Question from a virgin

Being totally new to BDSM I wondered what it is like, so I thought I'd pose a question just to find out. The question's simple enough, but the answers may determine whether I'd enjoy this pastime or not.

If you dominated me or I you what would you expect of me, what would you want to happen, and what exactly would you do?

Carl

Carl East said:

Being totally new to BDSM I wondered what it is like, so I thought I'd pose a question just to find out. The question's simple enough, but the answers may determine whether I'd enjoy this pastime or not.

If you dominated me or I you what would you expect of me, what would you want to happen, and what exactly would you do?

Carl

Click to expand...

Ties Carl's big ding-ding on 4x4, and take a huge leap to step on...

Carl East said:

Being totally new to BDSM I wondered what it is like, so I thought I'd pose a question just to find out. The question's simple enough, but the answers may determine whether I'd enjoy this pastime or not.

If you dominated me or I you what would you expect of me, what would you want to happen, and what exactly would you do?

Carl

Click to expand...

Oh wow!

Gosh, Carl, that is some question. It deserves a full and thoughtful answer.

I will give it a go - but may have to come back and add stuff.


DISCLAIMER
This is all hypothetical. I am in a 24/7 relationship and have no wish/desire/need of another Dom.
OK ... here goes ...

I am submissive - so I would look on you as a Dom.

What would I expect?
I would expect you to be totally honest with me at all times. This is not limited to what you think of me, or the way in which I do anything you ask of me.
I would expect you to have discussed limits and to honour those limits. If you, as a Dom, thought a limit of mine needed pushing, I would expect you to do this patiently, and to repect any faultering on my part. I would expect you to push limits.
I would expect you to be knowledgeable in the aspects of play that you (we?) enjoy. If there is an area of play that excites either of us and you do not possess the knowledge, I would expect you to make every effort to obtain such knowledge.
I would expect you to care for me, to meet my needs. These needs especially include any emotional needs, as well as the purely physical ones.
I would expect you to listen to me ... not just with half an ear whilst letting your mind wander over the latest cricket/football/whatever results, but really listen if I indicate that I have something I need to say.
I would expect you to discipline me if I needed it, but I would expect any punishment to be given in a calm and controlled manner.


errrrrr I am going to stop now and write out my thought before posting again, else this gets too longwinded and rambling.

(BTW Carl ... welcome to the forum)

Willow

Seriously,...please continue,...I am ready to copy and paste this one.

i'm going to take a stab at this...

...as a submissive

What i would expect is communication. A lot of it. Honest. Forthright. Open. No holds barred communication.

i would expect to share with You my deepest fears, secrets, and desires without reproach and without judgement.

i would expect to not be the Dominant one in the relationship, to not have to take the lead, to not have to tell You what to do, to not have to tell You when to punish me, when to push me, etc...

i would expect to earn Your trust in me. To know that i will obey, that i will not dishonor You, that i will respect You. To know that You do not have to demand what i will freely give in my own trust of You.

i would expect You to take an interest in me and in understanding my needs and desires, my kinks and my limits. i would expect You to honor those hard limits and know how to nudge the soft ones.

i would expect Your devotion to the health and well-being of the relationship. i do not think it too much to ask, though most that i have known, do. i give all of myself, leaving nothing hidden or buried from You, i bare my soul and body to You, and i expect at the very least to not have to share You unless it is mutually agreed upon from the very beginning. i would expect You not to hurt me intentionally just because You are the Dom and i am the submissive and just because You think You can. i expect from You the right to voice my opinion with respect and calmness and to know that i will be heard, but that You will have the final say.

i would expect You to continue to read and to learn from fellow Doms as i would subs. i would expect from You strength of character and spirit. i would expect from You growth, for both of us.

i would expect from You no less than what You are capable of giving and no less than You are capable of receiving.

i would expect from You, no less than i deserve, for even as a submissive, i deserve happiness and wholeness.

i hope this made sense...

belle

Thank you Spankablebelle and Willowpuss, I'm a little more enlightened as to how to behave, whether I am being dom or submissive. However, I'm still unsure as to what the physical aspect of BDSM is all about, other than being tied up.

I'm sure there's more to all this than just being tied up, so could you enlighten me further?

Carl

Carl

Carl East said:

Thank you Spankablebelle and Willowpuss, I'm a little more enlightened as to how to behave, whether I am being dom or submissive. However, I'm still unsure as to what the physical aspect of BDSM is all about, other than being tied up.

