The New Poems List

Short Sweet & Sensual
by mmmmsexy ©

senses
sensual
sensuous
sensitive
sensing I would like to use ALL my
senses to explore ALL of you

scent mmmmmmmm
scrumptious!
sumptuous
situation suggests sharing sexy scenarios
stately shaft sliding into slick
slippery softness

sensational!

share some?

ssssshhhhhh
secret.

Can someone say Deju Vu? I couldn’t find a new #1 so here I go the new poems list. Untill there is a new # 1, I will turn my gaze toward those who have walked, stalked or lurched into the frey most recently. I begin at the bottom of the list…

Okay it sure has a lot of S’s and it does build toward a sort of coherent thought.
Perhaps the idea of using all your senses should have been explored in the poem. You know sight, sound and touch etc.
I get the feeling at times we almost get there but the love of the 19th letter of the alphabet gets in the way.

The abundance of words that begin with s provides no rhythm that is pleasing to say and in trying so hard to be slever I mean clever the poem loses it soul.
The use of ALL CAPS in the first stanza does elevate the sound and power of the sentiment but is unnecessary there is little to shout about.

And the mmmmmmm inserted in the poem is a trademark of sorts the artist works this into most of her poems. If one is sufficiently whimsical you can almost imagine this being read by a Dr. Seuss character.

To see something of potential in the artist try reading,
“Waking You…The Hard Way.”

U.P.

Sublimely slithering softly, sadly silently...

oops

Did not sign in correctly.

U.P.

alliteration madness

UP--

NUT!!!! Well, if I was too strident at least you throw in a dose of humor.

If someone has to take the heat, thanks for volunteering.

Seriously, for all the complaining and debating, it looks like poetry is getting more attention. I think that's a good thing.

Now, when you've taken a few hits for your comments you can come stop by my place. I've got bandages, gauze and scotch to take the edge off. hehehehehehehe.

Welcome.

Peace,

daughter

I have taken a bit of time to read bluepervina his poetry is wildly uneven yet there are moments...

Finally Outside
by bluepervina ©

finally
we finish
and smoke curls on up
a little rope
of significance
uncoiled from my hand
i ignore your soft crying
and i breathe

your cunt is open
spilling
and your hand
can't stop
around, down, pinch
and slide
your fingers going in
as i go away

outside
i know your window
and the darkness
white sheets
once white
the sun a poor neighbor
left waiting at the glass
but i cannot

Well what do you guys think? I think there is an unpolished gem here. An instance where the image stands up to the use of cliché:
"smoke curls on up a little rope of significance"

Not bad, I picked this poem because it has a structured and well-imaged opening something many poems often lack. In fact the first stanza is the whole poem. It paints a beginning, middle and somewhat tragic end. There is enough space in-between the images to allows us to wander and come to our own conclusions.

The second and third stanzas are useless they provide no meaningful dialog or images. They do not propel the story. In fact they are unnecessary. The artist spends the last two stanzas trying to explain what happened in the first and why?
Mr. Bluepervina we can figure it out! And if we cant let us try!

I suggest you read a bit more of bluepervina, as I said he is wildly uneven yet every once in awhile he strikes pay dirt.

Perhaps we could take up a poll to convince him to remove the last two stanzas. With some minor revision this could be a good poem it has a haunting quality.

U.P.

Diamonds

We often hear that size doesn’t matter. In this case, Savage Kitten proves that theory.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=735


Diamonds
by Savage Kitten ©

Diamonds of Ecstacy
splattered
about my neck
for full effect

Diamonds displayed
smoothly
gracefully adorned
so proudly worn




As is my custom, I took the time to read all of SK’s poems. She displays a variety of styles and techniques. In my opinion, this is her best. The poem appears is free verse. I have to say that this is the shortest of all her poems or any poem I have reviewed to date.

The poem’s opening line is a subtle mask, and I appreciate the fact the she avoided the cliché ‘pearls’. The spelling of “Ecstacy” caused me to shudder. I assume it’s a mistake?

Poets, sometimes you don’t have to be clever! ‘Splattered’ is the closing word, not ‘draped’ or any other such romantic nonsense. The end line “about my neck for full effect” is direct. Denotes the wearer of these jewels is comfortable doing so. The use of the word “about” while okay sounds a bit clumsy, too harsh in my opinion.

