communication capability is off because it sucks up power too fast. No communication capability, no locating. If you don't understand tech, don't try to get cute about it.

In the end, for the scope of Joy's villainy, she got off pretty lightly. You don't put Lex Luthor in the County lockup for 6 months.

A very well written and entertaining story to read, Bravo!

Joy could have been a JPB or PapaToad woman. Fascinating story - inserting and almost funny at times - great (inner and outer) dialogue and cast of characters. Excellent ending too. Well done.

I've really enjoyed some of Saxon Hart's earlier stories, and this one definitely started off in the same category. But I felt the ending was weak - it didn't really explore Joy's personality. The explanation of her cheating was below SH's standard and capability.

The submission needed a lot of editing for small errors, like omitted words. Very many characters ... maybe include hints in conversations with them (like 'Cheater' when talking to Cal)! Details on getting her 'secret' account were unnecessary. Just say 'My accountant made sure all the legalities and tax obligations were met for MY portion!'

I agree that Sweetie's motives and rationale were left largely a mystery (not unusual in real-life), but finding a mechanism for uncovering those would be hard to generate. She was an accomplished liar, then she felt betrayed by Hubby's 'outing' her to the IRS!

4*

This was a good cheating story that didn't have the person that was cheated on being violent. He got the best revenge by taking her money, dumping her ass and finding another woman to love.

Thanks for a story that 'grabbed' the interest, enjoyed it from start to finish.

I actually enjoyed that and any errors were lost in the enjoyment from the story. Fun to see this one....

Prob shoulda gave it a 5, but with "Rendering Boilerplate" on the brain I didnt. Still, this story was much better than 90% of what is being posted on LW, so author should be very proud.

Would've loved some insight into the wife's motivations, beyond what was given, but oh well

Loved it!

Loved it, well worth the read. Well paced and kept me guessing. Worth all five stars.

One evil bitch. Five stars. Thanks.

Fine Tale, good pacing and decription

This story is told from his point of view, not multiple points.

From his POV her actions were so egregious that an explanation would serve no purpose to him.

but he didn't have a clue his own wife was a lying whore? Weak...well written but the plot needs some work.

1. If an Author writes a story from only first person, we will know that what he/she experienced and not more!

2. It may be some divorced husband will not find quickly newer mate, but we are on a fantasy story collection, so such stories, where the divorced husbands find better newer wives that 5***** from me!

5*

@sugna The doctors ask for other doctors, when their families have healthy problem. If you trust you will not note the signs against you have good detective instinct.........If a doctor's kids have healthy problem the strange doctor could be objective.........

Loving wife story and a first-rate detective story rolled into one.

How about having Zeke star in a series in Non-Erotic?

Car salesmen push buyers from new (no profit; gobbled up by dealership owners and manufacturers under the table) to used, where there is a wide market and profit. Many new car dealerships are only open so they can sell the used cars on their lots. Caveat Emptor! Only bigger scam is CarMax! (we dont negotiate prices!)

Enjoyed the combination cheating wife and Detective story. Plot was excellent and characterization was excellent for a shorter story. Dan

...very clever. 5*. I did have to start skimming halfway through, but I always do that when stories dig into the background of a relationship heavily. It's still important to establish some of those details though.

Not my kind of story, but a veryenjoyable read as it was written so smoothly.

Really liked some of the internal dialogue while driving to Vail, but one part of it went clunk. Other than that, great. Thank you!

I skimmed at least 3 pages, it was repetitive and entirely too long.

Finally a loving wives story where the guy isn't a hopeless wimp cuckold.

I enjoyed reading your story. Thank you for sharing.

Great scene with the internal dialogue when he was going to Vail. It laid out all the questions, the confusion and disbelief neatly and with a little humor in a usually humorless situation. Great writing style overall. Keep up the great work!

Very nice story with a great flow.

because I got half-way through the first page and found it confusing. Maybe it was all the talk about WWII, I don't know.

Since I know Saxon_Hart as a very good author, I thought I give it another shot when I saw the story posted here. I'm glad I did.

Great work as usual. Since I didn't read the story on the other site I didn't vote but I gave you a 5* here.

i love it when the man gets even with the bitch ex wife and finds a woman better suited to him

Now I have to go read the rest of your posts.

This story is certainly a five, and here's why. First, the typos and grammar errors were fewer than most published books. It started in the first person and ended that way with no slip ups - not one. That was well done! Second it was tightly woven; this story shows significant planning and work. Third, the reader, knowing there's a monster someplace, is led through a maize of uncertainty and deceit without being confused by amateurish clumsiness. Fourth, there's just enough doubt to make the reader wonder who the abusive person really might be. The connection between the tattoo and the abusive boyfriend was a priceless addition. Fifth, it was about one person, the husband, and how his faith, love, and trust were all mercilessly stripped away with each new revelation. Near the end the protagonist was left naked, helpless, and very much alone. Last, we got to meet a truly upright strong and moral man; a man whose unpleasant family past had given him the strength, the resolve, to set a once rich fantasy marriage aside and face bitter reality.