I'm sure there's more to all this than just being tied up, so could you enlighten me further?

Carl

Click to expand...

May I suggest you read many of the threads already established,...then perhaps you could ask more clearly defined questions to place in your thread.

Re: Carl

artful said:

May I suggest you read many of the threads already established,...then perhaps you could ask more clearly defined questions to place in your thread.

Click to expand...

Thanks Artful, I have been checking some of them. I just thought it would be quicker getting told directly in my own thread, but I think you're right I shall check out more.

Carl

Carl East said:

Thank you Spankablebelle and Willowpuss, I'm a little more enlightened as to how to behave, whether I am being dom or submissive. However, I'm still unsure as to what the physical aspect of BDSM is all about, other than being tied up.

I'm sure there's more to all this than just being tied up, so could you enlighten me further?

Carl

Click to expand...

OK, Im a small d domme, I dont go in for a lot of bowing and kneeling type stuff. But if you submitted to me, first of all you would do what I told you , period, or the partys over. OF course, before we started I would know damn sure what your limits were.
I like pretty much the whole gamut of physical activity when I play with men, outside of them getting anywhere near my own personal yonsky. Sorry, boys, its girls only down there.
I might spank or paddle you, or if you are a little more brave, use a singletail whip on you.
I also like cbt, thats cock and ball torture to the un-initialated, I like anal playand if I am in a particularly happy frame of mind, I might fuck you with a strap on.
Im not really sure what you want to know here, but I will answer any questions I can if you be more specific.

MzChrista said:

OK, Im a small d domme, I dont go in for a lot of bowing and kneeling type stuff. But if you submitted to me, first of all you would do what I told you , period, or the partys over. OF course, before we started I would know damn sure what your limits were.
I like pretty much the whole gamut of physical activity when I play with men, outside of them getting anywhere near my own personal yonsky. Sorry, boys, its girls only down there.
I might spank or paddle you, or if you are a little more brave, use a singletail whip on you.
I also like cbt, thats cock and ball torture to the un-initialated, I like anal playand if I am in a particularly happy frame of mind, I might fuck you with a strap on.
Im not really sure what you want to know here, but I will answer any questions I can if you be more specific.

Click to expand...

Somebody needs to start keping track of how many new words Christa makes up

Yonsky?
uninitialated, I love that one, I think it ought to be in general usage!

something that gave me some insight...

hello carl.

if you're looking for some more ideas as to what a BDSM relationship or BDSM play *could* involve, depending of course on one's interests and limits and those of their partner, take a look here:

http://www.soulshaven.f2s.com/nchk_main.php3

it is a list designed for partners to find out their limits and such. it gives a fairly thorough mention of aspects of BDSM. i like this one in particular because a mouse over will give you some explaination as to what is meant by certain terms. (mind you the explainations are often rather inexplicit).

there are many other "BDSM checklists" online as have been mentioned in other threads. you might try searching lit.

a book that was suggested to myself, and which has been named a number of times is:
"Screw the roses, send me the thorns" by Philip Miller and Molly Devon. published by Mystic Rose Books, Fairfield Conneticut.
you'll most likely have to order it online, or go to an "alternative" bookstore, maybe a sex shop? your local library simply won't have it. *grin* wonder why?

these are the things that have helped me learn. i hope this is of some help to you carl, and any other virgins out there.

yes, i understand the irony - i'm still listed as virgin and i haven't got and avitar yet. i'm working on it.

Re: something that gave me some insight...

"angel" eve said:

hello carl.

if you're looking for some more ideas as to what a BDSM relationship or BDSM play *could* involve, depending of course on one's interests and limits and those of their partner, take a look here:

http://www.soulshaven.f2s.com/nchk_main.php3

Click to expand...

Thank you Angel, that was most helpful.



Carl

Your thingy looks like a stick shift, so I'd grab it, an imaginary wheel and pretend I was racing though the Auto-ban in my jaguar. (Pronounced in the most pretentious accent you know)

Ahh, the wind whipping through my hair as the road speeds beneath me at hundreds of miles per hour. I'm young, I'm beautiful, and I'm rich!
Oh, Monte Carlo, here I come!

glad to be of service

you're very welcome carl.

Never, I LIVE in the country of stick shifts and Autobahnen and no speed limits ... your post had me laugh out loud ... I was just thinking about a good reply on that monster cock ... well thank you for yours ... You paint quite a picture!

You wanna make that at least 135 miles an hour, though ...