The Second stanza could do without the repeat of ‘diamonds’. You guys know how I feel about overuse of the title in a poem.
Every poem regardless of length needs a turn, a pivot, this line or words is the emotional, visual device that poets use to progress a feeling or tone in a poem. In this poem the line, “Diamonds displayed smoothly” serves that function well, if read aloud the line creates a necessary pause of thought, reflection. The language remains simple until the last line “gracefully adorned so proudly worn.” That line changes the tone (more formal), illustrates and reinforces the word proudly.
The wearer is not degraded by this act, yet enriched by it.

SK uses rhyme in most of her poems. Here (thankfully), she holds back until the last line of each stanza to create a small counter to the preceding one.

So perhaps the adage is true, size doesn’t matter.

U.P.

Is that the best you could do???

*chuckles* whoaaaaaaa down boy! geezzzzz I'm just teasin! *wink* haha

*blushes* ok, I am embarrassed by stupid spelling mistakes. Can't think of an excuse, especially when I have spell check, a dictionary, and a thesaurus.

The use of the word “about” while okay sounds a bit clumsy, too harsh in my opinion.

The Second stanza could do without the repeat of ‘diamonds’.

Click to expand...

I appreciate you pointing these things out. But, you failed to tell me how I could make it better. If I don't know, I can't improve.

About the rhyming, I don't do that on purpose it's just the way it comes out. The ones that don't rhyme are the ones I have to put the most effort into. *shrugs* Go figure?

Thanx Teach! *grinz* Does this mean I don't get to stay after school for that special tutoring session now?? hehe Sk~

Extra Study will be required!

SK,

The thesaurus would serve you well. There are many directions you could go.

Diamonds of Ecstacy
splattered
encircles my neck
for full effect

Displayed
smoothly
gracefully adorned
so proudly worn

or

Liquid ice
released
encircles my neck
for full effect

Warmth cools
and works it way into my flesh

Diamonds displayed
smoothly
gracefully adorned
so proudly worn


Please forgive the license, this variation adds a bit of drama but doesn't improve the poem in my opinion. Why not try inserting a feeling or an image into the orginal? Keep the language simple. For those that enjoy obvious image to word construction (metaphor) Diamonds in the first stanza becomes "ice" slang of course. Liquid adds sensuality.
I think your poem is a worthy effort continue to tinker with it.

And yes I will be needing your presence after class.

U.P.

So many poems, so little time.

Gee wiz kids,

Boy I’m tired, yet giddy. Under the auspices of a pleasant merlot I read every poem on the list. From each day I choose the ones I felt rose above the crowd. I refrained from an in-depth observation and tried to limit my comments to only a line or two. Where possible I have provided excerpts of the poets’ gift to help entice you to provide your opinion and vote. Each day appears in no specific ranking or preference. For what it’s worth here’s what I like. Please tell me what I missed.



11/25

The Longness Of Liz
by smithpeter

An ode of some depth, sp weaves a good tale use’s sharp non cliché images and often finds the right words and images.

“Her beasts are shaped,
For champagne glasses.”
There is poetry here to enjoy the first stanza is uneven but I enjoy the effort and the closing stanza simple, yet potent.
Beside pretentious ladies in restaurants,
Adorned with multicolored beads,
Sparkling stone studded rings,
And cinched waists,
Liz appears naked.
Glowing.

Take a look at Liz I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30114

A Lover's Touch
by The Bard ©

I followed this one all the way through, the bard certainly has control over this form.

A lover's touch so soft and sweet, you'd know it anywhere
Caressing gently on your cheek, and stroking through your hair
His lips brush yours, then kiss again, his tongue your lips divide
You sense his touch upon your breast, and let those fingers glide

This first stanza is good and the remainder is better. For those that love rhyme and form.
This will not disappoint.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30132

11/24

Predictable Red Jacket Diary
by smithpeter ©

Yeah I know he was on the 11/25 list sorry but he has a knack

My ex lover strained
Just a little to get into
The slightly too small red jacket
It was a tease of hers
follow the rest of the tale
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30041

I Touch Myself
by ANCILLA ©

Yes it’s a bit mushy and choc full of cliché but hey it works.
Read aloud the lines:

whispers of desire cried softly
hugging myself in cheap substitution

Now go read the entire poem, and use it as guilty pleasure like too much chocolate.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30023

11/23

Lady Jayne
by pleasureu ©

I could be delirious from over eating… more than likely it's a good poem.