I admit I was ambivalent about the wife at first. I'm a man and inclined to be protective, and her first appearance as having been so savagely assaulted made me want to reach out to her. However, as more and more of the truth was slowly revealed my feelings of empathy were slowly cast away. Her deceit when she first emerged from the coma finished her off. I had no more interest in anything she would ever have to say. Joy was beneath contempt. Joy wasn't a woman; she was a gorgon.

Second half had the cards fall in where they were expected. I loved the inner dialog, great use of humor. I was holding on for the twist, the explanation why she was in Vail. I guess I got that explanation, but it was too damn predictable. I forced myself through th ed last couple pages just hoping for something new. The only "twist" was that he ended up with the Vail detective instead of Cal's wife.

writing was great as usual. I am scoring this higher than I normally would because the humor outweighed the predictability.

Thanks for sharing. I like your style.

Didn't like the flashbacks, felt they disturbed the flow. 4*

I really enjoyed this story; I think your a talented writer as it's quite hard to write in 1st person & make a great job. Well done

I loved the detective work and the logical flow of this story. Very fine Author.

@SH I like reading about 2nd WW.

Really enjoyed the internal dialog...you sure nobody can hear my thoughts? Cause they sound a WHOLE LOT that that! LOL!

He and the family would have been better off in the long run.

Not the erotic story I was hoping for, but well worth reading none-the-less.

Most of them are half baked revenge dribbles I find disgusting. This one however was very entertaining and I liked it a lot.

However, I knew from the start that Garrett was still around sniffing after her panties.

Cal was such a ... well he is described perfectly in the story.

I have known many women like Joy in my lifetime and I can't understand their logic either. They always have a good guy on the hook while they give all of themselves to the 'bad boys'. Bo figure ... I just learned to recognize the type and stay the hell away from them.

Joy was a piece of excrement that needed to spend much more time in prison munching on the local cuisine.

I'm glad to see ol' Cal was divorced. Scum of the earth, mansluts like him are.

And Garrett? He need to be nailed to a wall spread-eagled . Then go to work on him, taking a few days and being careful to not let him bleed to death as he's being skinned, AFTER having both his testicles torn from his nutsack. Try to get his skin completely off and then call 911 and see if they can save him. The longer they can, the more payback one receives.....

I'm going to expound on Joy from the previous comment. She was a fucking cunt. And a piece of shit. Should have sent her to the Mexican whorehouse after desensitizing her sex organs.

Seriously, an excellent tale and a fun read.

Five stars

I really like your story-telling skills. You kept me engaged throughout your tale wanting to learn where you were going with it. Keep doing what you do!

Very well written. Thank you

Damn good story. Too bad he was so blind he couldn't see that Joy was a piece of shit.

I think your writing and storytelling skills are getting better and better. I enjoyed the story. The wife's betrayal was over the top, but it set the stage for one hell of a story.

Unlike all of your admirers so far, I am not a fan of revenge stories, which is why it's more of a compliment to you that I was drawn in by the mystery of your story. Good job.

Good story... but.... how could a guy with a detectives brain (constantly analyzing and evaluating facts) not know his wife was cheating for 6 years, given all she was doing, his history with her, and his experience with cheating wives... If I ever decide to do a major crime I want to know where he is doing the detective work... Maybe a guy that dumb deserves to be ousted from the gene pool. Oh well he was a pretty good guy (just a little dumb), and he got a nice woman and kids, so good for him. I just hope his kids take after their mom in the brain department.

Alpha Dog

have trust and verify relationships, TK U MLJ LV NV

Thought the same thing all through the story.

Poor marriage choices don't make very good erotic stories, much less non-erotic stories. All the detective work didn't make up for the lack of personal connection between the main characters. If the guy was a good detective, why didn't he detect the real problems with wifey before marrying her?

You brain dead piece of shit. All you do is post negative shit on author's stories. If you are so miserable why not just eat a fucking bullet you fucking mongrel. Stick to gay male or the cucky shit with KernthekuntWoods.

Every one was either dumb as a post and dishonest - or smart as a whip and virtuous lol.

Garret was purportedly smart but we never saw any evidence of it - so I hold to the above.

Joy was a stunted personality that craved abuse - so it seems and had a basic dishonest streak in her. Garret got the other trips hubby got squat.

We all hope she lives in pain - we know Garret will -

I really like your stories. I found this one interesting and quite different. Also, once again it isn't that standard loving wives stuff.

Please keep writing.

I wish joy showed some kind of remorse.

I'll make it short: loved it! Perfect build up - perfect ending!

For a guy who thinks he is a good detective he couldn't read his own wife to well.

You have grown as a writer. An excellent effort.

There's a difference between naivety and stupidity and the husband character was a complete numbnuts. For this reason I couldn't swallow this story. Other than flawed characters the story was technically well organised. Thanks for your effort!

Those comments about Zeke's naivete. Most guys are trusting souls, especially in longer relationships.

If a woman is smart and works at it she could pull the wool over most guys' eyes.

A bit confusing at times, but for the most part a good story. The writing was fine. Didn't see any typos. I do like a story with a little more depth than the norm, so this went over quite well. Cheers!

