At My House (a play)

riff: Good morning, Champ.

Champ: DUUUUUDE!!! Get up, you lazy FUCK!

riff: Oh man, you are at it again.

Champ: Damned right, you worthless son-of-a-bitch! What the fuck did you do last night? The only thing I ever saw was the water in the toilet bubbling when you let me out to take a leak. I hate it, stuffed in your fucking trousers without a goddamned thing to do and then when I finally get out, and you're TAKING A FUCKING LEAK!

riff: But...

Champ: riff, SHUTDAFUCKUP. You try living your fucking life in the dark and see how it feels.

riff: Oh, man... I am so sorry and you're right. You are absolutely right. Was it really that bad?

Champ: Was it really that bad? Well, let's see- you must have been up to something yesterday. Sometime around lunch I began to get really excited. I even started to drool because I just knew that we were going out and you know how I live for that. What happens? Nothing. I start hearing all these voices and you forgot all about me.

riff: Yeah, I remember that.

Champ: And then last night, asshole, you go off somewhere and I could hear all kinds of activity. You sat on your ass most of the time-

Ass (interrupting): HEY! LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!

Champ (continues) -you sat on your ass most of the time. I heard you talk to 3 women and nothing happened.

riff: Hey, man- you should listen to me. I was doing you a FAVOR by not doing anything.

Champ: That's your fucking problem. Like I could give a shit.

riff: Champ, I'm not saying...

Ass (interrupting): Did someone say 'shit?' Are we gonna shit?

riff and Champ (in unison): SHUT UP DUMB ASS!!!

Champ: I don't care what you say, dude. What the fuck about last night? The music? The women?

riff: Champ, I was in a bookstore. There was a jazz band playing. Do you remember the last time we had a really good time? Over the holidays?

Champ (begins to look restless and agitated): WHERE? WHERE IS SHE? HOT FUCKING DAMN! (runs to to the barbells and starts doing curls furiously)

riff: Champ..... Champ......

Champ (maniacly doing curls- grunting and sweating- ignoring riff)

riff: She's not here, Champ.

Champ (drops the barbells): Huh?

riff: She isn't here, man. I was just writing a letter to her while I sat in a bookstore. A story sort of.

Champ: Was I in it?

riff: don't doubt it, champ, don't doubt it.

Champ: Was I the star.

riff: Champ, you did just fine. You were great.

Champ: But was I the star? I WANT TO BE THE STAR.

riff: Sorry man, not this time.

Champ: God, you suck.

riff: You are one greedy bastard, you know that?

Champ: Yeah, and guess what?

riff: What?

Champ: You suck. Goddamned riff. Of all the fucking people....

riff (rubs Champ)

Champ (appreciatively): Awwwwwww

riff: Don't worry man, be patient, you'll be OK.

Champ: You swear?

riff: I swear- barring traffic accidents and stuff like that.

Champ (alarmed): WHAT?

riff (laughs and rubs Champ some more): Shut up, you stupid dick.

Champ (chuckles, obviously enjoying his rubdown): OK, you shut up too. Just think about that pussy.

riff: you got it, bro'. you got it.

Holy crap... is that what he sounds like? Damn.

I thought so. Actually, that was pretty damn funny.

ROTF!

Thanks. It's nice to be appreciated.

I wonder if I should do installments?

Riff

That was clever.

I enjoy your Pre-Raphealite avatar, too.

~ applause applause ~

That was pretty hysterical, riff

MORE MORE MORE!

We want MORE!

From the sounds of it, so does Champ.

Merelan said:

From the sounds of it, so does Champ.

Click to expand...

That's one of the thinbgs that truly fascinates me about him. He can't get enough. And, he's never for want of words or an opinion. He's a simple-minded prick, but I'll say this for him, he knows what he wants and has a damned good sense of direction in life.

Champ reminds me of someone I know.

Re: Riff

patient1 said:

That was clever.

I enjoy your Pre-Raphealite avatar, too.

Click to expand...

That's "Hylas and the Nymphs" by John William Waterhouse, c.1896

Pretty much post-Raphael.

Re: Re: Riff

phrodeau said:

That's "Hylas and the Nymphs" by John William Waterhouse, c.1896

Pretty much post-Raphael.

Click to expand...

Do you mean "post-Raphael" as you posted or do you mean "post-PRB?"

All PRB art is post-Raphael

IRONY

heh! What a coincidence! A friend called me to go out with her and her boyfriend. Guess where we are going?

To a play!

.