Oh Lady Jayne, I love thee so
My heart in such a spin
Remembering sweet moments
Your laugh, your smile, your grin
Of how you hold me to your breast
Nipple sweet and firm
And as I hear you whisper,
My face to you I turn.

oh yeah theres more…
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29929

The Tale of Pleasing Me
by perky_baby ©

I would gather from the tone that this was written with a quill.
A good capture of language this poem has personality.

Oh! how sweetly wet thy glans,
Bulbous tip dripping cheekily
Towards flattering pink,
My tongue divine.
Liquid passion
Lust’s true wine.


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29936

Struggling Against Fate
by Khul Waters ©

I really want to like this poem it contains a good deal of power. Like most of KH's work there are layers and layers, and layers

And fate is gouging its way
Through our lives
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29924

11/22

You Have One Minute Remaining
by WickedEve ©

Ah the promise of a good title draws me to a promising poem
I know you think our Eve light and airy. Beneath such whimsy lies deep thought. Read this:

changing images on TV
light flickers all about me
crashing on the sofa
with phone and ABC
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29885

11/21

Let Yourself Imagine
by KillerMuffin ©

I did, I did, imagine and I look forward to this reaching #1

I felt silly
standing naked in front of him
he sat fully clothed
my fingers
slowly moving from my arm
to my breast
gently sweeping
my body didn't respond
keyed up with nervousness
lost from the sensuality
of the moment.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29726

A Couple's Couplets
by English-Passion ©

Well executed and pleasing. In keeping with form I read the poem twice.

How do you do that? Make your eyes glow?
It's so damn seductive: a silent hello!

You bite on your lip, wrinkle your brow,
Cock your head on one side - God, you're doing it now.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29741


Acquiescence
by sandblast ©

Some interesting moments a good use words uneven, fun, and lingering.

irridescent moonbeams
eclipsed by shade
demurral's acquiescence
to apprehension's
evade.
the flesh of lust's langour
erased by the chaste
righteous indignance
cowed and abased
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29730

11/20
he says
by daughter ©

Well visualized complex and intense, a poem of considerable density.

he says he suspends logic
each time his eyes span the width of my hips
swoons over my etched lines
vestiges of trailed fingers and kisses
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29616

Bruised You
by daughter ©

Follow this line a find out where it takes you. I traveled quite distance.

but your memory is too long
and I bruise easy.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29617

Heads or Tails
by Mistress Jorja ©

Moody with good potential yet a bit wordy and unfocused.

the backwash of the passing cars
crwaling their way through the night
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29665


11/19

Her and then Him
by shadowfires89 ©

The opening line is electric the poem struggles under the promise and yet still shines inspite of structure.

Come in
And bask in the tears of all my bedded friends
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29530

Perfect timing bottles empty and I finished the list.

U.P.

flattered

thank you Unmasked Poet for reading and recomending

thankyou for your comments on my poetry. I had the opportunity to read that poem at an open-mic night last week in NYC at Cafe Creole. Five of us from Lit showed up. Incredible talent, great jazz, excellent meeting of erotic minds.
Am looking forward to bringing my words to your attention again.

scatterbrained me forgot to log in. Those are my comments above. Sorry <grin>

UP

Thanks for including my poem in your review. I'm glad you're back! I missed reading your comments. I always learn something new.

WE

thanks for mentioning my poem

Thanks for mentioning my poem "I Touch Myself".
Was a bit gooey, huh? lol

Re: So many poems, so little time.

11/25

The Longness Of Liz
by smithpeter

An ode of some depth, sp weaves a good tale use’s sharp non cliché images and often finds the right words and images.

“Her beasts are shaped,
For champagne glasses.”
There is poetry here to enjoy the first stanza is uneven but I enjoy the effort and the closing stanza simple, yet potent.
Beside pretentious ladies in restaurants,
Adorned with multicolored beads,
Sparkling stone studded rings,
And cinched waists,
Liz appears naked.
Glowing.

***Thanks, to UP I can easily add what impressed me in the read. I, too, was pleased with smithpeter's Liz. I'll admit, I can get scissor happy, but with this one, the trimming would be light. The most editing would come with the opening. In my opinion, it could be tighter. I look for succinct, focused lines. Every word should count. If it doesn't, my mind automatically considers two options: delete or substitute.

Well-written. Kudos, poet.

Peace,

daughter
by perky_baby ©

I would gather from the tone that this was written with a quill.
A good capture of language this poem has personality.