No woman that shallow, selfish, cruel, and dishonest can fool a careful observant discerning person. Sorry if you think you got scammed, but most of us participate in being deceived, by not asking enough questions and drilling down past the bullshit. His deception started when he did not drill down to find out why this girl was dating a guy who beat her. Then, why was she going to the funeral of a guy who beat her? Why did she have dinner with a guy who beat her. Had her on the ground and was kicking her! And why had he never meet her best friend, Fiona? Why did Fiona never come visit, come for dinner? And why would he go along with his wife having a tattoo near her pussy? And why not drill down to explain why it was a tattoo of Jiminy Cricket? Naw, she lied in a heartbeat during her interview with the detectives in a way that was easy to disprove. She wasn't that smart. He would have found out sooner if he had been looking harder. He just didn't want to see what he didn't want to believe. At least she had a good 10 years of extra cock and money. In her sick mind it was probably worth it. She's not bad looking and is easy pussy; she'll be back on her feet, and her back, in no time.

he wasn't very good on clues. TK U MLJ LV NV

What an excellent writer we have here. I hesitate to opine any criticism, but with that mention, I've now hesitated, so here goes. The wife is so evil as to be unbelievable, as is Garret. Why would she put up with the abuse? The story was all from the husbands POV, had SH thought about the wife's POV, it would perhaps mitigated some stuff and made things more plausible.

Chilley

Still a roistering good time. I forgot the details of the revelation, (even if I can do the math to know it was Garrett all along) so the trip was still worth the journey.

I am a little sketchy on the details of the money interactions at the end.

**

Having read this a second time, I really want to know more about the wife and Garrett. She obviously thinks the bruises are worth his company (though to be fair, he only attacked her three times and all but one in emotionally charged circumstances: him moving, her denying him a child with his love) So it is not like he is CONSTANTLY hitting her. Zeke would detect that kind of abuse pretty quickly since he is reasonably perceptive if his attention is engaged.

This is no apology for Garrett. He is painted as a scumbag and acts like one. Just nothing he is not a constant 'beater'.

The reasoning of the wife I totally don't get. She is a total cypher to me because her loyalties and actions are all over the place. A tattoo by a lover near her vagina...but she is reserving her baby for her husband. Visiting lovers once a month...but treating the husband well at home. But then she cheats on both her lover and her husband as well.

The one you REALLY NAILED is Cal. I loved the interaction between him and Roger. I 'get' him. He loves two people. He is torn about her 'cheating' on him. He wants his own secret life with the adoration of two hot women but he gets emotionally invested and does have some semblance of a conscience. That was the high point of the whole story from a character standpoint.

Your anecdote about the wife pulling a knife on our protagonist when he locked the husband up was spot on. And yes, there are women who simply won't leave an abusive relationship.

There may have been feelings, they may have even been love, but, it must've been some screwed up kind of love. I can somehow see she still had " love " for the old boyfriend. I don't condone it in any way shape or form, but, if that was the case then she should have not married him. He caught her cheating, forgave it because they didn't go all middle school and declare exclusivity, but a kernel should have been in his mind, if she lied about this, then what else would she be lying about? All those years and he never mingled with her coworkers? Never mentioned anything to any of them about the trips? The fact that her boss knew about an affair in his office between two married people and did nothing, I am sure that insurance companies have morals clauses. He didn't sue? Maybe he should have asked her how she would mind if he hooked up with an old girlfriend for the entire marriage. Just for sex, maybe some cuddles, a few kids, but he would stop home every now and again? Also, six months only for tax evasion? Most states have minimum 18 month sentences plus whatever the Feds give her. I liked the story, he didn't go all Rambo on their asses, but still she is the poster child for narsasistic behavior!

One last thing, when I was a medic in the Bronx before elms went to FDNY, my parter and I witnessed an event. There was a pimp there called Willie. He liked to beat his girls. One night we were in the projects at one am having lunch. We see this car go at a high rate of speed and crash into willie's pimp mobile. Now we call it in and ask for PD to secure the scene. Before we can even get there (all 175 meters away from the bus) the car is put into reverse and crashes his car again. After the third time it just wouldn't go. We got to her by then but she had taken a crow bar and started breaking everything on his car. PD got there by then but so had Willie. When he saw his car he was yelling like a dog howls at the moon. He tried to attack the girl but ran right into one of the cops fists. PD also found two bricks of weed so they arrested him. Here's the Paul Harvey though. Guess who baked him out the next day,,, yup the girl who did the damage, and when asked why she said she loved him. I was transferred out to midtown south after that, but did hear through the grapevine that when Willie tried to kill her he was killed by PD when he waved the gun at them and not the girl. Just goes to show that people will do the darnedest things when they are in " love "!

I just gave favorite author standing to a new LW / BTB author! 5 *'s

Your best story for sure.

I read all of them and only this one and "Best Friends" have my 5 star vote.

I wish you can write more like these two.

By far the most interesting plot development of anything you've written.

I enjoyed the internal dialog of the narrator/protagonist as well.

Keep Writing!

Excellent story line and plot. Probably your best submission so far. Keep up the great story telling.