Oh! how sweetly wet thy glans,
Bulbous tip dripping cheekily
Towards flattering pink,
My tongue divine.
Liquid passion
Lust’s true wine.


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29936

***I agree. Loved the tone and the period the poet's language invokes. While my history is fuzzy, the poet convinces me that she knows this time intimately. It suggests she's literate and that is refreshing.(Call me a snob). Her word choice is consistent at least to my quasi educated eye. Sensual and poetic.

Perky, I enjoyed this. Thanks for the read.

Peace,

daughter
You Have One Minute Remaining
by WickedEve ©

Ah the promise of a good title draws me to a promising poem
I know you think our Eve light and airy. Beneath such whimsy lies deep thought. Read this:

changing images on TV
light flickers all about me
crashing on the sofa
with phone and ABC
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29885


****(((Daughter applauds and throws a bouquet at poet's feet)))

WE-- Complex and engaging. Love your images, well-chosen. Vocabulary on mark. Tone and delivery commendable. This does have depth. Accessible without being dumbed -downed.

Thoroughly enjoyed this. Kudos, poet.

Peace,

daughter

Let Yourself Imagine
by KillerMuffin ©

I did, I did, imagine and I look forward to this reaching #1

I felt silly
standing naked in front of him
he sat fully clothed
my fingers
slowly moving from my arm
to my breast
gently sweeping
my body didn't respond
keyed up with nervousness
lost from the sensuality
of the moment.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29726


***KillerMuffin, throw out that nonsense about the merit of your poetry. UP only gives us a glimpse, but a full view gives illustrates real skill and talent at work here. This is erotic. It is lush, complex, focused, and polished. This is no first draft effort.

Everything in this poem says deliberate and thoughtful execution. A good example of the complex caspulated in choicewords and effective lines. Well-done, KM. You present a work on another level with this one.

Thanks for the read.

Peace,

daughter
A Couple's Couplets
by English-Passion ©

Well executed and pleasing. In keeping with form I read the poem twice.

How do you do that? Make your eyes glow?
It's so damn seductive: a silent hello!

You bite on your lip, wrinkle your brow,
Cock your head on one side - God, you're doing it now.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29741

***UP, disagree with you here. The title effectively hints at what is to come. It conjures pleasing images and suggests the erotic. Unfortunately, I found the form restrictive. As with any device, to be effective a device or technique should be employed judiciously. Too much alliteration is annoying. Repetition can either be lyrical or irritating like a scratch on a recording. That's what occurs with the couplet.

Instead of being lured by the sensuality of the images, I am stuck on the repetition of ryhme in this poem. The couplet in the sonnet is appealing because it is a component of a larger form. Here, the component is the centerpiece and all the flowers are the same. Accentuate the read with a few other devices, and the read would be enhanced.

Like the images, would like to see minor adjustments in the packaging.

Thanks for the read.

Peace,

daughter

he says
by daughter ©

Well visualized complex and intense, a poem of considerable density.

he says he suspends logic
each time his eyes span the width of my hips
swoons over my etched lines
vestiges of trailed fingers and kisses
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29616

Bruised You
by daughter ©

Follow this line a find out where it takes you. I traveled quite distance.

but your memory is too long
and I bruise easy.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29617


****Well, if I'm lucky, I'll get some feedback because of the press. Thank you for your kind words.

Peace,

daughter

Heads or Tails
by Mistress Jorja ©

Moody with good potential yet a bit wordy and unfocused.

the backwash of the passing cars
crwaling their way through the night
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29665

***UP, I hear you. I have read most of Mistress' work. I enjoy it, but given the chance, I'd have my scissors out, too. MJ, does well with metaphor and interesting turn of phrase. However, she impresses me as revision-shy. Good drafts, though I'd love to see what she'd give us if she pared occasionally. Ah, me thinks even finer reads. JMO

Thanks for the read.

Peace,

daughter

Wow! Noticed by UP and daughter!

Thank you both for letting me share the spotlight with so many really talented poets.

English-Passion

Welcome, poet

EP--

I'm ecstatic to have another active poet on the board. To have an active discussion about our work, too? I'm in heaven.

Look forward to getting feedback from you. I strongly believe in the value of interaction.

I look forward to reading more from you.

Peace,

daughter

feedback for "i touch myself"

daughter,
You're absolutely right, the adverbs weigh down the read.
Thanks for pointing that out in such a nice way.
I began writing "poetry" (if it can be called that) to express
feelings and thoughts that were weighing ME down. No
pun intended.
Maybe if I join in this discussion once in a while, I might
actually learn about writing.
I really had no idea this board existed until I was notified via
email of a comment made about "I Touch Myself".
Have read some critiques and thoroughly enjoyed them.
Keep it up, people. this is a wonderful way to read and learn.
ancilla

er..uh...feedback?

One more thing...for now, anyway<G>...
Being new to the BB, I've been perusing past and present
threads.
If anyone has comments for my stories and/or poems, please
feel free to let me know your thoughts and feelings, especially
for the stories.
Thanks.
Ancilla

Welcome

Ancilla--

It seems that others post to the site, but are not aware of the forums. I hope you will join the discussion. UP, KillerMuffin and I are quite vocal, but I for one would love to increase the number of voices here.

Thanks for the compliment. I have been working on my critique style. Glad to hear I am improving. Nice or nasty, let me know what you think of my work. I'm a wannabe trying to improve, too.

Peace,

daughter

daughter,
Thankyou for your mention on the boards. I too, am a "newbie" to these discussions, and love your critique style. I look forward to being picked apart, as I am not adverse to pain. Make me stronger!
grinning like the devil,
perky

Cum to Me

Ancilla--

I like the premise. Good title.

May I ask why you use rhyme? I wonder why poets rely on this device more than any other. Have you given any serious thought to how it affects tone, pace, and mood?

If you know why and it accomplishes what you want, cool. If it doesn't, tell me what you'd like to invoke in a piece. How do you want to impress the reader? I'd love to hear your thoughts about your work including your intent and desires.

Be well.

Peace,

daughter

The Owl by pleasureu

pleasure--

I read your selection, "The owl". Nice job with the metaphor. I'd clip a few icky cliche's, but overall you demonstrate a focused effort and thought. It's pleasing to see that in a work.

Thanks for the read.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=29534

Peace,

daughter

CUM TO ME

daughter,
This "poem" was nothing more than a lark, a wild hair.
A sort of a spur of the moment thing on a crazy day. : )
I'm quickly learning that I know absolutely zip about
poetry.
Have been using it as an outlet more or less.
I've only just discovered this board, am still learning how to
use it; I hope to learn much from reading the critiques.
Would love to hear more concerning what different people
consider poetry.
Sometimes, to me, it's more like music, but remember, this
comes from a complete novice.
I know a lot of people think the least amount of words used,
the better.
........sigh......
So much to learn..... : ) Am looking forward to it.
Where can I find out about tone, pace and mood, and how
to accomplish what I want to say?
Thank you for the thought provoking words of inspiration.
I hope to hear more from you and anyone who cares to
offer constructive criticism.
Maybe someday, I'll actually be able to write with your gentle
guidance. Who knows.
What do you think of "The Price Of Submission"?
I was kind of proud of that....it meant a lot to me.
Keep in touch, your questions and comments are greatly
appreciated.
ancilla

Another student

Ancilla--

Be careful how much credit you give me.

I'm just one of those career students. I read a bit and interact with a bunch of folks that know more than I. What I know is because I took time to ask, and I have had the good fortunate being answered by folks willing to assist me.

Poetry is not as mysterious as we think. A little study goes a long way. Take your time and enjoy the journey. That is why I stay on the course.

I am principally a prose writer. When I started writing poetry, I relied heavily on what knowledge I had of basic writing principles. I majored in English Literature. Regardless of the genre, some elements are required for all solid writing.

Someone encouraged me to keep writing and study as I go along. Perhaps, this would work for you, too.

Peace,

daughter

OK, everyone. here's a first draft of one I've been tossing
around. How about everyone take a bite and spit it back?
Group grope, so to speak...LOL
Have at it...
<deep breath> Here goes...

"faith is assumption of belief
an extension of a secret promise
presenter of all things possible
prospective bearer of paradise

hope gifts us with expectation
guides us forward in the face of fear
lessens sorrow, offers consolation
feeds our desire for ultimate pleasure

trust embodies life's pure blood
the lack of which belief can't exist
reliability represents rightousness
without it words evolve into mist

honesty embraces humanity
integrity is the soul of our being
forfeit of truth sanctions immorality
dismiss this and we become nothing

loyalty is a devotion of the heart
encompassing all of the above
all of these things i feel foy you
are these the qualities of love"
by ancilla

tear it up....let's see what comes back : )
ancilla